


Oh, Sehun

by pcyjunguwudays



Series: Insecure/Resistant [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bullying, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Other, Self-Esteem, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:18:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 80,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcyjunguwudays/pseuds/pcyjunguwudays
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self-harm, eating disorders and bullying, read at your own riskMy first published fic, please vote and leave feedback!Sehun doesn't understand why they all hate him. He tries to hard to fit in, to the point where he's trying too hard.  Why won't they let him live in peace? How hard will they push him before he breaks?"It's your own fault that we all hate you, so don't even try and talk to me. You absolute idiot.""Nothing. It was no one. Fatty eating biscuits.""You're useless! We ask you for one thing, and you can't even do that!"Complete.





	1. The Accident

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic was written in 2017, sort of in the middle of my downward spiral. A lot of the concepts in this story are based on real life events, with obvious adjustments; therefore, please do not read if you know you will get triggered by anything within the story. I have placed plenty of warnings along the way, so please take care. I hope that my writing is satisfactory, and that I have done the characters in the story justice in terms of the way they're written. And no, I am not an anti. I love EXO to bits, this is simply just me writing using existing characters.
> 
> With that said, enjoy the story!

“Ok, go once more from the top!” Suho shouted, coming to a stop. Sehun stopped dancing and looked back at the others, who were also coming to a stop, looking confused. “Sehun, you really need to pay attention! How many times do I have to tell you?” he snapped, looking directly at Sehun. Sehun frowned and opened his mouth to object, but Suho glared at him, and he sighed.

“Sorry, hyung.”

“Ok, go again!”

The music started again, and Sehun started to dance, paying attention to the beat. He was concentrating so hard that he didn’t realise how close he was getting to Kai and Lay. The next thing he knew, he was lying on the floor in a tangle of limbs while both Kai and Lay yelled out in pain under him, deafening him. Hands pulled Sehun off of them, throwing him to the side, and he looked up at Kris in pain. Kris glanced at him before running back to Kai and Lay, where the two of them were still on the floor, surrounded by the rest of the group.

“What happened?” he heard Suho asked worriedly.

“It was bloody Sehun! He shoved right into me, and I fell into Lay hyung, and now…I think I broke my ankle,” Kai snapped angrily, whimpering in pain.

“I can’t move,” Lay breathed, and Sehun struggled to hear the words. “My back…it hurts so badly…I can’t.”

“Suho, go and get Minwook hyung or Yongmin hyung,” Minseok snapped, taking charge. “Chanyeol, Kris, get Kai into the chair in the corner. Luge, take Baekhyun and Chen and go and get water for everyone.” When no one moved, Minseok’s face darkened. “Go! Now!”

Suho scrambled up and darted out of the room, Luhan, Baekhyun and Chen following. Chanyeol and Kris moved towards Kai, Chanyeol grabbing him under the arms while Kris carefully lifted up his legs, ignoring the yells of pain from Kai. Minseok sighed, rubbing his temples. Tao and Kyungsoo patted him on the shoulders before Tao sat down at Lay’s side, talking to him in Chinese as Kyungsoo walked to Kai’s side. Minseok turned to Sehun, who was standing awkwardly on the side.

“Sehun…” he sighed. “Why did you do that? Why did you trip them up?”

Sehun gaped at Minseok. “Wha-hyung! You can’t seriously believe I meant to do it?”

“That’s the way it looks, Se. You haven’t even been focused at all today, have you? How many times did your hyung have to stop us and restart the music?”

“Minseok hyung, you can’t possibly believe I meant to do it! It was an accident, I swear! I didn’t mean to trip them up, I was just trying to stay focused!”

“Sehun, you really need to think about the way you go about what you do. It’s no use just focusing completely on yourself without any awareness of others.” Minseok turned away, leaving Sehun standing in the middle of the room. Sehun just stared after Minseok, a reply dying in his throat. How could Minseok really think he meant to hurt them on purpose? He swallowed down a lump in his throat and stumbled over to Lay, where he was shocked to see silent tears pouring out of his eyes.

“Hyung, I’m so sor-”

“Not now,” Lay replied, closing his eyes and raising a hand to his face. “Please…just go.” Sehun looked at Tao pleadingly, but he looked away, murmuring something to Lay. Sehun swallowed again, tears prickling at his eyes. He stood up, stalking into the corner just as the door opened and a frantic looking Minwook came in, followed by Suho. He stared at the twelve of them scattered around the room, his eyes flitting across from Lay to Kai, to Sehun standing moodily in the corner.

“Suho, go and get Jaewon and Yongmin, tell them to take you all home. I’ll call an ambulance for Kai and Yixing.” Chen, Baekhyun and Luhan came in at that moment, carrying water bottles, and looking all serious, not at all like their usual selves.

“Manager Hyung,” they chorused at once, bowing. Minwook grunted in response, lifting up his phone before coming over to kneel down next to Lay who still had his eyes closed. The manager talked rapidly into the phone before handing it to Tao. Chen came and tossed Sehun a water bottle, which he took without a word, looking down at the floor as he took a swig.

Luhan came over to Sehun’s corner to grab towels. “Luhan hyung, please…” Sehun managed to get out, putting a hand on Luhan’s arm. If anyone would understand, it would be Luhan. Luhan wouldn’t shun him, he was his best friend…right?

“Get off me, Sehun, it’s your fault we’re in this mess,” Luhan hissed, wrenching his arm out of Sehun’s gasp. “It’s your own fault that we all hate you, so don’t even try and talk to me. You absolute idiot.” He snatched up the towels and walked back into the centre of the room, tossing some to Tao to cool down Lay’s face. He completely missed the hurt look on Sehun’s face.

“Sehun,” a deep voice grumbled, and Sehun gulped, swallowing down his anger as he looked up at his manager.

“Yes, manager hyung?” he asked, trying to remain polite.

“We need to have a talk.”

**********

Sehun lay on his bed in his dorm, silent tears streaming down his face. He angrily brushed them away, putting a hand over his eyes to stop more tears from escaping. It wasn’t his fault that their best two dancers had managed to get injured. All he was doing was following instructions, it wasn’t like he meant for them to fall. But no, Kai had a broken ankle, and Lay injured his waist badly, and all his hyungs hated and blamed him for it. Sehun turned over, taking in a shuddering breath. He really wasn’t having a good start this year.

The door to their room opened suddenly and Sehun quickly rolled over again, hiding his tear stained face in his pillow. He didn’t like-in fact, he _hated_ \- being caught crying by others, which is why he avoided doing so at all costs. He heard Suho moving around the room, and he stayed completely still, breathing in his own scent from the pillow. The creaking of the bed caught Sehun’s attention, telling him that Suho had lay down. A second later, the light clicked off. Sehun held back a fresh wave of tears; Suho always, _always_ , checked on Sehun before he slept, no matter what. But judging by the movement from the leader, he hadn’t even come near Sehun, not even to tuck him in, or even to remove his shoes, which Sehun hadn’t removed since he’d come back hours ago.

Sehun turned his head, and seeing that Suho’s back was to him, he sat up, silently drying his tears. He took his shoes and socks off, putting them under the bed. He felt around for his phone before he got up, quietly opening the door. Suho didn’t move at the creak of the door, nor the sudden flood of light into their room. Sehun slowly shut the door behind him, padding into the kitchen. He grabbed a glass from a rack and opened the tap, filling it with water. He set it down on the table before opening the cupboards, looking for something to eat. He wasn’t hungry, not after the day he’d just had, but he hadn’t had anything since the morning, and it was now nightfall.

Finding a packet of biscuits in the cupboard, he sat down, taking one out and nibbling at it half-heartedly. Whispers from the next room made him stop and listen intently. “How was he?” someone, probably Kyungsoo, asked, worry evident in his voice.

“Suho said he got surgery, and he’ll be up and walking in a few days, but he won’t be able to dance for a while.” That was Kris.

“And Lay hyung?”

“He also had surgery, but his was more complex. We didn’t get to see him before we came back, but it looks quite serious if it’s taking that long.” Sehun felt bile rise up in his throat. He felt awful for hurting his hyungs that badly. He knew that both Lay and Kai absolutely loved dancing, it was one of the reasons they were so famous. And now, he, Oh Sehun, had ruined the chances of them dancing for a while, possibly permanently in Lay’s case. He dropped his head on the table, causing a loud crash to resonate through the kitchen. Footsteps were heard, and the door crashed open. Sehun looked up to see Chen standing in the doorway, staring at him.

“What is it?” someone called. “Who’s there?”

Chen looked at Sehun for a moment, then walked away. “Nothing. It was no one. Fatty eating biscuits.” The last part was said loud enough for Sehun to hear in the kitchen, and he swallowed forcefully.

Sehun felt something in his stomach. He didn’t know what it was, but he didn’t like the feeling. He got up, putting the biscuits back before heading into the bathroom. He needed a shower. Standing under the hot spray, Sehun thought long and hard about it all. He didn’t understand why Suho hyung had attacked him in the first place, since he was concentrating. He was doing what he normally did, dancing the dance correctly, and singing his parts when needed. He just didn’t get why Suho told him off. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were the ones messing around, even Luhan wasn’t paying attention, too absorbed in his own reflection in the mirror. So why him?

The door to the bathroom opened again and Sehun quickly turned away, turning the shower off and grabbing a towel to wrap around his body. “Sorry.” Luhan walked out quickly, his cheeks flaming red. Sehun turned around, barely acknowledging him. He dressed quickly, standing in front of the steamed up mirror. He stared at his reflection for a long time, then turned away. Even he couldn’t stand to look at his own face.

That night, Sehun didn’t sleep well. His dreams were plagued with the images of Lay and Kai lying injured on the floor, glaring up at him, as well as the rest of his hyungs, sending him dirty looks and making snide remarks about him, his attitude, and especially his weight. His weight was the reason he managed to injure them so badly. If only he didn’t weigh so much, maybe they’d be fine now. He woke up in a cold sweat to see Suho staring at him. Sehun just stared back blankly, his heart still racing. Bile rose in his throat and he bolted out of bed, reaching the bathroom just in time.

He sat next to the toilet, shivering and shaking. The voices of the other members resonated in his head, telling him he was stupid, he was an idiot, he was fat, and that he didn’t deserve to be here. He didn’t deserve to be anywhere. Slowly, he pushed himself up off the ground and clutched the sink, looking up at his ashen white face in the mirror.

He could see the fat in his face. He was so chubby. Way too chubby. He pinched his cheek, grimacing at the feeling of the fat in between his finger and thumb. He slowly shook his head, trying to get those thoughts out of his head. _It was only a dream, Sehun._ He reached up to push open the medicine cabinet for some painkillers so he could go back to bed, when something fell into the sink with a clatter.

Sehun picked up the offending item, looking at it closely. The plastic handle was warm in his grip, but it was the cold metal blade that attracted him more. Something in him compelled him to bring the blade to his wrist, and without a moment of hesitation he dragged it across. Pain flashed through his arm, but he held it back, relishing the feeling of the pain. He had hurt them, now he deserved to feel hurt himself. He did it once more, watching as beads of blood appeared on his wrist, then he did it once again. He stopped there, watching the blood pool on his wrist before it trickled down his arm. He reached up almost blindly for bandages and wrapped it around his wrist, sighing in relief. All of a sudden, he didn’t have a headache anymore. He felt much better, much calmer, more in control.

“Alright, time to go,” he said aloud, looking at himself in the mirror. He had work to do.

**********

“Suho, where’s Sehun?” Luhan asked, darting into the kitchen. Suho just shrugged and went back to eating his toast. “Seriously, where is he?”

“I don’t know, hyung,” Suho said irritably. “He woke up at around four in the morning, woke me up too, but I don’t know where he went after that. I was tired.”

“By the sounds of it, you still are, hyung.” Suho chucked an apple at Baekhyun, who caught it with a grin. “But hyung, who cares where he is? It’s not like he did us any favours, you know.” Luhan just glared at everyone sitting around the table.

“Whatever he did, he obviously didn’t mean to do it,” Luhan snapped. “And he’s the maknae, it’s our job to protect him.”

“So you go find him, no big deal,” Chanyeol retorted with hard eyes. Luhan huffed and stalked out, bringing the phone to his ear once more.

“Come on, Sehun, pick up…” he muttered under his breath. The dialling tone continued, and just as Luhan was about to put the phone down, he picked up. “Sehun, where the hell are you?” Luhan snapped before Sehun even had a chance to say something.

“Why does it matter?” Sehun replied, and Luhan could tell that he was out of breath. “You should be out with the others worrying about Lay and Kai hyungs and hating on me like them. I’m fine.”

“Sehu-” Luhan was met with a beep and he sighed in frustration. He turned and went back into the dining room. “Guys, you really messed up this time.”

“What have we done now?” Kris asked, standing up. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem? Sehun thinks we all hate him!”

“He deserves to, he shouldn’t have injured them.”

“Kris, are you actually serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious!”

“Sehun didn’t mean to do it!”

“He should learn to lose some weight, then maybe they wouldn’t have been injured so badly!” Baekhyun cut in.

“Do you all think the same?” Luhan asked, disgust evident in his voice as he glanced around the table. “Do you?!”

After a moment’s hesitation, Luhan shook his head at the lack of response. “You’re all disgusting.” Without another word, he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Luhan

Sehun panted for breath as his phone rang, and he cursed. Why couldn’t they leave him alone? He paused the music, stalking over to his phone and answering it without looking at the caller ID. “Sehun, where the hell are you?”

Sehun blinked in shock before he realised who it was. Luhan. His eyes hardened. “Why does it matter? You should be out with the others worrying about Lay and Kai hyungs and hating on me like them. I’m fine.” Before waiting for Luhan to reply, he ended the call and tossed his phone to the side, picking up a towel to wipe his forehead. His stomach growled, but he ignored it. He couldn’t eat yet.

He turned back to put the music on and started to dance, focusing on the way his body moved in the mirror. He had danced this for the fifth time in a row now, and finally, he was satisfied with himself. As the song ended, he nodded in satisfaction, changing the song. There was a pause before the music changed, and Sehun readied himself for it, getting into the correct position. Ignoring the sweat pouring off of his face, he started to dance, focusing on his feet and moving in time with the music. The door opened halfway through, but he ignored whoever it was, carrying on dancing. When the song ended, he stopped, feeling his legs starting to give way under him. He forced himself to walk to the bench where his water bottle was and he sat down. The person walked towards him, but Sehun ignored them, taking a gulp of water from his bottle.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Sehun didn’t reply, unbuttoning his shirt to cool himself down. “Sehun, have you been here since four o’clock in the morning?”

“Why does it matter?” he said finally, looking sideways at Luhan. “It’s not like anyone cares.”

“Sehun, listen to me. You didn’t cause them to get hurt.”

“Suho hyung seems to think I did,” Sehun said bitterly, turning away. His stomach growled audibly, and he winced. “And so do all of you. It was my fault, _remember_?”

“Well, I don’t,” Luhan snapped. “I didn’t mean to say that, I was annoyed.” Sehun scoffed and turned away. “It was an accident and everyone knows it.” Sehun didn’t say anything, taking another swig of water. “Se, seriously, when did you come here? Have you eaten anything today?” he continued, putting a hand on Sehun’s arm. Sehun flinched, almost choking on his water, and stood up, wiping his mouth.

“Luhan, leave me alone!” he snapped. “I don’t need your sympathy! And I’m not a baby that needs looking after, I’m fine! Why do you care where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing? Why the hell are you even here?”

Luhan stared at Sehun, open-mouthed, left with no reply as Sehun snatched up his phone, towel and water bottle and stormed out of the room. Luhan just stood there, completely confused at the maknae’s reaction. Why was he so pissed? Granted, no one had spoken to him, but there had to be more to it than that. But what?

Luhan sighed and left the room, shutting the door behind him, but the moment he stepped out into the corridor, he was ambushed by members of Super Junior. “Hello,” he said quickly, bowing out of respect. Heechul leaned over and ruffled his hair. Usually, Luhan would’ve yelled at him, despite him being older, but today, he didn’t react.

“Are you ok, Luhan?” Ryeowook asked, looking at the younger with concern.

“Hyung, have you seen Sehun? Any of you?”

Ryeowook, Heechul, Eunhyuk and Donghae looked at each other, exchanging glances. “No, sorry,” Ryeowook replied. “Why, is everything ok?”

“Yeah…I’ll catch up with you guys later. Sorry.” Luhan bowed again and ran off down the corridor, looking for Sehun, but there was no sign of the younger. He cursed under his breath and turned around, bumping right into Eunhyuk. “Ah-!”

“I thought I’d come and help you, you seem stressed,” Eunhyuk said in apology. Luhan nodded.

“Ok, thank you hyung.”

“So, what happened? How did you lose him? Why don’t you just call him?” Eunhyuk questioned as he followed Luhan down the corridor, the latter of whom was looking frantically in every room they passed, to no avail.

Luhan sighed as they headed down the stairs, mentally debating whether to tell him everything. After a moment, he decided that he should. He explained the events from yesterday, about how Sehun was told off for not practicing well and not concentrating, and how he ended up accidentally injuring both Lay and Kai. Eunhyuk winced in sympathy as they headed down the stairs once more, checking the next floor for any sign of Sehun. “And then we all ignored Sehun, especially Suho. Suho was so angry at him for causing our two best dancers to be injured, so he completely shunned him, and the others were the same, completely worrying about Lay and Kai.”

“And you?” Eunhyuk questioned as they reached the ground floor. “What did you do?”

Luhan looked down guiltily at the floor, not meeting Eunhyuk’s eyes. Fans outside screamed as they caught sight of Eunhyuk and Luhan. Eunhyuk rolled his eyes, clapping a hand on Luhan’s shoulders. “Have you had breakfast yet?” he questioned. Luhan shook his head. “Let’s go get something to eat then.”

Eunhyuk took Luhan back upstairs to the café on the top floor and grabbed coffee and pastries for the two of them. “So, what did you say to him?” Eunhyuk questioned again. Luhan stirred his coffee slowly.

“I told him…I told him that it was his fault that we were in this mess. I said that it was his own fault that we all hate him, and that he deserved it. And that he shouldn’t try and talk to me.”

“I’m not taking sides,” Eunhyuk said slowly, “but that probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say, was it?”

“I already know, but he won’t even talk to me.”

“Well, you probably kind of deserved it. Did you try and apologise?”

Luhan took a gulp of his coffee and shook his head. “No…I did try and talk to him, but he flipped me off and walked out. Then I ran into you, and…yeah, you know the rest.”

“What about the others? Shouldn’t they be here by now?” Eunhyuk continued, breaking off some of his pastry and giving it to Luhan.

“Minwook hyung took Sehun home, but the rest of us stayed with Lay and Kai, so we got home late. Yongmin hyung allowed us to start a little later, so they’ll be here in a bit.” Luhan sighed. “Hyung, what shall we do? Lay and Kai are injured, Sehun’s mad at us all and he’s not talking, Suho refuses to even acknowledge him…you know, they share a room, but Suho didn’t even know where Sehun was.”

“Did anything happen yesterday after you came back between the two of them?”

“Um…” Luhan racked his memory. “I don’t know,” he said finally as he finished off the pastry. “Oh! Actually, Suho said that Sehun woke up early this morning, around four, and he didn’t come back. I have a feeling he came here and he’s been here ever since.”

“Since four?” Eunhyuk said, shock on his features. He glanced at his watch, and his eyes widened even more. “Are you sure? That’s…that’s so long!”

Luhan nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. He seemed absolutely exhausted, like he was going to collapse. I don’t even think he had anything to eat his morning, and he looked…” Luhan sighed. “I don’t know what to do, hyung.”

Eunhyuk nodded, patting him on the shoulder. “Eunhyuk! What are you doing here?”

They both turned to see Leeteuk and Donghae striding towards them, looking anxious. “We’ve been looking all over for you, we need you in the recording…” he trailed off as he looked at an anxious Luhan. “Everything ok, Luhan?”

Luhan nodded at Leeteuk. “Hyung, have you seen Sehun by any chance?” Eunhyuk asked, ignoring Leeteuk’s questions. Leeteuk frowned, then nodded. Luhan sprang up from his chair.

“Where?” he demanded.

“Luhan, wait, calm down,” Eunhyuk said lowly, putting a hand on Luhan’s arm. “Let me.” He turned back to Leeteuk. “Hyung, can you tell them I’ll record my part later? And can you take Luhan with you? If the other Exo members come in, tell them to stay in their practice room.” Donghae held onto Luhan’s arm.

“Wait, Eunhyuk hyung, I need to talk to Sehun…” Luhan pleaded feebly.

“Luhan, do you trust me?” Eunhyuk asked, looking Luhan straight in the eye. Luhan nodded. “Then you go with Donghae, go and sit with the rest of Super Junior and just relax, calm down. You’re stressed out, you’ll just overthink it.”

“Um, actually, let’s stay here,” Donghae said, realisation passing over his features. “Eunhyuk hyung, is this your coffee?”

“Have it,” Eunhyuk replied distractedly. “Hyung, take me to Sehun please.”

“What happened?” Leeteuk asked as they walked away, but Eunhyuk just shook his head.

“It’s a long story. I’m guessing Sehun’s with you guys, then?”

“Well, you’re not as thick as you seem,” Leeteuk joked. Eunhyuk rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he is. Shindong found him sobbing and unconscious and brought him upstairs, but the poor boy didn’t want to talk.”

“Aish, hurry up then,” Eunhyuk murmured. “Poor kids.” Leeteuk just nodded and quickened his pace, the two of them speed-walking to their practice room.

**********

Sehun cursed as he left the room, Luhan’s words echoing around his mind. Did Luhan really expect Sehun to forgive him just like that? All at once, everyone’s scathing looks and Luhan’s words, combined with the manager’s words from yesterday came crashing down upon Sehun. He tried to gulp back his tears but they couldn’t seem to comply with his wishes, and seconds later, his vision was all blurry. He started to cry as he walked, all his anger and frustration being poured out. The euphoria he had felt hours earlier had worn off, replaced by a dull throb in his arm. He felt a sudden urge come over him, but he knew he couldn’t do it now; he had nothing to do it with. His chest constricted, and he found it difficult to breathe. He forced himself on, pushing himself towards the last flight of stairs before he could leave the building through the back entrance where there were no fans so he could go home. He turned the corner and bashed right into something soft. He fell backwards, weak and exhausted, but strong arms caught him. He found himself face to face with Shindong from Super Junior, but seeing him only made him cry more.

“Sehun? Sehun, what’s wrong?” Shindong asked, his usually bright and happy demeanour replaced with concern for the young man. Shindong was especially worried; he had never seen Sehun cry, not even in his trainee days, not even when he missed his family, not ever. But now, here was Sehun, freely crying his eyes out as he walked through the halls of SM Entertainment, where anyone could see him. Shindong exchanged a glance with Kyuhyun, who frowned, he, too, worried for the younger.

“Sehun?”

Sehun’s breathing hitched; his eyes rolled backwards and he fell unconscious into Shindong’s arms. Shindong cursed. “Kyuhyun, go open the door to the room. Now!” Kyuhyun didn’t need telling twice. He ran down the corridor back the way Sehun had come and pushed open a door. Shindong lifted Sehun up and carried him to the room, where the others were practicing. “Sungmin, Siwon, move!”

Both looked up and immediately moved off the couch. Shindong put Sehun down and gently patted his face. Kyuhyun handed him a bottle of water, and he sprinkled some water on Sehun’s face. Sehun’s eyes fluttered open, only to see Sungmin, Siwon, Kyuhyun and Shindong surrounding him. He could hear others talking in the room, but he didn’t know what they were saying. “Where am I?” he mumbled under his breath. “I have to…no…”

“Sehun, are you ok?”

Sehun’s eyes widened and he sat up. The four boys surrounding him flinched instinctively, but Shindong grabbed his arm. “Sehun, calm down, calm down, and take a deep breath.” Sehun stared unseeingly at Shindong, tears still streaming down his face, but after a moment his breathing evened out. His face flushed suddenly as he saw the other boys looking down, concerned at him.

“Sehun, what happened?” Shindong asked gently. Someone said something in the background, a frustrated yell, and Shindong glanced sharply over his shoulder. Sehun took in a shaky breath as Shindong muttered something to Leeteuk and Donghae, who both promptly disappeared from the room. “Guys, go and practice,” Shindong said slowly to the others, looking at Sehun who sat with his eyes downcast. Reluctantly, Sungmin, Siwon and Kyuhyun left, leaving Sehun with Shindong.

“Sehun?”

“Hyung…it’s a long story, and it’s kind of stupid. You’re going to think I’m an idiot for crying over it…”

“Well, it can’t be stupid if it made you cry,” Shindong reasoned. “I mean, you’re Oh Sehun, you never cry. Ever.” Sehun smiled a watery smile. “And you’re not an idiot. It if did make you cry, it must be serious.” Sehun nodded and took a deep breath, wiping his face with his hand. The door opened and Leeteuk returned with Eunhyuk, who headed straight over to them.

“Sehun, you ok?”

Sehun nodded, suddenly shy in front of them. “Yeah.”

Eunhyuk whispered something to Shindong, and Shindong’s eyes widened before he nodded, shifting over to let him sit down. “So, Sehun…what happened?”

“It’s ok, you can tell Eunhyuk hyung too,” Shindong added as Sehun looked uncertainly between them. Sehun nodded, taking a deep breath before he explained the story from the start, right from when Suho had told him off to being found now by Luhan. The only thing he left out was the contents of his dream and what he did afterwards; he wasn’t ready for anyone to hear it.

Eunhyuk nodded after he had finished, and murmured something to Shindong. “No, not yet,” Shindong hissed back.

“Not yet what?” Sehun asked, curious.

“Sehun, have you had breakfast today?” Eunhyuk replied rather loudly. Sehun’s eyes darkened, but he shook his head.

“Not hungry.”

“You need to eat, keep your energy up,” Eunhyuk chided. “Hyung, take him to eat please, I need to go and record…”

“Yeah, ok,” Shindong said with a nod. “Where exactly…”

“There.” Eunhyuk patted Sehun on the shoulder and walked off.

Sehun got up slowly, holding onto Shindong’s arm for support as he stood on shaky legs. “Hyung, I don’t want to eat. I want to go…I want to go to bed.”

“Food first, then sleep,” Shindong replied as they found a lift. “And no arguing.”

Shindong led Sehun into the café and sat him down at a table, grabbing juice and pastries. Sehun lifted the glass to his lips, but something caught his eye over Shindong’s shoulders. He slammed the glass down, juice sloshing everywhere. “Sehun, sit down,” Shindong snapped as Sehun pushed his chair back.

“Leave me alone. I’m going home.”

“Sehun, wait!” he called, standing up to grab Sehun, but the next minute, he was faced with the Exo members. Shindong facepalmed as he followed Sehun. He nodded at the others, who all bowed out of respect to him. Sehun stood in one place, rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do. “Sehun, come on…” Shindong murmured. Sehun allowed himself to be led out, but as soon as they were out of earshot, Sehun ripped his arm out of Shindong’s grip and ran off. Shindong sighed, going back into the café to grab Donghae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More on the way soon x


	3. Radio Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild violence :(

Sehun somehow managed to get back to the dormitory. How, he didn’t know, and how without being caught by fans, he also didn’t know. He headed into the bathroom, taking a shower before getting dressed quickly. He couldn’t bear to look at himself anymore. His head pounded from crying so much, and he was weak from lack of food and fainting. He walked sluggishly into the kitchen. He knew he couldn’t not eat for too long…but what was it that Minseok hyung had done? Just drink coffee?

Sehun nodded in satisfaction. Coffee it would be. That way, he’d be able to stay awake, and fill himself up too. He quickly found coffee capsules and made himself a cup as he tapped randomly on his phone, not really looking at anything in particular. The machine beeped and Sehun drank it as quickly as he could without burning his mouth. Drinking it made him feel much more alert, filling him with energy. He gave himself a small smile before he got up, running a hand through his hair. He dumped the mug in the sink, grabbing his keys and phone on the way out. He had people to visit.

Pulling his cap low and his mask up, Sehun pulled out of the parking lot and drove over to the main hospital in Seoul, the one where he was sure his hyungs were. Judging by the number of cars there, he guessed that there weren’t many people around, which made his job easier. He parked up and got out, walking quickly in case people recognised him.

“Hi, I want to see Kim Jongin please?” he asked at the front desk. The lady eyed him suspiciously.

“Nice try, kid, now move on. You’re not the first one that’s tried.”

“No, wait…I’m Oh Sehun,” he whispered, but the lady wasn’t having it.

“No, now go before I call security.”

“Do you want proof? Wait, I’ll show you proof.” Sehun fumbled in his pocket for his wallet, showing the lady his driving license. The lady didn’t even bother looking at it, picking up the phone.

“Can I have security please?”

Sehun groaned in frustration, reaching up to yank his cap and mask off. The lady paused mid-sentence as she stared, open-mouthed at Sehun. Sehun thrust his wallet at her, showing her the license, then pointing to his face. “Now, tell me where Kim Jongin’s room is.”

The lady quickly apologised to the person on the other end of the line as Sehun hurriedly put his cap and mask on, looking around in case someone had noticed him. He put his wallet back as the lady gave him the room number. “And Zhang Yixing?”

“Same floor, two doors down.”

“Thanks.” Sehun turned away, going to find the rooms. He paused outside of Jongin’s room, taking a deep breath. Now that he was here, he wasn’t so sure. “Ugh, screw it, just do it,” he muttered, taking a deep breath and knocking on the door.

“Come in!” Jongin called from inside. Sehun pushed the door open to see Jongin sitting in the bed, remote control aimed at a TV hanging on the opposite wall. Jongin looked to Sehun, his eyes furrowed. “Who are you?”

“Hyung, it’s me.” Sehun removed his cap and mask, and Jongin’s eyes narrowed.

“Get out. I don’t want to see you.”

“No, please, I want to-”

“Get. OUT!” Jongin roared, grabbing his crutch and throwing it wildly. It clattered to the floor near the bed, but Sehun didn’t flinch.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I feel-”

“I. Don’t. Care. Now fuck off.” Sehun didn’t move, just looking at Jongin. Jongin stared back before he flipped back the covers to the bed and slowly manoeuvred himself off, holding onto the bedside table for support. He hopped over to Sehun, grabbing his other crutch on the way, and he stood face to face with the younger. “Sehun, you really are an idiot. You’ve possibly ruined my whole damn career because of that stupid stunt you pulled. What makes you think I’ll forgive you?” he hissed right in Sehun’s face.

“Jongin hyung, Kai, your career is fine! I didn’t do anything…”

“Yeah? Then what the fuck do you call this?” Jongin yelled, spit flying into Sehun’s face as he gestured to his leg. He wobbled, overbalancing in his anger, and Sehun barely caught him as he nearly face planted.

“Hyung, you ok?” he asked worriedly, helping Kai up. Kai ignored him, simply letting Sehun help him to the bed.

“Get out. I don’t want to talk to you, or look at you, or have anything to do with you.”

Sehun sighed. Talking to Kai was pointless, so he simply did the only thing he could do. He left. He picked up his cap, mask and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Outside, he took a moment to compose himself before he moved to the next room: Lay. He knew that whatever had happened with Kai, Lay would be worse, not because he was a bad person, but because Lay’s injuries were much worse than Kai’s. He sighed.

_Maybe I should go,_ he thought to himself, but a second later, he shook that thought out of his head. He walked down the corridor and knocked on the door to Yixing’s room. Like Kai, a feeble “Come in!” came from within. Sehun took a deep breath and pushed open the door. Lay’s eyes were closed, and he was facing the other way, not seeing Sehun coming in. “Is it time for painkillers again, doctor?”

Sehun swallowed nervously. “Hyung, it’s me.” Lay’s eyes opened, but he didn’t turn his head towards Sehun. “I’m so sorry…” With obvious difficulty, Lay slowly turned in the bed, pain etching his features as he grimaced. He sighed as he lay back, this time facing forwards, but when his eyes fell on Sehun, they turned hard.

“What do you want?”

Lay’s voice was emotionless. “I…I just…I’m sorry,” Sehun said helplessly. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, I just…I don’t know.” A tear trickled down Sehun’s cheek, but he wiped it away angrily. Lay just watched him, not saying anything. “Hell, hyung. I don’t know. I just want you to know that I feel so bad for hurting you and…” he sighed.

“Are you done?” Lay asked. “Because I don’t want to hear it.” Unlike Kai’s words, his words were blank instead of filled with anger. Sehun just stared at him, not saying anything. “Can you please leave?” It wasn’t a question. Tears filling his eyes, he turned without a word and left, shutting the door behind him. He pummelled the wall in anger, frustration building up inside him.

“Sir, please can you leave? You’re disturbing the patients,” an anxious nurse told him. Wrenching his arm from her grasp, he jammed his cap on and stormed off, ignoring the throbbing of his knuckles. He wanted-no, _needed_ -more.

He quickly got into his car and drove off, trying to stay calm so he wouldn’t get a speeding ticket. That was the last thing that he needed. The day had been shit, and it wasn’t even twelve o’clock yet. His phone rang from the dashboard as he pulled up at a stoplight. He answered it, tossing it back onto the dashboard. “Yeah?”

“Sehun, where the hell are you? We have an interview in forty minutes,” Kris snapped down the phone.

“What’s the venue?”

“Where are you?”

“Just tell me where the damn venue is, I’ll meet you there!” he exclaimed as the lights turned green. He moved off, and his phone slipped off the dashboard. He let it fall onto the seat.

“Don’t bloody talk to me like that,” Kris hissed, and Sehun could hear the anger in the elder’s tone, but at this point, he didn’t care. He didn’t say anything, and he could tell that Kris was trying to keep his anger in check. “Ok. It’s that radio station a few blocks away from the dorm, the big red one.”

“I’ll meet you there.” Without waiting for a reply, he shut the phone off. He was glad that it was a radio show, and not face-to-face one, otherwise he may go mad. He knew he probably wouldn’t be able to hold back his anger and frustration at his hyungs, and in his current state, he wouldn’t be able to hold it out of his facial expressions. He pulled up to the dorm and let himself in. It was exactly the same as it had been when he had left half an hour ago.

He hurried up the stairs, only now properly registering the pain in his fist. He glanced at it to see it all bloody and bruised, and he sighed. This was his own fault anyway. In the bathroom, he took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy-nothing would be able to hide the fact that he’d been crying. He splashed his face with cold water and blinked a few times at the sudden shock. It was colder than he’d been expecting.

He reached up for the painkillers, and this time, ignoring the urge to cut himself again, he took two pills, swallowing them down. His phone buzzed again, this time with a message from Minseok. _Get here quickly, Kris is getting mad._ Sehun sighed and pocketed his phone, locking up the dorm before walking the two blocks down to the radio station. He ducked inside, where a livid Kris was waiting in the reception area. He grabbed Sehun by the wrist and pulled him along. Pain shot through him, and he gritted his teeth, but said nothing as Kris led him down the corridor and into the room where the others were.

No one but Luhan looked up when he entered, but Sehun looked down, avoiding their gazes. “Sehun-ah! Come here, quickly, you need to get changed, and then we need to do your hair and makeup, quickly!” one of the makeup artists called. Sehun finally looked up as the four women surrounded him, already taking his jacket from him.

“Why do we need hair and makeup if it’s a radio show?” Sehun grumbled.

“Because you still get filmed for those people who can’t listen in,” one of the women stated, looking at Sehun as though he was crazy. Sehun flushed as he realised it, and he sighed. “Here,” she said, shoving clothes into his arms. “Go and get dressed, quick!”

Sehun walked across the room behind a divider and quickly put their clothes on. He hated it; the colours weren’t suited to him at all, and the shirt was a size too small. Tugging at it awkwardly, he went back out to see Minseok and Chen getting their makeup done. The women who had given him his clothes directed him to the chair in between the two. Sehun said nothing, sitting down. The women tilted his face up and started attacking his face with a brush. He grimaced.

“Sehun-ah, keep your face relaxed or I can’t do anything,” the woman snapped. Sehun curled his hand into a fist but relaxed his face anyway. A few minutes later, she was done. Sehun looked at himself in the mirror, and for once, he was satisfied. They had managed to cover up the puffiness under his eyes, and the eyeliner cancelled out the red in his eyes, making him look normal.

“Oh, Sehun-ah, what happened to your hand?”

Sehun hated the way she said his name. It was so annoying. He opened his mouth, but someone got there before him. “I accidentally shut the door on him this morning.” Sehun blinked in surprise at Luhan, who grinned sweetly.

“Well, we can’t have you going on air like that. Give me your hand.” She took his hand, squeezing it slightly, and Sehun whimpered in pain. She grabbed another brush and carefully applied concealer over it until the bruising was gone from sight. “Make sure it doesn’t rub off. You can go now.” Sehun nodded his thanks and stood up, examining his hand carefully.

“Microphones!” someone yelled, walking into the room. He dumped a bunch of microphones in Suho’s arms, then walked out. Suho mumbled something under his breath, causing everyone in the room to laugh. Sehun stood to one side as the leader walked around giving out the microphones. He tossed one at Sehun without so much as a second glance at him. Sehun sighed.

He adjusted his microphone, pulling it on securely and clipping the pack to his jeans. “Test them, please!” the same man called, walking back into the room with a clipboard. One by one, everyone talked into them, and almost as if it was preplanned, Sehun’s microphone wasn’t working. The man glared at Sehun, then handed him another one. “You’re lucky we had one spare,” he grumbled, snatching the broken mic off him.

“Time to come in,” another man called, walking into the room. Sehun waited in the room for his new microphone as the others walked out.

They sat around a table, each facing towards the middle. A camera was placed in front of each of them. “Hi, I’m Yoo Jae Suk,” the MC said, walking in.

“We love you!” Chanyeol and Baekhyun yelled in unison, to which the MC, Jae Suk, gave a shocked look.

“Really?”

“Yeah, we always watch you in the dorm!” Baekhyun added, bowing slightly. Jae Suk grinned.

“Well, I’m glad that you’re as big fans of me as I am of you,” he said. “But…where are your other two members?”

All at once, it seemed like a dark cloud had descended upon the group. The smile faded from the MCs face. “Is everything ok?”

“Um, they’re on a training course,” Kris said, smiling at the man. For a moment, his brow furrowed, then he grinned.

“Ok, that’s the official reason. Now, what really happened?”

“That’s classified, actually,” Yongmin cut in, walking into the room, Sehun following behind. Jae Suk nodded.

“Shall we begin?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Yongmin continued, sitting in the corner behind the camera. Jae Suk nodded again, pulling his headphones towards him.

“Please put on your headphones.” The others reached for the headphones. Someone pinched Sehun’s hand and he jumped in pain to see Chen glaring at him, pointing at the headphones. Sehun sighed, shaking his hand out under the table, and reached for his own headphones, putting them over his head.

The introductory theme of the radio started playing, and a voice in their headphones instructed them all to turn to the cameras in front of them and wave. Sehun plastered a fake smile on his face and waved into the camera.

“Hello, and welcome! This is your host Yoo Jae Suk, and today we have some very special guests joining us! Please give it up for…Exo!”

The boys all cheered and whooped, and Sehun clapped a bit. The host started talking and asking questions, both individual and group questions, but nothing had been aimed towards Sehun, nor asked about the absence of Lay and Kai. It was nearing the end of the show, and Sehun had begun to relax, despite sitting between Chen and Kris.

“There are some fan questions coming in, and I have one here from a live viewer: Where are Lay and Kai?”

“Sehun, you haven’t said much today,” Chen cut in, and Sehun fought to suppress down the anger he felt at the other. Why him?!?!

He forced a smile. “Um…they…they…uh…” he gave an awkward laugh and cleared his throat. “They…they’re not here.”

“Where exactly are they, though?” the MC said gently, smiling encouragingly at him.

“That’s classified information,” Suho cut in with a forced smile.

“That’s a shame,” the MC said. “Will they be back soon?”

Everyone looked at Sehun again. “Yes, in a few days.” _Hopefully._

“Thank you,” Jae Suk continued, turning back to the main camera. “Well, that was Exo! Thank you all for tuning in today. To end the show, they will be performing Growl!”

The boys stood up and walked to the back of the booth where there were microphones waiting for them. “Sehun, you take Kai’s lines,” Kris hissed at him as they got into position. Sehun blinked, but nodded. The music started playing both in the booth and in their headphones. Tao nudged him slightly as he began to sing, but Sehun pretended not to notice, keeping his eyes forward and going over Kai’s lines in his head.

When the song was over and the ending jingle had played, everyone visibly sagged. Kris stormed over to Jae Suk, who was busy taking his headphones. “What was the need to ask that question?” he hissed. Sehun walked over quickly without thinking.

“It wasn’t my choice, I can only ask what the producers ask me to,” Jae Suk replied, looking up at Kris.

“Hyung, leave him, it wasn’t his fault,” Sehun said, putting a hand on Kris’s arm. Kris whirled around furiously.

“Don’t even get me started on you, Sehun, stay out of this,” he snapped, pushing Sehun roughly. Sehun stumbled backwards, falling into the table. The small of his back hit the corner of the table, and jerking from the pain, he fell, smacking his head into it. Yells and fighting broke out, but Sehun’s vision blurred, and he couldn’t see.

“Everyone stop!” someone roared, and like a bullet had been fired, silence fell. Hands pulled Sehun up, and he blinked, swaying slightly. He gingerly raised a shaking hand to his head and pulled them away to see red coating his fingers.

“Sehun, are you okay?” Luhan asked him, concerned. Sehun wrenched his arm from Luhan’s hand and leaned against the table for support, not looking at anyone. The MC handed him a box of tissues, hovering near him with concern. Sehun took some, dabbing at his head. Already, the blood was drying up.

“When we get back to the dorm, we will be discussing this,” Yongmin snapped, evidently furious, but not wanting to do anything in front of the MC. The door opened, and everyone but Sehun turned around.

“What are you two doing here?” Yongmin gasped, anger suddenly gone from his voice.

“I didn’t plan on being in that bed any longer,” Lay’s voice floated through the room, laced with pain.

“And I wasn’t going to let him leave without me.” Sehun swallowed and turned around, balling up the tissue in his fist. Lay was sitting in a wheelchair with Kai standing behind him, one leg lifted up with both hands on the handles of the wheelchair. His crutches lay across Lay’s lap.

“Did we miss the show?” Lay continued, looking around. He frowned at the atmosphere. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing, just a little accident,” Yongmin said, quickly coming to his senses. “How did you get here, anyway?”

“Took a taxi,” Kai said nonchalantly, hopping backwards and dragging the wheelchair with him.

“Ok, well let’s go back to the dorm, anyway,” the manager said quickly. “Sehun, come with me.” Sehun bit back a smart comment and nodded his thanks to Jae Suk, apologising.

“It was no problem. Nice to meet you all, thank you for coming.” With that, the Exo members left. Sehun sat in the front with Yongmin, but unlike after yesterday’s dance practice, he wasn’t in trouble.

“I don’t need the hospital, hyung,” he said for what felt like the tenth time in the past minute.

“If you’re sure,” he said finally. Sehun nodded, wincing slightly at the pain that shot through his head.

“I just want to sleep,” he mumbled.

“You need to practice, you can’t sleep now,” Yongmin said sternly, yet the concern was evident in his voice.

“Sehun’s already practiced for hours this morning, hyung,” Luhan cut in. The manager looked at Sehun in surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he said reluctantly, trying to think calm thoughts. _Don’t kill Luhan. Not here, not in front of everyone_.

“Well, I guess you can sleep then,” the manager said, getting out and helping Sehun down. “The rest of you, go get changed and come back. You have practice.”

Grumbling, the others headed inside, pushing past Sehun with the exception of Kai, Lay and Luhan. The manager disappeared inside with Lay and Kai, leaving Sehun outside with Luhan. “What are you playing at?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Follow my twitter @pcyjunguwudays for more updates on any other stuff I'm working on!


	4. Minseok

_Grumbling, the others headed inside, pushing past Sehun with the exception of Kai, Lay and Sehun. The manager disappeared inside with Lay and Kai, leaving Sehun outside with Luhan. “What are you playing at?”_

Luhan blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“Because I want to apologise, I was angry and I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, exactly,” Sehun cut in, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean to hurt them, but the others still won’t talk to me. I mean, it’s not like we all dance, it’s not like we all sing and rap, but no, just because it’s them, they’ll shun me!” Sehun’s voice started to rise, and he ignored Luhan’s attempts at calming him down. “No, you’ll start yelling at me and blaming me, bullying me, talking about me behind my back, getting members from other groups involved, then expect me to forgive you just because I’m the fucking maknae! It wasn’t my fucking fault, how many times do I have to say that?!”

Sehun’s head pounded; he could hear the blood rushing in his head. He groaned, clutching his head. “Sehun, you’re bleeding!”

Sehun roughly shook Luhan off him and stumbled indoors, where Minwook, Suho and Minseok were just coming to see what was going on. His head spun. He couldn’t tell which way was up and down, and all he wanted was to sleep. Drowsiness hit him like a ton of bricks and he felt the familiar summon of sleep coming towards him. He pitched forwards, barely knowing where he was. All he knew was that he wanted to sleep.

**********

Luhan just watched as Sehun vented loudly, his frustration pouring out in waves as he yelled at Luhan. Luhan didn’t even have the heart to object, because every word that came out of Sehun’s mouth was true. Suddenly finished with his rant, Sehun leaned forward, grabbing his head. Luhan’s eyes widened and he ran up to the taller male, putting an arm around his shoulders. Blood poured out of the wound he had received from the table, and Luhan muffled a gasp. “Sehun, you’re bleeding!”

Luhan stumbled backwards as Sehun shook him off, but he quickly recovered, following him back inside just as Sehun fell. Minseok and Luhan moved at the same time, grabbing Sehun by his armpits as he fell into unconsciousness. “Minwook Hyung, he’s bleeding a lot,” Luhan gasped in panic, putting Sehun’s arm around his shoulder. Minseok shot him a confused stare, but Luhan just shook his head, silently promising to tell his best friend later.

Minwook was already pulling out his phone, calling an ambulance. He sighed as he got off the phone. “Boys, take him inside and lie him down on the couch.” Suho pressed himself against the wall as Luhan and Minseok carried the maknae inside to the living room. At the sight of the unconscious maknae, Kai’s eyes widened and Lay’s eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Kai, where’s Kyungsoo?” Luhan asked, gently lowering Sehun to the couch, putting his head to the side.

“Uh, getting changed? I don’t know.”

“Xiumin, go and get a cloth and water in a bowl. NOW!” Luhan yelled as Minseok didn’t move. He quickly ran into the kitchen as Luhan grabbed tissue from the table and attempted to wipe the blood away.

“He shouldn’t be sleeping if he got knocked to the head,” Lay offered quietly from the couch. Luhan glanced over his shoulder, then turned back to Sehun as Minseok came back with water and a cloth. Minseok took over dabbing the blood away.

“Lu, go outside and calm down, he’ll be fine,” Minseok said calmly.

“No, I can’t…”

“We’ll go together,” Kai interjected, grabbing his crutches and hopping clumsily over, holding an arm out to Luhan. “I need air, and I can’t go by myself anyway,” he added. Minseok shot him a grateful look as Kai led Luhan away.

“Sehun, wake up,” Minseok said gently, patting his cheek. Sehun didn’t react, still unconscious. The blood flow was getting heavier, and Minseok started to panic too. “Se, please! Wake up!” he yelled. He glanced at Lay, who, stuck on the sofa, could do nothing to help except shout for Sehun too.

Minwook ran in, eyebrows furrowed from all the noise, but when he saw Minseok’s blood-stained hands, he cursed. Minseok pressed the cloth to Sehun’s head, holding it tightly against his head. Sehun’s platinum blond hair was unrecognisable, and Minseok was worried. Yelling from outside caught their attention, and Minwook groaned. “Where are the others when you need them?!” he exclaimed, referring to Yongmin and Jaewon. The door opened and two paramedics ran in. They caught side of Sehun and immediately got to work, pushing an awkward Minseok out of the way.

“Xiumin, go with him, and please keep out of sight of any fans. The last thing we need is them finding out about this too.” Minseok nodded, his face concerned. Lay groaned from the sofa, his back twinging in pain, but he didn’t say anything at Minseok’s concerned face, only watching as the paramedics transferred Sehun to the stretcher.

As he followed them out of the door, he saw Kai sitting on the floor with Kyungsoo next to him, Chen and Baekhyun with their arms around Luhan and Tao and Chanyeol talking to Kris, who seemed broody. Luhan looked like he was crying, and Minseok realised that the shouting had been between those two. Suho was nowhere to be seen. Everyone turned at the sight of them, and Minseok noticed Kris’s face paled. He turned away, choosing not to say anything, and followed the paramedics outside.

*********

“It looked worse than it was, Mr Kim,” a doctor said to a concerned Minseok. He breathed a sigh of relief. “Whatever hurt him managed to puncture a minor blood vessel. I’m correct in thinking you washed the wound?”

“Yes, sir, I tried to,” he said with a little embarrassment.

“You shouldn’t have done it, but thankfully the wound wasn’t deep. It was probably the water mixing with the blood that made it look so bad.”

Minseok shuffled his feet anxiously. “How is he?”

“He’s ok. He’s sleeping at the moment, so if you want to visit him, you should stay quiet.” Minseok nodded, bowing to the doctor. “By the way, what actually happened?”

Minseok froze. “Um…I…He…fell,” Minseok said lamely. “Into a table.” The doctor nodded, scribbling something down on his clipboard. “When can he leave?”

“We’re keeping him overnight for observation, but if all goes well, then tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you,” Minseok said, bowing once more. The doctor smiled and left. Minseok sighed and got up to go and see Sehun. Sehun was lying motionless on the bed, a bandage wrapped around his head. The only thing indicating that he was ok was the rise and fall of his chest. Minseok sat by his bed for a while, knees hugged to his chest. He felt guilty, extremely guilty, for what he had done to Sehun. In his heart, he knew that it wasn’t Sehun’s fault and that the others were being unreasonable. Hell, he himself was a little unfair with the poor boy. And now, here he was, overwhelmed by stress.

“What are you doing here?”

Minseok jumped, his arms and legs completely stiff, his neck sore. He had no idea how long he had been sat there, but judging by the dim light coming from the window, it had been hours and hours. Minseok turned to the bed. “Sehun, I’m sorry.”

“What are you doing here?” Sehun repeated. His eyes were slowly closing.

“Keeping you company.”

“I want to be alone. Please go.”

“But Sehun-”

“Go.”

Minseok didn’t move, just staring at the maknae. Eventually, Sehun sat up, clutching his head. Minseok moved to help him, but the maknae ignored him, swinging his legs out of the bed and using the bedside table and wall for support. Minseok sighed and sat down, deciding to wait for him. Minutes later, Sehun returned, but the satisfied look on his face disappeared when he saw Minseok. “Hyung, seriously. Get out.”

“No.” Minseok surprised even himself at it, and he stood up, going to face the younger. Sehun closed his eyes, and it seemed like he was trying to control himself. Minseok faltered for a moment; maybe he should have left, maybe he should have-

The door opened and the doctor from earlier came in. He blinked at seeing Sehun and Minseok standing near each other, not expecting Minseok to be here, nor Sehun to be up. “Mr Oh, you shouldn’t be up! Mr Kim, you shouldn’t have let him go-”

“I only went to the bathroom,” Sehun grumbled, but allowed the doctor to lead him back the bed.

“How do you feel, Mr Oh?” the doctor continued, taking his stethoscope and putting the ends in his ear.

“Fine. I just have a little headache, and I want to go home. When can I leave?”

“Tomorrow,” the doctor said firmly, now checking Sehun’s temperature. “We need you to stay for observation.”

“But…”

“No buts, Mr Oh. Please, lie down. Are you hungry?” The doctor grabbed his clipboard and scribbled something down on it. “I’ll send a nurse with food.” He left the room, still writing, and Sehun sighed, laying back in his bed.

“Sehun, I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I realise now that it wasn’t your fault, and that we were being irrational. Especially Suho and Kris….we’re sorry. Please forgive us?”

“Who told you to say that, hyung? Was it our managers? Did Suho or Kris hyung send you to say that so I’d just forgive you like that and then you could go back to treating me like crap? Did they make you say that so you’d have an excuse to get close to me?”

Minseok swallowed hard. “Sehun, I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Oh yeah?” Sehun snapped, opening his eyes once more. “Don’t think that just because I’m the youngest that I’m stupid. I’m nineteen, not nine, and I have ears. I hear what you say about me, I know what you’re thinking, and I’m trying my best to help myself, so I don’t need your fake apology, ok? I know I messed up and I hate myself because of it, so don’t try and guilt trip me into feeling even worse than I already feel! Now get! Out!”

Minseok could hear the tremble in Sehun’s voice, and this time, he knew better. He stood up quietly and headed to the door. “We’ll be back tomorrow.” Without waiting for a response, he left the room quietly, holding the door open for the nurse.

**********

Sehun lay back in his bed, holding back tears. The sound of the nurse putting a tray down next to his bed startled him, and he jumped. “There are some painkillers there, which you must have _after_ your meal, Mr Oh.” Sehun nodded in defeat. “Enjoy your meal, Mr Oh.”

Sehun took the chopsticks from the tray and poked at the noodles in the bowl. He wasn’t in the mood to eat, but he didn’t want to risk taking painkillers on an empty stomach. He took a mouthful and grimaced at the cardboard taste in his mouth. He forced himself to swallow it, then took another mouthful. When half the bowl was empty, he gave up and took the tablets, washing it down with water. A few minutes later, he could feel the pain subsiding; he smiled in relief. Closing his eyes, he leaned back and fell asleep.

He didn’t sleep well. His dreams were haunted, like the night before, with the words and accusations of the other members. Luhan kept popping up out of nowhere, from behind trees and beneath tables, telling Sehun how stupid he was, how everything was his fault. But most of all, it was the hatred he had seen on Kris’s face moments before he had been pushed. Sehun jerked awake suddenly. The sound of something shattering made him jump, and he scrambled out of his bed quickly, heart beating fast. The bowl he had eaten from was now in pieces on the floor. Sehun blinked, not understanding what had just happened. The memory of his dream, though fading, was still fresh in his mind.

He walked slowly around the bed, where sauce from the noodles was slowly spreading across the floor. He grabbed tissue from the bathroom and came to clean up the mess, dumping it on the tray with a grimace. The glass proved difficult to clean up. The larger pieces were ok, but the smaller pieces were devilishly tricky to grab. Sehun winced as he caught his fingers on a particularly sharp edge. He ignored the blood dripping down his fingers, cleaning up as quickly as he could. The door slid open, letting light flood into the room. Sehun shielded his eyes with one hand, wincing from the light.

“Oh my! What happened here?!” a different nurse exclaimed, hurrying into the room.

“Uh, I fell asleep and dropped the tray by accident, sorry,” Sehun apologised, dumping the glass into the tray.

“Don’t worry about that, are you ok?” she asked, helping him up.

“Yeah, I’m ok, just be careful of the glass…” he mumbled. She grabbed his hand and her face darkened.

“Just wait until I find So Hee… sit down, I’ll clean you up.” She disappeared, then returned a minute later with a plaster. She cleaned his hand up as he yawned, applying the plaster to the skin.

“What time is it?” he mumbled as she swept up the remaining pieces of glass.

“Around seven in the morning. You should go back to sleep, or I can get you breakfast if you want…?”

“Um…breakfast would be nice, but…when can I go home?” Sehun asked, trying to remain polite.

“I’ll have to check with the doctor, so I’ll be back,” she said with a smile, picking up the tray. Sehun sighed, gingerly touching his head. It throbbed under his touch, but apart from that, it didn’t hurt. He slowly got up, going to freshen up. He stared at his reflection in the mirror unblinkingly, not thinking, just looking. His skin looked grey, and he looked much older than he really was. The door to his room opening caught his attention, and he splashed his face quickly before going out. The nurse and a doctor were waiting for him.

“I heard about your little accident this morning, Mr Oh. Everything ok? Sleep well?” the doctor said as he sat down.

“Yeah, it was ok.”

“Eat, then I’ll check your vitals. The data from last night seems ok, so if all is well, you just need to sign papers and you’re free to go.” The nurse handed him a tray, and Sehun picked up an apple, gently biting into it.

“Is that all you’re having?” the doctor asked in surprise, pointing to the assortment of pastries on the tray.

“I don’t want anything else,” he replied.

“You need to keep up your health.”

“Do you know who I am?” Sehun asked abruptly. The nurse and doctor exchanged surprised looks, but both shook their heads. “No? I’m part of the boy group Exo. Heard of them?” Judging by the shock on both their features, they had. “Yeah. So, my health is fine, I’m going to eat what I need to eat, and neither of you is going to say a word to _anyone_ , which includes the press. Got it?”

Both nodded wordlessly. “Ok, Mr Oh, can I check your vitals now?” the doctor asked rather nervously as Sehun put down the apple. He nodded, and the doctor scurried forwards, checking his temperature and blood pressure. The nurse changed the dressing on his wound, nodding in satisfaction. Sehun winced at the sight of the bloodstained bandage but did not complain as she tightened the new bandages.

“Looks like you’re free to go,” the doctor said with a small smile. “I’m prescribing you some medication which you need to take three times a day for the next week. You need to change your bandages for the next few days, but really, after tomorrow, there shouldn’t be any more bleeding. If there is bleeding after four days, then you should come back to see us as soon as you can. Headaches will be normal, so after the medication finishes, you can take painkillers as normal. Get dressed, I’ll go and bring your paperwork.”

Both the doctor and nurse left, the doctor motioning to a bag in the corner. Sehun got up and opened it, surprised to find clothes and a toothbrush. He brushed his teeth, got changed and picked up the rucksack, intrigued. A minute later, he realised that it was Minseok’s, and he sighed. The clothes were slightly baggy on him, though shorter than he was accustomed to, and he couldn’t tell whose they were. Signing out took no more than five minutes, and pulling on a mask and cap he had found at the bottom of the bag, he left the hospital. The walk back to the dorm took around forty minutes at a comfortable pace, and though every movement sent jolts of pain through his body, Sehun ignored it, focusing on breathing in and out calmly and enjoying the fresh air.

He sighed as he got closer to the dorm. There was no sign of activity from inside, suggesting that everyone was asleep. He knew though, that once everyone was awake, he’d be in for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave a comment, I'd love to know where I can improve my writing! Also, follow my twt @pcyjunguwudays for more crackhead content!


	5. Kris

Guilt consumed Kris entirely. He hadn’t meant to push Sehun like that, he was just annoyed and frustrated at the situation, and Sehun had been there at the wrong time. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, but it was an accident…just like how Sehun falling and injuring the others was also an accident, he realised. The moment Sehun had gotten up, holding his bleeding head, Kris knew he had done it wrong. And he knew he was totally in for it.

When Luhan had come out of the room where Sehun had collapsed, his hands covered in blood, screaming at him, he knew he deserved it. All the same, he felt like throttling the bambi-lookalike, to the point where he had to be held back. The guilt consuming him caused him to do funny things. And when the paramedics pushed past Suho at the door, Kris knew he was in truly deep trouble. Moments after Minseok and Sehun had left, Yongmin came out of the living room, extremely furious.

“I want you all in there within five minutes. MOVE IT!” he roared, eyeing each one of them as he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. Chanyeol released Kris, gesturing to Tao. Tao whispered something to Kris, then walked away with Chanyeol’s arm around his shoulder. Kris watched them go with a sigh. He sat on the window ledge, bringing his knees up to his chest. Suddenly, he was worried. What if because of this, he got kicked out? What would he do? What would the other members say? What would his mum say? What would the fans think? What would the members think?

“Hyung, let’s go.” He jumped as Chen clapped a hand on his shoulder, and he slowly got up, unsticking his face from the window. He followed the younger into the room, where everyone was sitting on the floor, leaving the couch open for the two injured boys.

Yongmin was pacing up and down in front of the TV, and glared as they came in. Kris flopped on the end of the sofa. “Right, you all know why you’re here-”

“Can I go?” Kyungsoo interrupted, glaring at the table.

“You either stay and listen to me, or get the hell out of SM and this group,” Yongmin snapped back. Kyungsoo looked up in surprise, but sat back down under the furious eye of Yongmin. “Now, back to the matter at hand. What the hell is all this fighting about? You’re supposed to be a group! Now look, within the space of twenty four hours, three of you ended up in hospital! Three of you! One was bad enough, but three of you! What are you playing at?! Do you understand how bad this is? Not just for you injured boys, but for me, for SM and the fans too?!”

Yongmin paused, and Kris trained his gaze at the floor, too embarrassed to say anything. “I only ever heard Sehun’s side of all this, so what happened? I want answers,” he added, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently when no one responded straight away. Kris chanced a glance up and saw that almost everyone was scowling. Lay and Luhan were the only ones looking concerned.

“Basically, Sehun wasn’t really paying attention in practice yesterday, so Suho hyung told him off, because he stepped on Suho’s foot or something by accident. So, Sehun started to dance again, and this time I don’t know what happened, but he fell into Jongin, who fell on me,” Lay explained carefully. “Then everyone started yelling at Sehun because he caused my old waist injury to flare up again, which meant I was in a lot of pain, and because he broke his ankle. After that, I don’t know what happened. What actually happened today?” Lay finished, looking at the other members.

“Why wasn’t he paying attention in the first place?” the manager asked.

“Who knows?” Chen said, the sarcasm evident in his voice. If Yongmin heard, he didn’t comment on it.

“Lay, what did the doctors say about you? Are you even supposed to be here?”

“They just did a minor surgery on my back, I’ve had it before. It’ll only take me a couple of days to heal, so I’ll be back to normal soon.”

“How long?”

“Two weeks, maybe less?”

“Jongin, you?”

“Six weeks,” he grumbled, and the manager sighed.

“You’re lucky you have nothing else major booked for the next three weeks. Jongin, we can’t keep you out any longer, so we’re going to have to tell the fans and the company you broke your ankle.”

“But I want to dan-!”

“You are _not_ going to do _anything_ that will make that worse! Suho, you need to keep an eye on him,” Yongmin snapped. Kai huffed and crossed his arms. “Now, Kris. You know you could have killed Sehun with your stupid stunt?”

Kris nodded meekly but said nothing. “Do you know how bad that reflects on you? You couldn’t even control your anger, and you even almost assaulted an MC! Imagine if it actually happened, do you understand the consequences of your actions? Worst still, you hurt Sehun! Now, if Sehun comes and decides to press charges, you do know that the first people to find out will be the press? And you’ll be in serious, serious trouble! Considering the way that you’ve been treating him since yesterday, I’d be surprised if he _didn’t_ come and press charges. Sehun could have died, and your career over before it’s barely begun. _Never_ do that again. At this point, Sehun decides your future, so you’d better recognise exactly what it is you need to do. The rest of you had better go and sort yourselves out and think about your actions. There will be no practice today. I do need to go into the office, so you’d better all behave. I doubt you need babysitting, and I don’t want to hear any more fighting. If there is, I’ll have to get Mr Lee involved.” With that, Yongmin stalked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Kris exhaled. That had been better than he thought it would be. Yes, he had gotten grilled, but at this point, he was more worried about Sehun. He realised now that he was completely in the wrong, and having his career in Sehun’s hands was completely his own fault. “What actually happened?” Lay asked, and Kris jumped. Lay was now sitting in his wheelchair near Kris. Most of the others had filed out, leaving only Lay, Kris, Suho and Chanyeol.

“Tell him,” Suho said to Kris, when the latter looked to his fellow leader for help. “I’m going.” Suho got up and left the room.

Kris sighed. “Basically, when we got into the booth, the interviewer, Yoo something or other-”

“Yoo Jae Suk.”

“Yeah, him, he asked us where you and Kai were. Me being me, I told him that you went to some dance training thing, which makes sense since you’re dancers. So the guy said that he knew it was a lie, but he promised he wouldn’t tell it, and then our manager spoke to him. I think he asked him not to ask where they are.”

“Right,” Lay said absentmindedly, absorbing the information. “What has got to do with you and Hun?”

“Well, during the interview, Sehun didn’t really say much. He smiled and whatever, but he didn’t really answer any questions. Next thing we know, the Yoo guy’s asking him where you guys are. Sehun wasn’t even in the room when I told the guy and the others our ‘official’ story, so he sort of just stuttered and said nothing,” Kris continued, making air quotations with his fingers.

“Then Suho stepped in and said that it was classified,” Chanyeol continued. “We performed, then the show was over. As soon as it was over, this idiot went and started threatening the MC.” Kris looked down, clearly embarrassed, but didn’t say anything. “Sehun saw, and since he’s usually the only one apart from Tao to be able to handle Yifan when he’s angry, he went and tried to stop him from hurting the poor guy. Kris turned around and shoved Sehun away, taking all his anger out on him. Sehun fell and smacked his head on the corner of the table, splitting the skin. He was bleeding a little, and then we all started yelling and shouting like the idiots we are.”

“Ah, and that’s probably when we came back,” Lay said in understanding. “I did wonder what exactly Yongmin hyung was talking about when he said that he’ll discuss it later.”

“So yeah, that’s what happened,” Kris finished.

“Well, hyung, you’re an idiot.”

“I know that.”

“You could’ve killed him.”

“I know.”

“You really should think about what you do.”

“I know.”

“He probably hates you now.”

“I know, stop making me guiltier!” Kris snapped, standing up. Lay just stared at him. “I know I’m a fucking idiot, I know that I was wrong, so you don’t need to tell me.”

“Sit down.”

Kris stared at Lay, then sighed. “Hyung’s right, you know.” Kris growled and threw a pillow at Chanyeol.

“I’m gonna go clear my head and call Minseok hyung. See you later.” Kris waved to the other three and left the room, running straight into Chen. He sighed as he saw the look on Chen’s face. “Chen, how’s Lu-”

“He doesn’t want to see anyone,” Chen said shortly.

“Tell him I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“I know.” Chen sighed. “What’s going on, hyung.” It wasn’t a question. “I mean…with us…what is this?”

“It wasn’t Sehun’s fault. Even Lay’s forgiven him,” Kris replied honestly. “Lay got injured the most…and he’s forgiven him already.”

“I…I still feel like it was, hyung.”

“Even our manager knows it wasn’t, what’s wrong with you, Chen?” Kris asked. Chen shrugged.

“I feel like Sehun hates us, and he did it on purpose to sabotage us.”

“Are you serious?” he exclaimed. “You know what? I’m not having this conversation with you. Is there anyone else who thinks like you?”

“Me and Kai and Baekhyun, and Suho hyung too.”

“Well tell them, and take it for yourself as well, that until you all wake up and get some sense knocked into you, that you’re not welcome with the rest of us.” Without waiting for a reply, Kris walked away, leaving Chen standing in the middle of the corridor. The air outside was cool, and standing under the sun’s rays helped Kris to calm himself down.

He couldn’t believe that even after all that, Chen, Baekhyun, Suho and Kai still thought it was Sehun’s fault. The person he was most shocked at was Kai; after all, he, Tao and Sehun were best friends, they were a trio, yet Kai still blamed Sehun. Why? Kris didn’t know. He got his phone out and dialled Minseok’s number, but he didn’t pick up. Again, he dialled, but Minseok didn’t pick up. He sighed. He had to think of a way to fix this.

**********

“Kris hyung! Hyung, wake up!” someone yelled, shaking him. Kris mumbled, turning over. “Kris!”

The surface underneath him was hard. Too hard for his liking. What the hell was he doing on the floor? He opened his eyes and came face to face with a spider. Screaming, he scrambled off the floor, only to find himself facing Sehun. He breathed out heavily. “Hyung, what happened? Are you ok? Are you hurt?” Sehun asked frantically, looking exhausted.

“Uh…what?”

“Why are you on the floor?”

“Oh….uh, I fell asleep here last night, I guess.” There was an awkward pause, then Sehun turned away. “Sehun, wait.”

“What?” he asked tiredly, turning around.

“Sehun, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight when I pushed you, and I didn’t mean to hurt you that badly. I’m also sorry for how we treated you before, it wasn’t right.” Sehun just nodded, his eyes drooping.

“How did you get here? When did you come back?”

“Uh, I walked, and just now.”

“You walked? All the way from there?” Kris blurted out.

“Yeah. It’s not like I had any other choice, not like anyone would’ve come to get me at such an early hour.”

“Hey, I would’ve,” Kris frowned.

“Really? A, you were mad at me, B, you were sleeping outside on the floor.” Kris grinned in embarrassment.

“Yeah…I really am sorry, Se. What did they say about your head?” he asked worriedly, taking the rucksack off of Sehun.

“Um…” Sehun yawned. “They said it wasn’t too serious, and I got medication. Need to take that for a while, I’ll probably get headaches, and if it bleeds for more than three days, then I’m allowed to murder you.” Kris grinned as he followed Sehun inside. “Whose clothes are these, by the way?”

Kris stepped back to look at Sehun. The clothes were baggy and looked slightly too short on Sehun. “I dunno. Not mine.”

“Well of course they’re not yours,” Sehun said sarcastically. “Never mind.”

“May have been Minseok Hyung’s, he was with you for most of the evening. He came back, then he went again, so probably his.”

“Oh.” Sehun yawned again.

“Do you want to sleep?”

Sehun nodded sleepily. “I shouldn’t though, we have practice…”

“Go and sleep. I’ll wake you up later.” Sehun looked unsure but nodded, heading to his room. Kris watched him go, then sat down at the kitchen table, dumping Sehun’s bag on the floor. He filled up some water and drained the glass, rubbing his face, where the imprint from the ground was still present. Seconds later, yelling ensued, and Kris groaned, banging his head on the table repeatedly.

“WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Jaewon roared. Kris swallowed and got up, running to the hallway to find Sehun sitting on the floor outside his room, a blanket in his hand and Suho standing in the doorway. Seconds later, their manager came in, pushing past Kris. “Suho, what the hell are you doing? Sehun, when did you get here? What…?”

Kris could sense that Jaewon was just about ready to explode, so he stepped in. “Sehun just got in, he said he was tired, but I told him to sleep for a bit, and then we’ll wake him up for practice. He was just going inside.”

“So what’s all this shouting about?” Jaewon snapped, turning away from Kris and back to Suho and Sehun. “Sehun, why are you sitting on the floor?”

Sehun glanced up, then looked away, and Kris could see the tears brimming in his eyes. He turned his gaze to Suho, who was now glaring at Sehun. The manager growled in frustration. “Right. Sehun, come with me to my room. Kris, keep an eye on Suho, and if anyone else wakes up, send them straight to the dining room, got it?”

Kris nodded, and Jaewon went to Sehun, helping him off the floor before leaving. Suho pushed himself off the doorframe and headed back into his room. Kris followed him, sitting down on Sehun’s bed as Suho got back into the bed, wrapping his covers around him.

“Suho, tell me the truth. What was that about?”

“Nothing, I just got scared when he came in and pushed him outside without thinking, then I yelled at him for scaring me and then you lot turned up,” Suho said bitterly.

“Really? You can’t lie to me, Kim Junmyeon,” Kris warned.

“Yifan, that’s the truth, ok? He just scared me.”

“Well, whatever it is, be careful, he’s injured and hurting.”

“Why are you defending him, Yifan?!” Suho suddenly yelled, throwing the covers back.

“Because it wasn’t his fault and you know it!” Kris yelled back. “And don’t tell me I’m wrong, because I’m not!”

“What, so just because you hurt him and almost killed him and nearly ruined your career, you felt like suddenly forgiving him so you can save yourself? That’s being selfish at its finest.”

“Fuck you, Junmyeon, I’m not doing this for myself,” Kris hissed, his hands balling into fists. “I actually took the time to think about what I did, and I know that he’s right. Why would he do it on purpose?”

“I can’t believe you lot are making such a big deal about this,” a voice said from the doorway. Both Suho and Kris turned around to see Lay standing in the doorway, leaning on crutches.

“What are you doing up? Where’s your wheelchair?” Kris exclaimed, hurrying to the door. He helped Lay inside, sitting him down on Sehun’s bed.

“I couldn’t sleep from all the noise you lot were making. And I don’t need the chair anymore, I had some crutches in the back to use. Now, can you two please stop arguing?”

“Lay, is Sehun right or wrong? Did he do this on purpose?” Suho demanded.

“No, it was an accident. Sehun was trying his best, we just happened to be there. He didn’t mean to hurt us,” Lay said immediately. “And I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

“I still think he’s trying to sabotage us.”

“Why would he, Suho? Think about it,” Lay said calmly. “He has no reason to sabotage us, we’re a group. If anything happens to one of us, it affects all of us, and you know it. Look at this! We’ll be back together pretty soon, and it changes nothing. If he hurt us, and then went and bragged about it, or was happy about it, then yeah, I’d be mad. But did you not see the look on his face? He was distraught, and he’s probably feeling horrible right now for the way you’ve been treating him.”

“You know what? Fuck this. I’m standing by what I think, with or without you.” Suho got up and stormed out. Kris sighed.

“I need to go look after him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Manager Hyung said to go to the dining room, so do you need help?”

“I’ll be fine. Go and sort hyung out.” Kris nodded and stood up.

“Is anyone else up?”

“Just Luhan hyung.”

“Ok, I’ll send him to help you then.” Kris walked out, almost running in search of Suho. The bathroom door was shut, and Kris sighed in relief. He quickly hurried to find Luhan, and was surprised to see him with puffy eyes.

“Lu, what happened?” he asked the older male. Luhan shrugged.

“Didn’t get much sleep. That’s all.”

Kris didn’t believe him, but he didn’t push it. “Ok. Uh, could you go and help Lay sort himself out, and then could you go and sit in the dining room? Manager’s orders.”

“Yeah, sure,” Luhan mumbled.

“He’s in Suho’s room.” Luhan nodded and walked off, and Kris followed him down the corridor. Suho was sitting in the dining room, stabbing at a banana on his plate. He glanced up as Kris entered, but otherwise said nothing. Kris sat opposite him, grabbing an apple, and the two sat in silence as the others slowly started trickling in. Their manager entered just after Kai did an hour later, the last person to enter.

“Right. We _need_ to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill ;)


	6. Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, read at your own risk :(

_“You’re useless! We ask you for one thing, and you can’t even do that! Clean this up!” Kris roared at Sehun, but something was wrong. Sehun looked down to see coffee pooling at his feet, splattering a dirty apron that he was wearing. He looked up to see Kris standing over him, with the label ‘Store manager’ under his name. Kris was holding a mop, which he thrust at Sehun. The moment Sehun took it, the scene changed._

_This time, Sehun was sitting in an office, a comfortable looking one by the looks of it. His office was large, spacious and brightly lit, sunlight streaming in from the huge glass window behind him. Sehun spun in the chair, but at that moment, the door burst open, and someone stood in the doorway. Sehun spun around to find Suho standing there._

_“With all due respect,_ sir _, you’re useless,” Suho hissed sarcastically. Sehun blinked and looked at his desk, where there was a metal bar. He picked it up and turned it over to find ‘Oh Sehun, CEO’ written across it. He blinked, then jumped as Suho slammed his fist onto the desk. “This is the third time we’ve made a loss this week, and it’s all your fault! All because of you! If you’d have listened to my advice in the first place, you could have profited! And now, thanks to your incompetency, they’re shutting us down! A hundred thousand employees are now going to be jobless and it’s all your fault!”_

_All your fault…your fault…your fault…incompetent…never do anything right..._

_Words echoed all around Sehun as he suddenly found himself enclosed in a box. Other voices joined in too: “Stupid! Worthless! Annoying! Freak! Fat! Ugly! Useless! Weak!”_

_They were all voices that he knew. They were the voices of the boys he had called brother over the last year. Sehun desperately tried to get out, but someone or something seemed to be holding him down, and as the voices got louder and louder, the walls closed in, and Sehun found it difficult to breathe. The more he tried to get out, the tighter the space got. Black dots danced across his vision, and the voices got louder and louder to the point where they were deafening._

“Sehun!”

Sehun screamed as he scrambled up wildly, his breathing erratic and his vision a blur. “No, Sehun, Sehun calm down,” someone said frantically, but Sehun couldn’t. The words from the dream echoed in his mind, and as Sehun started to cry, arms enclosed him. “It’s ok, let it out,” the person whispered, and dimly, Sehun registered that it was Kris.

How long he sat there, he didn’t know, but when he was done, he saw that it was bright outside. He sniffed and sat up, his head pounding, when he finally realised that he was sitting on the floor. Kris was sitting on the floor near him, a wet patch on his shirt, watching him closely. “You ok, Sehun? What happened?”

“Yeah, I just…bad dream,” Sehun mumbled, embarrassed. “Sorry for ruining your shirt…”

“No worries, it’s ok. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, I just need my medication. What time is it?”

“Uh, half eleven. I came to wake you up, but you were on the floor, and you weren’t responding. I was worried.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. Are you hungry?”

At the mention of food, Sehun’s stomach dropped. He knew he shouldn’t eat, but at the same time…He sighed and nodded. “Ok. I can make, like, toast or something. Do you need help getting dressed? Are you ok to practice or do you want to sit out today?”

“Uh, I’ll be fine. I need to practice anyway, so…yeah, I’ll be out soon.” Kris nodded, helping him up before leaving. Sehun bundled up the duvet and dumped it on the Jaewon’s bed, feeling slightly guilty that he had to kick him out of bed so he could sleep.

In the bathroom, Sehun paused, looking up at the cabinet. It was a miracle that none of the doctors had commented on the bandage around his wrist…or maybe they hadn’t noticed. Unwrapping it, Sehun was happy to note that the scars had stopped bleeding, and in places, were beginning to peel off. Satisfied, he gripped his razor in one hand, and slowly, underneath the old cuts, made fresh ones, all the while, thinking about his dream. The words seemed to dictate his actions, and the euphoria that followed made the pain worth it.

Footsteps outside the door startled Sehun, and he quickly rinsed the razor, shoving it back into the cabinet as a knock came on the door. “Se, you ok? Need any help?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute hyung!” he called, hastily wrapping fresh bandages around his wrist. The footsteps moved away and Sehun breathed a sigh of relief. He reached up to his head and undid the bandages, glancing down at the blood on them. More bandages went back up to his head, and Sehun sighed in relief, shaking his sleeves down before exiting the room.

“I really need to get changed,” he mumbled to himself as he headed down to the kitchen, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt with his hand. Kris was on the phone with someone, talking in rapid Chinese. He looked up worriedly as Sehun entered, but relaxed a little. He said something to them, then clicked off as Sehun sat down.

“Where’s everyone else, hyung?” he asked as Kris produced a plate of toast and juice, along with the box of his medicine.

“They went ahead, I told them I’d stay with you until you woke up. That was Tao,” he added, gesturing to his phone. Sehun nodded as he slowly picked up the toast and took a tentative bite. He wasn’t really fond of English foods, but it was the best he was going to get. “It’s not burnt, is it? I didn’t overdo it, did I?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said, taking another bite for good measure. “I just don’t like English food much.”

“Ah, sorry, I should’ve thought…”

“Can you think?” Sehun asked in mock surprise. Kris huffed and glared at Sehun but laughed afterwards.

“Very funny, maknae. Now hurry up and eat, then let’s go.” Sehun quickly swallowed the last bite of toast, then drank some juice, taking one of the tablets as well. “What about that slice?” Kris asked, pointing to the other one. “Who’s gonna eat that, your dog?”

“Excuse me, Vivi is too prestige for something as common as toast,” Sehun scoffed. “I’m not hungry. You eat it, I’m going to get changed.” Sehun hurried out as Kris grabbed the toast, muttering something under his breath about ungrateful kids. Sehun just gave a small smile as he got dressed, pulling on a hoodie to make sure his arms didn’t show. He wasn’t in the mood for dancing today, so he figured he’d work on vocals or rap.

As Kris and Sehun left, Kris’s phone rang again. He picked it up, talking in Chinese once again. Sehun glanced at him, noticing the way his shoulders slumped as he talked and his dejected tone. What was going on with him? He clicked off as they reached the SM building, and as fans screamed, the two quickly ducked inside.

“Sehun!”

Sehun turned to see Eunhyuk striding towards him. Kris glanced between the two, unsure of whether to leave Sehun. “Hyung, go ahead, I’ll catch you up.” Kris nodded, bowing quickly to Eunhyuk before leaving. Eunhyuk put his arm around Sehun and led him upstairs.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, I guess.”

“What happened to your head?” Eunhyuk asked suddenly as they passed a mirror hanging in the hallway. “Sehun, where were you yesterday?”

Sehun automatically reached up to touch his bandage. “Oh, that. Long story.”

“Tell me,” Eunhyuk ordered, dragging Sehun into the lift. “I’ll buy you bubble tea too.”

“N-no, it’s fine, I just ate. I had two breakfasts today too, I’m good.”

“Well either way, you’re coming with me, because I want bubble tea.” Sehun just smiled as the lift carried them up to the café. “Ok, so, tell me what happened,” he ordered as they sat down at a table.

“You know yesterday, after I…you found me,” he mumbled, embarrassed, “I went to see Lay hyung and Kai hyung. Kai yelled at me to get out, and Lay hyung was sort of quiet about it. Somehow, that hurt me more than Kai shouting, but anyway…on the way back, Kris hyung called me, and he was highly pissed off that I wasn’t there. We had an interview and performance on a radio show.”

“Oh yeah, we had the radio on and we were listening to it, we heard,” Eunhyuk said, thanking the waitress as she set his drink on the table.

“Yeah. So the MC aimed the question at me about where the two were, and I didn’t expect it. I didn’t know what to say, because before when the MC asked the members before the interview, I wasn’t there to hear the official answer. So I sort of stuttered…well you heard. So anyway, after we performed and got off air, Kris hyung started having a go at the MC and getting really aggressive about it, so I went over to stop him, and he pushed me back, right into a table.” Eunhyuk choked on one of the tapioca balls, and Sehun leaned over to pat him on the back.

“Wait, you’re saying Kris pushed you? Is that how you hurt your head?”

“Yeah, but no. I dunno.”

“Explain,” the older demanded, taking a sip of the tea.

“So yeah, I hit my head on the table, the corner I think, because I was bleeding-” Eunhyuk choked again, and Sehun smirked.

“I swear you do that on purpose,” Eunhyuk mock glared. Sehun shrugged innocently.

“So yeah, anyway, the MC was kind about it, helped me to clean myself up, didn’t say anything about the incident, and then Kai and Lay hyung showed up. So we all went back to the dorm to change into clothes for practice, but outside, I got into a fight with Luhan hyung, and I felt this sort of pressure in my brain, and I was just ranting and screaming about…I don’t even know, but I vented at Luhan hyung. Lu hyung said I was bleeding, but I was really pissed off and I just wanted to lie down, so I shrugged him off, and the next thing I know I’m in hospital and Minseok hyung’s sitting next to me. So I told him to piss off because I was still angry, and yeah. I got home this morning.”

“So why were you with Kris, and why did he looked worried about you, if he’s the one who pushed you?”

“Oh. When I got back, I saw Kris on the floor outside the house. I got scared that someone hurt him or something, but he just fell asleep there. He apologised to me, he was quite sincere about it. I haven’t forgiven him fully, and he probably knows it, but he definitely knows he’s wrong. Manager Hyung most likely had a go at him too, because I could’ve died.”

“Wow, your life is so much more interesting than mine,” Eunhyuk mumbled, juice dripping down his chin. Sehun rolled his eyes.

“Seriously, hyung? You call nearly dying and having your whole group hate you interesting?”

Eunhyuk shrugged. “I’m shameless, I admit it.”

“That you are, hyung.” There was a comfortable silence between them. “Ok, I should go. Thanks for the company, but I need to go and practice.”

“You’re going to practice? You need rest!” Eunhyuk called.

“I’ll be fine!”

Standing outside the café, Sehun breathed in once. The easy part was done; the hard part was yet to come. He was slightly scared of meeting the others, but it had to be done. He wished he could go and sleep some more, but there was no time now. It was too late, and he had already told Kris that he’d meet him there.

“Oi, what are you still doing here?” Sehun jumped. Eunhyuk was staring at him, still chewing on the last of the tapioca balls. “I’ll take you down.”

“Uh, no it’s ok-”

“Let’s go.” He looped his arm through Sehun, dragging him downstairs before knocking on the door of Exo’s practice room. The door was opened by Luhan, whose face was downcast until he saw Sehun.

“Sehun, you’re here! How are you feeling now?” he exclaimed excitedly, dragging Sehun into the room. Sehun just stared blankly at him before turning around to see Eunhyuk, who was looking amused. Before Sehun could call him for help, he yelled ‘You’re welcome! Have fun, boys!’ into the room before leaving. He sighed.

“How are you feeling? What happened? Where did you go? Are you ok to practice? You can sit out if you want, or you can join Lay and Kai, they’re practicing voc-”

Sehun shrugged Luhan off and walked away into his usual corner, starting to stretch out his limbs and muscles. He ignored the way the others whispered as he came in, choosing instead to focus on himself. He had to work hard today, to prevent another accident from happening. It was his fault in the first place, now he had to rectify it.

“Ok, come on then,” Kris called, clapping his hands. “We’ll practice together today, but stay with your unit.” Sehun sighed and stood up, jogging over to his spot. “Lu, put the music on…let’s do Korean version first.” Luhan fiddled with his phone, connecting it to speakers on the side. There was a short pause, then music started to play. Recognising it immediately, Sehun got into position. He started to dance, but a subtle push from behind made him stumble. Quickly regaining his balance, he continued to dance, ignoring whoever it was. He glanced in the mirror, noticing how everyone was focused, or seemed to be. Maybe it was his imagination?

They reached the chorus, and just as Sehun started to turn, he felt it again. This time, it was stronger, and he went pitching forwards straight into Kris. Kris grabbed him as he fell and put him upright, signalling to Luhan who broke from the formation and stopped the music. “Are you ok, Sehun?” Kris asked. Sehun nodded.

“Sorry.”

“You can sit out if you want?”

Someone sniggered from behind him, and Sehun’s eyes darkened. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go again.” Luhan restarted the song, and everyone filtered back into their original positions. He started to dance again, watching his movements carefully in the mirror compared to others. He saw Suho whispering to Baekhyun as they danced, but that wasn’t unusual. Still, he felt something drop in the pit of his stomach. This time, they reached the end of the song with no difficulty, and Sehun breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ok, do the Chinese version now!” Suho called. Luhan obeyed, and they danced that through twice. The second time round, Sehun tripped over someone’s leg, and immediately stepped out of the formation to control himself, letting the others dance it out. He went into the corner, grabbing someone’s water bottle and pouring some in his mouth.

“What happened?”

Sehun jumped, sloshing water down his chin. He hastily wiped it away and turned to see Luhan watching him. “What?”

“What happened? Did you fall, or what?” Sehun just shrugged, putting the bottle down. “Talk to me! Goddammit, why won’t you talk?” Luhan snapped suddenly.

“I’m not in the mood, hyung. Leave me alone.” Sehun moved back into the centre of the room, and Luhan didn’t give up.

“Sehun, what happened? I’m your best friend, what’s wrong?”

“No, hyung, you’re not my best friend. I have no best friend. It’s better that we keep this strictly for work, and that’s it.”

“What’s gotten into you? Why are you being like this?” Luhan said, clearly frustrated. “You do know it wasn’t your fault that they got injured.”

“But what if it was, Luhan? What if it was?” Sehun snapped back, unconsciously reaching up to touch his head.

“You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?” Luhan asked. Sehun looked away, taking a deep breath. “No, you didn’t, Sehun. Don’t lie to me. You didn’t, right?”

“Luhan, leave me alone.”

“No, you wouldn’t do that! Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because I want to be alone!” Sehun burst out, clenching his fists. Silence fell in the room. “Just leave me alone! I don’t want to see you, or talk to you, or anything!”

“You’re so selfish, Sehun, we’re just trying to help you!” Luhan exclaimed. Sehun swallowed hard, the words from his dream suddenly coming back into his mind. Tears stung his eyes, and his nails dug into his palm.

“Yeah? Then let me be selfish.” Without waiting for an answer, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He felt sick all of a sudden. He didn’t know why he’d talked like that to Luhan, but just the way Luhan had pretended to be all concerned about him had gotten him angry. Added to the fact that someone-either Baekhyun or Suho, he was sure- was trying to hurt him again, he had lost his temper. Reaching the bathroom, he groaned, bile rising in his throat. The door opened as he let out whatever was in his stomach, but he ignored it. When he was done, he stood up on shaky legs, wiping his face, running the tap. He glanced behind him to see a young boy, maybe thirteen or fourteen years old, watching him with worried eyes. Sehun glared at him in the mirror, daring him to say something.

“A-a-are y-you okay, s-sunbaenim?” the boy stuttered, and Sehun realised that it was a trainee. “Sh-shall I g-get s-someone?”

“I’m fine,” Sehun replied, his cheeks flushed red. “Um…don’t tell anyone, will you?”

“I w-won’t, I swear,” the boy replied, bowing. Sehun gave him a small smile before he turned away, shutting the tap before he left the bathroom. Kris was waiting outside, and Sehun hoped he didn’t notice, but to his dismay, he did.

“Sehun. Come here.” Sehun sighed and turned around. “Is there something bothering you?”

“Like what?” Sehun asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“Like anything. You wouldn’t just yell at Luhan like that for no reason. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just…tired,” he said lamely.

“Well, go and rest. You don’t need to come back for practice today, I cleared it with manager hyung already.”

“I’ll just…yeah,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry, hyung. Could you tell Luhan hyung-?”

Sehun was cut off by Kris’s phone ringing. Kris glanced at the caller ID and sighed. “Yeah, I’ll tell him you’re sorry. Go rest.” Sehun nodded as Kris walked away, talking in Chinese again. He wondered who it was; perhaps his mother? Judging by the way his shoulders slumped, it wasn’t. But who could it be?

He shrugged, deciding against following him since he wouldn’t be able to understand him. He turned away, heading down the corridor, belatedly realising that he’d left his phone in the practice room. Sighing, he turned back and went into the practice room, walking in without saying a word. No one looked up when he did, for which he was grateful. He grabbed his water bottle and phone, then left to the gym. He had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I really gotta say this again?


	7. Weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, please be careful :/

“Where are you?” Minseok said down the phone. Sehun panted for breath, holding the phone to his ear.

“I’m in the gym, why?”

“Come and eat dinner with us.”

“Dinner?”

Sehun removed the phone from his ear, shocked to see that it was six o’clock. His body ached suddenly in response. “Wow, I didn’t realise how late it was.”

“What do you mean? Have you been there the whole time?” Minseok asked. Sehun paused. “Sehun! Ok, look, come and meet us downstairs in ten minutes, we’ll wait for you.” He clicked off, and Sehun sighed. The last thing he needed was dinner with everyone. His head ached, and he realised that he’d missed his medication for the afternoon. Oh well. He could have it in the evening when he went back to the dorm.

He had a quick shower and changed his clothes in the locker room, then headed downstairs to the lobby, where the other members were waiting for him. Luhan and Minseok immediately came towards him. “Hyung, I’m sorry,” Sehun said to Luhan lowly. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“It’s fine, you’re stressed, and I get it.” Luhan slung his arm around Sehun’s shoulders. “Now, are you hungry?”

Sehun wanted to say no, but the look on both Luhan’s and Minseok’s faces told him otherwise. “I guess.”

“Let’s go!” Minseok cheered, grabbing Tao and Chanyeol, who were standing nearest to them, and dragging them outside to the van. Luhan rolled his eyes and led Sehun outside, who stole Luhan’s cap to cover his bandage. The others followed suit, and soon they were sat in a restaurant, Kyungsoo flipping meat on the table in front of them.

Sehun sat on the end, watching the others talk and laugh. He felt awkward, as if he didn’t belong there. Even Kai managed to have a laugh, and he was extremely moody the last few days…ever since the accident. “Se, have some meat,” Tao called, dumping some on Sehun’s plate before taking some for himself. Sehun forced a smile and stabbed at it with his fork, breaking it into small pieces.

Kris had engaged Tao in conversation, but by the look on Tao’s face, it wasn’t something nice. Kris’s face turned pleading, but Tao shook his head. Sehun frowned, watching the way Tao’s face changed. His eyes were watering, and that told Sehun that something was definitely wrong. He whispered something, and Sehun cursed at the fact that he couldn’t understand it. Next to him, Luhan dropped his fork. Sehun turned to him to see Luhan staring at Kris in shock. He snapped something at Kris, catching Lay’s attention, who broke out of his conversation with Minseok to ask. The table fell silent as the four of them talked. Sehun glanced at Minseok, asking the question with his eyes, but after a moment of listening, Minseok shrugged.

Tao pushed his chair back and walked off, tears streaming down his face. Kris watched him go sadly, and Luhan snapped something to him that caused Kris’s face to harden. He slammed his hand on the table, startling everyone. Suho put a hand on Kris’s arm, telling him to calm down, but Kris wrenched his arm out of Suho’s grip, turning back to Luhan. He said something back to him, and Sehun caught the word ‘company’. Luhan opened his mouth to interject, but Lay shook his head at him, pointing to the door.

Sehun got up, putting his fork down, ignoring Minseok’s frantic looks and followed Tao. Truthfully, it was an excuse for him not to eat, but at the same time, he was worried about Tao. Inside the bathroom, Tao was standing at the sink, water dripping off his face. “Tao? You ok?” Sehun asked softly.

Tao glanced at Sehun in the mirror, then wiped his face with paper towels. “Yeah.”

“What was all that all about?”

“Not my secret to tell.” Tao sounded rather bitter about it, and Sehun frowned further.

“Hyung, you know you can talk-”

“Yeah, I will if you will. You tell me what’s going on with you, Sehun.”

“This isn’t about me,” Sehun said desperately. “That’s a separate issue.”

“Yeah, well, not any longer. It’s all linked, and it’s all your fault.” Tao walked out of the bathroom, leaving Sehun standing there. What exactly was going on? He left a minute later, but unlike minutes before, the table was silent. None of the Chinese members were making eye contact with each other, nor with anyone else. Sehun leaned on his hand, poking at his food. The way Tao had talked to him made him feel uneasy.

“Is everyone done? I’ll pay.” Without waiting for an answer, Kris walked away to the till, paying the bill quickly before returning. The message was silent. The ride home was unusually quiet, but Sehun didn’t mind. He sat back in his seat, his forehead leaning against the window. He was hungry, but he ignored the pangs. He couldn’t eat. His head also ached, and the one thing he wanted was to sleep.

As they got down at the dorm, Yongmin came out to greet them. “How was your day, boys? Sorry I couldn’t join you. Have you all eaten?”

With barely a word, the boys filed past them one by one. Sehun was last, and the manager stopped him. “Sehun, wait. I need to talk to you. I didn’t get a chance to yesterday.”

“Can I take my medication first please?” Sehun asked, holding his pounding head. Yongmin nodded.

“I’ll wait for you in the kitchen.” He walked away, and Sehun went to Kris’s room. He knocked on the open door, where Luhan and Kris were talking quietly while Minseok had his head in a book. All three looked up.

“Sorry to disturb you, hyungs, but, Kris hyung, where did you put my medication?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“It’s in the kitchen,” Kris replied. Sehun nodded his thanks and hurried off. Yongmin watched him as he took two pills from the box on the counter, then sat down opposite him. Their usually loud dorm was silent, and it unnerved Sehun a little.

“Sehun, I wanted to ask how you were doing.”

“Fine, Yongmin hyung. Why?”

“Not physically. I meant with the others. How’s things there?”

Sehun sighed. “Well...it’s ok, I guess.”

“Are there still members not talking to you?”

“I dunno. I’m not really talking to anyone.”

“Why not?” he asked, but to Sehun’s surprise, he didn’t sound angry.

“I don’t feel like it. It’s too embarrassing, after I hurt our two best dancers…”

“It was an accident, Sehun. Have you talked to anyone after?”

“Yeah. Mostly Kris hyung and Luhan hyung. No one else has really approached me, except maybe Tao hyung, or Minseok hyung.”

“You know they’re going to be in China soon? For promotions?”

Sehun shrugged. “I guess.”

“So is there any of the K members you’re also close to?”

“I _was_ close to Kai hyung, but he’s still mad, so not really.”

“Well…fix it as best as you can,” Yongmin replied. “That was the other thing I wanted to ask. What happened tonight?”

“What do you mean?” Sehun asked as neutrally as he could.

“I want a truthful answer. Something happened today. Was it a fight, or what? What happened?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. Kris hyung was talking to Tao, but Tao flipped out about something, and then Luhan hyung and Lay hyung joined in, but we couldn’t understand what was happening since they were talking in Cantonese. Then Tao hyung walked out, so I followed him, but he didn’t say anything.”

“Kris, you said?” Yongmin asked thoughtfully. Sehun nodded. “Ok, I’ll find out.” He stood up. “Goodnight, Sehun.”

“Goodnight, manager hyung.” Sehun rested his head on his arms on the table, thinking silently. What could possibly be going on that would be his fault? What would link him to Kris hyung that Tao would blame on him? His head pounded, and he got up, intent on sleeping. What he didn’t expect was to be slammed against the wall as soon as he exited the kitchen.

He stood face to face with Tao, who looked murderous, with Baekhyun standing behind him, watching him carefully. “What?” he choked out as Tao grabbed his collar.

“What was the need to tell manager hyung?” Tao hissed into his face. “This doesn’t concern you.”

“Yeah? Didn’t sound like it in the bathroom when you told me that whatever happened was my fault,” Sehun shot back in a strangled voice. A knee in his stomach made him bend over, and he coughed, struggling for breath. “Let me go,” he choked out.

“Tao,” Baekhyun murmured, and Tao let go of Sehun, who fell to the ground. Baekhyun kicked him in the stomach again. “That’s for hurting Kai and Lay hyung.” Another kick. A tear escaped from Sehun’s eye. “And that’s for sabotaging us once more.”

All three walked away, and Sehun curled into a tight ball on the floor, trying to stop the tears from coming. He wrapped his arm around his midsection, pressing against the pain. He lay there for a while, too drained to move. “Sehun? What are you doing on the floor?”

Sehun slowly got up and leaned against the wall, shaking slightly. “What happened?” Luhan continued, looking worriedly at him. “Wait, was it Suho? Did he kick you out again?”

Sehun shook his head.

“Come with me.” Luhan put his arms around Sehun and helped him to stand, letting the taller lean against him. Sehun didn’t even have the energy to protest, letting Luhan lead him away. Tears slipped silently down Sehun’s cheeks, and Luhan frowned up at him as he sat Sehun down on his own bed. Minseok got up to sit with Sehun.

“What happened?”

“I dunno, he was on the floor outside the kitchen, and he’s not talking or anything,” Luhan replied, looking worriedly at Sehun. “I’ll go and get manager-”

“No,” Sehun said finally, looking up at Luhan, drying his eyes. “It’s fine. I’ll just go and lie down. Sorry.”

“No, wait here,” Minseok ordered. “Lu-ge, go and get his clothes.” Luhan nodded and left the room, glancing over his shoulder at Sehun. Sehun just sighed. “Sehun, seriously, what happened?”

“Nothing, I just fell,” he lied.

“Really?” Minseok asked, and Sehun could hear the doubt in his voice.

“Yes, hyung, it’s nothing. I tripped and fell, and I was about to get up when hyung found me. It’s nothing.”

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

Sehun shook his head, ignoring the pain in his stomach. “No. Hyung, what’s going on with Kris hyung? Why did Tao…why…?”

Minseok sighed. “I honestly don’t know, Sehun. I’m sorry.”

“Where is Kris hyung?”

“With manager hyung.”

Sehun didn’t get time to ask anything else as Luhan came in with Sehun’s clothes, handing them over.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. Thanks for the clothes, but I think I’ll go back to my own r-”

“You can stay here tonight,” Luhan cut in. “I’ll go and sleep in your room.”

“It’s fine, hyung,” Sehun said awkwardly. “I can-”

“Well, if anything happens, then come back here,” Luhan said firmly. “Immediately. Got it?”

Sehun nodded, taking the clothes and standing up. “Thank you.”

“No worries, maknae. Take care.” He smiled, walking out of the room before letting it fade. Making a beeline for the bathroom, he stripped and stared at himself in the mirror. His stomach was bruised, and hung out like a bag of fat. _Disgusting._ He poked himself experimentally, and pain shot through him. He stretched, but that hurt too. _Fat._ He reached up to the familiar cabinet and took out his blade, not hesitating to make the cuts again. _It’s all your fault._ One cut. _Useless._ Two cuts. _Doesn’t concern you._ Three cuts. _That’s for hurting Kai and Lay hyung._ Two more cuts. _That’s for sabotaging us._ Six cuts. Someone trying the handle jerked Sehun out of his stupor, and he dropped the blade with a clatter.

“Who is it?” he called, trying to hide his shaky breath. No one replied, and Sehun’s breath caught in his throat as he fumbled to pick up the razor. They tried the handle again. “Wait! Wait, I’m coming!” Blood ran down his wrist, and Sehun dumped the razor in the sink, rinsing his hand. He bit his lip hard to stop himself from screaming as water poured into the cuts, stinging madly. He quickly wiped his arm down as best as he could and dumped the bloody tissue in the bin, pulling on his shirt and jogging bottoms without bothering to dress the wounds. He threw the razor in the bin too before he opened the door, grabbing the bundle of dirty clothes.

“How long does it take to open the door?” Suho snapped at him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking down. Suho pushed past him and slammed the door shut. Sehun sighed and walked away. Something trickled down his hand, and he turned his palm over to see blood trickling down his palm. Something about it was soothing, and he clenched and unclenched his arm muscles, watching as more blood rolled down his hand.

“Sehun?” Sehun transferred his dirty clothes to his other hand and looked up, hiding the blood. “What are you waiting here for?”

“I was just going to bed, hyung.”

“Goodnight.” Kris sounded sad, and as he walked past Sehun, the latter couldn’t help but feel that something was badly wrong. He headed back to his and Suho’s bedroom. His bed was just the way he had left it two nights ago, though a little crumpled.

On his bedside table was a roll of bandages, and Sehun felt his stomach lurch. Did someone know? Was he going to get caught? Suho clapped a hand on his shoulder and Sehun jumped. “What are you standing in the middle of the room for?” Sehun turned around to face Suho, who was watching him with arched eyebrows. “Did that knock to the head make you lose a few brain cells too?”

It suddenly clicked to Sehun that the bandages were for his head, and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I was just going to change the bandages-”

“Whatever. Make it quick, and turn the light off, I’m tired.” Suho got into bed and turned his back to Sehun. Sehun grabbed the roll of bandages and a pair of scissors from the table and cut off a length. He undid the old wrappings on both his head and wrist, and replaced them both quickly, dumping the old, bloodstained bandages in the bin. He flicked the switch, then crossed the room to his bed. He was asleep in an instant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, lads :)


	8. Comeback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Physical abuse/violence, self-harm :(

It had been three weeks since the incident at the restaurant. Since then, Sehun had been subject to a lot of physical violence from some of the other members, particularly Baekhyun and Tao, though Suho and Chen also joined in at times. None of the other members except Kai and Kyungsoo knew, and Sehun knew that if Kai could, he’d also join in. Kyungsoo just sat silently, watching Sehun with sad eyes, and that just made him angry.  Sehun hadn’t said a word though, dealing with them head on, then cutting whenever he was alone. It was a miracle that none of them had been caught doing what they were doing. Sehun didn’t tell anyone for two reasons: one, he was scared of their reactions, and two: he knew he deserved it. There was no other explanation for it.

Lay was back on his feet, though he was taking it easy for now. He practiced for small amounts of time, but mainly focused on vocals. Sehun took to spending as much time as he could around Lay, Kris, Luhan and Minseok as they were one of the only times where he was safe, but with their comeback coming up, he knew that all of them would be leaving for China soon. Like the previous year, they would be promoting separately, but unlike last year, it would only be for two days. Still, they were two days that Sehun was dreading, since he would no longer have any protection.

The night they were supposed to leave, everyone was sitting in the living room, gathered together one last time. The boys would be leaving in a few hours for their flight, and they’d perform tomorrow just after the comeback stage for Exo-K. For the hours before their flight, they’d all decided to sit together.

“Sehun, I need to talk to you,” Jaewon said suddenly, walking into the room. Sehun moved out of his comfortable position leaning on Luhan’s leg, and reluctantly got up, following the manager out of the room. He looked uncomfortable or afraid, and so did the other two, who had returned.

“What is it?” he asked as the three of them led him down the hallway into their room. “What’s wrong?”

“Sehun, we need to ask you to do something for us. It will be better for you as a group, and for the company, if you do as we ask. And don’t ask questions, please.”

“What? What is it?” he repeated, fingers disappearing up his sleeve as he automatically ran his fingers down his scars. It was a habit he had developed when he was nervous or scared.

Jaewon sighed. “We need you to take Kris to court.” Sehun blinked in confusion, looking between all of them.

“What?” he said finally.

“You heard him,” Yongmin snapped. “You’re going to take Kris to court for assault.”

Sehun started to laugh, and he stood up, walking away from the three of them who were clustered around the bed. “I’m sorry, but April Fools’ was a month ago, you’re a little late.”

“Sehun! Stop laughing, this isn’t a joke!” Yongmin snapped at him. Sehun just grinned.

“Yeah? Seems like a good joke to me. What exactly when through your mind when you asked me to do that?” he replied, the smile fading from his face. “What’s going on?”

“It’s essential that you do this for us,” Jaewon tried. “It would be better for the group if you did.”

“Tell me why, or the answer is no.”

“We can’t.”

“Then no.”

Sehun walked out and back into the living room, sitting back down on the floor near Luhan. He avoided Kris’s eyes, knowing that something was up, but he didn’t want to know why. He was afraid that whatever it was would hurt him too much, and he didn’t need that right now. He wrapped his arm around Luhan’s leg and put his head on the elder’s knee, getting comfortable.

“Sehun, you’re really bony,” Luhan mumbled, patting his head. “Have you even been eating well?”

“Sorry,” Sehun replied, though he didn’t move from his position. He didn’t want to talk about his weight right now. He was tired, and his mind was whirling with different scenarios. What did the company have to do with all of this? What was going on with Kris? Was this what Tao was talking about?

“Sehun.” Someone shook Sehun’s shoulder, and he groaned. “Se, wake up, it’s time to go.” Sehun opened his eyes and looked up to see he was on the floor, his face pressed against the carpet. Someone, probably Luhan, had put their jacket over him, and as he slowly sat up, he realised what was happening.

“Already?” he mumbled as Kris helped him up. Kris nodded, and Sehun sighed.

“Have a good flight,” he said, slightly awkwardly, as they gathered around him. Luhan and Minseok pulled him into a three-way hug.

“Take care, Sehun. We’ll be back soon.”

“I will, you too. Good luck,” he added as the members dispersed.

“Good luck!” they called back. Jaewon entered the room, but the moment Sehun caught his eye, he turned away, choosing to go and stand near Chanyeol. The door closed soon after, and Sehun sighed, rubbing his face.

“You ok?” Chanyeol mumbled, and Sehun nodded. He wasn’t exactly bullying Sehun like the others, but neither was he talking to Sehun the way he used to.

“Yeah, just tired.”

“Come on, let’s get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow! Fighting!” Suho called, and the others cheered. “Let’s go!”

Sehun left the room behind Suho, already half asleep. As their comeback was tomorrow, he really thought they wouldn’t hurt him anymore. He was wrong. He was slammed roughly back into the wall by a pair of hands, and he winced as his back scraped against the smooth surface of it. “You’d better not do anything to mess this up for us,” Baekhyun hissed. Sehun struggled under the shorter male’s grip, but to no avail. “Make sure you’re performing your best, got it?”

Baekhyun let him go, and Sehun stayed against the wall, getting his breath back. He really hoped that by now, Baekhyun and the others would see sense, but clearly not. He turned away and walked quickly to his room. Tomorrow was a big day.

**********

“Time to go!”

Sehun’s eyes shot open to find Kyungsoo standing over him, looking disapprovingly down at him. “Sehun, Suho hyung told me you were up! Did you not hear us all getting ready! Get up, now! You have ten minutes to get dressed, come on!” Kyungsoo snapped. Sehun slowly sat up, his body aching. “I’ll go and get you something to eat, but come on,” he added in a softer tone.

“It’s fine, I’m not hungry, hyung,” Sehun mumbled, getting out of bed. Kyungsoo frowned but said nothing as he left. Sehun sat on the edge of the bed for a minute, trying to get his bearings back. The dream from last night was still fresh in his mind. He stood up, grabbing a shirt and trousers, and heading to the bathroom for a quick shower.

The fresh cut on his arm gave him relief, partly because it was deeper than the previous ones. That had been entirely an accident; it had slipped, but Sehun knew that it was a good mistake. He felt lighter than before, much better, and now he was full of energy, ready to go. He quickly dressed the wound, sticking a plaster over it before he left the bathroom, hair still dripping wet.

“Are you ready to go? Got everything?” Suho asked the room, to which everyone replied yes. Sehun pocketed his phone quickly and joined them in the room. “Ok, let’s go then. Manager Hyung’s waiting for us in the van, let’s go!”

They filed out into the small van, ready to get to the practice room on time. They’d practice for an hour, perfecting the performance, before going to their venue, getting ready and having their comeback. In three hours, they’d be performing again, and Sehun wasn’t sure how to feel.

It had been a while since they’d last performed, and Sehun loved it, but then, the circumstances were different. Now, his group hated him, and they were one member down, which caused problems for everyone, not just the group themselves. He had been given a warning by their manager, and even now, he was still paying the price for it. Now, he wasn’t so sure. What if fans found out that he caused the injuries? What if they started hating him for it too? What would happen if Exo’s popularity decreased because of him? Sehun wasn’t sure how he would handle himself if any of those happened. He was nervous, more nervous even than their debut, and he wasn’t sure why.

Their practice went off without a hitch. Kai directed them from the side-lines, visibly unhappy but still doing his best. They managed to complete the whole routine of Overdose twice without a single flaw. Sehun was satisfied with his performance, the first in a while. Even their choreographer, Kasper, was impressed, and with his best wishes, they were sent off.

“Ok, everyone come and get your outfits!” one of the women at the venue called. The boys gathered around, leaving Sehun out of the circle. He didn’t care, simply waiting for the others to grab their suits and finish. The woman handed him his suit, and Sehun took it without a word, going over to the corner to remove his shirt.

“Sehun-ssi! What happened to you?!” one of the ladies exclaimed, coming towards him. Sehun paled and quickly tugged the shirt back on.

“What?” he asked.

“Your back, it’s all bruised!”

Sehun thought fast. “Just from practice, noona, it’s nothing serious.”

“You boys really need to be careful,” she admonished. “Now, hurry up and get changed, you need to get your makeup done.” She moved off, and Sehun visibly sagged in relief. For a moment, he had thought she had seen the cuts along his arm. Quickly dressing, he sat in the chair, buttoning up his shirt while the lady started attacking his face. Sitting quietly, he let her do what she needed to do, knowing from their last comeback that protesting would get him nowhere.

“Ok, two minutes, get your microphones,” a stage hand called, running into the room. He handed one to Sehun, who clipped it to his trousers and tugged it on, securing it over his ears before putting in his in-ear pieces. He hated them so much, but it made his performance so much better.

“One, two, three, Exo-fighting!” they chorused, smiles across their faces as they lifted their hands into the air, and for a moment, standing between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, Sehun felt that maybe this would be ok. A sharp pinch to his side as they left for the stage made him think otherwise, and forcing down the grimace, he put on a smile, thinking of his hyungs in China.

The crowd screamed and cheered as they walked onto the stage and got into position. Sehun, like in their radio show, would take Kai’s lines. The music started, and Sehun started to dance, his sleeves rubbing painfully against his arms, but Sehun ignored it as Baekhyun started singing. His stomach gave a sharp pain as he danced, but he ignored it. He hadn’t eaten anything properly in nearly two days, relying on water and coffee, but that was it. He dropped down to his knees in front of Baekhyun, and while the camera moved on, Baekhyun gave him a slight jab in the back with his knees, all the while singing passionately. Sehun fought to stay upright as the pain in his body intensified, getting up as the next verse started.

He almost missed Kai’s lines, but remembered just in time, singing as best as he could. It wasn’t his forte, he was more of a rapper, but judging by the way the crowd screamed as he did, it was good enough. The next chorus came around, and Sehun wished he didn’t have to be the one to take Kai’s space, for he was the one right at the front of the camera. He was sure that everyone could see he was about to faint, but he kept going, dancing as hard as he could and taking the lines he was supposed to.

The moment the performance was over, Sehun bolted off the stage, not able to withstand it any longer. “You may have noticed that we don’t have Kai with us, correct?” Suho yelled, and the crowd screamed. “Sehun has just gone to get him, and he’ll explain why, so don’t worry,” he added. The crowd cheered again as Sehun stumbled to a chair, breathing shallowly.

“Sehun-ssi? What’s wrong?” one of the makeup ladies asked.

“I just need a minute,” he mumbled.

“Sehun, get Kai and get back on stage now!” Minwook snapped. “They’re waiting for you, you don’t have a minute!”

Sehun forced himself up as Kai limped across the room, his crutches tapping against the floor. He walked past Sehun, and Sehun quickly followed as Minwook glared at him. He pretended to help Kai up the stairs, though in reality he was helping himself. Something wet trickled down his arm and he cursed as red seeped through the white material of the jacket.

“Here he is! Kim Jongin, everyone!” Suho called, and the crowd went wild. Kai waved as Sehun followed him back on stage. Suho removed his mic and handed it to Kai, who held it loosely in his hand so he could talk. Sehun went to stand with Chanyeol, discretely holding onto his arm. Chanyeol glanced at him in concern, and Sehun just shook his head slightly before pasting a fake smile on his face.

“Hello, Exo-Ls! I’m sorry that I couldn’t be here, but I had an accident, and broke my ankle. I can’t join our members yet, but very soon I will be back. Just a few more weeks, and I will join our members on stage. Exo-Ls fighting!”

He handed the microphone back to Suho, and the six of them bowed before leaving the stage. “Well done, boys, that was good,” Minwook said with a grin, coming up to them. He clapped Suho on the back, who grinned and smiled. “Ok, you have another two shows to do today. One is just pre-recorded, the other is live. You’ll have your pre-recorded one here on a different stage in about an hour, so take some time to relax and get ready.” Minwook walked away, and Sehun slumped down onto a chair, black spots dancing across his vision.

Arms wrapped around his shoulder and he flinched violently. “Sehun, what’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked him lowly. “Se, what happened to your sleeve? Are you bleeding?”

Sehun didn’t move until Chanyeol moved to touch his arm. He snatched his sleeve away from Chanyeol. “I-I’m ok, I just slipped on stage and cut my arm a little,” he lied, blinking to try and focus his vision.

“Wait here, I’ll go and get you some water or something.” Before he could protest, Chanyeol walked away. He had barely taken a breath before his vision was blocked again, this time by Baekhyun, Suho and Kai.

“Aw, did little baby Sehun slip on stage?” Baekhyun mocked him, grabbing his arm roughly and twisting it up. Sehun groaned a little in pain as more blood seeped from the cut. “Oh, look.” Sehun’s heartbeat sped up violently. He couldn’t know. “There’s more blood coming out of it.”

“Why are you touching dirt, Baekhyun?” Suho asked mockingly. “You’re going to get the same bullshit germs he has.” Baekhyun dropped Sehun’s arm quickly, stepping back. Sehun almost breathed a sigh of relief; he had been so lucky that Baekhyun hadn’t pulled his sleeve up to find out what it was that was causing the blood.

“Sehun, I’m back,” Chanyeol called, walking towards him. Kai and Suho moved apart to find Chanyeol walking towards them holding a bottle of water and bandages. “Thanks for looking after him, guys.”

“You’re welcome, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun replied, and as Chanyeol glanced over his shoulder at Kyungsoo, who was walking towards them, he and Kai moved as one to hit Sehun. Sehun grunted as Baekhyun’s fist met his stomach and Kai pulled his ear rather hard. It was petty, but it worked.

“Guys, let’s go practice,” Kyungsoo called. “I need help.” They walked away, Kyungsoo helping Kai along, and Chanyeol kneeled down next to Sehun.

“Are you ok?” he asked, looking up at Sehun’s pain-riddled face. “Does it hurt a lot?”

Ignoring the throbbing from his stomach, he nodded. “I’m fine. Thanks…I’ll just…yeah.” He took the bandages from Chanyeol and forced himself up, walking away to the bathroom. Bile rose in his throat and he leaned down and vomited, gagging from the disgusting taste of stomach acid. He was glad for the makeup that covered his face, as it made it bearable for him to look at himself.

He quickly ripped off the old plaster and replaced it with fresh bandages, washing his hands thoroughly. The cut had been deep, and Sehun hoped it wouldn’t leak again. He left the bathroom, where Chanyeol was waiting for him with a fresh jacket and shirt and the water. The room was empty, the stagehands having gone to set up the next stage and the makeup ladies gone for a break, their bit done. “Sehun,” Chanyeol began as the younger sat down again, taking small sips of water.

“Yeah, hyung?”

“Are you _sure_ you’re ok?” Chanyeol asked worriedly. “I mean…I’ve noticed that you’re not eating a lot, and you practice so much more than the rest of us...you…Sehun, I’m worried about you.”

“Thanks, hyung, but I’m fine. I’ve been practicing a lot because I’ve had to take Kai hyung’s parts too, and I do eat, in the café, and sometimes with Eunhyuk or Donghae sunbae,” Sehun lied smoothly. Chanyeol stared at him for a second, then nodded.

“I went and found you another shirt and jacket. It’s a little bigger than your size, but it was all they had.”

“Thanks,” Sehun said gratefully, taking them off him. He turned around after Chanyeol did the same, removing his shirt, but just as he was about to put on the fresh shirt, a cold hand on his back stopped him. Sehun jumped, startled, but looking in the mirror, he could see Chanyeol’s shocked face staring at him. His eyes widened, and he tried to hide himself, but Chanyeol’s grip on his shoulder stopped him.

“Sehun, tell me the truth. Who did this to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support! I didn't expect this to blow up lol, I'm glad y'all are enjoying it :)) Follow my twt @pcyjunguwudays for updates and...possible existential crisis talks but hey :)


	9. Leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU :(((( Also keep some tissues nearby...trust me x

_“Thanks,” Sehun said gratefully, taking them off him. He turned around after Chanyeol did the same, removing his shirt, but just as he was about to put on the fresh shirt, a cold hand on his back stopped him. Sehun jumped, startled, but looking in the mirror, he could see Chanyeol’s shocked face staring at him. His eyes widened, and he tried to hide himself, but Chanyeol’s grip on his shoulder stopped him._

_“Sehun, tell me the truth. Who did this to you?”_

Sehun stared at Chanyeol, his eyes widening. “W-what are you tal-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Sehun,” Chanyeol snapped. “Who hurt you?” he continued, gently running his hand down the many bruises that coloured Sehun’s pale skin. Sehun gripped the shirt tightly in pain as Chanyeol poked at him. “And why the hell are you so skinny?”

“No one hurt me, it’s just from practice,” he tried to defend himself. “And I’m not skinny.”

“Sehun, the most you’ve ever hurt yourself from practice is twisting your ankle. You’re an amazing dancer, hell, that’s why you’re one of the main dancers in Exo! And yes, you are _way_ too skinny to be called healthy. Your bones are sticking out.”

“No they’re not,” Sehun snapped, moving out of Chanyeol’s reach. “No one hurt me. I told you, I fell!”

“Yeah, like the bruises on your stomach came from you falling,” Chanyeol scoffed. “Sehun, I’m not an idiot. Someone’s been hurting you.”

“No one’s been hurting me, ok?” Sehun said through gritted teeth, pulling the shirt over his head. “I’m not too skinny, and I’ve been practicing fine. I’m fine.” He fumbled with the buttons, his fingers shaking, and Chanyeol shook his head, moving to do it for him.

“You’re shaking, look at you. Are you sure you’re ok?” Chanyeol asked once again. Sehun nodded, swallowing to try and control his breathing.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.”

“Drink some water, get some rest, then come and practice with us. We’re just next door.” Chanyeol handed Sehun his water bottle, then left the room, leaving Sehun to his own devices. Outside, Chanyeol leaned against the wall, his mind racing. Those injuries hadn’t been caused from falls, he was sure of it. Sehun’s back was a mess, completely covered in bruises, and from what he could see in the mirror, his front wasn’t any better. But more worrying was the look in Sehun’s eyes when Chanyeol had mentioned his weight.

Sehun was unnaturally skinny, but the moment he had mentioned it, Sehun had panicked and attempted to get him away from the topic. But why? What was going on with Sehun that he couldn’t tell him? Chanyeol was sure that someone was hurting Sehun, but what he couldn’t work out was who. Who could hurt Sehun like that?

The door opened and Chanyeol jumped. Sehun came out, his head down, and Chanyeol’s heart almost broke at the look on Sehun’s face. Sehun didn’t even notice Chanyeol as he walked past and down the corridor into the next room. Chanyeol slowly followed him, trying to see what would happen next.

As soon as Sehun stepped into the room, silence fell. The next second, he fell back against the wall, and Chanyeol guessed he was pushed, but by who, he didn’t know. The door slammed shut, and Chanyeol cursed. He ran forwards and opened the door to see Baekhyun standing close to a teary-eyed Sehun.

“What the hell is going on here?” he asked, trying to keep the suspicion out of his voice as he looked between the two.

“Nothing, I was just talking to the maknae,” Baekhyun said with a grin, moving towards Sehun.

“That didn’t look like talking to me,” Chanyeol replied.

“He really was talking to me,” Sehun cut in, clearing his throat. Chanyeol eyed him warily, then shrugged nonchalantly.

“If you say so. Now, let’s practice. We have half an hour,” he said, trying to lighten up. He shut the door behind him, and Kyungsoo put the music on. They sat in a circle, focusing first on singing, before running through the dance routine a few times.

Chanyeol kept a close eye on Sehun throughout their practice. He noticed that Sehun shuffled closer almost imperceptibly to Kyungsoo when Baekhyun sat next to him, and Sehun was unusually upbeat, perhaps even forcefully so. He also noticed how Sehun looked nervously around, as if scared something would happen. When the stagehand came in asking for them, Sehun was the first one out of the door. Chanyeol followed him, ignoring Baekhyun who was trying to get his attention, and grabbed Sehun’s arm. Sehun’s face contorted in pain before he could stop it and Chanyeol realised it must be where he slipped on stage, letting him go immediately.

“Sorry. What’s going on?”

“What are you doing? We need to go and perform.”

“Why did you run out of the room, though?” Chanyeol questioned, walking with Sehun as they followed the stagehand.

“I just want to get this over and done with, I’m tired,” Sehun replied shortly, and Chanyeol didn’t get time to ask anything else as he grabbed his microphone and fixed it on. They climbed the stage in their usual order and got into position, Kai watching from the side as they started to dance. Sehun’s movements were fast, powerful and seemed to be attracting a lot of attention, judging by the screams he got whenever he had lines.

When the dance was over and Kai had come on stage to say his part, they were immediately bundled into their van for the next venue. Sehun sat on the single seat at the front, and was pretty quiet throughout the whole ride. Chanyeol sat behind him, his headphones jammed in, just watching him.

At the next venue, they had no time to practice. They were simply brought in amidst screams from fans and almost immediately performed, with only a five minute interval where the makeup ladies fixed their hair and makeup.

“Who wants food?” Suho called as they all changed after the show. “I’ll pay!”

“Hey, Chanyeol, let’s find the most expensive restaurant in Seoul,” Baekhyun called with a grin.

“Well, if Suho hyung’s paying, then why not,” Chanyeol joked back. “After all, he can afford it, can’t he?”

“That he can.” Chanyeol and Baekhyun fist bumped each other, laughing as Suho protested from his corner, completely missing the joke.  Chanyeol grabbed his bag and pocketed his phone.

“Let’s go,” Baekhyun called when everyone was ready, clapping his hands. They piled into the van, and Chanyeol, too busy joking and laughing with Baekhyun and Kai, noticed too late that Sehun wasn’t here.

“Manager Hyung? Hyung?” he called, standing up shakily and walking to the front. Minwook glanced quickly over his shoulder as Chanyeol perched on the edge of the seat near the front.

“Yes, Chanyeol? Put your seatbelt on, what are you doing?”

“Hyung, where’s Sehun?” Chanyeol asked, clipping the seatbelt into place.

“He’s gone back to the dorm to rest, he’s tired.”

“Oh. Who went with him?”

“I sent one of the stagehands to drop him off,” Minwook replied.

“Thank you.” The manager didn’t reply, focusing once more on driving, and Chanyeol sighed, sitting back in his chair. Something was definitely up with Sehun, and he would find out what it was.

**********

“How was your trip?” Chanyeol asked Luhan as they sat in the living room of their dorm. Exo-M had just got back from China, and they were sitting down to a home-cooked meal for once which Kyungsoo had cooked with some help from Chanyeol.

“It was great, the fans were really nice,” Luhan replied, taking some meat to put on his plate.

“Yeah, they loved you,” Minseok called, taking a sip of water.

“Don’t be silly, they loved us all equally,” Luhan replied around a mouthful of food. “Kyungsoo, this is amazing.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“How was yours?” Lay continued, reaching around Sehun for salt.

“Went great, we had five shows in total. Three live, two recorded…”

“So basically, you had five shows.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun said with a grin. “It was quite good.”

“I’m still annoyed that I can’t join them,” Kai grumbled, sending daggers at Sehun. Sehun looked down at his plate, poking at his food, not really hungry.

“You got to go on stage, so shut up,” Baekhyun replied, nudging Kai in the shoulder. Kai just shrugged, leaning back in his seat.

“Sehun, you’re quiet today, what’s up?” Kris asked, glancing towards the maknae.

“I’m just tired, it’s been a long few days,” Sehun replied.

“Well, it’s not over, you have some more shows to do,” Kris replied.

“You?” Chanyeol questioned curiously, and Kris froze. Silence fell across the table, and Sehun glanced up at Kris before looking over at Chanyeol, their eyes meeting. Tao snapped something at Kris, and Kris flipped him off, a first since Kris never really swore, especially not at Tao.

“Guys…I have something to tell you,” Kris sighed, pushing his chair back. Sehun felt his stomach drop, the nerves building up. He rubbed the scars across his wrist, ignoring the twinge of pain when they scraped against the freshest cuts. Kris stood up and started pacing, and Sehun put his chopsticks down, completely giving up with the pretence of eating.

Around him, the others were doing the same, looking up at Kris, who seemed nervous now. “Hyung, what is it?” Chanyeol dared to ask, and Kris visibly swallowed.

“Guys, I…I’m leaving.”

There was a moment of silence. “Leaving what?” Chanyeol asked amidst the shock.

“Leaving Exo.”

Sehun pushed his chair back and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Luhan got up from his chair and followed Sehun out, leaving the others still sitting in silence in the room. “Sehun?”

“Piss off!” Sehun yelled, not turning around.

“Sehun, wait!”

Luhan ran after Sehun, grabbing his shoulder to turn him around. Sehun stumbled as Luhan did so. “What?” Sehun snapped, looking away from Luhan.

“Are you ok?”

“Am I ok?” Sehun gave an almost derisive laugh. “Yeah, I’m fucking peachy.”

Luhan sighed. “This isn’t about Kris leaving, is it?”

“What else could it be about, Luhan hyung?” Sehun snapped back. Then he sighed. “Lu, Kris is my protection, and now he’s leaving and I… I can’t. He can’t leave. He can’t do this to me, please,” Sehun started to cry, and Luhan put his arms around the taller, truly shocked. He knew that Sehun was close to Kris, but then again, they were all close to each other generally, and to see Sehun like this terrified Luhan. Sehun never cried, and Luhan didn’t know what to do anymore. He slowly helped Sehun sit down, the younger still crying, leaning his head on Luhan’s shoulder.

“He can’t leave me with them, please,” Sehun cried, and Luhan frowned.

“Leave you with who?”

As if he was burned, Sehun lifted his head up from Luhan’s shoulder and shook his head, wiping his face. “Sehun, who?” Luhan asked again.

“N-no one,” he breathed, trying to calm down. “It’s nothing.”

“You said he was your protector too, what’s that about?” Luhan questioned, standing up as Sehun did too. Sehun backed away from Luhan, tears running down his cheeks again.

“No one, it’s fine, I-” Sehun turned and bolted from the corridor, and Luhan, seething, stormed back into the room, where Kris was sitting quietly while everyone else shouted and yelled.

“GUYS!” Luhan roared, and the room fell silent, turning to him. “Everyone sit down and finish your food. NOW! NO ARGUMENTS!” Silently, everyone sat down in their seats. “I don’t want to hear a single word out of anyone, ok? You are all to stay in here and not move until I come back. Yifan, come with me.” Clearing his throat, Luhan gestured for Kris to follow him, ignoring the looks everyone was sending them.

“What?” Kris asked dejectedly, his shoulders hanging low.

“You need to go after Sehun. And when you’re done talking with him, you need to come and explain why he thinks you’re his protector or some shit like that,” Luhan said matter-of-factly at Kris. Kris just looked confused and worried.

“What? Since when?”

Luhan shrugged. “No idea. He’s gone in the direction of his room. I’m gonna go and sit with the others.” Luhan clapped Kris on the shoulder, then turned and walked back to the room. Kris watched him go before turning to go and find Sehun.

Sehun sat in the corner of the bathroom, a razor in one hand, the sleeve of his shirt rolled up. Tears ran silently down his cheeks as he carved lines into his skin, fuelled by Kris’s news. _I’m leaving. Leaving Exo. Leaving. Leaving. Leaving._ The word echoed around, and Sehun swallowed, the pace of his breathing matching the pace of his hand around the razor.

The pressure on his chest only increased, and the pain didn’t go away, no matter how many times Sehun did it. He moved upwards, but the skin there wasn’t as sensitive and did not bring him relief. Someone banged on the door. “Sehun?! Sehun, are you in there?!”

Sehun panicked, throwing the razor away from him. It fell to the floor with a clatter as the person outside tried to come in. “Go away!” he screeched, not caring whether he sounded hysterical or not.

“No, Sehun, it’s me! Open the door!”

Sehun’s chest contracted painfully and his lungs burned in his chest. He scrambled around on the floor blindly, trying to get the razor again. “I…need…” he mumbled, fingers fumbling. His hands were shaking too much, and he had to cut, he _needed_ to cut, but the person outside was not giving up. Snapping out of his trance, Sehun dumped the razor in the bin and forced himself up, pulling his sleeve down to hide his bloodstained arm.

The door burst open but Sehun didn’t notice, too far gone in his panic attack to see whoever was standing above him. His knees buckled, and he felt lightheaded, leaning back against the wall with his knees up against his chest.

“Oh my God…” Kris breathed as Sehun’s breathing became shallow. Kris dropped down to the floor in front of Sehun and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Sehun, snap out of it! Calm down!”

“No! Get out!” Sehun screamed, finally registering the fact that someone was there. “Get out! I don’t want to see you, go! Go! Leave me alone!” he screamed at Kris. Shocked, Kris stopped for a moment, and Sehun tried to push him away with trembling hands. Kris grabbed his hands and held them tightly, trying to calm him down.

“Sehun, stop, calm down, it’s ok, I’m here,” Kris almost begged him, at a loss as to what to do. “Just breathe slowly.”

“No stop leave me alone get out,” Sehun sobbed in one breath. His lungs burned and his chest felt like it was going to explode. He could barely breathe, barely see, but he knew he was in trouble now.

“I’m not going to leave you, Sehun,” Kris said firmly, but it was the wrong thing to say. Sehun escaped from Kris’s grasp and started hitting him in the chest, in the legs, wherever he could reach.

“YES YOU FUCKING ARE YOU’RE LEAVING US, YOU’RE LEAVING ME WITH THEM HOW COULD YOU DO THAT I HATE YOU!” Sehun screamed, his fists pounding against Kris’s chest. Tears stung Kris’s eyes but he just sat there on his knees, letting Sehun hit him. “You were supposed to protect me, how could you,” Sehun whispered as he fell. Kris ignored the physical pain, but tears slid down his own cheeks as the weight of Sehun’s words hit him right in the heart.

“Who was I protecting you from?” he whispered to Sehun as the latter curled himself up into a ball, rocking back and forth.

“Everyone,” he choked out. “Everyone.”

The metallic scent of blood hit Kris, and fearing the worst, he slowly grabbed Sehun’s arm, pulling it away from Sehun’s legs. Sehun tried to move away, but trapped between Kris and the tiles of the bathroom, he had no choice but to give in to Kris. He slowly pulled Sehun’s sleeve up and couldn’t stop a shocked gasp from escaping his lips. “Shit, Sehun, why…”

Sehun started to sob again, and Kris sighed, getting up from his kneeling position. He stood up, crossing the room to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a roll of bandages and a bottle of disinfectant. Sehun was still breathing raggedly and as Kris moved to touch him, he lashed out suddenly. The bottle of disinfectant went flying across the room, smashing. Disinfectant spilt everywhere and Kris swore loudly. “Sehun, stop!” he yelled, trying to grab him, but Sehun wouldn’t listen. He started screaming, and Kris panicked too. “No, Sehun, calm down, it’s just me, stop,” he begged, holding Sehun’s arms. Sehun writhed in his grasp, but Yifan was stronger, pinning the younger’s arms to his side in an attempt to protect the two of them.

Footsteps alerted Kris to Luhan’s presence, and he quickly stood up, shielding Sehun from him. “What’s going on? What happened here?” Luhan asked, glancing between Sehun and Kris.

“Nothing, um, it’s ok, I’ll clean it up. Go back to the others.”

“No, is he hurt? What’s that smell?”

“Luhan!” Kris yelled in his panic. “Listen, go, I’ve got this.” When Luhan didn’t move, Kris slammed the door shut in his face and locked it. “Sehun, listen, calm down,” he said in a low voice as Sehun started shaking and sobbing, putting his arms around the younger. “I’ve got you, you’re ok, you’ll be fine,” he whispered, rubbing his arms. “Listen, breathe with me. Breathe in slowly…breathe out slowly…and again…” Kris helped to calm Sehun’s breathing down, trying to get him out of the circle he was stuck in. Although shaky, Sehun’s breathing was calmer, and he could think clearer again.

“Sehun, I need to go and get someone to sit with you for a min-”

“No, don’t leave me,” he said quickly, his breath hitching in his throat as he clung onto Kris’s arm.

“Ok, ok, I won’t, but you need disinfectant on your…your arm,” Kris said after a minute.

“No, I’ll be fine, just…I need water,” Sehun mumbled. “I can do it…”

Slowly, he got up from his place and moved towards the sink, opening the tap. He ran water all along his shaking arms, and Kris winced as blood ran down his whole arm, covering the surface of the sink. Sehun washed it all away with shaky hands, and when he was done, he grabbed the roll of bandages from Kris’s hand and wrapped it clumsily around his own arm.

“I-I’m sorry, you hate me more for this, I know, I get it but-”

“What are you talking about?” Kris cut in. “I don’t hate you at all. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“Yeah I do, you’re leaving because of me, and it’s all my fault.” Sehun looked down, shuffling his feet, his shoulders shaking.

“No, I’m not, Sehun, but…you need to tell me why.” Sehun looked up in panic, his breathing starting to become laboured again, and Kris shook his head quickly. “No, not now. We should go back to the others…if you can, that is. I won’t force you to tell me, but I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. Please?”

Reluctantly, Sehun nodded, though his eyes darted around fearfully. “Ok. But not now. In a bit.”

“I won’t push you. Sit down.”

Sehun sat on the edge of the toilet seat as Kris started to clear up the mess, opening the window to let out the smell of disinfectant. “Ok, let’s go,” Kris said, holding out his arm to Sehun. Sehun took it with a smile, shaking his sleeve down again. After a moment, Kris took his jumper off and gave it to him. “You’re shaking.” Sehun gave a small smile and pulled it over his head, shaking the sleeves down so they covered his whole body.

In the living room, the dishes had been cleared, and silence reigned. Sehun sat down in between Minseok and Luhan, avoiding everyone’s gaze. Luhan squeezed his uninjured arm, and Sehun glanced gratefully at him, feeling his racing heart calm a little at the friendly touch. “So, what’s happening then?” Luhan asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“He’s leaving because of his heart,” Suho said stiffly.

“Your heart? What’s wrong with your heart? I thought you were taking medication for it?” Luhan asked in confusion.

Kris sighed. “I was, but it’s getting worse. I need time off to rest properly, and they won’t let me.”

“So how is leaving the group going to help you?” Luhan snapped.

“Because they won’t give me time off at all! The only way I can heal and rest up is by leaving!”

“Can’t you do it temporarily or something? Can we not go and ask for you or something?” Sehun asked, and Kris’s heart almost broke as he heard the desperation in the words.

Slowly, he shook his head. “I already tried, but they just threatened to disband you all. I can’t do that to you. The choice I got was to carry on promoting with you guys, or if I decide not to promote with you, they’ll file a lawsuit against me and kick me out completely.”

“So you chose to just leave?”

“I don’t want to, but I have no choice,” Kris said sullenly. “It’s either that, or die. That’s what they’re doing. They’re trying to kill me.” A single tear slipped down his face and he angrily wiped it away, standing up to pace around. “Fuck this, man. I’m so sorry for doing this to you, but I just can’t stay any longer.”

“So…when are you leaving?”

“I don’t know, Yeol,” Kris sighed. “Whenever I decide to file my lawsuit against them. Tomorrow, if I want to.”

“Please stay a little while longer,” Sehun said, almost pleading, and Kris sighed, putting an arm around Sehun’s shoulder.

“Guys, I can’t stay for too long. A few days, max. The managers know that you know now so-”

“They knew?”

Kris nodded, and Suho glared at him. “Thanks, Yifan. We were supposed to be in this together, but thanks for telling me.” He got up and walked out, and Kris sighed, not saying a word.  Most of the others filed out too, leaving only Luhan, Lay, Kris, Minseok, Sehun and Chanyeol.

“That’s why they asked me to…” Sehun mumbled as realisation dawned on him.

“They asked you to what?”

Sehun gulped. Now he was in a bigger mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill! Thank you guys for reading this, it really makes me happy that y'all are appreciating my work, much love :D x


	10. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, physical violence/abuse :(

“Uh…”

“What did they ask you to do?” Kris asked more forcefully.

Sehun decided there was no point in keeping secrets. “The other day, the day you guys went to China, they asked me to file a lawsuit against you.” Kris didn’t seem surprised.

“Oh. I get it.” He removed his arm from Sehun’s shoulder and hugged his knees to his chest.

“I told them no, though, and I walked out. I wouldn’t do that to you, hyung,” Sehun continued, and Kris smiled sadly.

“Thanks, Sehun.”

“It’s ok,” he sighed, leaning against the wall. “I know why now, though. I didn’t before.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you, but I was finalising things with my lawyer.”

“So is that who you kept talking to on the phone?” Lay asked, and Kris nodded.

“Yeah.” There was silence for a moment. “Sehun, can I talk to you in private for a minute?”

Sehun’s stomach dropped again, but he nodded and stood up, following Kris out into the kitchen, where Kyungsoo was washing dishes. Kris led him out into their garden, shutting the door so no one could hear them. He sat on the bench next to Kris, putting his legs up and tugging the long jumper over it.

“Sehun, I wanted to ask you…what did you mean by me…protecting you?” Kris began after a moment of silence, glancing sideways at the younger. “I’ve done anything but protect you. I even put you in hospital so how…how do I protect you?”

Sehun paused for a minute, caught off guard by the question. He didn’t know what to say. Should he tell Kris everything? Would Kris make it worse?

“Before I say anything, I want you to promise me something. Two things, actually,” Sehun said, clearing his throat. Kris tilted his head to the side curiously but said nothing, waiting for Kris to say something. “Number one: what I say won’t affect your decision to leave. You need to rest, and I’m not going to stop you from doing that, ok?”

“But-”

“No buts, hyung,” Sehun warned. “Promise me.”

Kris sighed. “I promise.”

“Number two: you won’t go and do anything stupid, and you especially won’t tell the managers, _ever_.”

“That depends what it is-”

“ _Promise me._ ” Sehun’s icy tone made fear settle in Kris’s stomach, and he knew that the only way he would find out what was going on was to…

“Fine. I promise.” He swallowed, shivering a little in the cold air, but sat back, waiting for Sehun to speak.

“You…you were protecting me from them,” Sehun began, pointing back to the house. “When we sat inside, those members who walked out…you were protecting me from them.”

“But…but that was pretty much your whole unit,” Kris said in confusion. “How could I protect you from them?”

“Whenever Exo was together, and whenever we practiced together, I was fine. I was more than fine, I was ok, and that’s because I was with you. Not just you, but with Minseok hyung, Luhan hyung and Lay hyung too. But you mainly. You guys together kept me safe, you made sure nothing happened to me, and that was from day one, not just recently. Especially after the accident, I was counting on you. At first, you were all mad at me, and I was mad at myself too.” Sehun stopped talking for a minute, trying to gather his words. Kris listened silently, giving Sehun time. “Luhan hyung tried to talk to me, but I was pissed off, _beyond_ pissed off because he didn’t try and talk to me the day everything happened. He blamed me, and so did the rest of you, so I cut myself off from you. It didn’t really work though, because then we had the radio show, and you pushed me…”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. When you pushed me, I realised how much I’d fucked up. If the people who I thought of as my brothers, my best friends, could treat me that way, then why couldn’t I treat myself like that? Except, after I got out of hospital, most of you forgave me. Except Chen hyung, Tao, Kai, Baekhyun hyung and Suho hyung. I thought Chanyeol hyung and Kyungsoo hyung didn’t either, but that’s a different story. After I got out of hospital, I started practicing a lot more. I had to make up for my idiocy and incompetency somehow. I was giving Kai hyung’s lines, so I was working on that. I started hanging around you a lot more because…” he swallowed, and something clicked in Kris’s mind.

“Wait, is it because…are they bullying you?!”

“Keep your voice down, hyung!” Sehun hissed, fearfully looking behind him, and that only confirmed Kris’s suspicions. He stood up, and Sehun scrambled up too, standing in front of Kris. “Wait, no, listen to me-”

“How can I just sit here and not do anything?!” Kris snapped.

“Because you promised! And I’m not done yet, just listen, please,” Sehun begged, grabbing Kris’s arm, and Kris sighed, looking at the younger. “Please.”

“Ok,” he conceded, sitting down. Sehun remained standing, looking back towards the house.

“After I came back, it started. The day we came back from the restaurant, where you and Tao had that fight-no, actually, it was in practice. I was with Eunhyuk hyung, and he dropped me off at our practice room. We were dancing, and then someone kept pushing me, remember? And then I walked out after fighting with Luhan hyung…”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“So, that night, when we came back from the restaurant, I was talking to manager hyung, and he asked me why it was so quiet in the dorm. I was in pain, and annoyed, and angry, and whatever, so I told him that you guys had a fight and everyone was quiet. Tao must’ve overheard, because when I left, he and Baek hyung attacked me. Luhan hyung found me outside…and since then, they’ve been hurting me like that.”

“Physically?”

Sehun nodded. “Yeah. It was basically those six I told you about. Kai, not so much since he’s still injured, but he always encourages the others. Chen and Baekhyun hyungs are still against me too, and now Tao hates me even more because he blames me for you leaving.”

“So that’s why you were hanging around us so much?” Kris asked, and Sehun nodded.

“I didn’t blame you for hurting me. I never did. Especially after the accident, you were kind to me. Whenever you were there, they couldn’t hurt me. Even in our own practice room, they’d distract Chanyeol and as soon as he was out of the way, they’d come for me.”

“But how about D.O? You haven’t said anything about him yet?”

“He…” Sehun sighed. “I don’t know about him. He hasn’t hurt me in any way, but at the same time, he hasn’t tried to stop them. He’s there when they do it, and he hasn’t spoken up, or said anything.”

“Do you trust him?”

“I have no reason to anymore.” Sehun looked down, and Kris’s heart ached for the pain he was going through.

“I’m so sorry, Sehun. You should’ve said something…”

“I was scared, I didn’t know how to. I wasn’t sure if you’d believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t I believe you, silly?”

Sehun shrugged, tears stinging his eyes, and Kris got up, wiping them away quickly with his thumbs. He felt awful. “Sehun, is there anyone you _do_ trust? Enough for you to tell?”

“I don’t know, hyung,” he said, sniffling a little. “Chanyeol hyung suspects something, but I’m not sure. What if he tells Baekhyun? Then I’ll be in trouble, it’ll get worse for me…”

“How about in Exo-M?”

“All of you except Chen and Tao,” Sehun said firmly, and Kris nodded.

“We need to tell someone-”

“No!”

“-about the bullying,” Kris finished firmly, holding onto Sehun’s shoulders. “We need to at least let them know so that they can help you.”

“But I’m scared…”

“The others won’t find out, I promise. Now, as to your…other situation,” Kris continued gently, holding onto Sehun’s arm. “What’s that about?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Well, I won’t push you. I’m not happy but…I don’t want you to do it again. If you feel like doing so, come and talk to me, ok? I’ll try and help you.”

“Yeah, but you’re…you’re leaving. You’re leaving me alone,” Sehun said, starting to cry again, and Kris sighed.

“I will help you for as long as I am here. When I’m not here, you can call me or text me at any time, and I will always help you. Ok?” he said, squeezing Sehun’s shoulders. “Stop crying now,” he added, but it wasn’t in a nasty way. He drew Sehun into a hug, which the younger returned.

“Thank you for listening, hyung,” Sehun mumbled into his shoulder.

“You’re very welcome, Sehun. Now, shall we go to bed? We can talk to them tomorrow.” Sehun nodded reluctantly, and Kris grinned, leading the way inside. “You can sleep in our room tonight.”

“But…what about Suho hyung?”

“I’ll deal with him. Come with me.” Sehun smiled and followed Kris down the corridor.

**********

“Guys, I need to talk to you,” Kris said lowly, walking into his bedroom. He was exhausted. When the managers had come back from their short break, shortly after Kris had gotten Sehun into bed, they wanted to know how it went, and he had ended up spending the last two hours with them. Minseok and Luhan were talking quietly in the corner, and Sehun was sleeping on Kris’s bed. Both looked up, then at Sehun.

“Yeah, first explain why Sehun’s in your bed, not that we mind,” Luhan added. Kris sat down on Minseok’s bed and looked between the two.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He sighed, rubbing his face. “Did you know that Sehun’s being bullied?”

“What?” both blurted out at the same time. Sehun groaned and shifted, and Kris clamped his hands over both of their mouths to silence them as Sehun stirred a little. When he was quiet, Kris removed his hands.

“Sorry. Yeah, he’s being bullied.”

“By who?” Minseok whispered, staring at Sehun’s sleeping form.

“By…some of us lot.”

“Who?” Luhan whispered, anger flashing in his eyes. Kris sighed.

“I’m not telling you this so you can go and beat them up or whatever. It’s so, when I’m gone, you guys can look after him the way we all should have done. So calm down, Lu, Xiumin, neither of you are going to do anything, ok?” he said firmly. Both nodded, Luhan rather reluctantly. “Ok, it’s…it is Tao and Chen, and Baekhyun and Kai and Suho, and you might as well add Kyungsoo in too, since he doesn’t do anything to help.”

“Explain,” Minseok hissed at Kris, his hands in fists. “How dare they? Why?”

“It’s a long story.” Kris leaned backwards, stretching out across the bed. Minseok rolled his eyes but didn’t move. “Basically…” he recounted everything that had happened exactly the way Sehun had told him, and he also told them about Sehun’s panic attack in the bathroom earlier, and how Sehun had reacted. The only thing he left out was the self-harming; he knew that was a sensitive topic, and if Sehun wanted to share, he would.

“So maybe we should talk to Yeol,” Luhan said thoughtfully, sitting back. “Because we’re going to be away a lot, since we’re promoting separately. If only we could promote together…”

“That’s never gonna happen,” Kris scoffed. “So yeah. We need Chanyeol. He’s our only hope at the moment. I don’t want anything worse to happen to him because of them.”

“I can’t believe they would do that to him. Do you know how bad it is? Is it verbal, or physical, or what?” Minseok asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I don’t know, we got a little side tracked,” Kris sighed. “I think it’s just verbal. But either way, we should let Chanyeol know. If they don’t do it when he’s around, it must be for a reason.” Kris paused for a moment, making the decision to tell them instead. “There’s also something else you should know.” Luhan and Minseok exchanged horrified looks.

“There’s more?”

Kris nodded. “Sehun…he…today, when I went to find him, he was-”

A sudden scream cut Kris off, and he whirled around. Sehun was thrashing on the bed, arms flailing around. “No! Stop! Please, I won’t…please, stop,” he begged, tangling himself up in the bedsheets. Tears poured down his face as he struggled to come free from the sheets. “Hyung, I’m sorry, I didn’t…it’s not my fault, I don’t know, I’m sorry,” he sobbed.

Luhan got up first and ran to Sehun, trying to get him free. “Sehun? Sehun, wake up, it’s me,” Luhan tried to coax Sehun out, but Sehun was still stuck in his nightmare, wildly thrashing around. Kris and Minseok hurried to his side, but none of them knew what to do. Blinking away his own tears, Minseok ran around to the other side of the bed and gently lifted Sehun’s head up, silently instructing Kris to do the same at his legs. Together, the two of them lifted Sehun up, Kris struggling slightly as he continued to move and mumble in his sleep, and Luhan untangled the sheets quickly.

“Put him on my bed,” Minseok panted, and they quickly put him down. Minseok put a hand to his forehead and winced. “He’s got a fever.”

“Se? Sehun, wake up,” Kris called, patting his cheek. Sehun hiccoughed slightly, tears still streaming down his face, and his eyes fluttered open, unfocused in the dim light of the room. “Are you ok?”

Sehun mumbled something incomprehensible, his fingers feeling the sheets underneath him. His head turned to one side, then the other, trying to work something out. The older three watched silently, not knowing what to do for the moment. “Wh-what happened?” Sehun croaked out finally. “Where am I?”

“Sehun, you had a bad dream,” Luhan said gently, sitting down next to him. “You’re in our room.”

“Lu? Xiumin?” Sehun mumbled.

“Yeah?”

“I wanna hug.” Sehun lifted up his arms, but his eyes were closing, and within seconds he was asleep again, his breathing slightly ragged and his cheeks still wet from his tears. Kris didn’t know whether to laugh or cry; he chose the former, and Luhan blushed a little, pushing Kris playfully away.

He put more blankets on a shivering Sehun, then stood up, stretching a little. “Ugh, my back hurts.”

“Sleep, we can talk tomorrow,” Kris told him, but he shook his head.

“What were you going to tell us before, about our beloved maknae?”

“Oh that.” Kris rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s not important. He can tell you another time.”

“Sure?” Minseok asked, and Kris nodded.

“Yeah. Sleep, it’s late. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait! Where are you sleeping?”

“In Sehun’s room!”

“What? With Suho? That son of a-”

Kris snorted as he walked out of the room, a “Lu-ge, calm down!” being the last thing he heard.

**********

“You all are going to Shanghai tonight!” one of their managers told them as they sat in the dining room, eating breakfast. Sehun laid his head on Luhan’s shoulder, exhausted. His fever hadn’t let him rest properly, and although it had gone down, he still wasn’t feeling well. “Today you have no shows, so relax and take some time out to rest before your flight. You’re lucky, there was supposed to be a music show slot open for you today, but they cancelled, so you’re free. Do what you want, but be ready by six. We shall be going to the office today, all three of us, so you’ll be by yourselves. Don’t do anything stupid, and Suho, you know our number, call us if you need us.”

The boys cheered at the news, and Sehun sighed in relief, his head pounding. He just wanted to sleep, and that was what he intended to do. As soon as the managers left, he stumbled back into Luhan’s room and flopped on the bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

“Where’s Sehun gone?” Kris asked Luhan as they carried their dishes into the kitchen. “Did he eat anything?”

“He felt sick, so he didn’t eat, and he’s gone back to bed.”

“Aish, he needs to eat,” Kris murmured. “Never mind, we can ask him later. Shall we talk to Lay and Chanyeol now?”

“Yeah. Chen and I are on washing up duty, so you get them and meet us…in the garden,” Luhan said finally.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Lu.”

“I won’t, don’t worry.”

Twenty minutes later, Kris, Minseok and Luhan were sitting with a confused Lay and Chanyeol out in the garden, the door firmly shut against eavesdroppers. “What’s going on?” Lay asked them, shifting a little.

“I’ll explain in a minute. Are you comfortable? Is your back ok?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

“Ok, so…it’s about Sehun,” Kris began, looking between the two. Shouting from inside echoed, and Luhan rolled his eyes.

“You explain, I’ll go and see what’s going on.” Luhan got up and hurried inside, leaving the other four outside.

“To explain it quickly, Sehun’s being bullied by some of our members,” Kris said. Lay didn’t move, but Chanyeol’s eyes widened.

“I had a feeling that was the case,” he said dejectedly. “The other day, something happened to him on the comeback stage, and then later on, when we went to practice before the next show, I saw him being pushed against the wall by Baekhyun. He told me Baekhyun was just trying to tell him something, and I guess I believed him…but now I realise he was lying.” His shoulders slumped. “I’m such a bad friend, I couldn’t even protect him…”

“Don’t worry Chanyeol, I’m telling you this so you can protect him from now on,” Kris said, patting him on the back.

“Who’s doing it?” Lay asked quietly. “Which members?”

“Uh…Tao and Chen from Exo-M, and everyone except Yeol from Exo-K.” Chanyeol moaned and put his head between his hands.

“I’m such a bad friend! How did I not know this? How? I feel so bad!”

“Chanyeol, it’s ok, it’s fine,” Kris tried, but Chanyeol shook his head, standing up.

“No, it’s not ok, they’re hurting him, physically hurting him, and I can’t even do anything to help!”

“Chanyeol, what’s done is done, but now you can help him,” Minseok cut in. “Look, there’s a reason we’re telling you this. You need to keep calm and keep a level head so you can help him when we’re not around.” Chanyeol sat down again with a sigh.

“So what exactly do I have to do?”

“Uh…just keep an eye on him really. He tends to spend a lot of his time with us now, but when we’re not here, he’s your responsibility. He’s not a baby, I know he can look after himself, but…I’m worried about him.”

“ _We’re_ worried about him,” Minseok corrected. “And he’s our responsibility now.”

Yelling from inside cut their conversation short, and Minseok cursed. “Let’s go and see what’s happening, we’ll continue this later.” Minseok and Chanyeol ran ahead, following the source of the noise. “What the hell are they doing in my bedroom?!” Minseok snapped as they ran down the corridor. “Sehun’s sleeping there!”

“Sehun? Fuck,” Chanyeol cursed. His long legs allowed him to reach there first, and he ran into the midst of a fight. Sehun was sitting in the corner of the bed, his legs tucked up right to his chest as he cuddled into the wall, rocking back and forth. There was a cut above his eye, and it seemed swollen. Luhan was fighting Chen in the middle of the floor, and everyone else was just shouting in general. Suho made a move towards Sehun, jumping over Chen’s legs, but Luhan, holding Chen in a headlock, heard Sehun’s terrified scream and managed to trip Suho up before Chen flipped him over, slamming him onto the floor.

Minseok and Chanyeol moved to separate the pair, Chanyeol throwing Chen off before dragging Luhan back. Kris ran forward to Sehun quickly, forcing his way through the crowd of boys. Kyungsoo finally snapped out of his trance and moved to help restrain Chen, who was trying to fight off Minseok. “Ok, you three, get out of here!” Lay snapped, walking into the room. “The three of you go and sit in the kitchen, and wait for one of us to come and talk to you!” he added, pointing at Kai, Baekhyun and Tao.

“But this isn’t even your room-”

“Get the fuck out!” Kris roared, turning around to face them. That shut Baekhyun up, and the three of them left the room silently, Baekhyun shooting a glare at them.

“Kyungsoo, what the hell was going on?” Lay snapped, sitting down on Kris’s bed at the end. “Chen, stop struggling so hyung can let you go. And no one interrupt him.” Chen stopped fighting Minseok and Kyungsoo, and the two of them let him go. He immediately went over to the wall, leaning against it as he wiped blood off his lip.

“I don’t even know, hyung,” Kyungsoo sighed. “I was about to get changed, and then I heard shouting and screaming, so I came running, and Chen was dragging Sehun off the bed. Sehun was half-asleep, and then Chen hyung started hitting him, so I tried to go and grab him off of Sehun, but Kai’s crutch was in the way and I tripped and fell. I got up and pushed Chen away and tried to get Sehun onto the bed again, but Chen hyung moved me away from Sehun, and Sehun started screaming and wouldn’t let anyone near him. Then Luhan hyung was here, and next thing I know, he’s fighting Chen in the middle of the floor. I didn’t know what to do. Suho hyung joined in as well, and then…yeah, you know the rest.”

“You can go, Kyungsoo,” Luhan said, and Kyungsoo nodded silently. “I suggest you go back to your room. Don’t go near the others.” Kyungsoo nodded again and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Chen, you next,” Lay ordered, turning to him. Chen looked away. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, and tell me your reasons!”

“It’s because he’s a little bitch who deserves it, ok?!” Chen snapped. Kris shot up from the bed and slammed Chen into the wall. Chen choked a little but said nothing.

“A little bitch? A _little bitch_? Are you for real, Kim Jongdae?!” Kris growled at him, pushing him into the wall. “How does he deserve it? What has he done to deserve it? He was sleeping for Christ’s sake!”

“Kris, let him go,” Minseok said, coming towards him. Kris roughly let him go and moved back towards the bed, where Sehun was crying silently, listening to them talk. “Chen, explain.”

“Are you all blind? Do you not see that he’s trying to sabotage us?” Chen croaked, massaging his throat. “He’s trying to ruin us as a team!”

“How?!” Lay snapped, slamming his hand on the bedside table to emphasise his point.

“He’s been lazy ever since we debuted!” Suho burst out, going over to stand with Chen. “Every single time we practice, I have to tell him to concentrate, to behave, to work harder, to do this, do that! I’m not his fucking mother who has to baby him! And then, due to his carelessness and poor attitude, he ended up hurting our two best dancers, two of the people who have the most chance of helping us win something and actually move on with our careers! Now, you’re leaving, and it’s because of him!”

“He does try hard, you just don’t see it!” Luhan replied. “Just because you’ve been training for longer, it does not make you superior, and it does not mean that he’s not trying! Being here has fucked you in the head, Suho, and you too, Jongdae.”

“How does pointing out the obvious make me ‘fucked in the head’?” Suho asked sarcastically, making air quotations. “A team is only as strong as the weakest person there, and right now, he’s bringing us down on purpose. He’s not trying, all he’s done is whine and cry and moan and cause problems for us all.”

“I’m not leaving because of Sehun! I’m leaving because of my own health, and right now, you’ve given me no reason to reconsider my decision,” Kris said coldly. “You need to seriously sit down and think about your actions. All of you do.”

“You actually need help, Suho,” Lay said disgustedly. “None of this bullshit that you’ve come up with can ever justify your actions towards Sehun. Either of you. Get out of my sight before you dig yourselves into a deeper hole. Stay away from the others.”

“Come on, hyung,” Chen mumbled, tugging on Suho’s arm. The two of them left the room, the door slamming behind them.

“I feel sick,” Sehun mumbled, pushing through Luhan and Kris. He bolted from the room, his hands clapped over his mouth, and Kris sighed, putting his head in his hands.

“What has gone wrong here? Is this my fault?” he mumbled.

“No, it’s not,” Lay said firmly, getting up to sit with them. “This was bound to happen at some point.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

In the bathroom, Sehun retched, feeling nothing but bile come out. It had been three days since he had last eaten, and he knew now by the painful pangs in his stomach, that he had to have something solid to eat or he’d end up in hospital. His throat burned with the acid, and he retched again, but nothing came out. He flushed and rinsed his hands, staring at himself in the mirror. His left eye was swollen, a slight cut above his eyebrow. His skin looked deathly pale, almost grey, and his hands were shaking. Fat hung off of his body; he could feel it when he moved. He looked disgusting, and he felt disgusting. The best thing about him were those cuts…they were beautiful. He was in control, and that’s why they were good.

In a trance, Sehun turned his sleeve over, pulling it up and unwrapping the bandages. The number of new cuts he had made yesterday had all dried up into an angry red colour, and Sehun slowly ran his fingers down his arm, relishing the pain that shot through him.

He opened the medicine cabinet and took out a new razor, admiring the smooth, sharp metal. He put it against his skin and made one swift cut, a small noise of satisfaction escaping his mouth. He did it once again before a knock on the door interrupted him.

“Sehun, are you-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

Startled, Sehun dropped the razor and turned swiftly, bringing his arm to his chest in panic. Chanyeol stood in the doorway, his eyes wide with shock, going from Sehun’s face and arm to the razor in the sink. He rushed forward and Sehun stumbled back in terror. “G-get out,” he forced out, but Chanyeol shook his head.

“Show me,” he commanded, but Sehun shook his head, his chest heaving.

“Get out leave me alone go,” he wheezed in one breath, clutching his arm to his chest. “GO!”

Chanyeol stopped, looking at Sehun, then turned and ran away. Sehun waited for a minute before he collapsed onto the floor, his shoulders shaking. He was terrified; what if Chanyeol hated him for that? Why didn’t he lock the door? He was so stupid. So, so stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! I really appreciate this, it makes me motivated to keep writing :))


	11. Shanghai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: EDNOS, mentions of self-harm, read at your own risk

Sehun leaned against the window on the plane, his burning skin cooled down by the frozen glass. He was physically exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t let him rest. After Chanyeol had found him, he had gotten Luhan and Kris to come and help him, and although all three of them said nothing, Sehun could feel the judging stares they gave him. He was sure they were judging him. He tugged his sleeve down further, trying to cover his arm. He would have to be more careful next time.

Sehun had forgotten that they’d be ambushed at the airport by fans. After all, they were leaving for their own concert, it’d be inevitable. Luckily, their managers had foreseen this as it was customary for them, and after being scolded for fighting, had managed to cover up their various cuts and bruises. Luhan and Chen had come up the worst out of everyone, and as such, had been given the most severe telling off.

“Oh fuck.”

“What?” Sehun mumbled, unsticking his head from the glass and turning to face Kris and Lay. On the end, Lay was holding his phone, looking shocked at something. Kris was sleeping peacefully, his head back on the seat. “What happened?”

Lay glanced up, startled. “Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

“I’m not tired hyung,” Sehun lied, rubbing his eyes. He sighed when he smudged eyeliner everywhere, but he couldn’t care less. “What happened?”

Lay glanced at Kris, then back to Sehun before handing his phone to him. Sehun took it wordlessly and read through the article. “How did they find out?” Sehun whispered to Lay, who shrugged.

“I don’t know, but you know how fans are. Poor Kris,” Lay said back. “He’s going to suffer so much from this.”

“Well, we’ll deal with it.”

“I hope so.”

“What will I suffer from?” Kris asked suddenly. He opened his eyes and looked between the two.

“Nothing, go back to sleep,” Lay said quickly, hiding his phone.  

“I wasn’t sleeping in the first place. What’s going on?”

“Show him, hyung,” Sehun said quietly. There was no point in keeping secrets. Kris read the article quickly before handing the phone back to Yixing.

“Well.” He cleared his throat. “That was bound to happen anyway. It doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure?” Lay asked worriedly, and Kris smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll get through it. You’ll be fine, maknae. Don’t worry.”

“I’m more worried about you.”

“Relax, man. Don’t worry about it.”

“Kris, have you seen this?” Suho asked, leaning over his seat two rows in front. Chanyeol took the phone from in front and gave it to Kris, who glanced at the article and nodded.

“Yeah, but it was bound to happen anyway, so don’t worry about it,” he replied. Suho took the phone back and locked it.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll just go about my business as normal, and I’ll leave when I said I would, at the end of the month,” Kris said firmly, knowing that the others were also listening. Despite their fight in the morning, everyone was now speaking to each other again, with the exception of Luhan and Chen, who refused to talk. Sehun was left alone as usual, hanging around the others the way he normally did.

They had their first show just hours after they got off the plane. After fighting through the fans at the airport, they were taken straight to their venue, where they got dressed and had their makeup done. Sehun was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was sleep. He felt sick, but he hadn’t eaten anything since the afternoon before when Kyungsoo made him soup, and he couldn’t risk throwing it up now. He took small sips of water to calm himself down as he waited for the others to get ready, making sure his sleeves covered his whole arm.

Their first show was a success, and as soon as they were allowed to go, they went back to sleep in their hotel. Sehun ended up sharing a room with Kai and Suho to his dismay. He flopped on the bed, thoroughly exhausted, but was immediately kicked off. “You’re sleeping on the floor.”

“Why?” he mumbled through half-lidded eyes.

“Because Kai’s injured and my back hurts, so you have to sleep on the floor. Now move before I beat you up.”

“You wouldn’t dare to beat me up, we have some shows tomorrow,” Sehun replied, thoroughly annoyed now.

“Try me.” Suho decked him across the jaw, sending Sehun onto the floor. Sehun flexed his jaw, and although it was painful, it wasn’t broken.

“Fuck you, Suho.” Sehun picked himself up and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He headed next door, where Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were sleeping. “Hey, is it ok if I sleep here tonight?” he asked awkwardly from the door, rubbing his jaw. Kyungsoo was lying on the small pull-out couch, and Baekhyun was already sleeping on one side of the bed. Chanyeol was moving around, getting ready for bed.

“Hey. Sure, you can sleep on the bed if you want,” Chanyeol said, gesturing him inside.

“Uh, where will you sleep?”

“The bed’s big enough for three, isn’t it?” Chanyeol replied, grinning a little. “Or, we can shove Baekhyun off, if you prefer.”

Sehun smiled. “Whatever you want, hyung.” Baekhyun ended up on the floor, but even being pushed roughly off the bed didn’t manage to wake him up. Sehun got onto one side of the bed, curling up inside the sheets. Chanyeol jumped on the other side, leaning over to switch the lights off.

“Goodnight, guys.”

“Goodnight.”

The next few days were hectic. Every morning they’d be woken up early by their managers, and be taken to do shows here and there in places within and nearby Shanghai. In the evenings, they’d dine at various restaurants, and due to the presence of photographers, they all had to keep up the pretence of being good friends, especially with the pressure now on Kris.

Sehun often found himself in between Suho and Chen to eat, and with their presence, it meant he had to eat. He didn’t want to, but after the first day of being told off by Luhan afterwards for not eating, he figured he could purge it, and so the toilet became his best friend.

The fourteenth of May was their last day in Shanghai, and after this, they’d be going back to South Korea for the next few months, promoting together until August. Minutes before their show, Kris was called over to the managers.

“Yes?” he asked, adjusting his microphone as he walked to the corner. He glanced over his shoulder; the others were busy doing last minute preparations, and had not noticed him leaving.

“We need to tell you something,” Yongmin began. Kris listened, fixing it upon his head and bending the microphone towards his mouth. “Today is your last show. You’re leaving after this.”

There was silence. “W-what?” he said, shocked. “Today? I thought I had until the end of the month.”

“The company says no, Kris,” was the reply. “Your last public show is today. We’re going back to Korea this afternoon, where you will officially leave the group and suspend all activities with the group.”

“But…I can’t,” Kris said, running a hand through his hair. “They think I’m leaving in two weeks, I thought I had plenty of time…”

“You have to. And you’re not going to tell the others, we don’t want you breaking down on stage.” One by one, they clapped Kris on the back, then left, leaving him standing alone. Kris turned, running another hand through his hair, and walked back to the group.

“Are you ready?” Suho asked as they stood in a circle. Kris nodded, blinking rather hard at the sudden pressure behind his eyes. “Exo, we are one!” they chanted, raising their hands. “Let’s make our last show here a good one,” Suho added.

“Time to go, boys,” a stagehand called. Kris forced a smile as he looked at the others, all carefree and happy. Even Sehun was smiling, a genuine one, as he talked with Lay and Chanyeol. Kris looked away as they walked onto stage, trying not to cry. Maybe Sehun really would be fine without him.

They performed practically every song they had, in Kris’s opinion. His voice was hoarse from rapping, and yelling at Chanyeol and Sehun as they teamed up against him during the middle of the show, as well as the impromptu rap battle they’d had. For a while, everything was ok. It seemed good. Life was good.

The starting notes of their final song, Baby Don’t Cry, started to play, and suddenly, Kris couldn’t control his tears. He hurriedly wiped them away, and fans awwed and cooed at him. He forced a smile as Chanyeol and Sehun put their arms around him, the three of them standing together in the middle of the stage amidst the singing of the others.

Extracting himself from them as Sehun, Kai, Lay and Tao danced in the background, Kris waved to the fans. _I’m sorry. I’ll miss you so much, and I’m sorry for leaving you._ Kris couldn’t trust himself to speak, and meeting his eyes, Chanyeol knew something was wrong. He finished Kris’s rap part for him as more tears rolled down Kris’s face. The fans started chanting their names as they sang, and Kris gave a smile, putting his arms around whoever was closest to him. They all linked arms and bowed to the fans as the last notes of the song ended.

Backstage, everyone surrounded Kris. “What’s going on, why were you crying?” Suho asked for them, looking concerned. Kris tried to wipe his face, but more tears leaked from his eyes. The managers watched silently from the corner.

“Nothing, I just got something in my eye,” Kris tried.

“Stop lying to us, hyung,” Chanyeol said sternly.

“Just tell them,” Jaewon sighed.

“Tell us what?” Chen demanded.

“Today was my last show,” Kris said after a long pause. “I’m leaving tonight, tomorrow, I don’t know.”

“You said you were staying until the end of the month!” Luhan accused, putting an arm around Sehun who was staring blankly at Kris.

“It’s not my decision, the company forced me to,” Kris replied, pointing at the managers. “I tried to protest but because the fans know, the company wants me to leave as soon as possible. So that was it. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry,” he said, rather thickly as more tears streamed down his face. He stood up and wiped them away angrily, stalking through the middle.

“Alright everyone, get changed and let’s go home,” Minwook called. “You have a long day yet.” The boys dispersed and quickly dressed.

“Sehun, wait-”

“Hyung, you promised,” Sehun replied, folding his shirt without looking at Kris. “You promised you wouldn’t leave yet, and now you’re leaving.”

“Sehun, believe me when I say I don’t want to go. Ask the managers if you don’t believe me, they’re forcing me to do this,” Kris said almost desperately. “Please.” Sehun sighed, then turned around.

“I believe you…I’m just not sure that I’m ready to let you go.”

“You have to be strong, ok?” Kris said gently, and Sehun smiled a little, blinking rapidly.

“Yeah. For you.”

**********

Back in Seoul, Yongmin took Kris to the court to file a lawsuit, leaving the other eleven alone at the dorm. “Is anyone hungry?” Kyungsoo asked, rolling his sleeves up. “I’m in the mood to cook.” When no one responded, he shrugged and headed into the kitchen anyway. Sehun, knowing he needed to eat something, followed Kyungsoo, deciding to help him.

“Aren’t you going to rest?” Kyungsoo asked as Sehun hopped onto the counter, picking up an apple.

“Aren’t you?” Sehun replied, taking a small bite. He immediately felt sick, but forced himself to swallow it, taking another, bigger bite.

“I’m not in the mood.” Sehun nodded, watching Kyungsoo getting flour and sugar from the cupboard. “I’m making cookies.”

“Can I help?” Sehun asked, putting the apple down after his third bite, glad for the excuse. Kyungsoo nodded, pointing to the sink, and Sehun rinsed his hands quickly. “What shall I do?”

He listened quietly as Kyungsoo instructed him to mix ingredients, and the two of them worked together comfortably. “Hyung? Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kyungsoo replied absent-mindedly, opening the hot oven to put the tray in. “What’s up?”

“When…when the others do things to me…why don’t you do anything?” he said carefully, standing back as the heat hit him. Kyungsoo shut the oven and straightened up with a sigh. He picked up Sehun’s half-eaten apple and took a small bite from it, turning the piece over in his mouth. Without warning, he removed his shirt. Sehun just watched curiously as Kyungsoo turned around, then nearly choked.

“That’s why.” Kyungsoo turned back around and put his shirt on. “It’s because they do the same to me, no matter what. I tried to when it first started, but the same thing happened to me. Except, they don’t do it in front of anyone. It’s mainly Baekhyun and Kai, actually. I doubt even Suho hyung knows.”

“So why didn’t you say anything?” Sehun gasped.

“Because I’m trying to be strong, Sehun,” Kyungsoo sighed, putting the dirty bowls in the sink and running the tap. “I don’t want to be weak, and I don’t want to show them that I’m scared.”

“How can you…how can you endure that?” Sehun asked quietly, wiping down the counter and dumping the apple in the bin.

“Because what I get is nothing compared to you. I admire you, you’re so much stronger than me.”

“Am I?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Yeah. You are.”

“I’m sorry,” Sehun said finally as Kyungsoo put the last bowl down.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Kyungsoo said, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s not your fault. They’re just being idiots for no reason. They just needed an excuse to be like this.”

“If you ever need support, I have Lay hyung, Luhan hyung, Minseok hyung and Chanyeol hyung on my side.”

“And you have me too,” Kyungsoo confirmed. “I’m sorry for not helping you before…but I’ll help you too.”

“Let’s help each other.”

The oven beeped and Kyungsoo removed the cookies. “These smell good,” Sehun said wistfully, suddenly wishing he was anywhere but there.

“Want one? They’re good when they’re hot,” Kyungsoo offered, but Sehun quickly shook his head.

“Nah, I’m good. Maybe later?”

“Ok, I’ll save you one.” Sehun thanked Kyungsoo and left the kitchen as Kris came back into the room, his eyes slightly red. The dining room where he had last seen everyone was empty, leaving only the two of them.

“You ok hyung?” Sehun asked, and Kris nodded, sitting down at the table and running a hand through his hair.

“It’s done. It’s official. And I’m leaving tomorrow morning, right before your next show. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s ok, don’t worry,” Sehun said quickly as the first tear slid down Kris’s cheek. “Don’t cry, you’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to go anymore,” Kris said quietly, wiping the tears off his face. “I want to stay.”

“But you have to go now,” Sehun replied gently. “You…you need to rest. I don’t want you to go, but I know that leaving is what’s best for you at this point. Don’t overthink it, what’s done is done, right?”

Kris sighed shakily. “Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Sehun. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“A lot,” Sehun half-joked, and Kris smiled a little.

“Do you want to help me pack?”

“What kind of a question is that?!”

“A perfectly valid one!” Kris argued as Sehun shoved him. “I’m lazy, I need help.”

“Don’t ask me,” Sehun huffed, throwing his head to one side.

“Please?”

“Are you begging me, hyung?” Sehun said, biting back his smile.

“Maybe?”

“I thought the only person you begged was Suho hyung.” Sehun got up and ran out of the room as Kris processed the words.

“You little-” Kris chased him down the corridor as Sehun laughed, ducking into their bedroom. Luhan and Minseok looked up as Kris tackled Sehun, the two of them landing in a heap on the bed.

“What’s going on?” Minseok asked as Kris tussled Sehun’s hair before letting him go.

“The maknae’s being cheeky,” Kris complained. “He said that I beg Suho hyung for something.”

“For what?” Minseok asked, and Sehun just grinned.

“Well, if you followed fan interactions, you’d know.”

“Hey! Don’t be so cocky, you were the one that asked Luhan for a hug the other day, and we all know what the fans say about you,” Kris retorted.

“What are you on about?” Sehun asked, genuinely confused while Luhan blushed red. “When did I ask him for a hug?”

“That day when you had a fever. You woke up screaming while we tried to untangle you, and then you asked Luhan for a hug before you fell asleep on his bed,” Kris smirked. Sehun rolled his eyes, throwing a pillow at Kris.

“Lies. Why would I ask for a hug? I hate people touching me.”

“He’s right you know,” Minseok joined in while Luhan started to laugh. “Why else do you think we kept making faces at you?”

“Because you’re ugly,” Sehun joked back, before the smile faded abruptly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, it’s fine, it’s just a joke,” Minseok said. “I don’t mind.” Sehun nodded, looking down at his feet awkwardly.

“So…” Kris cleared his throat. “As much as I hate to break up this…I have something to do.” The jokey atmosphere dissipated, and Sehun sighed.

“Are you truly going?” Luhan asked in almost a whisper, and Kris nodded slowly, as if scared to acknowledge it. He stood up reached under his bed for a suitcase, dragging it out and throwing it onto the bed.

“Well, let’s make this the best damn good send-off ever,” Luhan continued firmly. “In other words…let’s send you off in style.”

“Does Kris have a style though?”

Sehun slipped out of the room as Minseok and Luhan began bickering with Kris, tears pricking at his eyes. He couldn’t stand to be in there any longer. He had to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading loves xoxo :))


	12. Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, physical violence/abuse, homophobia, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

“I’ll be in contact, guys, I promise,” Kris told the rest of the group, who had gathered around. “Don’t worry, and good luck for your future.”

“We’ll be fine. You take care, and get plenty of rest,” Suho said firmly, taking Kris into a hug. Kris moved on down the line, hugging everyone tightly. He left Sehun for last, which broke him. Sehun wished that Kris could’ve met with him first so he could go, but he had to stand there awkwardly as the others embraced the taller man. He finally got to the maknae, watching him closely for a moment before pulling him into a tight hug.

“Take care, maknae,” Kris whispered into his ear, and Sehun felt the first tears start to leak out of his eyes. “Text or call if you ever need anything, ok?”

“I will, hyung,” he murmured into Kris’s shoulder. “Take care.”

He finally pulled back from Sehun, who immediately scrubbed at his face with his sleeve. Thankfully, everyone was watching Kris, who picked up his suitcase with a deep sigh. “Time to go, Yifan,” a man said, walking in with Minwook following behind. Kris nodded and turned to all of them for the last time.

“Take care guys. I love you all.” Without looking back, he turned and followed the man out of the door. Minwook stood in the doorway, watching them for a moment, before stepping back. They trickled out into the driveway, gathering near the door as Kris got into the car. He turned, and Sehun swore he saw tears leaving Kris’s eyes. He was the first to walk away.

The atmosphere was quiet. Too quiet. Gone were the jokes and laughter that filled the dorm. Instead, in its place was a gloomy building filled with brooding boys. Suho and Tao seemed to be taking it the worst, Tao having lost his role model, and Suho his fellow leader. Unfortunately, this spelled trouble for Sehun, and the bullying only got worse.

Before, he was used to the verbal remarks and occasional jabs and physical shoves from the others. Now, he was getting beaten up every day, literally. Not a day would go by when Sehun wouldn’t be thrown against a wall, or slapped, or hurt in any way, the presence of the others be damned. Mixed in with their once again-hectic schedule, they barely had any time to relax, and Sehun felt suffocated.

The cuts got deeper, more painful and more frequent. Sehun had taken to cutting his right arm too, which he found much more relieving since he was right-handed and didn’t have as much control over himself. Due to the hectic schedules, Sehun didn’t get much time to sit with Chanyeol or Kyungsoo, forget any of the members in Exo-M, meaning he could easily hide the fact that he was cutting and he wasn’t eating properly.

A month and half after Kris had left, it happened. Sehun had been avoiding Kris’s phone calls and text messages for ages, unable to bring himself to reply. He was afraid that he’d break down like he had done the first time he’d picked up the call and heard his hyung’s voice, and since then, he refused to answer the calls.

“Sehun?! Grab the door, will you?!” someone yelled, and Sehun sighed, dragging himself off the bed. In the living room, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were engaged in a fierce battle on screen, both of them sitting on the edge of their seats. “Quick, get the door and get out of my way,” Baekhyun snapped as the doorbell rang again, more insistently.

“Why me?” Sehun grumbled, walking past them and down the hallway, his shoulders hunched.

“There’s money on the table for the pizza!” Chanyeol yelled and Sehun complied, grabbing the money and pulling the door open without looking up.

“Here’s the money, thanks for the pizzas,” Sehun mumbled, holding out the cash and expecting pizza boxes to be put in his arms. When they weren’t, he looked up. Kris stood in front of him, a worried expression in his eyes, and Sehun froze in place, still holding out the money.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh, I, um,” Sehun said intelligently. Kris gently moved him to one side and came in, shutting the door behind him. For a second, they stood in the hallway, just looking at each other, until the silence was broken by Kyungsoo.

“Sehun, where’s the piz-who’s this?” he asked from behind Kris. Kris turned around, and Kyungsoo froze for a second before grinning widely and running forward. “Hyung! I didn’t know you were coming!” he said excitedly, hugging Kris quickly. Kris patted him on the shoulder rather awkwardly as the smaller let go.

“I was in the area, I thought I’d come and see you guys,” he replied. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be home or not…”

“You’re welcome anytime, whether we’re home or not,” Kyungsoo replied with a welcoming grin. The doorbell rang again and Sehun quickly moved to open it, paying the man and taking the pizzas from him. “Look, we even bought pizza, your favourite. Come and join us.”

“Sehun! How long does it take for you to bring pizzas inside?!” Baekhyun yelled from the living room. Kris frowned.

“Baekhyun, don’t be so rude!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “Leave him alone.”

“Oh shut up, Yeol, stop defending him all the time,” Baekhyun replied irritably. Kris moved past Kyungsoo, who took two of the boxes from Sehun, and walked into the living room. Sehun and Kyungsoo followed behind, watching silently. The controllers were now on the floor, and both boys were glaring at each other. Chen was leaning lazily over the sofa in between the two, simply watching them.

Kris cleared his throat rather loudly as the pizzas were put on the table. Both boys looked up and grinned widely at their hyung, their fight forgotten. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Hyung! We didn’t know you were coming, you should’ve told us!” Chanyeol exclaimed, gripping Kris in a bear hug.

“BOYS, PIZZA’S HERE!” Lay bellowed as he ran into the room, colliding with Kris. Kris stumbled, muffling a laugh as Lay stared at him in shock before hitting his arm. “Hyung! I nearly died because of you,” he accused. Kris just laughed, moving to one side as Chanyeol opened a pizza box.

“Come and join us for pizza,” Kyungsoo said as the others filed in, one by one greeting Kris with shock. Sehun sat in the corner of the room, nibbling on his single slice as the others gathered around, eating and chatting heartily. He wasn’t sure what to say to Kris, let alone to anyone, scared that he’d end up crying if he opened his mouth.

“Sehun, come here,” Kris called and Sehun jumped, absorbed in his thoughts. He slid his plate under his legs and stood up, hiding it near the chair so they wouldn’t see it was barely untouched. “Bring your plate too, you only had one slice.”

“No, I had three, I’m full hyung,” Sehun lied quickly, stepping over Tao’s legs to get to the door.

“Fatty,” Tao mumbled, and Sehun pretended he didn’t hear it.

“I’m just going to get drinks.” Without waiting for a reply, Sehun left into the kitchen, going to find drinks and cups. The door opened behind him, but he ignored it, kneeling down next to the open cupboard and grabbing a bottle.

“Sehun.” Sehun jumped again, smacking his head on the side of the cupboard. He winced, grabbing his head with one hand as he straightened up. Kris leaned against the fridge, watching him. “Sehun, talk to me. I came because I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine, hyung,” he said carefully, his eyes watering from the pain.

“No, you’re not,” Kris said, and Sehun looked up in surprise. “You’re hurting, you’re limping, you’re in pain, and I want to know why. I want to know why you’re not talking to anyone, why you’re sitting silently in the corner, why you’re limping. Are they hurting you still?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Sehun took the bottle and made to go past Kris, but he stopped him from going anywhere, shooting a hand out to stop him from passing.

“Sehun, talk to me,” Kris demanded, but Sehun shook his head.

“Not now, they’re waiting for drinks.” As if on cue, Minseok came in, looking for Sehun.

“Is everything ok?” he asked, looking between Sehun and Kris.

“Yeah hyung. I found coke, is that ok?”

Without waiting for a response, Sehun pushed past the two hyungs and left the room, swallowing hard to contain his tears. He dumped the coke on the table, along with the tray of glasses and sat in the corner again, pushing his plate further under the couch. Kris and Minseok came back a minute later, and from his space, Sehun could read neither of their expressions.

“So, what have you been up to since you left us, hyung?” Kai asked, leaning back with one leg crossed over the other.

“Eh, been busy talking to my lawyers and sorting stuff out,” Kris replied, sipping on his coke. “And resting.”

“That’s kind of dead,” Baekhyun said bluntly, scrunching up his nose. “Aren’t you bored?”

“I have some stuff planned, so not really,” Kris said with a grin.

“Tell us!”

“I wanna know!”

“Please hyung!”

“Nope,” Kris smirked. “You can find out when everyone else does.”

“Aw, you’re no fun,” Chen whined, and Kris rolled his eyes.

“Still whining, I see.”

“Still being annoying, clearly.”

“Is it ok if I crash here tonight?” Kris asked, ignoring Chen’s last remark.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Sehun said pointedly, speaking up for the first time.

“Not really,” Kris said, smiling at Sehun. “I already cleared it with the managers anyway, I just wanted to see if you’d let me stay.”

“Sure, you’re welcome any time,” Suho cut in with a grin.

“Your old bed’s still free,” Luhan added. Kris nodded and stood up, taking his bag with him.

“I’ll be back.” He left the room, and Sehun stood up again, getting plates from everyone and stacking them up before taking them into the kitchen.

“Maknae, listen.” Sehun continued scrubbing his dish, ignoring whoever was standing behind him. “I know we haven’t had much time to relax recently, and I’m sorry for not checking up on you, but are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” Luhan hopped onto the counter next to Sehun, swinging his legs back and forth as Sehun continued to scrub the dish.

“Why don’t you pull your sleeves up? They’ll get wet.”

“Why do you think?” Sehun said through gritted teeth, taking the next dish. It was the wrong thing to say, and he immediately regretted it.

“Sehun, you told me you stopped!” Luhan hissed, glancing at the door. “You promised you wouldn’t do that!”

“I didn’t,” Sehun lied, rinsing the dish. “But there’s still scars.”

“Show me, they can’t be that bad,” Luhan said, reaching for Sehun’s arms. He jerked back instinctively, dropping the last dish which shattered in his hands, sending glass all over the sink. Luhan turned the water on quickly, letting Sehun rinse the soapy mess off of his hands. His hands were all cut up from the glass, red mixing in with the bubbles. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“I’m fine, it’s just a few scratches, nothing major,” Sehun mumbled, watching red seep out from his hands. The familiar pain soothed him, pushing down the guilt he felt at lying to Luhan. Luhan jumped off the sink and opened a cupboard, taking out a first aid kit.

“Sit down.” Sehun saw no choice but to do as Luhan said, keeping his hands in front of him, still dripping wet. Luhan opened the first aid kit and took out a small bottle of disinfectant, gently dabbing them across the cuts. They stung, but Sehun stayed silent, watching Luhan work. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Luhan pulling his sleeves up until the cold air hit. He jerked back, but Luhan was already watching him with an unreadable expression.

Luhan quickly took out fresh bandages and wrapped them around Sehun’s hands, neatly covering the wounds. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not mad,” Luhan began carefully, “but I understand. However, you need to understand that I’m here for a reason. _We’re_ here for a reason, and you need to understand that. You can’t keep doing this to yourself, it’s not healthy.” Burned, Sehun snatched his hands back and yanked his damp sleeves back down again.

“It’s not like I’m trying to kill myself, so why do you care so much?” Sehun hissed, glaring at Luhan. Luhan just shrugged, his expression unchanging.

“Because I’m your friend, and I hate that you’re hurting yourself.”

“Well, I can’t help it, and I wouldn’t have done it in the first place if it wasn’t for them,” Sehun replied, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder. “Goddammit, it’s the only way I’m surviving right now, and you should respect that.”

“I’m not going to just sit back and watch you cut your fucking wrists to shreds, Sehun!” Luhan snapped, slamming his hand down on the table. “I’m looking out for you!” he continued, getting up and walking towards Sehun.

“Why the fuck do you care so much?! You should hate me as much as the others do-oof!” Sehun’s words were cut off by a pair of lips on his. Seconds later, they were removed, and Sehun opened his eyes to see Luhan inches from his. He sat there, frozen, not saying a word.

Hands suddenly grabbed the back of Sehun’s neck, pulling him roughly away from Luhan and slammed him into the fridge. Sehun found himself face to face with Tao, their noses almost touching. Sehun recoiled automatically, desperately trying to forget the feeling of Luhan’s lips on his own.

“I knew you were sad, Sehun, and I knew you were a loser, but I didn’t expect you to be a faggot too.”

Tears filled Sehun’s eyes and he looked at Luhan, who was just standing there, watching Tao. Tao slapped him suddenly, turning his face away from Luhan. Sehun felt anger boil up inside him, but as he prepared to push Tao away from him, a voice interrupted them all.

“HUANG ZITAO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” a voice roared. Yongmin stood in the doorway, and Tao immediately let go of Sehun, who stumbled backwards and hit the sink. Kris appeared behind Yongmin, and Sehun fought the urge to scream in frustration. Luhan was nowhere to be seen.

“Kris, take Sehun with you. I need to have a word with Zitao,” Yongmin stated tonelessly, gesturing to Sehun. He quickly moved forward, squeezing past Yongmin. Kris grabbed his upper arm gently and led him to their room, where Minseok was sitting, reading a book. He smiled at Sehun, who didn’t smile back.

“What happened?” Kris asked quietly, leading Sehun over to the bed. Luhan came into the room, took one look at them, and walked back out again. Sehun scowled. What right did he have to walk out when he was the one who kissed him without permission, not the other way around? Minseok came and sat on Sehun’s other side, glancing over his head at Kris.

“Nothing really,” Sehun mumbled. “Just, I had an argument with Luhan hyung, and then Tao came. You probably saw it.”

“You’re lying,” Minseok scolded gently. “Tell us truthfully.”

“I didn’t see anything, by the way,” Kris added. “What is it?”

Sehun sighed, laying back with his head lolled upside down off the other side of the bed. “I was washing up and talking to Luhan hyung. And then he…he tried to get my hand, and I dropped a plate and ended up cutting my hands. So he sat me down and cleaned my wounds, and then we had a minor argument, and I asked him why he cared so much about me. Then he kissed me-”

“Wow,” Kris mumbled, then groaned as Minseok punched him.

“And then Tao came in and grabbed me by my neck and said he didn’t expect me to be a faggot, and then Yongmin hyung and you came in. That’s it.”

“Luhan really kissed you?”

“Shut up, hyung!” Sehun snapped, sitting up again. “Yes, he did, but so what? It doesn’t mean anything, it was probably an accident. I moved my head at the wrong time so-”

“I meant it.” Sehun looked up to see Luhan standing nervously in front of the three of them. “I meant what I said and what I did and-please, Sehun, stop hurting yourself.” Minseok shot them a confused look. Sehun fought the urge to scream.

“Fuck you, Luhan,” he spat. “Thanks so much for your help. Well done, way to make me feel better. I appreciate the support,” he added, his voice oozing with sarcasm. Sehun stormed past Luhan and down the corridor. He had almost reached his room when Kyungsoo came out of his own room, looking terrified out of his wits. Instantly, Sehun’s anger dissolved and he grabbed Kyungsoo.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” he asked. Kyungsoo just glanced at Sehun, not saying a word. “What is it?” he repeated more forcefully.

“Nothing, I just-”

“We made a deal, remember?” Sehun said, referencing to the day they made cookies together. “What’s wrong?”

“Not here, then. Somewhere else.” Looking over his shoulder, Kyungsoo quickly dragged Sehun away into the kitchen, which was now empty. Sehun managed to get a glimpse of a figure inside Kyungsoo’s room before Kyungsoo dragged him away.

“What is it, hyung? Was it Kai?” Sehun asked, rubbing his shoulders, shivering a little.

“Yeah, he just…”

“What did he do?” Sehun snapped, and Kyungsoo flinched a little. “Sorry. But…”

“He just hit me. Usual,” Kyungsoo said finally. “I just managed to get out.”

“How bad?”

“Sehun…”

“Hyung. How. Bad.”

“He just punched me a little, but I’ll be fine.”

“Why? Why was he so mad?” Sehun pressed.

“I dunno. He was with Tao, and he saw something, he was mumbling something, and then he came and hit me with no reason whatsoever.” Sehun paled and dropped his head on the table.

“Shit, I’m so sorry hyung. It was because of me.”

“You? Why? What happened to you?” Kyungsoo asked, rubbing his stomach a little.

“Luhan and I had an argument, that’s it,” Sehun said, omitting details. “He probably overheard that and got mad.”

“I don’t get what that has to do with Jongin using me as his fucking personal punch bag though,” Kyungsoo pointed out. Sehun shrugged.

“Me neither.” Sehun shivered again. “Is it me or is it cold in here?”

“Sehun, it’s the middle of summer. It’s fucking boiling, and you’re wearing long sleeves too.”

“I’m cold.”

“You don’t look so good,” Kyungsoo observed. “You should go and lie down.”

“I will.” Sehun got up, and as he left the kitchen, he saw a shadow out of the corner of his eye. For the second time that day, Sehun was slammed against the wall, and this time, he let out an audible groan.

“For fuck’s sake, leave me alone!”

“Kai, no, get off him,” Kyungsoo said desperately, running out of the kitchen as Kai pressed his hands against Sehun’s throat.

“Kyungsoo, you’d better move right now before you get hurt too,” Kai threatened.

“D…O,” Sehun choked, trying to breathe. “Go…get…” Kyungsoo didn’t need telling twice. While Sehun feebly tried to get Kai’s hands off of him, Kyungsoo ran.

“You fucking faggot, what the hell were you thinking trying to kiss Luhan hyung?” Kai hissed at him, pressing his hands further against Sehun’s throat. “Do you honestly think Luhan will like you back?”

“I didn’t-” Sehun choked, only to have his air supply completely cut off. Sehun desperately reached up to try and remove Kai’s hands from his throat.

“Shut the fuck up! Don’t go near him, do you hear me?” Sehun scrabbled at Kai’s hands, black spots dancing in front of his vision. Acidic bile rose in his throat, choking him further. Sehun could feel himself fading away further. The last thing he heard was footsteps before he succumbed into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much to everyone who's reading this, it means a lot to me :)


	13. Sunbaenim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Brief mentions of self-harm. For once, this chapter isn't as bad :)

Sehun sat up in his bed, his throat completely and totally raw. Taking a breath was painful, so he tried to breathe through his nose as much as he could. It still hurt, just not as much. Chanyeol had arrived just in time, prying Kai off him just as he passed out from lack of air. The bruises that he were sure painted his neck had disappeared under a layer of makeup, and Sehun was sure that they were due to Minseok or someone. He knew that their managers knew nothing of what had happened, since Kai had come to see him, looking entirely too happy for someone in his situation.

Chanyeol hadn’t let him stay long, though. As soon as Jaewon had left the room, Chanyeol had kicked Kai out. To say he was mad was an understatement. Chanyeol was absolutely livid with Kai; hell, Sehun had never seen him as angry at a person ever before that moment. “He could’ve killed you, Sehun,” was his only response.

“Tell me what happened,” Chanyeol tried for the third time. It wasn’t that Sehun refused to say it; his throat hurt too bad to talk. “Why did he try to kill you?”

“Ask Luhan hyung and Kyungsoo hyung,” Sehun croaked feebly, then nodded in satisfaction when the words came out. “They know.”

“I want to hear it from you.”

Sehun turned his head to the side, a little embarrassed. “It’s embarrassing.” Chanyeol shrugged, folding his arms and leaning back on Sehun’s bed. Sehun sighed and recounted the story in as few words as possible so as not to aggravate his throat even more. He was so, so lucky that they had nothing planned for at least the next week, otherwise he really would be in trouble.

“Wow,” Chanyeol said finally, rubbing his chin tersely. “Wow.”

“It wasn’t even my fault,” Sehun added, coughing feebly. Chanyeol handed him water without a word. “I mean, he just…came at me.”

“I know,” Chanyeol said. “Kai was completely out of order. As for hyung…I don’t know.”

“Is Kris hyung still here?” Sehun croaked suddenly, flipping the covers back. “What time is it?”

“It’s two in the morning, you should sleep. And yeah, he’s in his old room.”

“I’ll be fine. Thanks for staying with me, hyung.”

“You’re welcome.” Chanyeol stood up and left the room, and Sehun followed after a minute, looking at Suho’s empty bed. Sehun slowly walked down the corridor to Kris’s room and knocked on the door, his legs wobbling a little. After a moment, a groggy voice told him to come in. Sehun slowly pushed the door open.

“Chanyeol, how is he? Is he feeling better? Is he awake yet?” Kris mumbled, still half asleep.

“It’s me, hyung,” Sehun said, trying not to wake up the others as he went into the room. Kris snapped awake and sat up quickly.

“Come and sit down,” he said, shuffling backwards. Sehun sat on the edge of the bed, but Kris moved over and made space for him. They lay together in silence for a moment.

“How are you feeling?” Kris asked. Sehun shrugged. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there…”

“I’ll be fine. It’s not your fault.” There was a pause. “Actually, this is your fault.”

“Hm?” Kris asked, looking at Sehun.

“If you didn’t come, then I wouldn’t have been so annoyed and pissed off, and then Luhan wouldn’t have tried to talk to me and then he wouldn’t have kissed me, and then I wouldn’t have nearly died!”

“Woah, calm down,” Kris said with a laugh as Sehun folded his arms in annoyance. “First of all, why were you even mad at me in the first place?”

“I wasn’t mad, I was annoyed.”

“Why were you annoyed, then?”

“Because…” Sehun sighed. “I don’t even know, hyung. I was just…scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I didn’t want to see you. I was scared that I’d break down if I saw your face.”

“Did you miss me that much?” Kris asked, genuinely touched. Sehun nodded, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “You’re so cute!”

“I’m not cute, gerroff me,” Sehun mumbled, lifting his arm to bat Kris’s hand away from his face.

“There’s nothing left to pinch!” Kris exclaimed, patting Sehun’s face. “Where’s it all gone?”

“…magic?” Sehun offered weakly, and Kris snorted.

“Are you hungry? You didn’t eat anything before.”

“I told you I had three slices of pizza,” Sehun lied, and Kris shook his head.

“Don’t lie to me. I found your plate. You had one slice on there, and that wasn’t even touched. You had not a single bite from it.” He flipped the covers back, and Sehun shivered. “I’ll go and get you something, wait here.” Without waiting for a reply, he threw the covers back on top of Sehun and left the room. Sehun waited for a while, looking over at the other two beds in the room.

Minseok was sleeping with his hand wedged in the gap on the side of his bed, between the mattress and the frame. His head was half under a pillow, only his nose and mouth visible, and Sehun smiled. He avoided looking at Luhan. He was angry, beyond angry with Luhan. If it wasn’t for him, Sehun wouldn’t have nearly died, and he wouldn’t be here right now, sitting up at two in the morning, waiting for food. Actually, it wasn’t even Luhan’s fault. Luhan only wanted to check his arms. The only reason he wanted to check his arms was because he knew Sehun cut. Sehun cut because he was bullied. He was bullied because…of himself. It was all his own fault. His own fault for being stupid, for being careless, for not being able to do anything right. It was all his fault.

Sehun slowly slipped out of bed and to the bathroom. He could hear Kris moving plates about in the distance. He looked at his reflection. His eyes seemed sunken in, yet still red and swollen. His lips were dry and cracked, and his skin seemed grey. All was hidden under a layer of fat. He reached for the blade, then turned his arms over. They were now a no-go; thanks to Luhan, the others would probably be looking for fresh cuts on his arm. But he had to cut. Where?

He lifted his shirt up, exposing the smooth skin on his stomach. Perfect. The blade created smooth, straight, perfect lines, and it satisfied Sehun. Cleaning his cuts, he applied gauze and dropped his shirt, feeling much better with himself. Going back into Kris’s room, he found Kris waiting there for him. “I thought I told you to wait here,” Kris scolded.

“I needed the toilet.”

“Show me your arms.” Hiding a smirk, Sehun rolled up both his sleeves and showed Kris, who nodded in satisfaction, though he frowned at the cuts that were already there.

“Don’t you trust me?” Sehun asked as he sat down, Kris handing him a bowl of soup. Kris didn’t reply, watching him eat. Every mouthful was painful, but his stomach seemed to welcome it since he hadn’t eaten in a while. He slowly moved past the pain, trying not to eat too fast.

“You done?”

Sehun nodded, licking his lips. “Thanks, hyung. That was nice.”

“You’re welcome. Now sleep.” Sehun made to get up, but Kris shook his head. “Stay here.” Confused, Sehun lay back, and Kris moved over next to him. “You’re sleeping here where I can keep an eye on you. In case anything happens.” Sehun didn’t say anything, shifting over to get comfortable instead.

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

“Hm?” Kris asked, but Sehun was already sleeping. He sighed and reached over to turn the light off, rubbing his tired eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” were the first words Sehun heard in the morning. Before he could even open his eyes, pain shot through his side, and he realised he had just hit the floor. He groaned in pain and rolled onto his back, squinting. “Who the fuck said you could sleep in Kris hyung’s bed?”

“He did,” Sehun mumbled, trying to sit up. “What do you want, Baekhyun?”

“I was sent to wake you up. We have training today, remember?”

Sehun groaned as Baekhyun left the room. He hauled himself up shakily, walking out of the room. He quickly splashed his face before joining the others in the dining room, where they were finishing off breakfast. Looking around, he couldn’t see Kris. “Chanyeol hyung, where’s Kris hyung?” Sehun asked, leaning on the back of Chanyeol’s chair.

“Good morning to you too, Sehun. How are you feeling?” Chanyeol replied, holding up a piece of toast which Sehun waved away.

“I’m good. My throat still hurts-” Kai looked away, “but I’m fine. Where’s Kris hyung?”

“He left a while ago,” Chanyeol replied, and something shattered inside Sehun.

“Oh,” he said in a rather strangled voice.

“He said he’ll come to visit as soon as he can, so in another month or so,” Chanyeol continued, biting into the toast, not noticing Sehun’s face.

“I’m going to get ready,” Sehun forced out, and Chanyeol nodded, turning back to his conversation with Kyungsoo. He quickly ran into the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes, locking the door before he sat down, trying to catch his breath. Kris had left him without saying goodbye? How could he? He knew how much Sehun depended on him, and yet he still…Sehun sighed. Clearly no one wanted to be around him for much longer.

He splashed more water on his face, scrubbing vigorously until his pale cheeks were bright pink. A knock came at the door. “Sehun? Time to go!” Chanyeol called.

“I’m coming!” he called back, spluttering a little under the water. He grabbed a towel and dried his face before opening the door, where Chanyeol was waiting for him.

“You didn’t…”

“No, I didn’t,” Sehun said quickly, glancing around. “I swear.”

Chanyeol nodded in satisfaction, then turned and went down the corridor. Sehun grabbed his phone from his room before leaving too. In the practice room, he danced with Minseok and Chanyeol, repeating the movements over and over again until they were muscle memory to him. Even when everyone else left for lunch, Sehun stayed, ignoring the sweat that dripped down his body. His throat still hurt, and his back ached, but it was worth it. It was all worth it.

“Sehun.” Sehun ignored whoever it was, dancing to the end of the song before stopping and turning around. Eunhyuk and Donghae stood in the doorway, and Sehun forced a smile.

“Hi, hyungs,” he said, bowing in respect, still breathing hard.

“How are you doing?” Donghae asked, walking inside as Sehun took a long swig of water. “Where’s the others?”

“They’ve gone for lunch.”

“Didn’t you go with them?” Eunhyuk questioned, jumping onto Donghae’s back. Donghae groaned but said nothing, and Sehun smiled at their playfulness.

“Nah, I wanted to practice instead,” Sehun croaked, slumping down on the floor and turning his music off.

“How are you doing? What happened to your voice?” Donghae asked again, throwing Eunhyuk off of him and sitting down next to the younger boy.

“I’m fine. Nothing, I just have a sore throat.”

“What happened to your neck?” Eunhyuk pointed out, reaching out to touch Sehun. Eunhyuk exchanged a shock glance with Donghae, who nodded imperceptibly. Sehun quickly moved away, but Donghae grabbed his arm and pulled the neck of his t-shirt down, letting the two of them examine him. He struggled to get out of their grip, but Donghae held him firmly, not letting him go. “Sehun, did someone strangle you?”

“N-no,” he lied, yanking his arm away from Donghae.

“Sehun, that’s what it looks like,” Eunhyuk frowned, and Sehun repeatedly cursed in his head at not getting someone to cover them up again. “Who did this?”

“No one, I’m telling you,” Sehun said rather irritably, turning up the collar of his t-shirt. “It’s nothing.”

“Sehun, don’t lie to us,” Eunhyuk sighed. “You can trust us.”

“I’m flipping tell you, it’s nothing!” Sehun snapped, standing up. “So leave me alone!”

He grabbed his phone and stalked off, leaving the two elders in the room. He knew it was rude and that he shouldn’t have said that to them, considering they were being so nice to him, but he couldn’t help his reaction. He couldn’t tell them what had happened in case they went and told the managers, and then they would all be ruined. He couldn’t be the subject of even more hatred.

His phone buzzed and Sehun pulled it out as he walked aimlessly around the building. _I’m sorry for leaving you, but I had an urgent call and I couldn’t stay longer. You looked so peaceful and I didn’t want to wake you up. Take care of yourself, and please don’t ignore my messages or calls any longer, you make me worried :( I’ll call you as soon as I can_

The message only made Sehun sadder, and he quickly pocketed his phone again as he walked around. He bumped right into the same trainee he had seen a few months ago, sending them both sprawling to the floor. “Sunbaenim, are you ok?” the boy asked, quickly standing up and holding out a hand to Sehun. Sehun stared blankly into space. “Sunbaenim?”

Sehun quickly snapped out of his trance and looked up to see the same boy standing over him, holding out his hand. He took the offered hand, letting the boy help him up. “Are you ok?” the boy asked again, and Sehun nodded, offering a small smile to the boy. “Shall I get someone?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he croaked, and the boy smiled a little. “I’ve seen you before,” he noted, and the boy blushed a little.

“We met in a bathroom before,” he said, and Sehun smiled back, remembering their last encounter.

“It seems I’m always annoyed or in need of help when I meet you,” Sehun said, holding back a laugh, and the boy grinned. “What’s your name?”

“Oh! I’m Mark, sunbaenim,” the boy, Mark, said, bowing to Sehun. Sehun put a hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t have to bow to me, Mark,” Sehun said, and the boy straightened up, blushing a little. “You can call me Sehun, if you want.”

“Isn’t that rude, sunbaenim?” Mark questioned, and Sehun shrugged.

“I’m giving you permission. If you’re not comfortable with my name, then you can call me hyung…if you want, I mean,” Sehun added, and Mark nodded.

“Ok…Sehun hyung.” Sehun smiled. “It was nice meeting you, hyung,” Mark continued.

“Have you had lunch yet?” Sehun found himself saying, and Mark shook his head.

“No hyung, I just came for water. I should be getting back, actually, they’re probably waiting for me,” Mark said apologetically, looking over his shoulder.

“Who trains you?” Sehun asked, determined not to let Mark go yet. He didn’t know why; perhaps it was the fact that he was trying not to mess up again; Mark was like his fresh start. When Mark told him the name, Sehun grinned, much to the younger’s confusion.

“What are you doing, hyung? I’ll be in trouble if I don’t go back,” Mark said as Sehun started walking down the corridor, Mark following behind.

“It’s ok, I know who it is, so you won’t be in trouble, don’t worry,” Sehun said, and Mark followed silently as they reached their practice room. Sehun knocked on the door while Mark shifted nervously.

“There you are-Sehun-ssi?” the man said in surprise, looking between Mark and Sehun. “Is everything ok? Did Mark do something wrong? He’ll be punished, don’t worry about that-”

“Long time no see, Jaehyuk hyung,” Sehun greeted, smiling. “And no, Mark didn’t do anything wrong. I came to ask you for permission to take him away for a while, if that’s ok.”

“Why?” Jaehyuk asked, confused.

“Because I want to. He’ll be back soon. Come on.” Without waiting for an answer, Sehun led Mark upstairs to the café. When they were seated, Mark grinned.

“How could you talk to Mr Choi like that, hyung?” he asked Sehun. Sehun shrugged.

“Because we’re old friends, and he knows who I am, and he could never say no to me, even if he tried,” Sehun added the last bit with a smirk. “Are you hungry? Order something, it’s on me.”

“Uh…” Mark flustered a little. “I’ll just have whatever you’re having, and I’ll pay too.”

“Don’t worry, it’s my treat. And I’ve just eaten, you have what you want,” Sehun lied. His phone vibrated again as Mark hesitantly picked up a menu.

_Where are you? – Yeol_

_I’m busy, practice without me. I’m fine, I’ll be down in a bit._

Sehun pocketed his phone as Mark ordered his food. “So, Mark, tell me about yourself,” Sehun said to fill in the silence.

“Uh…I’m nearly fifteen, I’m a trainee here…uh…what do you want to know?” he said finally.

“Your accent is a little different, where are you from?”

“Canada,” he said, and Sehun grinned.

“Canada? I’d love to go to Canada someday,” he said, rather wistfully. Mark just smiled as his food arrived.

“Yeah. It’s quite nice there.”

“Do you miss your family?” Sehun asked cautiously.

Mark nodded. “Yeah, but I have my aunt and uncle and cousins here too, and my grandparents, so I’m not too fussed about it.” Sehun smiled at the optimism of the younger boy.

“Who’re your favourite bands?”

Mark chewed slowly, taking the time to think about an answer. “I like Exo,” he said, and Sehun grinned.

“Of course you do, but you don’t have to flatter me like that, I won’t hate you if you hate us,” Sehun joked.

“No, seriously, hyung, I do like Exo,” Mark said hastily, grinning a little. “I like Super Junior too, and SHINee, but I don’t know much about SHINee, only what the other trainees have told me,” he added.

“Who are your favourite members?”

“In Exo, I like…Xiumin sunbaenim and Kris sunbaenim from Exo-M…well, I _did_ like Kris sunbae…sorry.” Sehun didn’t say anything. “From Exo-K, I like you and Baekhyun sunbaenim best, but I like you all too.”

“How about Super Junior?”

“That’s hard,” Mark said with a frown, taking a sip of water. “I like Ryeowook sunbaenim, and Heechul sunbaenim, he’s funny, and also Eunhyuk sunbaenim. Ugh, I don’t know, hyung, I like them all,” he said at the end, and Sehun couldn’t hide his laugh at the adorable expression the younger boy made.

“Do you want me to introduce you to the rest of Exo and Super Junior?” Sehun asked, and Mark choked on his noodles. Sehun patted him on the back as he coughed.

“Uh…if…wow,” Mark said after he had stopped choking, his eyes watering.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” Sehun joked again. And so it went on, the two of them talking back and forth, mainly Sehun asking Mark questions about himself. Sehun’s phone rang as he was walking with Mark downstairs, and he sighed, breaking off in the middle of his conversation.

“Sorry, just hang on a minute. Yeah?” he said, answering the call.

“Sehun, where the hell are you? I’m getting worried now,” Kyungsoo said down the phone. In the background, Sehun could hear laughter and excited chatter, and he fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes, don’t worry. And I’m bringing someone with me.” Mark squeaked in surprise, but Sehun just smiled at him.

“Who?” Kyungsoo demanded. “SHUT UP I’M ON THE PHONE!” Sehun winced and held the phone away from his ear.

“You’ll find out, hyung, now go and practice. I’m on my way.”

“Sorry I kept you from your practice, hyung,” Mark said.

“Don’t be silly,” Sehun said gently. “I chose to leave. Now come on, let’s go see someone.” They walked together in companionable silence down to the third floor, where both of their practice rooms were located. After hesitating for a second, remembering the way he had spoken to Eunhyuk and Donghae barely an hour before, Sehun knocked on the door.

“Sehun!” Kyuhyun exclaimed, dragging Sehun in for a hug. “It’s been a while. How are you?”

“I’m good, hyung,” Sehun said patting Kyuhyun on the back. “I have someone to meet you, actually.” Kyuhyun let Sehun go, where Mark stood rather awkwardly behind him. “Hyung, this is Mark, he’s a trainee here. Mark, this is-”

“Kyuhyun sunbaenim,” Mark finished, blushing slightly. Kyuhyun smiled warmly.

“I’m guessing you’re a fan of us, correct?” he asked. Mark nodded shyly. “Come in, both of you.” Sehun and Mark quickly went inside, Kyuhyun shutting the door behind them.

“Mark, you go with Kyuhyun, go and meet the other members. I need to talk to someone, but I’ll be back, ok? Please hyung, just five minutes,” Sehun added to Kyuhyun, who nodded and clapped his hand on Mark’s shoulder, engaging the boy in conversation.

Sehun quickly scanned the room to find Eunhyuk and Donghae, and saw them standing deep in conversation with Leeteuk. He headed over, his heart pounding nervously, but to his relief, the two only smiled in a friendly manner at him. “Sorry Leeteuk hyung, but could I talk to Eunhyuk and Donghae hyungs please?” he asked hoarsely, his voice beginning to go. Leeteuk nodded with a grin, patting Sehun on the shoulder.

“Nice to see you again.” He walked away, and Sehun turned to the other two, his cheeks flaming in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry for how I acted before, I didn’t mean to shout,” he said, his voice disappeared completely at some parts. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s ok, we get it,” Donghae answered for the two of them. “It’s our fault for prying, but…Sehun, is everything ok with you and your group?” Sehun’s smile faltered. “I know it’s been hard with Kris leaving, but…”

“It’s a long story,” he said finally. “And not one that I particularly want to tell right now.”

“You take your time, just remember that we’re always here to talk if you need us, ok? Even as stress relievers,” Eunhyuk added and Sehun blushed, smiling again. “Hey, who’s that kid over there? How’d he get in here?”

“Oh, that’s Mark,” Sehun said quickly, coughing painfully. “He’s a trainee, I bought him here.”

“Oh, cool. Let’s go and see him.” Eunhyuk and Donghae walked away, and Sehun watched from afar as Mark started talking to them. After a few more minutes, when he had met most of the members, Sehun came over to rescue him.

“Mark, are you ready to go?” Sehun said, and Mark nodded, looking slightly overwhelmed. “Did you meet everyone?”

“Everyone except Heechul sunbaenim,” Mark said.

“You can always come back another time,” Leeteuk offered. “You’re always welcome here.”

“Thank you,” Mark said, bowing, and Sehun grinned.

“Time to go?” Mark nodded, and Sehun thanked the members before leaving. “Right, time to go to our practice room now.” He led Mark down the corridor and pushed open the door to their room, where the others were dancing to Overdose. They sat down as the others danced, watching their movements carefully.

“Who’s this?” Kyungsoo asked, heading right over to Sehun as soon as the song ended.

“This is-” Sehun tried, but his voice completely gave up, leaving only squeaking noises. He grimaced in pain, cursing Kai once again in his head.

“I’m Mark, sunbaenim,” Mark said shyly, bowing to Kyungsoo. “I’m a trainee here.”

“Nice to meet you, Mark,” Kyungsoo responded. “I’m Kyungsoo, which you probably already knew, judging by the look on your face,” he teased, and Mark blushed. “Wanna come meet the members?”

Mark looked at Sehun, who nodded with a grin, unable to speak, and then nodded himself. “Come on then, let’s go.” Kyungsoo led Mark away, and Sehun sat back, satisfied. If he couldn’t make himself happy, at least he could make other people happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Follow me on twt @pcyjunguwudays for more updates on my oneshots...possibly some from the sequel to this! And no, we're only halfway through this story yet, don't worry :)


	14. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Some mentions of self-harm, eating disorder(s), physical violence/abuse

It became a routine. Every week, at least once, sometimes twice, Sehun would meet up with Mark and the two of them would sit and talk over a meal. For Sehun, it was a stress reliever after putting up with the shit he had to deal with from the other members. For Mark, it was a chance to gain extra knowledge, experience and keep up hope that he would eventually debut. Today was no different. It had been about five weeks since Kris had last visited, and five weeks since Sehun had spoken to Luhan. Nothing Luhan did would get Sehun to speak to him, nothing at all. Nothing had changed, either; he was still subject to the same amount of bullying and snide remarks from the others as before, and he was still cutting himself, mostly on his stomach and even legs to prevent detection. He was still skipping as many meals as he dared, and he was still practicing as much as possible.

“Sehun? Are you coming for lunch?” Minseok asked, wiping the sweat off of his brow.

“Nah, I’m good, hyung, I’m gonna practice a bit more before I go and meet Mark.”

“Again? Aren’t you spending a little too much time with the poor kid? Isn’t he sick of you yet?” Minseok teased, and Sehun smiled a little, rolling his eyes.

“Nah, he’ll survive,” Sehun replied. “And I haven’t seen him in two weeks. I promised him I’d come and see him last week, but then the interviews and stuff happened.”

“Ok. Make sure you eat something, ok?” Minseok said.

“I will!” Sehun turned his phone on and replayed the song before turning back to the mirror. He had started to dance, but he was barely halfway through when the music suddenly stopped. Surprised, Sehun turned swiftly to see Luhan holding his phone. He glared at Luhan, but Luhan didn’t say anything.

“We need to talk.”

“ _We_ don’t need to do anything,” Sehun replied icily, storming over and snatching his phone out of Luhan’s hand. “ _You_ should be with the other members, and _I_ have someone to meet now.”

“Sehun, wait,” Luhan tried. “Please, hear me out,” he begged as Sehun yanked the door open. “I want to tell you that it wasn’t my fault, I-”

“Your fault?!” Sehun gave a derisive laugh as he whirled around, his hand on the door handle. “Because of you, I nearly died, and now half the members know what I do- _did_ -to myself,” Sehun corrected hastily. “This is all your fault, and on top of that, you fucking kissed me! You know I thought of you like my brother, my best friend, someone who I could count on. After that stunt you pulled? No fucking way. I refuse to talk to you unless it’s absolutely required, so no.”

“Hyung?”

Sehun turned around, breathing heavily, to see Mark standing in the doorway, looking between Sehun’s extremely angry face to Luhan’s tear-filled eyes. “Uh, is this a bad time? Shall I come back?”

“No, it’s ok,” Sehun said quickly. “I was just leaving.” Clutching his phone in one hand, he let go of the door and left the room, Mark following him quickly.

“Is everything ok, hyung?” Mark asked cautiously, looking up at Sehun as they walked together to the café on the top floor.

“Yeah, fine. Are you hungry?” Sehun replied shortly.

“A little. Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Sehun said through gritted teeth, and Mark dropped the topic. When they reached the café, Sehun bought himself a coffee as Mark ordered his own food, and they sat in silence. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Mark said finally, swallowing the bite of his sandwich.

“For snapping at you. I’m just a little stressed.” Sehun took a gulp of coffee, ignoring the rumbling of his stomach.

“It’s fine, it happens,” Mark replied, and Sehun felt more at ease already. “You already told me how stressful idol life can be.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Sehun mumbled as Mark took another bite.

“Hm?”

“Nothing. Did you hear anything from what we said?” Sehun asked suddenly. Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Mark blushed. Sehun sighed. “I won’t bite, don’t look so scared. Just…don’t tell anyone. Please?”

“I won’t, you can trust me,” Mark said, and Sehun could hear the conviction in his words. “I swear.”

“Thanks, kid. You’re the best,” Sehun said, and Mark grinned cheekily.

“I know.”

“Brat.”

Mark smirked as he finished his sandwich, knowing Sehun wouldn’t say anything. Sehun drained the last of his coffee, and the two began to chat amicably, passing time as they caught up with each other over the last two weeks. “Sehun!” someone called, and both boys turned to see Donghae striding towards them with Leeteuk following close behind. “Good to see you again,” he continued, clapping Sehun on the back. “You too, Mark,” he added, and the boy smiled, shaking Donghae’s, and then Leeteuk’s, hands.

Sehun greeted his hyungs, and just as he was about to invite them to sit down, his phone rang. He stood up, apologising quickly to Mark and invited Donghae and Leeteuk to sit down. “You know I’m with Mark.  I told you before I left so why are you interrupting my break, hyung?” he asked of Minseok, walking away from table to lean on the balcony, looking out onto the city.

“You need to come down here now, and I want you to explain to me why Luhan’s crying,” Minseok replied stiffly.

“Do I care why he’s crying?” Sehun snapped, anger boiling inside of him. “It’s not my problem.”

“When you’re the cause of it, it is your problem, Sehun! Now stop being so rude and get back here,” Minseok snapped back.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault? I didn’t even do anything!” Sehun protested. “Ask your precious Luhan what happened.”

“All he says is your name, why do you think I called you?” Minseok retorted. “I never knew how immature and irresponsible you could be.”

“When he fucking let Tao, and then Kai try and choke me to death, and then revealed my secret to the whole fucking group, do you really think I’d forgive him straight away? He also took five weeks to talk to me, does he honestly think I wouldn’t be mad?! Yeah, I’m immature, but he’s the only irresponsible one, and my actions are appropriate!” Sehun yelled into the phone. “You know what? Fuck this.” He clicked off, breathing hard, and turned to see the three boys at his table staring at him in shock. The rest of the café was empty, and Sehun would forever be glad of his habit of having late lunches.

“Is that true?” Leeteuk was the first to speak. Tears stinging his eyes, Sehun nodded once stiffly. He cleared his throat.

“Uh, Mark, I’m sorry. I need to go, but I’ll come see you next week.”

“Sehun, wait!” Donghae yelled as Sehun left the café, but Sehun ignored him, running as fast as he could. Donghae sighed and sat down as Mark stared after Sehun with sad eyes. Donghae and Leeteuk exchanged glances; after a moment, Leeteuk put his hand on Mark’s shoulder.

“How long have you got of your break?”

“Half an hour, but…”

“Come with me then. You didn’t get to meet Heechul last time, did you?” he asked. Mark shook his head. “Well, you’re in luck, because he’s here,” Leeteuk continued, standing up. Mark grinned widely and stood up too. “Let’s go.” He made sure Mark went ahead of him before mouthing good luck to Donghae, who hurried past them after Sehun.

**********

Sehun ran out of the room, absolutely mortified. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ , he cursed himself over and over in his head. How could he just blurt those things out of nowhere and expect them not to react, or no one to hear? His blood rushed in his ears, and he suddenly found it difficult to breathe. The last place he wanted to go was back to the practice room, but he had no choice. He reached the stairs at the same time as someone else, and in his haste to stop for them, he ended up tripping, tumbling down the stairs. Pain exploded across his body and he bit his lip hard to stop himself from crying out.

“Sehun! I was calling you, I told you to stop!” someone yelled, running down to help him up. Donghae’s face swam in front of his vision, and he gave him a faint smile as he was set upright again. “Did you not hear me?” Donghae snapped worriedly.

“Sorry, hyung, I was too…”

“Come and talk to me,” Donghae said with a sigh, leading Sehun over to the lifts. Sehun tried to get his arm out of Donghae’s grip, but Donghae held him firmly.

“Let me go, Minseok hyung’s waiting, stop,” Sehun protested.

“If you don’t stop struggling, I’ll-”

“You’ll what? You’ll slap me? You’ll hit me? You’ll throw me against the wall? Try and choke me?” Sehun mocked, causing Donghae’s mouth to drop open in shock. Sehun ripped his arm out of Donghae’s hold and stormed off downstairs. He threw open the door to the practice room where everyone was sitting around a puffy-eyed Luhan. Kyungsoo immediately stood up and took Sehun aside with Yixing, the two of them shielding Sehun from the glares of the others.

“Alright, maknae, explain,” Kyungsoo ordered, forcing Sehun to sit down. He did so, ignoring the painful rubbing of his joggers against his thighs as he slid down the wall. “What exactly happened?”

“Nothing happened, for goodness’ sake,” Sehun said irritably. “He interrupted my practice time and tried to talk to me, but I was refusing to talk to him, that’s it. I don’t know why he felt the need to cry when it doesn’t even concern him.”

“Details,” Yixing said quietly, patting Sehun on the shoulder.

“I was dancing, as you do,” Sehun began with a sigh, eliciting a slight chuckle from both boys. “Then he walks in demanding that I talk to him and that he wanted to tell me that whatever happened wasn’t his fault. I told him it was his fault and that I didn’t want to talk to him unless it was required of us. I would’ve said something more, but then Mark showed up, and I left with the kid instead. That’s all that happened.”

“Oh,” Yixing said with a frown, glancing at Kyungsoo.

“I don’t know why he’s crying over it, he knows it’s his fault,” Sehun grumbled. “And now, even Minseok hyung hates me, he was yelling at me down the phone.”

“He’s just stressed out, and you know how he hates seeing Lu hyung cry,” Kyungsoo replied. “Oh well. But, Sehun, you do need to talk to each other.” Sehun was saved from replying by a knock on the door, and Kyungsoo went to go and answer it, being faced with a furious Donghae.

“Where’s Sehun?” Donghae snapped, and silence fell in the room. Luhan scrubbed at his face as Sehun stood up warily. “Come with me,” he ordered, not waiting for a reply.

“Go,” Yixing hissed at Sehun, giving him a push, and Sehun sighed, following Donghae out of the room. Donghae led him down to a room at the end filled with comfortable couches and beanbags. It had been a while since Sehun had been in here.

“Ok, now explain yourself,” Donghae snapped, staring at Sehun. “I know you’ve been stressed out and there’s been a lot of crap happening with you, but personally I’ve had it with the way you’re treating us. I understood at first, but there’s something deeper going on, and I want to know what it is so instead of being pissed off at you, I can actually try to help you.” Sehun sat still for a moment before standing up. Donghae sprang up too as Sehun made for the door. “Don’t you dare walk out on me, Oh Sehun!”

“I’m only closing the door,” Sehun replied as he shut it.

“What are you-?”

“You wanted answers, you’re getting them,” Sehun replied shortly, going over to sit down. “And don’t hate me when I’ve told you everything.” Donghae didn’t reply, just waiting patiently for Sehun to speak.

“It…it started when Kai and Yixing hyung got injured in the practice before our debut,” Sehun began quietly, hugging his knees to his chest in an attempt to warm up. He wasn’t sure why he was so cold, but he was. “That day, no one talked to me at all. Not even in the morning. They all ignored me, and during the practice, Suho hyung kept picking on me, and I didn’t know why. I still don’t. And then the accident happened and all I got was…silence. I remember, Luhan hyung and Kris hyung pulling me off of them and shouting at me and yelling and…it was awful. That day, I was sent back to the dorm by myself. The silence was so painful, it was suffocating. All I could think about was how it was my fault. When they got back, Suho hyung didn’t check on me. We share a room in the dorm, and he makes it a habit that no matter what happens, he’ll check on me. But he didn’t, and that hurt me deeply. The fact that even he thought it was my fault.” Sehun swallowed. “I couldn’t stand to be in the room any longer, so I got up and went to get something to eat, because I hadn’t eaten all day. I found biscuits in the cupboard, and I opened it. I barely opened it when Chen hyung came in, probably because of all the noise I was making. And he…he said I was no one. He called me fat. Later on, I heard them saying that I caused it because of my weight, and that did it. I didn’t eat. I woke up from nightmares early the next morning, and one thing led to another, and I cut myself. Right here.” Tears spilled out of both boys’ eyes as Sehun raised his wrist to show Donghae.

“I went to practice after that. I was there from around four in the morning until…I don’t even know what time, but I practiced for hours and hours. And then Luhan hyung came in and we had an argument. I ran out in tears, probably because I hadn’t eaten, and I’d been crying the previous day, and…” he took in a shaky breath. “But yeah. Then Shindong hyung found me after I collapsed, and he got the story out of me.” They sat there for a while, Donghae listening and comforting Sehun while he spoke, spilling out everything with tears streaming down his face.

“Oh, Sehun,” Donghae sighed after Sehun had finally stopped talking, taking the younger boy into his arms. He seemed so small and vulnerable after that, and after seeing his behaviour before, Donghae felt almost guilty that he had yelled at him. Sehun sobbed quietly into Donghae’s neck, feeling exhausted now that he had finally spilled everything that was on his mind.

“What shall I do, hyung?” Sehun sobbed, trying desperately to stem the flow of tears. “How shall I fix this? What shall I do?”

“Well,” Donghae said, then cleared his throat as it threatened to close up. “First, you should answer your phone.” Sehun removed himself from Donghae’s arms and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had three missed calls, one from Minseok, one from Luhan and one from Minwook. He called Minwook back first.

“Sehun, where are you?”

“I’m with Donghae hyung,” Sehun replied quietly, trying to keep his voice steady. “Am I needed anywhere urgently?”

Minwook sighed. “No, it’s not urgent, but I need to talk to you. How long will you be?”

“Maybe an hour? I don’t know, hyung, sorry.”

“It’s fine. We’re going out to eat if you want to join us now, or I can bring you back something if you want.” Sehun temporarily took the phone away from his ear to check the time, and he was surprised that three hours had already passed.

“Uh, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you soon, hyung.” Sehun clicked off with a sigh, rubbing his temples.

“Do you need to go?” Donghae asked worriedly.

“Only if you do,” Sehun replied, his voice sore from talking for so long. “I’m sorry for keeping you for so long.”

“It’s not a problem, they already knew where I was going,” Donghae said with a warm smile. “Sehun…” Donghae sighed.

“I didn’t tell you because I wanted sympathy from you, hyung,” Sehun cut in quickly with a cough. “I told you because I was going to explode if I held it in any longer.”

“I know,” Donghae said with a chuckle in spite of himself. “I just wanted to tell you…don’t do that to yourself. What they do to you is bad enough, and if I could kill them, I would-” Here, he cracked his knuckles, and Sehun gave him a watery smile. “And you need to take care of yourself. I’m not going to sit back and watch you starve yourself and exercise way too much. What would your mother say if she knew? What would your fans say if they found out? Especially after Kris leaving, surely they’d expect you to stay together?”

“My mother…” Sehun clenched his jaw. “My fans wouldn’t care. It’s not like I’m important, I’m not even popular. I don’t have talent, I don’t even get lines in any of our songs. I’m literally just there, and don’t tell me I’m not, because I do have access to the internet,” he added, holding up his phone. “I know what fans say about us. And anyway, we were already falling apart even before Kris hyung left.”

“Sehun, listen to me,” Donghae began, only to be cut off by his phone ringing. “Yeah?” he answered irritably. “Wha-how?!” he exclaimed, starting to laugh. “What the hell was he-why me? I’m busy…in your dreams, Choi Siwon! Fine, I’m on my way. And take lots of pictures for me, I want to use them for blackmail purposes.” He clicked off, still laughing.

“Sorry, Sehun, but I need to go. Eunhyuk managed to get himself stuck in the window, and Siwon hyung and Leeteuk hyung can’t get him out by themselves. I need to go before he embarrasses himself even more. Do you want a lift home?”

Sehun laughed a little at the expense of Eunhyuk. “I’ll be fine, I’ll walk. I need some air. I’m sorry,” he added, and Donghae shook his head.

“There’s nothing you need to be sorry for, I get it. If anything, I’m sorry for pressuring you into telling me what was wrong.” He gently patted Sehun’s shoulder. “Call me when you get home so I know you’re safe, ok? And please, eat something. Even if it’s little, even if it’s just one mouthful, please eat. For me?”

Sehun nodded reluctantly. “Ok.”

**********

“Sehun, can I talk to you?” someone behind Sehun asked. Sehun slowly turned around to see Suho standing behind him, looking slightly nervous and almost scared. Sehun shrugged, and Suho sat down on his bed, his back to Sehun. Before either of them could say anything, Sehun’s phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Sehun, you didn’t call me like you promised!” Donghae called. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I was a little preoccupied in my thoughts,” Sehun said cautiously, knowing Suho was probably listening. “Did you manage to get hyung out of the window?”

Donghae snorted. “Yeah. He has a fat arse, but don’t tell him I told you that.” Sehun laughed in spite of himself. “He’s ok, just a little sore from getting stuck.”

“How did he even get up there in the first place?”

“It’s a long story, I’ll tell you another time. Did you eat something?”

“Uh…”

“Sehun! Go and eat something right now!” Donghae snapped.

“I can’t, Suho hyung is sitting next to me right now.” Suho shot him a confused look, which Sehun ignored.

“What does he want? Is it bad? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“I’ll find out in a minute.”

“Fine, but when you’re done, you have to go and eat. Promise me, ok? Just have a biscuit or something.”

“Ok, I promise.”

“Take care, and good luck,” Donghae added. Sehun sighed as he put the phone down.

“Who was that?”

“No one you need to know about,” Sehun said before he could stop himself. He tensed, waiting for the inevitable blow, but it never came.

“Sehun, I just want to apologise to you,” Suho began. “I realise that the way we’ve been treating you is unfair, and not entirely your fault. I messed up as a leader…and as a hyung. It has gone way too far, and I should’ve been stopping it instead of starting it. I’m sorry.”

“Do you really expect me to forgive you just like that?” Sehun asked quietly, turning slowly to face Suho. “After-”

“I know you won’t,” Suho cut in quickly. “I know you won’t, and I understand why and how you won’t be able to, but that’s why I’m willing to make it up to you. In whatever way possible.”

Sehun thought for a moment, searching Suho’s face. Suho looked completely sincere, and there was nothing in his face that would suggest he was lying to Sehun. In fact, he looked almost…sorry. And Sehun believed him.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you guys for reading and sticking with this, it really does mean a lot x :)


	15. Me or You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once, there's no need for a trigger warning in this one :)

“Just one more bite,” Donghae coaxed, but Sehun couldn’t. “Oh come on! All you had was a breadstick!”

“I can’t, I’m full hyung,” Sehun replied quietly, glancing nervously around at the café full of people. Unlike at lunch time, the café was busy at breakfast time, and all Sehun could see were stars and staff milling around.

“Ok, but just one more bite, you can,” Donghae said stubbornly, lifting his spoon to Sehun’s mouth. Grudgingly, Sehun opened his mouth and forcefully swallowed the porridge down. Within seconds, he felt it come back, and he threw his chair back, bolting for the bathroom down the corridor with his hands clapped over his mouth. Donghae caught up with him as he threw up the little he had eaten, sighing.

“I told you no more,” Sehun panted, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“Yeah, you didn’t think, did you?” Sehun washed his hands, splashing water over his face. “I think I’ll go for practice now. I’m meeting Mark later for lunch, so don’t worry. I’ll eat.” Without waiting for a reply, he walked out, leaving Donghae standing in the bathroom, a confused mess.

“Ugh, this boy,” he mumbled before walking back, going to finish his own breakfast. “One day, you’ll kill me before the fans will.”

*****

“Sehun, you’re working on your dance solo with Jongin, right?” Suho asked as soon as Sehun stepped into the room.

“Uh…what?” Sehun asked.

“The one Minwook hyung told you about yesterday?”

“Oh! Yeah, I guess.”

Kai shot him a look from across the room, but Sehun ignored him. “You two can go and use the dance room, it’s free today.” Kyungsoo gave him a worried glance, but Sehun brushed it off, forcing down a sigh inwardly. He would be able to handle Kai by himself, he was sure.

“Let’s go,” Kai mumbled, brushing past him and out of the door.

“Alright, Chanyeol, you and Yixing should go over lyrics once more, show Kyungsoo if you need any help,” Suho continued. “The rest of us will work on vocals, rapping, whatever we need or want to do, but we must be productive! We have a few shows coming up, so we’ll be busy, ok?”

Sehun chose that moment to leave, following Kai down to the corridor to the second room. It was a large, spacious room with mirrors lining the walls, often used by different groups for recording dance practices. Kai was already warming up as he waited, moving his body in ways that made Sehun feel almost jealous.

Sehun quickly warmed up beside him, taking less time since he’d already been practicing since the early morning. “So, what do you want to do?” Kai asked shortly. Sehun shrugged.

“Whatever. Let’s just dance.”

Kai shrugged back and put the music on. Sehun listened for a moment, getting the beat with his head and tapping along to it with his fingers before starting to dance. On the other side of the room, Kai was doing the same, but Sehun turned his back, not willing to see his movements. “You do know we’re supposed to work together on this?” Kai said after the song ended the first time.

“Yeah, and?”

“And, it means you’re supposed to look at me when we work,” Kai replied.

“It would help if you pretend like you’re actually in Korea instead of in space,” Sehun shot back, turning back around to face away from Kai. He was surprised when Kai moved towards him instead of retorting angrily, and he turned back around again as the older got close.

“I like some of your moves, but others just aren’t sharp enough and don’t follow the beat properly. Watch me, see what you like, I’ll watch you, and we can do it together like that, ok?”

Kai turned the music on and started to dance in the middle of the room. Sehun sat down on the side and began to watch him carefully, taking in every movement in relation to the music. Slowly, as the hours passed, the boys began to work together. Sehun lost himself in the music and work, ignoring the fact that it was Jongin who he was working with. At one point, Jongin put on some random song from his playlist, and the two of them danced around, laughing and joking with each other. All was good until Jongin threw his arm around Sehun’s neck for support while the two of them jumped up and down like maniacs. Sehun felt at ease and stress-free, but the moment Jongin’s arm fell across his shoulders, everything stopped.

The feeling of not being able to breathe crashed down over him again, and he felt Jongin choking him once more. His air pipes closed up, and all the air was pushed out of his lungs. With strength he didn’t know he possessed, he roughly pushed Jongin away from him, stumbling towards the door. “Sehun, what the hell? Are you alright?” Jongin asked, coming towards him.

“Don’t come near me!” Sehun screamed, leaning against the door. The walls were closing in on him, and his head was pounding and he didn’t know what to do. “Don’t touch me! You tried to kill me!” Sehun yelled at him, pushing him harder this time. Jongin stumbled back and fell on the floor, still staring at Sehun in shock. Sehun tried to pull the door open, but a hand shot over his shoulder, slamming it shut.

“Let me-”

“Listen to me!” Jongin yelled, spit flying everywhere. “Calm down! What the hell got into you?!”

Sehun struggled against Jongin, but he didn’t budge, letting Sehun’s weak fists hit him. “You tried to kill me! Why am I here with you?!”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“What kind of person strangles their best friend, huh?” Sehun snarled, tears sliding down his cheeks. His chest heaved, but he forced himself to stay upright. “What gave you the right to touch me like that?!”

“I wasn’t thinking straight, I-”

“Why do you hate me so much?” Sehun whispered. “What did I ever do to you?”

“You…” Jongin swallowed. “You put my whole career on the line. I couldn’t let you get away with that.”

“So you decided me being dead was worth your career being broken anyway?” Sehun replied in a choked voice. Jongin didn’t answer, simply looking at Sehun, his expression unreadable. “I see. It was always between me and you, right? Me or you?”

“I will always choose me.” Jongin’s voice was hard.

“Always?”

“Always. Even if it means you going down, it will always be me.”

Sehun turned and opened the door, forcing Jongin to move out of the way. “I’m glad to know how much I always meant to you.”

**********

Jongin slid down the wall as the door slammed shut, slamming his fist on the ground in frustration. The look on Sehun’s face as he left cut Jongin deep, and he didn’t know why. From the tone of Sehun’s voice when he had asked the question, it was clear he wanted the truth. So why did he look so broken when Jongin told him? What exactly was he expecting? It wasn’t like they were friends any longer, far from it, in fact.

Jongin felt guilty, he realised. Not for the way he had been treating Sehun, but for being a horrible person. If the fans found out about all of this…if anyone else found out about all of this, they’d be well and truly screwed. He had to make it up to Sehun and make sure that he told no one else about this, otherwise he could kiss this life goodbye forever. He scrambled up, a plan forming in his mind. He would fix this.

**********

“Hyung? Hyung? Hyung?!” Mark called, waving his hand in front of Sehun’s face. Sehun jumped, sloshing water all over the table. Mark handed him napkins, looking thoroughly concerned. Sehun took them silently, cleaning it up silently. “Are you ok? I’ve been calling you for the last few minutes.”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m sorry.” Sehun took a sip from his half-full glass of water. “Listen…about yesterday…”

“I won’t lie and say that I’m not curious,” Mark said, “but I know that if you wanted me to know, you would’ve told me already. It’s not my business to know, and it’s not my business to tell anyone, either.”

“How are you so smart, kid?” Sehun asked, looking in awe at the younger. “You’re what, thirteen, fourteen years old?”

“Uh, I turned fifteen yesterday, actually,” Mark said, grinning at Sehun.

“Why didn’t you say? I’m sorry for ruining your birthday, then,” Sehun replied, feeling suddenly guilty at the drama from yesterday.

“It’s all good, don’t worry. It wasn’t ruined, Leeteuk sunbaenim took me to meet Heechul sunbaenim, so it was great,” Mark said, and Sehun smiled, recalling how Mark liked Heechul.

“That’s great, did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I enjoyed it. He’s so much bigger and scarier in real life.” Sehun spluttered on his water.

“Heechul hyung? Scary? He’s fluffier than Luhan,” Sehun laughed, but his smile faded at the mention of Luhan. “So,” he added, clearing his throat. “Tell me what you want for your birthday.”

“Nothing,” Mark said firmly, opening his juice bottle. “I already have everything I want, or need.”

“But there must be something,” Sehun argued. “Something you want? Anything?”

“I want my family, and I have them. I want friends, and I have lots of those. I want love, and I’m getting that. I want support, and I’m getting loads of that too. I’m happy.”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re a grandpa in disguise,” Sehun said, pretending to suspiciously eye the younger one as he raised his glass to his lips. “You’re way too smart for your own good, kid.”

“Hey, my mother told me it would come in useful one day. She said my intelligence will make you choke.” At that precise moment, Sehun choked on his water again, and both boys burst out laughing again.

“You’re really something else, kid.”

“I know,” he said, rather cheekily, standing up. Sehun stood up too, and the two of them left the café. Sehun nearly died when he saw Jongin standing outside of the café, leaning against the wall. Mark bowed to him, and Jongin gave him a grin in return, but Sehun ignored him, walking past him.

“Sehun, I need to talk to you.”

“I’m busy, I’ll be back later. Talk then.” Sehun continued walking down the corridor with Mark by his side, engaging the younger in conversation as they walked.

“Hyung, I know it’s not my place to pry,” Mark began as they sat outside on a bench. “But…you’re worrying me.”

“How?” Sehun replied through gritted teeth, trying not to shiver madly.

“Well, for a start, you’re shivering, and it’s so hot out here,” Mark pointed out. “You’re also wearing a thick jumper. Are you sick?” he added as he untied his jumper from his waist and put it around Sehun’s shoulders. Sehun smiled a little.

“I’m fine, I’m just…sensitive to the cold.”

“Well, there’s that. But there’s also how you interact with your members,” Mark continued carefully. “You seem so distant to everyone, even in interviews.”

“I seem to remember you find interviews boring,” Sehun replied, dodging the remark.

“I do, but I’m not the only trainee here,” Mark pointed out. “They watch it all. Interviews, music shows, you name it.”

“Right. So?”

Mark sighed. “Never mind, hyung. It doesn’t matter. Just…take care of yourself, please.” He stood up. “I should go back to practice.”

“Wait, Mark, are you angry?” Sehun said hurriedly, standing up too. Mark smiled.

“No, but I really do need to go, it’s a little late,” he added. “When are we meeting up again, hyung?”

“Uh…I don’t know,” Sehun replied as he quickly thought ahead. “I’m on a schedule over the next few weeks. I’ll text you?”

“Ok,” he called, walking away already. “Oh, and keep the jumper! You’ll need it!”

“What?” Sehun mumbled, reaching up to touch the jumper around his neck. “Cheeky brat!”

Pulling it close in spite of himself, Sehun headed inside and back up to the dance room. Jongin was sitting on the floor, eating his sandwich. Sehun’s stomach growled loudly as he opened the door, but Sehun ignored it, walking into the room. The familiar feeling of panic enveloped him as Jongin stood up, wolfing down the last of his sandwich. Sehun pulled Mark’s jumper tighter around him as Jongin got closer to him.

“We really need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you guys for reading! Shoutout to sehunbeanie because why not? :) Make sure to follow me over @pcyjunguwudays on twt for more updates, interactions and maybe some spoilers ;)


	16. Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger Warning: Talks of weight, implied eating disorder. Enjoy the chapter!

“Look, I’m sorry for whatever happened before,” Jongin started. “I didn’t realise you’d react so badly…I didn’t think about my actions. And I’m also sorry for how I’ve been treating you. It’s out of order, and I realise that you’re not at fault. Accidents happen, and I get it. I truly am sorry, and I hope that with time, you can forgive me.”

_The damage has already been done,_ Sehun thought, but he didn’t voice the thoughts out loud, instead pulling down on his sleeve further just in case. Jongin followed his movement, but didn’t say anything. “Do…are you ok? Do you want to work now? Or would you rather go back to the others?”

Sehun cleared his throat awkwardly, walking a little further into the room and letting the door close behind him. “Do we still need more work on our dance?”

The relief on Jongin’s face was obvious. “Just a little. We did most before lunch. You’ve eaten, right? It’s time for some hard-core dancing.” Jongin turned away to put the music on. The beat blasted from the speakers, filling the room, and Sehun moved to the middle of the room, immediately getting into position. The two danced the whole routine throughout once fully, both giving their best. At the end of it, Sehun felt out of breath and slightly warmer, and next to him, Jongin was sweating buckets. Both boys grinned hard at each other.

“Sehun, aren’t you hot?! You must be boiling, and you have two jumpers, take them off!” Jongin panted. Sehun just shook his head.

“I’m actually cold.”

“How…that was so intense, you did amazingly well,” Jongin said, staring in astonishment at Sehun. Sehun just shrugged. “Well, I guess we’re done here. That’s perfect. Are you ready to perform it tomorrow?”

Sehun spluttered, spraying water everywhere. “To-tomorrow?! I thought it’s for the concert next week!”

“No, were you not listening to manager hyung? It’s for tomorrow,” Jongin grimaced, wiping water off his face with his sleeve. Sehun sighed.

“Not like I have a choice then…yeah, I’m ready.”

“Good.” He took his own drink of water. “Let’s go and perform to the others, then we can practice vocals with them.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Sehun followed Jongin out of the room and to the other room.

“Did you two eat lunch yet?” was Suho’s first question as soon as they stepped into the room. “You didn’t join us, and neither of you picked up your phones! Where were you?”

“I had lunch in the practice room, and Sehun was with his friend, that kid,” Jongin supplied. Sehun pulled his phone out to find four missed calls from Suho.

“Sorry, my phone was on silent, hyung,” he added. Suho rolled his eyes.

“Well, as long as you ate. Are you finished practicing?”

“Yeah, we just finished off. Hyung says we’re done,” Sehun replied.

“Can you show us?” Lay called. “Is it good enough for tomorrow?”

“Why is it that everyone knows about tomorrow but me?” Sehun grumbled. Jongin laughed behind him, and Sehun rolled his eyes a little. The music started playing, and the two danced through it once again, to applause and cheers from the others.

“You guys are so great!”

“Awesome! Well done!”

Sehun smiled, and Jongin clapped him on the back. Kyungsoo shot him a look, and over Jongin’s shoulder, he just shrugged a little to show his own confusion. Unlike when Suho had apologised, there was something weird about Jongin’s own confession. For now, Sehun would ignore it, but he wouldn’t blindly trust Jongin. There was something odd about Jongin’s behaviour towards him, and he wasn’t going to let it go just like that

**********

The past two months had been exhausting for Sehun. Their schedule had increased dramatically, and with it came the stress and pressure of public life. Before, they mostly kept to themselves, training day and night to try and be the best they could be. Sehun in particular had never worked as hard as before. Show after show, interview after interview, concert after concert…Sehun needed a break.

The one good thing that had come out of that was that he’d made up with Luhan and Minseok. It had happened on stage, actually. The boys were laughing at Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who’d started to play-fight in the middle of the stage for reasons Sehun had missed. The next he’d known, he was standing in between Minseok and Luhan, their arms thrown around his shoulders, and the two were laughing like crazy, using him as support in a sense. Sehun had grinned and took it, trying not to show the fans how his knees threatened to buckle, how the tears gathered in his eyes at having his hyungs near him again, how weak and useless he felt. Afterwards, the two had come up to him, and all three had apologised to each other. Sehun forgave Luhan for trying to kiss him and for not helping him, realising that Luhan was truly too innocent and clueless about anything. Soon enough, they were back to normal.

Out of the members, only Baekhyun, Chen and Tao continued to shun Sehun. Although it wasn’t as bad as before, the only times Sehun would really interact with them was on stage, where they would happen to be near each other. Only Sehun could tell that the fire that blazed within Chen’s eyes was hatred and not love like the fans assumed, how the arm that Tao threw around his neck as if to hug him really itched to choke him like Kai had done before, how Baekhyun’s cheeky smirks were more deadly than ever.

“I’m so glad that that’s over,” Jongin sighed, flopping down on the floor in their living room at the dorm. They’d just come back from Manila in the Philippines, their last show for the next few months. They now had three weeks off to do whatever they pleased before getting back into the routine of their usual lives. “I mean, I loved the fans, but it was exhausting to do that night after night. It’s a wonder your lot’s vocal chords didn’t collapse.”

“That’s what training’s for, Kai,” Baekhyun retorted edgily. Sehun leaned into Yixing’s side, the elder’s arm loosely on his shoulders. His body ached, and he felt disgusting at this moment in time, but all he wanted to do was sleep forever.

“Well, we have all day free today,” Kyungsoo pointed out hoarsely. “So get some sleep everyone, then we can figure out what you want to do.” Sehun opened one eye lazily to see the time was only two in the morning. He closed his eyes again, feeling Yixing’s hand patting out a comforting rhythm on his back.

He woke up a few hours later, finding himself curled into Yixing’s side on the sofa and shivering madly. He curled further into the elder, who wrapped his arm tighter around him as the younger tried to warm up more. The thin blanket covering them did nothing to stop the heat from escaping. “Mm, Sehun?”

“Y-y-yes h-h-hyung?” Sehun asked through chattering teeth.

“Are you okay?” Yixing continued lazily, his eyes still closed. “Do you wanna go to bed?”

“I’ll be fine,” he mumbled. Yixing threw the blanket off of him and wrapped it around Sehun before dragging him closer, rubbing his arms to try and warm him up.

“You’re like ice, maknae, are you sure you’re not sick or something?” Yixing asked, finally opening his eyes and looking with concern at the shivering boy. He touched his forehead, then frowned, removing his fingers.

“I’m ok, really,” Sehun replied, feeling a little warmer. “I’m just…sensitive to cold.”

“Right.” Yixing didn’t sound convinced. “I’ll go and make you soup or something.” Before he could get up, Kyungsoo walked into the room, looking much more refreshed.

“Morning,” he said brightly, looking at the two. “Did you guys sleep here?”

“I didn’t have the motivation to move,” Yixing replied, causing a laugh to emit from Sehun. “Soo, do me a favour please?”

“If it’s food, you can get up yourself, lazy bum,” Kyungsoo replied, leaning on the back of a chair.

“It is, but not for me. Sehun’s sick and he needs soup.”

“I’m not sick, hyung,” Sehun whined, curling even further into Yixing. “I’m just cold.”

“I’ll make soup,” Kyungsoo said, rolling his eyes at Yixing as he walked out of the room. Sehun closed his eyes, but swift movement made him yelp in surprise.

“Hyung, what the hell? I’m not a baby!” he protested as Yixing picked him up as if he was a baby and started rocking him back and forth.

“You really are, Sehun,” Yixing said as he stood up, a grin across his lips. It faded abruptly, and Sehun removed his arms from around his hyung’s neck.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? You shouldn’t have picked me up, I’m too heavy-”

“Sehun, how much do you weigh?” Yixing asked, the playful tone gone from his voice. He slowly set Sehun on his feet. Sehun blushed and shrugged.

“I dunno. Sixty-three?”

“You are _not_ sixty-three, do not lie to me Oh Sehun!” Yixing snapped. “I’m about sixty-one, and I could practically pick you up with my pinky finger.”

“Yeah, but you’re a dancer, of course I’ll seem light to you,” Sehun replied, trying not to let his panic show. He tugged at his sleeves surreptitiously, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“What, and you’re not?” he scoffed back. “Come with me.” Yixing gripped Sehun tightly and dragged him into the bathroom. Sehun knew better than to struggle; when Yixing was angry, he was really angry. What he was more concerned was the tightness of Yixing’s grip - he was sure his wrist would be bruised darkly as well as bloody by the time Yixing was through with him.

Yixing dropped to the floor and pulled open the cupboard underneath the sink, pulling out a long-forgotten item. He turned it on from underneath and set it on the floor, waiting for it to set itself up. Sehun watched with dread creeping up inside of him. “Get on,” Yixing ordered. Sehun swallowed.

“I-I can’t.”

“Do. It. Now.” There was no mistaking the barely-concealed anger behind Yixing’s words. Shaking, Sehun slowly stepped onto the scales. He closed his eyes. “Forty-four.” Sehun stepped off the scales quickly as if burned. “Sehun…”

Sehun opened his eyes to see Yixing staring at him in shock. “Hyung, I can explain…”

“I think that…I don’t need to hear you explanation,” Yixing said after a moment, clearing his throat. “I’m extremely mad at you right now. But,” he continued at Sehun’s expression, “that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to help you. You need help.”

“I don’t need help, I’m perfectly fine.”

“NO YOU FUCKING AREN’T!” Yixing exploded, throwing the scales back into the cupboard and slamming it shut. “YOU CLEARLY NEED HELP! YOU WEIGH ALMOST HALF OF WHAT YOU DID SIX MONTHS AGO, THAT’S NOT HEALTHY!”

“Hyung, I don’t need your help,” Sehun replied hotly, moving towards the door. “I can take care of myself, I know what I’m doing.”

“Yeah? Don’t come crying to me when you finally realise how much shit you’re in, and don’t expect me to help you after this,” Yixing spat. “You clearly need help, and pushing us away isn’t going to help.”

Sehun turned and ran out of the room before Yixing could see the hot tears that rolled down his face. He ran into his room where Suho was walking out, a pile of clothes in his hands. “Sehun? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sehun said, squeezing past Suho into the room. “I’m going out today, don’t worry about me. I’ll be back late so don’t stay up.” Sehun picked up his phone and a fresh change of clothes before shutting the door in a surprised Suho’s face. He quickly changed, running a hand through his hair. When a clump came off in his hand, Sehun froze momentarily. He quickly dumped it in the bin before hunting the room for a cap, finally grabbing one of Suho’s from his bed.

“Hey, where are you going Sehun?” Kyungsoo called, walking out of the kitchen with a bowl in his hands as Sehun stalked past, his cap low.

“Out, I’ll be back later,” Sehun replied shortly, Yixing’s words still ringing in his head.

“But the soup!” Kyungsoo protested. His reply was the slam of a door. “Zhang Yixing! Get your ass here right now!”

**********

“If you distract the other trainees, I’ll kick you out,” Jaehyuk warned as Sehun stood at the door. Sehun shrugged.

“I promise I won’t, hyung. I’ll sit at the back and just watch.” Jaehyuk stepped to the side and let Sehun into the empty practice room. “Oh, and I’m taking the kid out this afternoon, if that’s ok with you.”

“It’s not ok,” Jaehyuk said shortly. Sehun smirked.

“Good. I’ll take him for lunch at one, we’ll be back at six.” Jaehyuk rolled his eyes.

“You do know that I’m in trouble if anyone finds out?”

“It’s not like our friendship’s a secret, hyung,” Sehun replied casually, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Anyway, I’m a big boy now. I can handle it.”

“How are things with you, anyway?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Fine,” Sehun replied automatically. “We’re all good.”

“Sure? You seem a little down recently,” Jaehyuk frowned, stretching out his limbs. Sehun just shrugged, pushing down the feelings of despair and worthlessness.

“It’s just stress. We only just got back from Manila last night.”

“Last night? So what are you doing here?”

“I got bored at home, and I haven’t seen Mark in a while, not since August, actually,” Sehun explained.

Jaehyuk didn’t get time to reply as the door opened, the trainees flooding into the room. Sehun shrank into the corner, unnoticed by any of the trainees, and he watched from afar as they began to warm-up. Shooting Sehun a sideways smirk, Jaehyuk fiddled with the music. “Ok, boys, today we’re going to learn the choreography to Exo’s Overdose! Are you ready?”

The boys cheered at once, and Sehun smiled a little at their enthusiasm. He watched as Jaehyuk started to dance, teaching each of the boys the separate moves where necessary, showing them the movements to the music multiple times. After four hours of intense dancing, wherein not a single person noticed Sehun’s presence, Jaehyuk felt that they were ready to dance.

Sehun was impressed. For a group of trainees, they had learnt the choreography extremely fast, even faster than Exo had done it themselves, though Sehun supposed it was because they didn’t have to focus on getting it exactly right. As they danced, Sehun uncurled himself from his position, realising how cramped the muscles in his whole body were from sitting there for so long. He stood up, moving across the room, feeling the surprised glances from the boys as he crossed over to where Jaehyuk stood.

“Well done boys,” Jaehyuk said, clearly impressed with them, and Sehun thought it was the perfect time to play a prank on them. He cleared his throat rather loudly.

“No, no, no! That just won’t do!” he proclaimed, his voice echoing around the room. He glanced at Jaehyuk, who struggled to keep the grin off of his face.

“What’s wrong with it, ahjussi?” one of the boys asked, frowning at Sehun. Sehun suppressed a grin as he realised that this was the kid who took his part.

“You played Oh Sehun’s part during the dance, correct?” Sehun boomed, making his voice deeper. The boy nodded, confused. “You did it wrong.” Murmurs broke out around the room. “You didn’t do the leg movements properly, and your dance was absolutely not energetic enough to even be worthy of him.” The boy gaped at him in shock.

“Ok, make a space, this ahjussi will show you how it’s done,” Jaehyuk called. Sehun bit his tongue in an attempt not to laugh as the boys, still confused, moved back. Sehun moved into the centre and Jaehyuk started the dance. Sehun made sure his hat stayed low as he danced to the music, his body moving naturally to the beat. Right at the end, Sehun deliberately let his hat fall, staring directly at the boy.

The boy cursed and stumbled backwards in shock. Chatter broke out around him, and Sehun grinned widely, straightening up. The boys all looked at him in shock and awe as Jaehyuk burst into laughter. “Hey, kid,” Sehun called, and the boy, his face flushed bright red looked up, still surrounded by his friends. “I was just joking with you. You did an amazing job, better than I do, and you pulled it off so much better. Well done.”

“Hyung! I didn’t see you come in!” Mark called, and Sehun turned to see the other boy coming towards him, two trainees following behind him.

“I came before you did, I was sat in that corner the whole time,” Sehun explained, pointing to the back. “You guys did awesome, by the way. All of you.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Mark said, grinning from ear to ear. “I didn’t think I could do Kai sunbae’s part since he’s such a great dancer…”

“You did so great, I’m sure he’d be proud of you if he saw you,” Sehun commented. Mark grinned. “Ok, listen, I’m gonna go and talk to Jaehyuk hyung for a minute, go and have a little break, and then I’m taking you with me for the rest of the day.”

“Where are we going?” Mark asked excitedly. Sehun just smiled.

“You’ll see.” He walked away first, going back over to Jaehyuk, who was talking to the kid that Sehun had pranked. He looked annoyed and pissed off, and Jaehyuk seemed tense.

“What’s going on?” Sehun asked, approaching them. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, turning to the kid as Jaehyuk shrugged.

“No,” the kid said petulantly, but Sehun could hear it. He sighed, guilt flooding his system.

“What’s your name?” Sehun asked.

“Jaehyun,” the boy said through gritted teeth.

“Jaehyun? Nice name.” Jaehyun smiled slightly before reverting back to his moody face. “Listen, Jaehyun, I didn’t mean to be mean. I didn’t mean to target you, the prank was supposed to be in general on all of you. I just thought…fuck, I didn’t think.”

“Language, Sehun,” Jaehyuk snapped, slapping the back of his head. “There’s kids present.”

“I’m not a child, hyung,” Jaehyun protested as Sehun rubbed the back of his head. “I’m eighteen!”

“Eighteen and acting like an eight year old, hyung,” Mark snickered, coming up to Sehun’s other side. Jaehyun mock glared at Mark and started chasing him around the practice room. Sehun just grinned sheepishly at Jaehyuk, who rolled his eyes at the behaviour of his trainees.

“Well, now that you’ve well and truly disturbed my trainees, you can go now,” Jaehyuk said, pushing Sehun in the direction of the door. “Go!”

“Wait, I need Mark,” Sehun said, ducking down to grab his hat from the floor.

“Sehun, are you going bald?” Jaehyuk asked as Mark and Jaehyun came back, both of them grinning from ear to ear.

“No, it’s just the dye,” Sehun said quickly, proud of himself for thinking of the response so quickly. “I think I’ll stay away from it for a while. Go au-naturel, as they say in France.” He quickly jammed the hat on his head.

“Sehun sunbaenim?” Jaehyun called as Mark and Sehun moved towards the door. “I know you didn’t mean it. And thank you for the compliment.”

“No problem, Jaehyun,” Sehun replied. “And you don’t have to call me sunbaenim. That makes me feel old. You can call me Sehun if you want.”

“I call him hyung,” Mark piped up, grinning cheekily at Jaehyun.

“Uh…ok, hyung,” Jaehyun said uncertainly. Sehun grinned.

“See you around, kid.” He bowed to the room in general before leaving with Mark at his side.

**********

Sehun started the engine of his car, absolutely exhausted. He had taken Mark around the city, knowing that weekdays were much less busy than weekends. Although Mark was Korean, he had never really had a chance to explore Seoul, so Sehun took it upon himself to show Mark as much as he possibly could. With Yixing’s words in his mind, Sehun forced himself to eat a little when the two stopped for lunch and then dinner, pacing himself so he wouldn’t be sick. All afternoon, the two boys trekked around Seoul, not being noticed by a single person for which Sehun was grateful.

“Thank you so much, hyung,” Mark said, hugging Sehun tightly as Sehun pulled up outside the trainee dormitory. “When are we meeting again?”

“Um…I have the next few weeks off, so pretty much every day unless something comes up for either of us,” Sehun replied with a shrug. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then, kid.”

“Ok, hyung,” Mark said, climbing out of the car. “See you tomorrow.” Sehun waited for Mark to go inside before driving off. He shut the door to the dormitory quietly, trying not to disturb everyone else as it was already nine and the others were probably still jet-legged. Tip-toeing past the living room, Sehun was ready to go to bed when voices from inside caught his attention.

“What do you really think about Sehun?”


	17. Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, minor character death

Sehun froze in his place. “Let’s go in age order. Xiumin hyung, you start,” Tao continued.

“Well, he’s an attention-seeking idiot who broke us all apart,” Minseok replied casually, his voice drifting outside. Sehun stayed rooted to the spot, not able to believe his ears. “Luge, you go next.”

“He’s a fool to think I would actually like him like that. Kissing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, I almost vomited. Not speaking to him was a huge relief. Suho.”

“He’s a massive baby who should really go back to his parents instead of being in a group like this. He’s way too sensitive, and he cries at every little thing. It’s disgusting to look at, and so hard to be so nice. Xing, your turn.”

“He’s a little bitch who can’t admit to his own problems, and so far stuck up his own ass, he’ll never be able to recover at this rate.” Many cheers met Yixing’s words, and Sehun felt something inside of him break in tiny pieces. Still, he stayed outside, waiting to hear what everyone else thought.

“He’s a disgusting little faggot who should kill himself at the first opportunity. He’s so annoying and clingy, it’s quite sad.”

“I agree with Baekhyun,” Chen continued, and the slapping of hands indicated a high-five between the two.

“He’s a troubled kid who should probably be locked up. He really has bad issues.”

“You-” Kyungsoo started, before he was cut off abruptly. There was a slight pause before he spoke again. “He’s a whining little baby who clearly needs help.” The boys laughed and jeered, but quickly moved on to Tao.

“He’s a huge drama queen who thinks he should be treated like royalty just because he’s the maknae. He’s the reason Kris Ge left, and I can’t ever forgive him for that.”

“Same as Taozi, he pretty much broke us apart. Also, he broke my ankle. It’ll never be the same again, I’ll never be able to dance the same as before. He practically ruined my career,” Kai finished. Sehun felt anger cloud his vision, and he was just about to step into the room when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Sehun quickly backed away, running down the corridor before pulling out his phone.

“Hello?”

“Sehun, it’s Donghae and Eunhyuk, we were wondering if you’re free?” Donghae asked straight away. “We know you came back from Manila and you had a whole day off to rest.”

“Uh, now?” Sehun choked out.

“Yeah, now. We thought we’d take you for a bit.”

“Uh…fine, why not,” Sehun sighed, ignoring the exhaustion and anger that threatened to take over his body. “I’ll be ready in a bit. Where are we going?”

“Partying,” Eunhyuk called, and Sehun sighed. That was the last place he wanted to go, but he could hear the excitement in their voices, and he couldn’t refuse them. Not now, not after hearing the others talk about him in such a disgusting way. “Be ready in half an hour, we’re on our way.” Donghae clicked off, and Sehun pocketed his phone, walking into his room to grab fresh clothes before going for a quick shower. He forced all thoughts of anything out of his mind, not wanting to break down.

As he towelled his hair dry and buttoned his shirt up, his phone rang again. Picking it up with a sigh, he answered it. “Hyungs, I’ll be out in five minutes, I just need to clean up in here, don’t go without me!”

Sehun grabbed his jacket and slipped it on as he walked through the dormitory.

“Sehun! Where are you going?” someone called, and Sehun turned to see Suho striding towards him, looking concerned. Sehun bit back his sarcastic remark. “When did you come back?”

“I just got back a while ago, and then Donghae and Eunhyuk hyung called me, so I’m going with them.”

“You shouldn’t go, you should rest,” Suho said worriedly.

“I’ll be fine! I don’t need your permission, and I’ll only be gone for a while. I’ll be back soon.” With that, Sehun left, sliding into the car. Along with Donghae and Eunhyuk, Heechul and Ryeowook were also there, leaving only one more space for him.

“Hello,” Sehun said quickly, buckling up his seatbelt.

“Are you ready to party?” Ryeowook asked him. Sehun forced a smile and nodded.

“Sure.” Donghae started driving again. The journey there was rather uneventful, mostly Heechul and Eunhyuk arguing about an issue Sehun couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around. He sat silently, listening to the bickering. Inside, Sehun sat at the bar, a glass of orange juice in his hand as the others went to dance. He wasn’t in the mood for dancing, and right now, although he felt like drowning his sorrows in alcohol, he knew he couldn’t; there were too many calories and he couldn’t afford to consume anymore. He was big enough as it is.

The night dragged on, and Sehun watched with amusement as Donghae wrestled a drunk Heechul off the dance floor and away from some girls who were crowded around him. What made it funnier was the fact that Donghae was drunk too, and watching them stumbling around was entertaining in itself. Taking pity on his hyungs, Sehun went over and helped Donghae bring Heechul over to sit down, almost collapsing under the weight but staying strong.

“Where’s Hyukkie and Wookie gone?” Donghae slurred, not making any sense.

“Who?” Sehun snorted, spluttering as orange juice ended up in his nose.

“Fat ass and chipmunk,” Donghae reiterated, staring at Sehun as if he was dumb.

“Oh, you mean Eunhyuk and Ryeowook hyung?” he clarified. When Donghae nodded, almost slipping off his barstool, Sehun nearly cried of laughter. “I think they’ve gone over there somewhere,” he choked out, still suppressing bouts of laughter.

“I’m tired,” Heechul whined. “I wanna sleep.”

“You wait here, I’ll go and get them and then I’ll take us all home,” Sehun decided quickly, finishing off the juice. “Don’t go anywhere!”

It didn’t take him long to find Eunhyuk and Ryeowook; the two of them were crying together in the corner. “Why are you crying?” Sehun asked.

“M-my dog died!” Eunhyuk exclaimed. “It didn’t deserve to be treated this way!”

“But…hyung, you don’t have a dog.” Eunhyuk immediately stopped crying and turned to Ryeowook, who was wiping tears off of his face.

“You told me I had a dog that died!”

“No, you told me that!”

“Ok,” Sehun drawled, stepping between them before he laughed anymore at them. “Time to go home.” Both Ryeowook and Eunhyuk allowed Sehun to help them, and he made them walk in front of them back to his spot at the bar, where Heechul and Donghae were sitting, silently for once. “Hyung, I need the car keys.”

“I’ll drive, Sehunnie, don’t worry,” Donghae giggled, taking out the keys and dangling them in front of his face. “Ooh, shiny!”

“You’re drunk and I don’t have a death wish tonight, hyung, I’m driving,” Sehun said firmly, snatching the keys out of Donghae’s hand.

“You’re such a killjoy, Sehunnie,” Donghae whined, pouting.

“You love me really.” Together, the five of them made their way around the outside of the room before Sehun managed to dump them all in the car, Heechul snagging the front seat. He got into the driver’s seat and adjusted the mirrors before starting the car up.

His phone rang as he started to drive, but he ignored it, focusing on the road ahead. He was desperately exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he knew he had to get the others home before he could do so. He didn’t want anything to happen to them.

His phone rang again as he pulled up outside the other boys’ house, and he sighed. It was an unknown number, but as soon as he made to answer it, the call ended. He quickly dialled Shindong’s number, not really expecting him to be up, but he didn’t want to take in the four sleeping boys by himself.

“Sehun? Is everything ok?” Shindong answered rather grumpily, and Sehun realised he was sleeping.

“Sorry for waking you up, hyung, but I have a little problem.”

“What is it? Can it wait until tomorrow?”

“I have Donghae hyung, Eunhyuk hyung, Heechul hyung and Ryeowook hyung with me, and they’re all drunk. I’m outside, but I can’t bring them inside myself. Could you help me please?”

“Ugh,” Shindong groaned, and Sehun heard movement as Shindong shuffled around. “Yeah, let me get Kyuhyun and Siwon, we’re coming.” Not long after, the door opened and three grumpy people walked towards the gate. Sehun got out of the car as they headed towards them.

“I’m going to kill these dumb hyungs tomorrow morning,” Kyuhyun grumbled as he grabbed Heechul, the taller boy jerking awake at the sudden rough movement. “Come inside, hyung,” he added more politely to Heechul, and the two walked away. The four of them helped the four drunken boys inside - “just dump them on the floor, Sehun, don’t worry,”- before Sehun begged his leave.

“Shall I drive you home? I’m awake now anyway,” Kyuhyun offered, but Sehun shook his head.

“Don’t worry, I’ll walk.”

“Sorry about these lot. How come you were with them, anyway?” he continued as he walked Sehun back to the door.

“They invited me out, and I didn’t feel like staying in the dorm tonight, so I came with them.”

“Is everything ok?” Kyuhyun asked, and Sehun quickly nodded as the memories of the night came back over him.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” He cleared his throat rather awkwardly. “I think I’ll go now. See you soon, hyung.”

“Bye Sehun.”

As he walked down the road, streetlamps lighting his way, Sehun’s voice rang yet again. It was the same unknown number. “Who is this?” he barked into the phone, irritated, angry and tired.

“Sehun?”

“Who are you?”

“Sehun, it’s me, your mother.” Sehun paused in his tracks. Why the hell was his mother calling him?

“Why do you have my number? I told you I didn’t want to talk to you, why are you calling me? Who gave you my number?”

“I have something to tell you, Sehunnie.”

“Don’t call me that,” he hissed as he turned a corner, mindful of the late time. “What is it? Make it quick, I’m tired.”

“Sehunnie…”

“I said don’t call me that, what don’t you understand?”

“It’s your father, Sehun,” his mother said finally after a long pause.

“That man is not my father.”

“Not him, your real father.”

“What happened?” Sehun asked, coming to an abrupt halt outside the dormitory. “What is it?”

“He…he’s dead.”

Sehun’s world crumbled. His phone slipped from his hand and onto the concrete, and his eyes widened in shock. His mind whirled. No, he couldn’t be. His dad couldn’t be dead. He had always been there for him, always supported him, always helped him whenever he needed it…his dad was his role model and his best friend and his father all in one. “No,” he whispered. Bile rose in his throat, and he leaned to one side, emptying out the contents of his stomach onto the sidewalk. Lights turned on in the house, and the front door opened, but Sehun remained on his knees, shivering with shock.

“Sehun? Sehun, come on,” someone whispered gently, putting an arm around Sehun’s shivering body. “Let’s go inside.”

**********

“Sehun, you came,” his mother whispered hoarsely as Sehun entered the room. He stood there unmoving as his mother launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his body. “I didn’t think you would come.” He stared straight ahead, not saying a word. When she eventually let go, Sehun turned and walked out of the room.

“Sehun.” Sehun stopped and turned to see his older brother Dohun staring at him. Sehun’s composure crumbled, and he turned, walking over to his brother quickly. Dohun opened his arms and the two stood in the middle of the corridor, hugging each other tightly and crying.

“How could he, hyung?” Sehun sobbed into Dohun’s shirt. “How could he leave without saying goodbye? Why did he have to leave me?”

“I don’t know, Se,” Dohun whispered, silent tears rolling down his face as he tried to comfort his younger brother. “I really don’t know.” Time passed, and the boys stood there, not knowing how long it had been.

“When’s his funeral?” Sehun asked, sitting down on the bottom step of the stairs, his eyes puffy both from crying and lack of sleep. Dohun handed him a glass of water which Sehun just swirled around, not having the energy to raise it to his lips.

“This evening.” At Sehun’s surprised face, Dohun clarified. “It’s because of you. Fans would most likely come if it was during the day, and they know we want privacy.”

“Can…Can I stay at yours, hyung?” Sehun asked, finally taking a small sip of the cold liquid. “I can’t bear to stay with her and her plaything.”

In spite of the situation, Dohun managed to laugh. “You don’t even have to ask, baby bro.”

“Speaking of her plaything, where is he?”

“Who knows? Probably partying it away somewhere as usual,” Dohun snorted. Then he stood up. “Come on, Se. Let’s get some food into you. I know it’s not the right time, but Yerin and the kids are dying to see you. It’s been a while.” Sehun allowed Dohun to pull him up and lead him outside to his car. This would be a long night.

“Uncle Sehun!” was the first thing Sehun was greeted with as he stepped into Dohun’s house. Unprepared for the force of two children diving at his legs, Sehun fell backwards on the floor. Pain shot through his back as his niece and nephew jumped on him, and he groaned, feeling his ribs strain under their weight.

“Kids! Get off of him right now!” Dohun snapped from behind Sehun, and the two finally jumped off of him, the twins bearing identical grins. “Go and play, both of you.”

“We want Uncle Sehun!” his niece whined.

“Jinhee, don’t push your limits and do as I say,” Dohun warned. “Take your brother and go and play, Uncle Sehun needs to rest.” From his position on the floor, Sehun could see the pout on Jinhee’s face, but after a minute, she ran away, her brother following after her. Dohun leaned down and easily pulled Sehun up. “Sehun, do they actually feed you there?”

“Uh, yeah, why?”

“You’re too light, bro,” Dohun continued, walking down the hallway. Sehun followed him, picking up his bag from the door. “Yerin, we have a guest!” Seconds later, a pretty woman walked in, looking completely drained and exhausted, but as soon she spotted Sehun, she smiled, enveloping him in a hug.

“Nice to see you again, Sehun. How have you been?”

“Fine, thanks.”

“When did you get here?”

“A few hours ago.”

“He went back to the old house.”

“Because you didn’t give me your new address, hyung.”

“Dohun!” Yerin scolded. “Oh well. At least you’re here and you’re safe. Are you hungry? Did you have a long journey?”

“Can you put some food on for us, please?” Dohun asked before Sehun had a chance to speak. “I’ll let Sehun freshen up, then we’ll have lunch.” Yerin walked out of the room, telling Sehun where to find whatever he needed as she left. Dohun led Sehun upstairs, where he entered the bathroom.

His face looked hollow, even more sunken in than before. His hair was a complete mess, hiding the slight bald spot he had gotten yesterday, making him afraid to touch his hair now. His eyes were puffy, swollen and red, and he felt like absolute shit. Once again, his thoughts drifted over to his group, and then to his dad, and tears sprang up in his eyes again. He should’ve known they were all being fake. He should’ve known no one ever really cared about him.

Before he knew it, he had picked up the razor that was sat on the sink and had it pressed against his stomach, ready to create the line that he knew he desperately needed. It had been a while since he had last cut, but today…he didn’t know what had gone wrong. He made the first incision, but before he could make another, the door burst open.

“Uncle Sehun, come and play with us!” Jinwoo whined, tugging at his trouser leg. Sehun quickly dropped his shirt and surreptitiously dumped the razor back in the sink.

“Oh Jinwoo! Come out of there this instant!” Dohun roared, coming up to the door. Feeling dizzy suddenly, Sehun gripped the sink as Jinwoo pouted at his father. Dohun raised an eyebrow, and Jinwoo ran out, skirting past Dohun’s leg. “I’m so sorry about that. Are you ok, Se?”

“It’s fine, I’m ok hyung, I just…I’m fine.” Sehun cleared his throat and walked out as well. Dohun led him back downstairs, and Sehun pulled his jacket closer to him to hide the bloodstain that soaked his shirt.

“Sit down, Yerin’s bringing food.” Against his will, Sehun sat down at the table, more focused on the cut across his stomach. He could feel it pulsate as more blood gathered before dripping down, and the pain made him almost delirious.

“Sehun, eat something.” Sehun blinked and looked up to see both Yerin and Dohun staring worriedly at him. He looked down at his plate to find it already filled up. He was confused; when had the food come onto his plate? He picked up his knife and fork and slowly cut off a small piece of steak, bringing it to his mouth. The moment it entered his mouth, Sehun felt bile rise up his throat. He shoved his chair back and ran out, not even bothering to mumble apologies.

“Sehun, what’s wrong?” Dohun asked as Sehun leaned against the sink, shivering. Sehun could hear the concern, but also the exasperation in his tone. “You need to eat something, look at you, you’re like a fucking corpse…are you bleeding?!”

“I’m fine,” Sehun forced out, shying away from Dohun’s touch, but Dohun was stronger and grabbed Sehun, pulling him too easily. He lifted up Sehun’s shirt, and his eyes widened in shock. Sehun swayed on the spot, and Dohun lifted him up before he could fall.

“Yerin! Yerin, bring the first aid kit!” Dohun yelled as he dumped Sehun on the bed. Sehun stayed in one place, too weak to move. Tears slid out of the corners of his eyes as he struggled to think straight, his mind clouded over. His body refused to function, and he barely even reacted as Dohun lifted up his shirt, sliding his cold fingers over the rough bumps of his skin. He didn’t even blink as Yerin, with shaky hands from the shock, disinfected the cut and dressed it clumsily. He didn’t move as Dohun and Yerin left the room, hearing their voices argue loudly about calling an ambulance outside. He couldn’t take it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise in hindsight how insensitive this chapter is, what with everything surrounding our own Kai :( However, as I said earlier, it's been a year since this full story was written, and due to the plot, I cannot see any other way of changing it so that it doesn't hit quite so hard. I have attempted it a few times, but the original just has more impact and flows so well. I apologise for my insensitivity at this issue.


	18. Problem after Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Slight mentions of self-harm and eating disorders. Nothing too drastic.

Kyungsoo was worried. Extremely worried. He had only gone into the kitchen to make Sehun soup, but next thing he knew, Sehun was storming out without a word. He had heard raised voices, but he didn’t expect it to result in Sehun staying out all day. When he had tried to confront Yixing, the usually calm boy had slammed the door angrily in his face, not even allowing Chen to come into their shared room.

Kyungsoo had called Sehun multiple times, but each time, the call was rejected, leaving him to sigh in frustration. All day, he hadn’t got hold of Sehun, only receiving a text around three in the afternoon to tell him not to worry and that he’d be staying out late. Forced to relax, he’d allowed himself to be pulled into a drinking game with the rest of the group after dinner in the evening.

“What do you really think about Sehun?” Tao asked loudly. He was clearly drunk, but unlike a lot of people, Tao didn’t slur. “Let’s go in age order. Xiumin hyung, you start,” he added, jabbing a finger at Xiumin. Xiumin was currently hanging off the couch upside down, but he grinned.

“Well, he’s an attention-seeking idiot who broke us all apart. Luge, you go next.” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. Was this really what they thought of him? Poor Sehun. Kyungsoo tried multiple times to open his mouth to object, but each time, the boys would be talking too loudly, and the alcohol had already gotten to him as well, forcing him to keep quiet.

“You-” Kyungsoo started to protest before Jongin pinched him in the side. Kyungsoo arched his back, biting his lip in pain. Jongin raised his eyebrows, promising pain if he didn’t answer the question, and Kyungsoo sighed. “He’s a whining little baby who clearly needs help.” The boys laughed and jeered, but quickly moved on to Tao.

Kyungsoo sat back uneasily. Just as Kai finished speaking, a buzzing sound caught his attention. Kyungsoo looked up just in time to see a shadow moving quickly. By the time he had gotten up to check, there was no one there, but the familiar uneasy feeling did not leave his stomach.

“Let’s tidy up and go to bed now, we’ve had enough to drink,” Suho said, climbing clumsily onto his feet. Almost immediately, he tripped, flinging his arms around Yixing’s neck before starting to giggle madly. Yixing shoved him off, annoyed, and knocked back the last of his drink before throwing his cup at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo knocked it into the black rubbish bag at his feet, glaring at Yixing, who smirked before walking out. Sighing, he stumbled drunkenly around the room, picking up as much rubbish as he could before leaving to dump it in the kitchen. Someone else could deal with it.

“Sehun! Where are you going?” was heard from outside. Kyungsoo went back into the room, standing in the doorway to see Suho calling Sehun, his voice slightly slurred. “When did you come back?”

Sehun’s reply was inaudible to Kyungsoo as Chanyeol and Baekhyun had started wrestling in the room behind him, but he could see the hurt blazing in Sehun’s eyes. He walked past a minute later, not even seeing Kyungsoo standing behind him. “Alright kids, bed time,” Kyungsoo said loudly, tearing his eyes away from the door Sehun had disappeared through. Chanyeol and Baekhyun had stopped wrestling and had now fallen asleep on the floor, using Tao as a pillow. Kyungsoo kicked all three of them in the ribs, then ran out before they could see it was him. It was childish, but he didn’t know how else to vent his frustrations.

He sighed as he got into his room. Jongin had passed out on his bed, leaving him with Jongin’s bed. He didn’t have the energy to push Jongin off his bed, so he settled for the unfamiliar and uncomfortable mattress for the night.

He was woken early the next morning by the sound of soft crying. Ignoring his throbbing headache, he forced himself up. Jongin was still passed out in the same position on his bed, and as he walked past, he tripped over one of Jongin’s hanging legs, smacking his head on the floor. “Kyungsoo, what the fuck are you doing?” Jongin groaned, rolling over and onto the floor, narrowly missing kicking Kyungsoo in the head.

“I tripped, asshole, what does it look like?” Kyungsoo shot back, clutching his head. He slowly got up off the floor as Jongin hauled himself back onto the bed. He walked towards the ajar door and pulled it open fully, but there was no one there. _Did I imagine it? I could’ve sworn someone was there…_

“Boys, time to wake up!”

Kyungsoo groaned and opened his eyes to see bright sunlight streaming in through the window. Jaewon was looking down disapprovingly at him, and Kyungsoo realised he had fallen asleep again, leaning against the wall. “Ugh, hyung, it’s our day off,” Jongin groaned, wrapping his arm and leg back around Kyungsoo’s pillow. Kyungsoo grimaced; he’d have to get that washed sometime soon.

“Yeah, well, something’s come up. So get up.”

“We’re hungover, you told us we had a day off,” Jongin attempted.

“Kim Jongin, get up and get yourself into the dining room in fifteen minutes or I’ll make you regret it. Kyungsoo, get him up and get yourself up too.” The tone of his voice left Kyungsoo worried; what was going on? He hauled himself up and dragged Jongin off his bed, much to the younger’s protests.

“Come on Kai, get off my bed! You made me sleep on the floor, you know that?” Kyungsoo whined. “Now get up. Jaewon Hyung is going to kill us.”

“Ugh, hyung, I feel sick,” Jongin groaned, sitting up.

“Not in here, get out,” Kyungsoo said frantically, making a face and shoving Kai out of the door. Kai stumbled down the corridor to the bathroom. As soon as he was gone, Kyungsoo stripped his bed of the sheets and took them with him down to the laundry room before he went to sit in the dining room. Everyone else was sitting with varying degrees of hangover and groaning. Although he had gotten slightly drunk, Kyungsoo hadn’t drank anywhere near as much as everyone else had, which he was glad for.

“I went and got you all hangover soup,” Minwook snapped, lifting up to bags and dumping them on the table. No one moved, prompting both the manager and Kyungsoo to roll their eyes. Kyungsoo leaned over and opened up one of the bags, letting steam out and into the air. He took the small plastic bowls and slid them around the table, and one by the one the boys took a bowl, slowly drinking up the hot liquid.

“What’s going on?” Yixing asked after he had finished his soup. “Is our holiday being cut short?”

The other boys groaned. “Quiet!” Minwook snapped, looking slightly distressed. Kyungsoo choked on his soup slightly, and Chanyeol leaned over to pat his back. Kyungsoo forced himself not to flinch at his touch.

“Where’s Sehun?” he asked once he had recovered.

“If you will all be quiet and listen for a minute, I’ll tell you.” Kyungsoo drained the last of the soup and dumped the plastic bowl in the centre of the table with the rest of the other bowls. “A few days ago, Sehun’s father passed away.” Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. “His mother called him last night to let him know, and early this morning, he left to go and see his family.” Silence reigned across the table.

“You’re all going there in a few hours and you’ll be there to support him and his family. There won’t be many people there, just Sehun’s brother, sister-in-law and mother, as well as a few close friends of his father.”

“He can’t even let us relax on our day off,” Suho muttered, but Kyungsoo heard it loud and clear. He bit on his tongue hard to stop himself from snapping at both Suho and Chen, who were hiding their snickers behind coughs.

“It’s already one o’clock, you boys slept in way too late. I expected you to be up already, so go and get yourselves washed up. We’re leaving at four, so you’d better be ready.” With that, Minwook walked out. After a minute of silence, Kyungsoo got up and followed him out.

“Manager Hyung?”

“Yeah?” Minwook asked, turning around.

“Is…” Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “How is he?”

“Not very good at all,” Minwook said with a sad sigh. “He completely shut down. He wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t eat…he didn’t even sleep last night. He just sat there, staring into space.” He seemed to shake himself out of a trance. “But don’t worry about that. He’s at home now with his family, and you’ll see him soon enough. Be ready on time, will you?” With that, he turned and left. Kyungsoo sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

**********

Kyungsoo was just getting ready for a shower when his phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID, and his eyes almost bulged out when he saw who it was. “Sehun? How are you? Are you doing ok?” he asked as soon as he answered the call.

“This is Do Kyungsoo, right?” the voice on the other end answered. Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knitted together.

“Yes. Who is this? Why do you have Sehun’s phone?”

“I’m Oh Dohun, Sehun’s older brother.”

“Oh! I’m sorry I didn’t recognise you, hyung,” Kyungsoo replied, slightly embarrassed.

“It’s ok, it has been a while, Kyungsoo.” Dohun sounded stressed out.

“Is everything ok? How’s Sehun?” Kyungsoo asked after a moment of silence.

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Have you got a minute?”

“WHO’S GOING FOR A SHOWER NOW?!” Luhan yelled. “KYUNGSOO, GET YOUR BUTT HERE NOW!”

“Uh, hang on a moment,” Kyungsoo muttered into the phone. He put the phone down on the bed stuck his head out of the door. “What do you want? Do you want me to kick your ass?” he yelled. Luhan’s eyebrows rose before he shook his head. “Yeah, I didn’t think so! Now piss off, I’m busy!” he snapped at Luhan, who blinked in surprise.

“Now listen here you little-”

“Touch me and I’ll break your pretty little face,” Kyungsoo replied in a bored tone, twisting Luhan’s hand off of his collar. “Get out and leave me alone. Go and get ready, I’ll be out when I’m done. I’m busy.” He slammed the door in Luhan’s face and walked back over to his bed. “Sorry, hyung.”

“It’s fine.” Dohun sighed. “Look, I’m extremely worried about Sehun’s health with you guys.”

“Why? What’s wrong with him?”

“Have you even seen him lately?” Dohun asked, shocked. “Do you know how much weight he’s lost? Did you know he’s been self-harming and starving himself? Did you know his hair’s falling out?”

“W-what?” Kyungsoo stuttered. “Starving? Self-harming? But, he does eat, I’ve noticed…” But even as he said so, Kyungsoo realised he was wrong. How many times had Sehun begged off of a meal with them, claiming he needed to practice? How many times had he stayed away while they went for lunch, or gone with Mark or someone from Super Junior instead?

“Yeah, he has. Look, I’m not telling you because I want to make you feel guilty, but I’m just worried about my brother’s health. If it wasn’t for him collapsing on me now, I wouldn’t have even noticed something was wrong. I need to know if you’ve noticed anything odd about him, or if there’s anything that’s been stressing him out…I know not everything that goes on with you is seen in the public eye, and as his brother, I just want what’s best for him.”

“I don’t know of anything that’s stressful for him, nothing more than the rest of us, anyway,” Kyungsoo said after a minute, feeling guilty for lying to Dohun but knowing that more stress was not what he needed right now.

“I’m sorry for bothering you, then,” Dohun said with a sigh. “I didn’t know who else to call. Perhaps Luhan, but I’ve noticed he hangs around you or Chanyeol a lot more, from what I see in fan pictures and interviews.”

“You’re not bothering me, hyung.” There was a slight pause, and Kyungsoo could hear shuffling in the background.

“I should go, I think Sehun’s up.”

“Ok. See you soon, hyung.”

“Bye, Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo dropped his phone on his bed, shock pushing through his system. How the hell had he not noticed? Now that he thought about it, Sehun was looking slightly sickly and skinny, though it was hard to tell with the oversized jumpers he wore. He did complain about the cold a lot, and Kyungsoo couldn’t remember the last he had seen Sehun eat something properly, the younger usually drinking coffee or hot chocolate whenever he saw him. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Hyung, have you showered yet?” Jongin asked, walking into the room, a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Uh, no, I’m going now,” Kyungsoo muttered, standing up and pushing past Jongin.

“Hyung!” Kyungsoo turned around. “Luhan hyung wants to talk to us before we leave, so be quick.” Kyungsoo nodded, furrowing his brows together in confusion. He quickly took a shower before getting dressed, brushing his teeth and leaving the bathroom spotless. He followed the voices of the others, where they were gathered in the dining room.

“What’s going on?” he asked, sliding into the seat. Luhan seemed distressed, and offered only a small smile, whilst the others voiced their confusion.

Luhan took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “I have something to tell you guys.”

“So spit it out, Luge, what is it?” Minseok said casually, leaning on the back of Luhan’s chair.

“I’m leaving Exo.”

There was silence, before laughter met Luhan’s words. Only Kyungsoo didn’t laugh, whilst the others did so almost hysterically, Chanyeol falling on the floor. “Nice joke, hyung,” Suho choked out when he was done, his face bright red. “Are you done wasting our time now? God, you’re like a second Sehun!”

“It’s not a joke, Suho,” Luhan replied, looking seriously at their leader. “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back.”

“Why?!” Kyungsoo yelled, standing up, slamming a fist on the table. “Why do you have to do this to us right now?!”

“Because I can’t take this anymore.”

“Take what?! Take what, Luhan?!”

“The abuse and bullshit from all of you, and the injuries I keep getting.” Luhan remained sitting, staring down into his lap as he answered Kyungsoo’s questions.

“What abuse?” Kyungsoo scoffed. “The person who receives the most isn’t even here right now, and not once did he complain to any of us about it, nor did he talk about leaving, yet you’re here because of a minor injury? You disgust me, honestly.”

“Do you actually know what you’re talking about right now?” Luhan replied, looking up with shining eyes.

“Hell yeah I do, because I know exactly what all of us treating him like shit has done to him, and his state right now is nowhere near yours. Give me one valid reason why you’re leaving, and I’ll consider it.”

“The company refuses to let me have time off to go and get treatment for a tumour I have in my lung. I have cancer, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo deflated abruptly, staring at Luhan in shock. “Stop with the joke, hyung. It’s really not the time to be joking,” Chanyeol said from his seat beside Baekhyun. Minseok had backed away completely, staring at Luhan with a blank look on his face. The door opened, pushing Minseok forwards, and the managers walked in, looking solemn.

“If you boys are ready, let’s get going.” One by one, they filed out silently into the two vans that waited outside for them, Minseok and Kyungsoo leaving last behind Luhan. None of the managers commented on the sombre tone that surrounded the boys, attributing it to attending the funeral and worry for their bandmate.

Kyungsoo sat in silence through the whole hour’s ride, mind whirling with everything he had been told. First Sehun was suffering, almost to the point of dying, and now Luhan was actually dying. Everyone hated Sehun, deceiving the poor boy, and Kyungsoo was now sure that Sehun had been listening outside the door the whole time.

“Time to get out.” Kyungsoo blinked and allowed Yixing to let him out in front of a church. It was beginning to get dark, and a light breeze was blowing around. Lights were on around the church, and from the looks of it, they were one of the last people to arrive.

“Let’s go inside, it’s cold,” Baekhyun said, shivering slightly. They walked down the path and into the church. Kyungsoo took a moment to adjust to the light of the church before he spotted two figures at the front. Dohun was talking to a man at the front, Sehun hovering behind him, his head almost resting on Dohun’s shoulder. After a moment, the man bowed to Dohun and Sehun before moving away. Dohun spotted the rest of the boys at the end, standing awkwardly there, and waved at them, but Sehun shrank deeper into himself, moving to stand completely behind his brother.

Kyungsoo and Luhan were the first to move, with Chanyeol following close behind. “I forgot you guys were coming,” Dohun said as he hugged Kyungsoo.

“It’s ok, you’ve had a lot on your plate. I’m sorry for your loss.” They shook hands, and Kyungsoo stepped to the side as one by one, the other boys came forward to express their grief to Dohun. Sehun stayed behind Dohun, not acknowledging anyone.

“Sehun.”

“I’d rather not talk to you, hyung.” Sehun tapped Dohun on the shoulder, where he was talking quietly to Yongmin and whispered something in his ear. Dohun nodded once, then stepped away from Yongmin and to the front of the church towards the microphone.

“Would everyone please take their seats? The funeral is about to begin.” With that, Dohun stepped down, making his way back over to them. “Kyungsoo, can you look after Sehun for me? Thanks.” Without waiting for an answer, Dohun left Sehun with Kyungsoo and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as usual for reading, it really does mean a lot to me! We're almost there now.
> 
> This is for those of you who read my other work. My health has taken a blow, which means that I'll no longer be able to update semi-regularly as I have been doing over the past few weeks. Oh, Sehun's updates will continue as, like I've said before, it is pre-written. However, any new works will not be uploaded as I am not in any condition to write until further notice. That being said, feel free to drop in any requests or recommendations to my inbox or my twitter, @pcyjunguwudays. Thank you once again for your support, see you soon xx


	19. Never-Ending Avalanche

“Are you boys staying here tonight, or are you going back home?” Dohun asked the room generally as everyone sat down to eat. Sehun sat on the end silently, picking at his food, whilst Yerin walked around, serving the boys. No one was really in the mood to eat considering the events of the day, but neither did they wish to appear rude.

“We’ll be going back, we can’t stay away for too long,” Yongmin replied. “But thank you anyway.”

“Is Sehun staying or is he going?” Yerin asked, glancing in concern at her brother-in-law. “I mean…do you have a schedule?”

“We’re on holiday, noona,” Chanyeol said, looking up.

“It’s his choice, too. I understand his situation, so if he wishes to stay, then he can stay.”

“Sehun?” Dohun asked, looking down the table at his brother. Sehun looked up, his eyes bright red and tearful. “Do you want to stay?”

Sehun nodded quickly, then turned back to pushing vegetables around his plate. Kyungsoo kept his gaze trained on Sehun, but the boy didn’t look up even once, his movements slowly ceasing. As if seeing the maknae for the first time, Kyungsoo noticed how frail and weak he looked, and just how vulnerable he really was. The cold mask he put on was just that: a mask.

Sehun had avoided him; the moment Dohun had left him, Sehun had gone to sit at the back of the church by himself, giving off the message clearly: he wanted to be alone. Any attempts Kyungsoo had tried to make to get closer to him had been met with silence and the cold shoulder, and Kyungsoo had been forced to leave. Although for appearances purposes the other boys had also tried, Sehun hadn’t even responded, completely ignoring them and not even registering their presence.

“Can I stay with Sehun?” Kyungsoo asked before he could stop himself. The others looked at him shock and surprise, even Sehun. Sehun’s eyes were hard, but before he could tell Dohun to refuse, Dohun nodded. Sehun stood up abruptly and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

“Sorry, he’s not taking this very well. He was very close to our father,” Dohun apologised on behalf of his brother. “But of course you can stay, Kyungsoo. There’s plenty of space. Does anyone else want to stay?”

“I think we’ll all be going back, but thank you anyway,” Jaewon quickly cut in before anyone else could volunteer. Looking around, Kyungsoo knew that none of them would have anyway. Soon, the dinner ended, and the rest of the boys left, leaving Kyungsoo alone with Sehun’s sister-in-law.

“How are you, Kyungsoo?” she asked conversationally as she began to wash the dishes. Kyungsoo stood up and joined her by the sink, drying the dishes as she washed them. “We haven’t met before, have we?”

“Uh, I don’t think so, noona.” Kyungsoo put down another dish. “And I’m ok. And you?”

She blew out a puff of air. “I’m worried about Sehun. He’s…he’s taking this bad, I understood he was close to my father-in-law, but then he’s also been…” she trailed off. “I’ll let him tell you when’s ready.”

“If it’s about him starving himself and stuff, then I already know,” Kyungsoo said quietly. “Dohun hyung called me.”

“Dohun hyung did what?” Dohun asked, walking back into the room, rubbing his temples.

“Called Kyungsoo when I explicitly told you not to,” Yerin said, an eyebrow raised at her husband. Dohun just sighed.

“Not now, Yerin.” He took the dish out of her hand and wiped it clean. “We can discuss this another time.” Kyungsoo stayed silent, standing awkwardly to one side.

“Uh, Kyungsoo, there are two beds in the guest room where Sehun is staying. I can lend you some clothes, and you can sleep in there. Is that ok, or do you want to sleep somewhere else?”

“That’s ok, thank you,” Kyungsoo said quickly, bowing to Dohun. “I’m sorry for the trouble, I didn’t mean to impose on you or your family…”

“No matter, it’s good to have a friend of Sehun’s around. Lord knows he needs it, too.” Dohun sat down at the table, burying his head in his hands.

“I think I’ll go up now,” Kyungsoo said awkwardly. Dohun stood up again, coming up behind him.

“I’ll come up too, I need to check on the kids anyway. All three of them.”

“You have three kids?” Kyungsoo asked in surprise as the two men climbed the stairs. Dohun gave a dry chuckle and shook his head.

“I have twins, a boy and a girl. A right handful, they are. Then I have Sehun. He’s my little brother, but he might as well be my child.” Kyungsoo smiled at this. Dohun quickly checked on his children while Kyungsoo waited outside. He led Kyungsoo into his own bedroom where he handed him a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in.

“The bathroom’s next door, and Sehun’s in the room down the end,” Dohun pointed out to Kyungsoo. “If there’s any problems, we’ll be in the living room, so come and let us know.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Kyungsoo said, bowing at Dohun. Dohun nodded in return and headed down the stairs. Kyungsoo quickly got changed before heading into the room. Sehun was completely buried under a pile of blankets on top of his bed, and his face was nowhere to be seen. Worried, Kyungsoo hurried over and gently peeled back the covers to let Sehun breathe. He was asleep, but tear tracks stained his face, and as Kyungsoo stood there for a moment, he noticed more tears sliding down his cheeks.

Kyungsoo leaned down to touch Sehun, to try and wake him up, but the moment his hand came into contact with Sehun, the younger sat up with a yell, breathing heavily. He scrambled backwards at the sight of Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo quickly switched on the lamp, trying not to scare Sehun. “Sehun, it’s me, it’s only me, it’s ok…” Kyungsoo tried.

“Get lost, I don’t want to see you,” Sehun breathed out, hurriedly wiping his face. “What are you doing in my room?”

“Uh, your brother said I can sleep in here,” Kyungsoo explained. “I thought you couldn’t breathe, so I moved the blankets off of you, and you were crying and I was scared-”

“I’m fine, I don’t need your help,” Sehun said stiffly. He slowly lay back down in his bed, turning over with a little effort underneath the pile of blankets. “Go to sleep.” Kyungsoo waited for a moment, watching Sehun’s tiny frame before turning off the lamp and heading to his own bed.

**********

Sehun turned his back on Kyungsoo. How dare he try to talk to him after what he said? How dare any of them show their faces here after everything they did to him? At this point, the only people Sehun trusted were their managers, Donghae and Mark, and out of them, only Donghae knew the full story. He waited for Kyungsoo to turn off the lamp before he shifted again, his mind drifting back to the afternoon.

_“H-hyung? It hurts,” Sehun mumbled, raising a hand to his face as he tried to open his eyes. “Hyung, where are you?”_

_“Sehun, I’m here, it’s ok,” Dohun replied, shuffling closer. “Where does it hurt?”_

_“M-my head,” Sehun whimpered. “Why does it hurt, hyung?”_

_“You passed out, Sehun,” Dohun replied gently. After a moment, the pressure of the light on Sehun’s eyelids decreased, and he slowly opened his eyes blearily. Dohun’s face swam into focus a moment later, followed by Yerin’s. “Sehun, why didn’t you tell us?”_

_“Tell you what?” Sehun mumbled, slowly rubbing his temples. “Why did I pass out, hyung? What happened?”_

_“Your arms. And you’re way too skinny. When was the last time you ate something proper? When did you last eat a proper meal?”_

_The little colour in Sehun’s cheeks faded as he blanched. “W-w-what? W-what a-are y-you talking ab-about?” Sehun stuttered, looking up at his brother and sister-in-law._

_“Don’t lie, Sehun,” Dohun said with a sigh. “First of all, your reaction tells me you know exactly what we’re talking about. Second of all, I’ve seen it all. It doesn’t matter if you tell me or not, because I already know. It would be in your best interests for you tell me everything, and tell me now.”_

_Sehun thought fast past his throbbing headache. “How about I tell you in a few days? After all of this is over? I don’t think I can handle another breakdown.” Dohun looked up at Yerin, and the two had a silent conversation. Dohun sighed and patted Sehun gently on the shoulder._

_“Ok, but on one condition.” Sehun looked up in disbelief at Yerin. “You have to promise to eat three meals a day. It doesn’t have to be full meals, but as long as you’re eating something, and it’s in front of us either one of us, then it’s ok. We’ll give you all the time you need, but you need to co-operate too.”_

_“Ok,” Sehun said rather reluctantly. I can always puke it up later, he thought to himself._

_“Are you up for tonight? You can stay at home if you want, we won’t mind,” Yerin continued, looking down at Sehun. Sehun slowly sat up and sat back in the bed._

_“I can’t miss this. I mean, it’s my…” he took a deep breath. “It’s for my dad. I can’t disappoint him. I wasn’t exactly a good son after my debut, but this is the least I can do for him.”_

_“You were a great son, Se. He knew you were busy, you were never a bad son. And only if you’re sure.” Dohun squeezed Sehun’s shoulder lightly and stood up. “I’ll go and start a shower for you. Come and get showered and dressed, but be careful of your dressings.”_

_Dohun and Yerin left, the latter giving him a sad smile before she did so. The sound of shouting from downstairs made Sehun smile a little; his niece and nephew would never change. Slowly, he got up from his position on the bed and made his way to the bathroom._

_Hours later, standing in the church behind his brother as they welcomed the small number of guests and took their condolences, the last people Sehun expected to arrive were his members. He blinked rapidly from over Dohun’s shoulder, trying to determine whether it was a dream, but no, there they were, looking as if it was_ their _father who had died. They’re perfect actors, Sehun thought, but he didn’t comment on it._

_Kyungsoo and Chanyeol made their way down the centre towards them, and panicking, Sehun drew even further back, almost hiding behind Dohun. The man talking to Dohun bowed and walked away, leaving no one there to distract Dohun. Unfortunately for Sehun, Dohun and Kyungsoo embraced, and as Dohun started talking to the rest of the boys, left Sehun to deal with Kyungsoo. “Sehun,” Kyungsoo tried, but Sehun shook his head._

_“I’d rather not talk to you, hyung.” Before Kyungsoo could say anything more, Sehun tapped Dohun on the shoulder. “Can we start, hyung? I don’t feel well.” Dohun gave Sehun a look of concern, but Sehun just shook his head a little. Dohun nodded and walked away to the centre and started the process._

**********

Thinking back, Sehun frowned. Why did Kyungsoo look so concerned? Both then and now? He shook his head quickly. _Hyung’s just a really good actor. There’s nothing to it, and you heard his true feelings about you yesterday night._ Sehun sighed and turned over, trying to get warm. _Why is it so cold?_

“Sehun?” Yerin called softly from the doorway. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah, noona,” Sehun called back, not bothering to keep his voice low. Kyungsoo didn’t shift from his side. Yerin walked into the room and sat on the edge of his bed.

“Are you ok? How are you feeling?” she asked, touching his forehead. “Is anything hurting?”

“I’m just cold, but I’m feeling fine, noona,” Sehun chuckled, moving her hand away. “I’m not hurting.”

“You didn’t eat anything…” Sehun rolled his eyes. “No, Sehun, you promised.”

“I’m not hungry, noona.”

“You need to eat, and I’m not taking no for an answer, not even if I have to force feed you,” she snapped. “Come on, don’t make me angry with you.” Sehun sighed and sat up, throwing the blankets back with some difficulty.

As he did so, his phone rang, the tune playing loudly throughout the room. Yerin pursed her lips. “Answer it, then come downstairs. I’ll get you something light to eat.” Sehun nodded and grabbed his phone, raising it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Sehun.” It was Donghae. “How are you today?”

“I’m…” Sehun swallowed. “Ok, I guess. You? How’s your hangover?”

Donghae chuckled. “I’m ok, Sehun. Thanks for bringing us home, by the way.”

“No problem, hyung.” Sehun shivered and stood up, the cold starting to really annoy him. He grabbed the hoodie he’d discarded earlier and tugged it on. “I couldn’t leave you alone to drive like that.”

“Sorry if we caused you any problems, by the way. I know how unpredictable Heechul can get after he drinks.” Sehun bit back a laugh.

“So can you, hyung. The things you told me…the things I saw,” he teased.

“What? What did I say? What did I do? Tell me!”

“No,” Sehun said with a slight smirk as he padded out of the room. “You’ll have to wait to find out what all of you did, actually.”

“What?!” Donghae exclaimed. Sehun heard the jingling of keys. “Just you wait, Oh Sehun, we’re on our way and we’re going to get the answers out of you.” Sehun sat down in the living room on the sofa, the space a little warm, perhaps from where Yerin or Dohun had been sitting.

“Uh, you can’t. Not now.”

“Why not? Is it the others?”

“No, hyung.” Sehun sighed. “I’m staying with my brother and sister-in-law at the moment.”

“Why? Is everything ok? No wonder Mark came to see us today.”

“Oh crap, I forgot about Mark,” Sehun cursed as Yerin came in holding a bowl of soup and a plate of bread on the side. “Uh…yeah.”

“Who is it?” Yerin asked, putting the tray down. Sehun just shook his head.

“Are you sure, Sehun? You’re not lying to me, are you?”

“I…” Sehun swallowed. “No, but…”

“What’s wrong? Sehun, tell me now.”

“I’ll tell you when I come back,” he almost whispered. Donghae sighed.

“When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know. In a few days, maybe, if I feel up to it.”

“Sehun, you’re really scaring me now. Please take care of yourself.”

“I will, hyung. Thank you. If you see Mark again, could you apologise to him for me? And tell him I’ll call him soon and make it up to him.”

“I will do. See you soon, bro.”

Sehun sighed and put the phone in his pocket. Yerin handed him the tray. “Your brother said you have to finish the whole bowl of soup, and at least one piece of bread.”

“But…”

“They’re only small, Se, you can do it,” she said encouragingly. “I’m going to bed, if that’s ok with you?”

“Yeah, sure. Sorry for keeping you up.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. Just leave the dishes in the kitchen when you’re done. And please, don’t try and hide the food, actually eat.” Sehun gave an embarrassed smile, as if Yerin could see through him. “Goodnight, Sehun.”

“Goodnight.”

**********

The next few days were a weird mix between relaxing and stressful. On the one hand, Sehun found that he enjoyed the peace and comfort of his brother’s home-well, as peaceful as it could get with his niece and nephew around. He liked being able to see his family whenever he wanted to. On the other hand, it was painful. Every time he saw his brother or his own face in the mirror, he was reminded of his father and how he didn’t even remember the last time he had spoken to the man. He was reminded of his failure at being a good son, so caught up in his own life that he didn’t even bother speaking to him. Having Kyungsoo around didn’t help either; although the kids enjoyed having someone new to play with, Kyungsoo would try and get Sehun alone as much as possible to try and talk to him. On top of that, his mother would constantly call him or Dohun to try and get either of them to speak to her, but neither of the two brothers budged from their position. They would stick to ignoring her, and that was it.

Around four days after he had come to stay, he got a call from Yongmin. “Sehun, I think you should return home now. I know you’re grieving and you’re on holiday, but even so, the fans are getting worried that you haven’t been seen out in public with the rest of the members. You should really come home.” Sehun sighed.

“Do I get a choice, Yongmin hyung?”

“I’d like to say yes, but…”

“I’ll ask Dohun, then. When do you want me back?”

“Today if that’s convenient for you, tomorrow at the latest. I’m sorry, Sehun.”

“I’ll let you know, then,” Sehun sighed. “Thank you for telling me.”

“No worries. See you soon.” As soon Yongmin put the phone down, Sehun stood up, heading out to find Dohun or Yerin. He was met with Jinwoo colliding with his legs, but he managed to see him coming and braced himself against the door frame. “Jinwoo, where’s your father?”

“I don’t know, but save me from Uncle Soo!”

Sehun didn’t get time to ask his nephew what he was talking about; the next minute, Kyungsoo came running around the corner, carrying Jinhee on his back. “Run faster!” Jinhee exclaimed, beating her fists on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “We have to catch Woo!”

Sehun scooped Jinwoo up and held him close, ignoring the straining of his arms. “Come on, Jinwoo, shall we have a race with Jinhee?” he asked his nephew.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Kyungsoo said with a grin as Jinhee squealed in excitement.

“Ok, how about, the first person to find Daddy is the winner?” Sehun asked the children. “Boys versus girls?”

“Hey, I’m not a girl,” Kyungsoo mock-complained as Jinhee and Jinwoo laughed madly at their other uncle. “Ready? Let’s go!”

And off they went running. Sehun panted hard at the exercise, not used to the extra weight, and Jinwoo clung on tightly, his laughter reverberating off the walls as Sehun ran down the various hallways, looking out for Dohun. As he skidded around the corner to the kitchen, Sehun’s vision suddenly blurred. His foot slipped and he fell, managing to somehow throw his body weight forward since he didn’t want to squash his nephew. At the same time, Yerin opened the door to the kitchen, and Sehun’s head hit the corner of it.

“Sehun! Sehun, are you ok?!” Kyungsoo exclaimed, skidding to a halt. “Jinwoo, are you hurt?”

“I’m ok, but Uncle Sehun’s bleeding,” the boy said, getting up from the floor and worriedly touching his uncle, who was now passed out.

“Oh shit,” Yerin cursed, then covered her mouth instantly as she realised her children were standing there. “Dohun!” she yelled, turning back into the kitchen. Kyungsoo rolled Sehun over onto his back as Dohun came out of the kitchen. Sehun’s eyes fluttered open, and he groaned.

“I’m never doing that again.”

“Sehun, what the hell were you doing? How did you end up on the floor?” Dohun asked, helping him to sit up. Sehun reached up to touch his head; luckily, it was just a small bump.

“It was my fault,” Kyungsoo cut in quickly, putting an arm around Jinwoo, who was staring worriedly at his uncle, one hand clutching his sister’s and the other thumb in his mouth. “The kids were playing, and we decided to race, looking for you, actually. Yongmin hyung, our manager, called us both today, he said he wants us to come home.”

“Today? Are you up for it, or do you want to stay more?” Dohun questioned as Sehun slowly stood up, trying not to wince at the pain in his body. Jinwoo let go of Jinhee and hugged Sehun tightly.

“I’m sorry, Uncle Sehun, it was my fault you fell, I promise I won’t do it again,” he muttered into Sehun’s legs. Sehun just smiled, hugging Jinwoo back tightly before looking up at Dohun.

“I think it is time we went back, bro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you're enjoying this :))


	20. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning: Mentions of self-harm and starvation, panic attack

Despite the protests of the children, Sehun and Kyungsoo left that evening. The atmosphere in the car was tense, but Dohun chose not to comment on it, knowing that Sehun would tell him when he was ready. Dohun dropped them off at the dorms, and Sehun embraced his brother tightly. “Take care of yourself, Sehun,” Dohun warned. “And you still need to explain it to me.”

“I will, another time,” Sehun sighed. “I don’t want to lie to you, so I promise I’ll tell you. Just not yet.”

“I trust you, bro.” There was a comfortable silence for a moment. “I want you to make sure you’re still eating properly the way we’ve been feeding you. You’re way too skinny, and sooner or later someone’s bound to notice, ok? You need to take care of yourself. And stay in contact, yeah? I know you’re busy, but do spare some time for your poor brother.”

“I will. Give my love and thanks to the family, and thanks for everything.”

“No problem. Bye.” Sehun got out of the car where Kyungsoo was waiting awkwardly for him. Not bothering to acknowledge him, Sehun went and unlocked the door, hoisting his bag higher on his shoulder. He could hear laughter coming from inside, and he sighed.

“Sehun, wait.” Sehun ignored Kyungsoo and walked off straight to his room. He pushed open the door to see Suho lying on his bed, his headphones plugged in. As soon as Suho saw him, he sat up and pulled his headphones out.

“Sehun! When did you get back?” Suho exclaimed, scrambling off his bed. Sehun dumped his bag on the bed, his back to Suho.

“Just now.”

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Have you gone to see anyone else yet?”

“No.”

Suho sighed, and Sehun could tell it was because of his monotonous answers. “Is Kyungsoo back as well?”

“Yes.”

“Come and see the others with me. We have something to tell you too.” Sehun finally looked up from emptying his rucksack of dirty clothes.

“Ok.” He allowed himself to follow Suho down the corridor and into the living room, where most of the other boys were gathered, including Kyungsoo.

“Sehun! You’re back!” was the general consensus of the groups. Chanyeol was the first to reach Sehun, and he dragged Sehun into a bone-crushing hug. Sehun pushed him away, but the taller just grinned and let go without a word. His smile faded after a moment. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He located an empty chair and sat down, wrapping his arms around the back of it. “Suho hyung said you had something to tell me.”

“I do?”

“Not you, Luhan does,” Suho clarified, and a hard look came over Chanyeol’s face.

“Oh. Yeah, he does.” Chanyeol stepped out of the way, giving Sehun a full view of Luhan. His face was puffy and bright red, and he was sitting, cuddled into Minseok’s side.

“Let me guess, he’s leaving,” Sehun said emotionlessly, looking at Minseok and then at Tao, and the expression on their faces.

“How did you know?” Luhan said hoarsely. Sehun shrugged.

“I just do. Just like how I know exactly what you all really think of me.” Sehun stood up and walked out of the room without a backwards glance.

“Sehun! Sehun wait!”

“What do you want, Chanyeol?” Sehun snapped, whirling around. Chanyeol stood a little away from Sehun, his eyes wide and in shock.

“I didn’t mean to say that, I didn’t know you were listening, and I was drunk-”

“Save the bullshit for someone else,” Sehun interrupted. “Alcohol helps you to tell the truth, and you said you didn’t know I was listening. That tells me what you said was definitely the truth, so don’t try and sweet-talk me into trusting you again. That’s a mistake I’m never making again. Anyway, why do you care? After all, I’m a trouble kid who has issues and should be locked up according to you, remember?”

Sehun spun on his heel and stalked off, slamming the door to his room shut. Seconds later, it was thrown open, and Sehun turned around to see Suho, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun coming towards him. “Get out!” Sehun screamed at them. “All of you, fuck off!”

“Don’t talk to us like that,” Suho snapped, slamming his hand against the wall behind Sehun’s head. “Now shut up and listen carefully.”

“Hyung, stop,” Kyungsoo tried, but Suho turned his furious gaze on him.

“You shut up. You, listen.” Suho took a deep breath. “We were just drunk. It was the alcohol talking, not us. We drank too much, and ending up playing a stupid game for no reason. We didn’t mean to say any of that.”

“So why did Chanyeol tell me that he didn’t mean for me to hear it?” Sehun snapped, pushing Suho’s arm away from him. “Tell me he was lying. Tell me you didn’t mean what you said.” Suho paused for a moment, taken off guard by the question. “That’s what I thought. Thank you for your support, _hyungs._ ” He pushed roughly past Suho and yanked open his wardrobe, taking off clothes from his hanger before stuffing them inside his empty rucksack, pushing his dirty clothes off the bed.

“Sehun, stop, what are you doing?” Kyungsoo tried.

“All of you fuck off. You don’t care what I’m doing, so why try?” Sehun replied. He continued taking his belongings and stuffing them into an old suitcase he dragged out from under the bed. Suho and Baekhyun both walked out after a moment, but Kyungsoo stayed, desperately trying to stop Sehun from doing what he was doing.

“Sehun, listen to me,” Kyungsoo said frantically. “I wasn’t as drunk that night-”

“Even better,” Sehun replied sarcastically.

“No, listen! Goddammit, let me speak!” Kyungsoo yelled. “I was going to tell them to stop, but they wouldn’t listen to me! I tried to protest, but Kai threatened me! I had no choice but to say what I said, I honestly didn’t mean it! Why do you think I offered to stay with you? Why do you think I kept trying to talk to you? I knew you heard because I was sure I heard something vibrating, and then when you left to go out to wherever you went after talking to Suho, I heard the hurt in your voice. I saw the look on your face, and I knew then that you heard everything. I felt so guilty, and I tried to stop you, but I couldn’t, and then…” Kyungsoo sighed, angrily wiping away the tears on his face. “I’m sorry, Sehun. But please, don’t leave. I don’t know how much more we can take.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere anyway, hyung,” Sehun sighed, continuing to put his belongings away. “I was only moving to the spare room. I can’t stand to be anywhere near any of them at this point.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Sehun said quietly. “It’s their fault. If it wasn’t for our fans, I would’ve left a long time ago, and we wouldn’t be in this position.”

“I…” Kyungsoo sighed. “Me too. But Sehun, listen to me,” Kyungsoo said suddenly. “You’re not cutting, are you? When was the last time you did? You can’t cut again, you hear me? And don’t starve yourself over them, either.”

“How…how did you know all of that?” Sehun asked in shock.

“Your brother told me the day you went,” Kyungsoo replied. “He was so shocked, and he wanted to know if there was anything that I know of that would’ve caused you to do that.”

“What did you tell him?! Please tell me you didn’t say anything to him!”

“I didn’t say anything, don’t worry,” Kyungsoo replied. “I know how much you like your job, despite everything you’ve been through. And I didn’t want to make him any more stressed than he already is. So I didn’t say a word.”

Sehun breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, hyung. I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything.” Sehun zipped up his suitcase and grabbed his rucksack, dragging them both out with him.

“You don’t have to sleep in the spare room, you can sleep in my room,” Kyungsoo tried, but Sehun shook his head.

“I’d rather not be anywhere near Kai, but thanks for the offer anyway,” Sehun said. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“At least don’t leave your stuff out on display.”

“I have this sorted, don’t worry,” Sehun said, starting to get a little irritated with Kyungsoo. He pulled open a random door to one side, revealing a spare room that had two beds already set up. Sehun pulled on one of the mattresses. “Uh, a little help here please?”

Kyungsoo went over and easily pushed the mattress up, revealing storage space. Sehun dragged his suitcase into it and dumped it, leaving it comfortably hidden. He then threw his rucksack into the cupboard in the corner of the room, flopping back onto his bed with a heavy sigh. “I’ve always wanted to have my own room.”

“I bet you did. Just not under these circumstances, correct?” Sehun just shrugged. “I’ll go and see what there is to eat.” Kyungsoo walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly. Only then did Sehun let himself cry.

**********

“Luhan, you need to leave, you have two hours to get your stuff together and go. The rest of you, we’re going to Lotte world, so you need to get yourselves ready and be here in two hours. All of you, go.” It had been a further two days since Sehun had come back. None of the managers had questioned Sehun’s decision to move into the spare room, simply putting it down to his need to be alone after the shock in his life. Sehun let them believe that; it was easier for him not to explain. On the other hand, the managers had found out about Luhan’s decision, and unlike Kris, had told him to leave almost immediately.

The boys filed out, the mood immediately dampened by the abrupt news of Luhan’s departure from the group. Sehun really didn’t care; after all, Luhan hated him, and had even tried to defame him after once claiming to be his best friend. He was concerned on the effect it would have on the group, though, since it hadn’t been long since Kris had left either.

He really didn’t want to go to Lotte world, either, but he knew that he had to; the managers had forced him to come back for publicity and nothing else. Grudgingly, he pulled out his rucksack and put in some spare clothes since he knew he’d be getting wet on the water rides there. He also left some space for some gifts he intended to buy for a few people.

Inside, he felt something and he sighed, zipping up his bag. He left the room and headed down to the corridor to Luhan and Minseok’s room. Knocking hesitantly on the door, he was waved inside by a surprised Luhan. “Hey Sehun. What can I do for you?”

Sehun took a deep breath. Uh, I don’t know, actually. I just…came to see you one last time, I guess.”

“Oh.” Sehun nodded uncomfortably, watching as Luhan walked around, folding up his clothes and putting them neatly into his suitcase.

“Do you want some help?” he asked after a moment, but Luhan shook his head.

“I’ll be fine, Sehun. You can have a seat, if you want.” Sehun perched awkwardly on the edge of what used to be Kris’s bed, his eyes following Luhan’s every movement. After around ten minutes, he realised that there was something odd about him; he seemed way too happy for someone who had just been told he had to leave his group.

“What are you thinking about?” Luhan said, laughing slightly as he clicked his fingers in Sehun’s face. Sehun jumped.

“Uh, nothing. Just…how quiet it’s going to be around here, that’s all.”

“Are you gonna miss me, maknae?” Luhan teased.

“I don’t have a reason to,” Sehun said honestly, standing up. “I think I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“Sehun, wait,” Luhan called. Sehun turned around to see Luhan coming towards him. “I know I haven’t exactly been the best person when it comes to you, but I have something to tell you.”

“What?” Sehun replied, trying to discretely edge towards the open door as Luhan got closer and closer to him.

“This.” Luhan leaned up on his tiptoes, and for the second time, his lips met Sehun’s. Before Sehun had a chance to protest or to register what was going on, he heard an outraged yell.

“Sehun! Luhan! Get away from each other right now!” Jaewon roared. Startled, Sehun shoved Luhan away from him as Jaewon took long strides towards them. “What the hell are you playing at?!” he screeched.

“Am I not allowed to show my feelings, Jaewon hyung?” Luhan asked innocently, smiling at him. “After all, I am leaving. It doesn’t matter what I do, correct?”

“It might not to you, but it does matter to me,” Jaewon hissed at Luhan. “You are not going to have a relationship with Sehun that’s any more than friendship, do you hear me? And same goes for you too, Sehun. Don’t ever do that again.”

He stormed off, leaving a speechless Sehun and a smirking Luhan. “What-why-how dare you?” Sehun finally choked out. “How fucking dare you? After what happened the first time? Why…why would you do this to me?” Sehun whispered. Luhan just shrugged, then turned away, continuing to put his belongings away. Angry, Sehun took a few steps towards Luhan, intending on hitting him or something, but a hand shot out in front of him.

“I wouldn’t if I was you. I suggest you get out and not come back in here again,” Minseok said coldly. Wrenching his arm out of Minseok’s grasp, Sehun stormed away, fuming.

“Kyungsoo hyung?” he called, walking into the living room. Only Lay was sitting there, but Sehun ignored the smile the elder boy offered him, walking out instead. “Kyungsoo hyung?” he called again. Kyungsoo was sitting in the kitchen, hands clasped around a cup of coffee. “Kyungsoo?”

He jumped. “Yeah? Sorry Sehun. What’s up?”

“I need to talk to you,” Sehun said, pacing around him. “Luhan, he…”

“What did he do now? Did he say something?” Kyungsoo asked worriedly. Sehun shook his head.

“No, I went to see him, because, yeah I hate him but at the same time, he is part of our group, you know?” Sehun asked. Kyungsoo nodded, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes wide. “So I go to talk to him, and as I walk out, he kisses me! He fucking kissed me, again!”

“What?” Kyungsoo squeaked in shock. Sehun nodded.

“And that’s not all. I think he saw the manager coming, because as soon as he…he did it, Jaewon hyung turned up and he blew up at us. And I could see it in his eyes that he finds it disgusting. It’s fine for him since he’s leaving, but for me…what’s going to happen?”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, Sehun,” Kyungsoo said firmly. “And as for Lu hyung, forget about it. He’s leaving now, so he can’t do anything to hurt you.”

“Why _is_ he leaving, anyway?” Sehun asked curiously, sitting down. Kyungsoo slid his coffee over to Sehun, who took a small sip before sliding it back.

“He has cancer. Well, that’s what he says. He says the company won’t let him have treatment for it, so the only way he’ll be able to get treatment for it is if he leaves.”

“Cancer?” Sehun asked in shock. “I don’t think he has cancer, hyung,” he added after a moment. Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well, we can’t exactly say he’s lying, can we?” Kyungsoo replied doubtfully. “And why do you think so, anyway?”

“Well, cancer basically kills you from the inside, right?” Sehun asked, and Kyungsoo nodded. “Well, using your common sense, it means it’s painful, right?”

“Yeah…? Where are you going with this?”

“Do you think he looks like he’s in pain?” Sehun pressed. “He moves normally, laughs like normal, cries like normal, whatever like normal, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Which means, he’s lying to everyone. He’s not leaving because of ‘cancer’,” Sehun said, making air quotations. “There’s another reason why he’s doing it.”

“But what could it be?” Kyungsoo mused. Sehun didn’t get a chance to reply as the door opened, revealing Minwook.

“What are you boys doing in here?” he asked suspiciously. “The rest of them are in the living room, why aren’t you there?”

“I was asking if Sehun was ok, he said he didn’t feel well,” Kyungsoo said quickly.

“What’s wrong with him?” Minwook replied, barely glancing at Sehun.

“Nothing, I’m fine. We were just going.” Minwook grunted in response as Sehun and Kyungsoo walked out quickly. “See?” Sehun hissed at Kyungsoo. “He didn’t even look at me. Jaewon hyung told him!”

“Oh well, forget about it,” Kyungsoo said with a sigh. “I’m going to get ready, are you coming?”

“Uh, sure. I’ll be there in a minute,” Sehun replied. Kyungsoo nodded and walked off, and Sehun turned in the opposite direction towards the living room,

“…believe you did that!” someone exclaimed, and Sehun waited outside the door, listening.

“I had no choice, Jaewon hyung was coming and I had to,” Luhan replied. “I had to make it believable somehow!”

“But did you have to go that far?” someone else asked, probably Baekhyun. “Why the fuck would you kiss that?”

“At least our plan worked, Baek,” Luhan argued. “Better than yours did. Killing off the old man bought him nothing but sympathy.” Sehun’s eyes widened in shock. _They_ killed his dad? But…Sehun didn’t understand it. As much as he wanted to go in there and throttle Baekhyun, something rooted him to the spot and forced him to keep listening.

“We can try the brother and the kids next,” someone else said.

“That wouldn’t make sense, Yeol,” Chen replied. “He’s close with his brother and kids, that’ll only do what Baek’s plan did. God, the two of you are just the same.”

“Screw fucking with his family, just go for him directly,” Suho cut in. “Do what Chanyeol suggested, trust me.”

“All that will get him is sympathy!” Luhan argued back. “That won’t get rid of him, even if Kris and I do kill the rest of them.”

“Wait, I know where Suho hyung’s going with this,” Tao cut in loudly. “According to Soo hyung, Sehun is suicidal, right? Like, he cuts and doesn’t eat and shit, right? And also, he’s close to his family, so killing them too will push Sehun over the edge. Bam! No more Sehun.”

Sehun couldn’t bear to hear anymore. He turned and ran off down the hallway and into his room, slamming the door shut. His blood pounded in his ears, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. So they were the ones who’d killed his father. And now, they were planning on killing Dohun and the kids. He had to stop them somehow…hell, even Kris was involved! Kris, who, after all of this, Sehun thought he could still trust. And Kyungsoo! Even Kyungsoo was involved.

Sehun slumped to the floor, fire coursing through his lungs. His brain was shutting down, but he was fighting to stay conscious; he had to warn Dohun. He had to tell him to go. He had to save them. He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys for reading!!


	21. Safety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Violence, some mentions of bullying.

“Sehun? Sehun! Sehun! Get up!” Kyungsoo yelled frantically, barging into the room. He’d been knocking for ages, and Yongmin hyung was getting impatient. It was nearly time to go, but Sehun still hadn’t arrived. Sehun was slumped, unconscious on the floor. When Sehun hadn’t come to help him, Kyungsoo thought that he was just resting, knowing how little sleep Sehun seemed to get in the nights.

Sehun groaned slightly, and Kyungsoo shook him again. “Come on Sehun, please get up, I need to know you’re ok…” Kyungsoo said, talking more to himself than to Sehun. “Sehun, please,” he begged. Sehun’s eyes slowly opened, unfocused. He was mumbling under his breath, but Kyungsoo couldn’t understand a word.

“Sehun? Are you ok?” he asked, gently pulling up the younger boy. “What happened?” Sehun’s eyes slowly focused on Kyungsoo, and immediately filled with tears. “Sehun, don’t cry, you’re ok, what happened?”

“You…I…nothing,” Sehun mumbled hoarsely. “My head just hurts.”

“Did you hit it anywhere?” Kyungsoo asked worriedly. “Was it a panic attack?”

“No, I don’t know.” Sehun immediately tried to stand up, and Kyungsoo got up from kneeling in front of him to help. Sehun ignored his helping hand and hauled himself up, pausing next to the table for support. When the slight dizziness had passed, he grabbed his rucksack and slung it across his back. “Is it time to go?”

“Uh, yeah,” Kyungsoo replied, looking at Sehun with an unreadable expression on his face. “Sehun?”

“Yes hyung?” Sehun said neutrally.

“Are you…stick with me today,” Kyungsoo settled on finally. Sehun just nodded before leaving the room. Kyungsoo waited for a moment. Something had happened when Kyungsoo had left him, and it wasn’t just the fact that Kyungsoo had found the boy passed out on the floor. There was something deeper than that, and he had to know what it was. It was the way Sehun had looked at him, with a completely empty look on his face, and the way his voice was so emotionless.

Kyungsoo quickly hurried after Sehun. “Are you boys ready?” Yongmin said irritably. “You took your time. Come on, say goodbye to Luhan and then go out to the van.” Sehun passed by the manager without a word, not bothering to go and see Luhan, but Kyungsoo stayed back a little, waiting for the other boys. He greeted Luhan quickly, who was standing near Yongmin.

“Suho hyung,” Kyungsoo called as Suho and Lay drew level with him.

“What’s up?” he asked as the three of them walked out to the vans.

“Do you know what’s up with Sehun?” he asked.

Both shrugged at the same time. “He’s probably still mad about his dad dying, I dunno,” Suho said nonchalantly. “Come on, let’s go have fun.” Sighing, Kyungsoo followed them out and took his seat next to Sehun at the back of the first van. Sehun had his headphones plugged in and his head leaned against the cold glass.

“Sehun?”

“Yeah?” the younger boy replied without moving.

“Are you sure you want to go?”

“Why wouldn’t I want to go?” Sehun replied, and with that, their conversation was over already. Every time Kyungsoo attempted to engage Sehun in conversation throughout their journey, he was either met with silence or simple answers. Eventually, about half way through, Kyungsoo gave up. Sehun clearly refused to talk to him, and he was never going to find out what was going on.

Around him, the others talked loudly, and Kyungsoo found himself engaged in a mini-tournament of rock-paper-scissors with Chen, Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Soon, they reached the theme park. Since it was the middle of October, there really weren’t many people around, and they pretty much had the whole theme park to themselves.

As soon as they got inside, they were free to go and do what they wanted. “Boys, make sure you get something to eat, and meet back here at five! Don’t go too wild!” Yongmin called at their retreating backs.

“Come on Sehun!” Kyungsoo said, grabbing Sehun’s hand. Sehun reluctantly allowed himself to be pulled along, shivering violently in the cold air. “We’re gonna go on all the rides, ok?”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, don’t be such a killjoy. Plus there’s cameras around, smile a little,” Kyungsoo replied, tightening his grip on Sehun’s wrist before pulling him along. Sehun could already feel the bruise forming under the scars on his wrist, but he ignored the pain, letting Kyungsoo lead him towards the first ride.

For the next few hours, Sehun was spun around, turned upside down, dropped rapidly from up high and bumped into, but he stayed numb to it all. His only thought was of his family, and even with the possibility of there being cameras around, Sehun couldn’t bring himself to smile. When he and Kyungsoo sat down for lunch, Sehun couldn’t handle it. He stood up abruptly, leaving his uneaten plate on the table, and shouldered his rucksack.

“Sehun? Where are you going?” Kyungsoo asked, hurriedly swallowing the food in his mouth.

“I can’t stay here anymore. I’ll be back at the meeting point later. Have fun.” He walked away, leaving Kyungsoo sitting dumbfounded in his place. Pulling on another jumper from his bag, Sehun walked aimlessly around the park, hearing the screams of the other guests as they sat on the rides dotted about the place.

He dialled Dohun’s number, but no one picked up, and Sehun guessed he was working. Next, he tried Yerin, but she, too, didn’t pick up. He sighed. After five minutes, Sehun tried Yerin’s number again, and this time she picked up. “Sehun! I didn’t expect you to call me. What’s up?”

“Hey noona, how are you?”

“I’m ok thank you, how about you?”

“Surviving. How are Jinhee and Jinwoo?”

“They’re fine, just missing you and your friend. They don’t really have anyone to play with them anymore.”

“Aw, poor kids,” Sehun said, forcing a little chuckle, hoping it sounded genuine. “Noona, where’s Dohun hyung?”

“Uh, he’s gone for lunch with a friend, why?”

“I needed to tell him something urgently, and he’s not picking his phone up.”

“What is it? I can tell him if you like,” Yerin offered. “Is everything ok?”

“It’s fine, I’ll wait for Dohun, but thanks anyway, noona,” Sehun said. “Everything’s ok, don’t worry.”

“If you’re sure,” Yerin said uncertainly. “Take care, Sehun.”

“Bye.” Sehun clicked off in frustration. Where the hell was Dohun when he needed him? Seconds later, his phone rang, and to his relief, it was his brother.

“Where the hell were you?” Sehun snapped.

“Nice way to greet your hyung, Sehun,” Dohun replied wryly. “What’s up?”

“I need to talk to you. Are you alone?”

“Uh, I’m with a friend, why? Is it urgent?”

“Yeah, it’s urgent,” Sehun said irritably.

“Give me ten minutes, let me go home and I’ll call you back,” Dohun said after a pause. Sehun grunted in acknowledgement and resumed his walk, getting increasingly worried. In the wait, he dialled Kris’s number.

“Wassup, Sehun?” Kris greeted casually. “Long time no speak.”

“Yeah, yeah. Listen, I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer me truthfully,” Sehun said, cutting straight to the chase.

“What is it?” Kris asked, seriousness entering his tone. “What’s wrong?”

“Did you kill my dad?”

“Your dad? Why would I kill your dad?” Kris replied, confusion in his voice. “Wait, your dad’s dead?”

“Yes, he died last week,” Sehun said curtly. “Did you kill him?”

“No, why would I kill him?” Kris repeated. “And I’m sorry for your loss.” Sehun breathed out a little, his heart pounding in his chest. “Now, would you care to explain why you asked me that?” Kris continued.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sorry,” Sehun replied.

“Sehun! What are you doing here by yourself?” someone called, and Sehun turned around to see Minwook striding towards him.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath. “Listen, I’ll call you later, I’ve got to go. Sorry, forget about it. Bye!”

“Sehun!” Minwook said again, turning him around by his shoulder. “Where’s Kyungsoo?”

“I came out to get air, he’s still eating, hyung,” Sehun replied. “I was just going back there.”

“Well, stay together with him,” Minwook said, eyeing Sehun. “Are you having fun?”

“Yeah,” Sehun said, forcing a smile. “I’ll go back to hyung, now.”

“Yeah, you do that.” Sehun bowed his head briefly before hurrying off in the direction of the restaurant. When he was sure he was far away enough, he doubled back and headed off into a hidden section of the theme park, where a path led to a mini forest. He took a seat on one of the tree stumps and tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for Dohun to call him.

He was so lost in thought that he almost missed it when Dohun called him. “For someone who cut short my meeting for something he says was urgent, you sure took a long time to pick up,” Dohun said dryly.

“Very funny, hyung, I was just thinking,” Sehun replied half-jokingly.

“So what’s so urgent then, bro?”

Sehun took a deep breath. “Hear me out before you say anything,” he began tentatively, “but you’re all in danger.”

“What’s going on?” Dohun asked, suddenly serious, and Sehun could almost feel the tension flowing through the phone.

“Hyung, it’s…it’s my members. They…they killed our dad.”

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” Dohun almost laughed.

“The reason I’m like this is because of my members. I’ve been bullied for a long time now, and it really started to get to me, hyung,” Sehun said quietly, blinking back tears. “And then today, I overheard a conversation, and they…they’re trying to kill me,” he whispered, clearing his throat. “They’re trying to kill me just so they can get rid of me for good, and their first step was to kill our dad. They got someone, probably Kris hyung, to go…go and do something to him, I don’t know what exactly, but it was them. And now they’re targeting you and Yerin noona and the kids, and I’m scared, please, you have to leave!”

“Wait, calm down, think rationally about this,” Dohun said. “Sehun, how sure are you about this?”

“I’m certain, hyung, and you have to listen to me! Please!” Sehun almost yelled. “You need to take them and go!”

“Sehun, you don’t understand, I can’t just up and leave,” Dohun argued. “And how do you even know Kris or whoever killed our father?”

“You tell me how he died then,” Sehun replied. “He was perfectly healthy.”

“The report said natural causes, Sehun,” Dohun said. “It wasn’t anything else, Sehun, and I don’t know exactly where this is coming from, but your members certainly don’t hate you, in fact, if they did, they wouldn’t have come up to see us that day, and Kyungsoo certainly wouldn’t have volunteered to stay with you. You’re just being a little dramatic, little bro, and I get that it’s hit you hard, but the why the hell would they have kill-”

He was cut off suddenly by the sound of breaking glass. “Hyung?” Sehun asked, standing up suddenly. He heard footsteps and a door opening.

“I’m fine, just-”

Screaming in the background made Sehun’s blood run cold. “Hyung?!” he yelled again, starting to run back towards the main theme park. “Dohun, talk to me!”

People looked strangely at him, but Sehun ran for his life. “Dohun!”

“Yerin, take the kids and run!” he heard Dohun yell, followed by a thud and a groan of pain from his brother.

“No, Dohun!” Sehun screamed. He heard another grunt of pain, but before he could say anything, the line went dead.

“Sehun!”

Sehun collided straight into someone and fell, dropping his phone. Suho leaned down and helped him up, but Sehun shook him off, scrambling around for his phone. He grabbed it with shaking hands, but the screen was cracked and it had turned off. “No, no, come on!” he growled, slapping it with full force, but the screen didn’t turn on.

“Sehun, what’s wrong?” Suho asked, putting on a concerned face. “What happened, what do you need?”

“I need your phone, quickly,” Sehun almost snarled. Suho handed him his phone, unlocking it, and Sehun quickly dialled Dohun’s number. The call went straight to voicemail, and Sehun growled in frustration. He tried it again. “Fuck, pick up!”

“Who are you calling? Listen, Sehun, what’s wrong?” Suho asked, putting an arm around Sehun’s shoulder.

“No one you need to know about, and nothing, everything’s fine,” he snapped, stepping away from Suho’s arm. He thrust Suho’s phone back at him.

“No, Sehun, stop it,” Suho snapped back. “Something’s clearly wrong, and I want to know what it is so I can help you, because frankly, I’m not going to stand here and let you shout abuse at me, especially not in a public place.”

“Why the fuck would you want to help me when you’re the reason this is happening?!” Sehun snarled at him. “You don’t know shit about me, and you most certainly don’t care about me, so just leave me the fuck alone. Go back to whoever you were with.” He stalked off towards a payphone just as Kyungsoo came towards him.

“Not now, hyung, just fuck off,” he snapped before Kyungsoo even said something. He picked up the phone and dialled Dohun’s number again, slotting coins in, but it went to voicemail. Kyungsoo stood to one side, watching Sehun’s face worriedly. “Dohun?!” Sehun exclaimed as the line connected. “Dohun, what happened?”

“Well, well, look who it is.”

“L-Luhan?” Sehun whispered, and Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in shock. Sehun turned away slightly, blocking out Kyungsoo’s face from his vision. “Where’s Dohun hyung? What have you done?”

“Well, judging by your very interesting conversation before, you seem to know exactly what we’ve done, but you can talk to him if you want,” Luhan replied, and Sehun could almost hear the malicious smirk in his voice. There was some shuffling, and Sehun could hear a deep voice talking. Seconds later, he realised it was Kris, and his grip on the phone tightened.

“Se…hun…” Dohun whispered, and Sehun could tell he was in obvious pain.

“Dohun hyung,” he choked out. “What have they done to you?”

“I’m sorry,” he gurgled. “I’m so…sorry…I should…have…Kris…”

“It’s ok, hyung,” Sehun replied, tears running down his face at the realisation that it was his fault. “Are Jinhee and Jinwoo safe?”

“N-no,” Dohun choked out, but before Sehun could register it, Dohun yelled in pain. A deafening blast rang through the phone, and Sehun jumped away, dropping the plastic receiver and staring in horror at it.

“Sehun,” Kyungsoo said quietly, but Sehun didn’t move, his gaze trained on the phone. Kyungsoo stepped forward and lifted the receiver to his ear. His brow furrowed as he heard someone speaking at the other end, and he listened intently for a moment before putting it down. “Sehun, I’m so sorry,” he said, coming towards the younger. Sehun didn’t move, still in shock as Kyungsoo put his arm around the younger and led him away.

“We can sit here if you want, until it’s time to go,” Kyungsoo said, leading Sehun to a bunch of benches in the picnic area. He put Sehun’s bag down next to him and sat, waiting for the younger to speak. Sehun stayed silent for a long time, staring at the ground almost unblinkingly. Kyungsoo left Sehun only twice over the next four hours, once to get him a drink since he’d barely eaten, and once to go to the bathroom. Sehun didn’t touch the drink, and the bottle was still there when it was time for them to go.

As soon as they got back to the dorms, Sehun went into his room and locked himself in, ignoring the calls of everyone else. Sehun had stayed deep in thought for a long time, not being able to comprehend what had happened. He knew that if his family wasn’t dead then, then they certainly were now, and he had no one to go back to, nothing left.

Opening up a drawer, he pulled out a notepad and pen. He had things to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys for being so patient, and thank you for reading x


	22. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning: Mentions of self-harm/eating disorders

“Yongmin Hyung, can I go out today?” Sehun asked, emerging from his room after a sleepless night. The memory of yesterday played fresh in his mind, forcing him to stay up and without rest.

“What happened to you yesterday?” Yongmin replied, eyeing him tersely as he pushed a button on the coffee machine. “They were calling you, but you just locked yourself in your room and didn’t come out again.”

“I…” Sehun swallowed and took a seat at the table, ignoring Kyungsoo’s gaze on him. “I was just tired. I went to sleep, I didn’t realise the time.”

“Are you sure you slept? You look like hell,” Yongmin replied, pushing the coffee mug towards Sehun. Sehun took it gratefully and took a sip.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he lied. “So, can I go out today?”

“Yeah, depends on where you’re going,” Yongmin replied, sitting down opposite him. “Don’t go out of Seoul, ok?”

“I’ll be here, don’t worry. I’m just going to see a few friends, I have some things to sort out as well,” Sehun explained, cupping the mug to bring him warmth.

“That’s fine then. We’re going to the office today, so you can all do what you want, pretty much.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Sehun said, taking one last sip before bowing at the Yongmin.

“Wait, finish the coffee, don’t waste it!”

“Give it to Kyungsoo hyung!” Sehun called back as he ran to his room. He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom, taking a long and hot shower, cleansing his body of the dirt he had accumulated over the last two days. He stared at himself in the mirror, looking at the bags under his eyes and the grey pallor of his skin for a moment before he moved on, applying a little makeup clumsily.

When he was satisfied with his appearance, he walked out of the bathroom. “Sehun, are you ok?” Kyungsoo asked curiously as he walked past Sehun’s room, where Sehun was putting things in his bag.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Uh, because you heard…that, yesterday,” Kyungsoo said after a pause, wondering how to word it. “And no one should ever have to go through that.”

“Well, there’s nothing I can do about it,” Sehun said after a moment, grabbing his notebook and stuffing it into the bag before zipping it up. “Anyway, not like you helped in any way, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t you want to go and see them?” Kyungsoo asked, ignoring Sehun’s last comment.

“See what? Go where? There’s nothing left for me now.” Sehun pushed past Kyungsoo and left, shutting the door behind him. Getting into his car, he drove off, dropping his bag into the passenger seat. He pulled up outside Super Junior’s dorm and called Eunhyuk to come and open the door.

“What the hell are you doing here so early in the morning?” Eunhyuk grumbled, pulling him inside. Sehun just grinned, shutting the door behind him.

“Can I not come and see my favourite hyungs once in a while?”

“Who said we’re your favourites?” Eunhyuk replied, dropping onto the sofa and gesturing Sehun to sit down, which he did. “Want coffee, or breakfast or something?”

“Nah, I’m good, thanks hyung.”

“EVERYONE, GET YOURSELVES DOWN HERE, SEHUN’S HEAR TO SEE US!” Eunhyuk yelled suddenly. Sehun winced, covering his ears at the volume. The next minute, thundering footsteps announced the arrival of the other members. Sehun mock glared at Eunhyuk, who just grinned and disappeared into the kitchen as Ryeowook, Donghae and Shindong entered the room first.

“Long time no see, Sehun,” Donghae greeted first, hugging Sehun. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, you?” Sehun asked in general as Sungmin and Kyuhyun came in, Heechul following them, the two of them engaged in an intense argument.

“Eh, same old,” Ryeowook supplied. “How come you’re here so early?”

“I was just missing you lot, haven’t seen you in a while. I have a few days off, so I thought I’d come and spend the day with you guys, if that’s ok,” Sehun explained.

“Well, we have a radio show to do at one, so we’re free until then,” Leeteuk supplied, coming over to shake Sehun’s hand. “You’re welcome to hang out with us for the morning if you want.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Sehun said. “I need to go and see Mark at some point too, I owe him a visit.”

“Sehun, come with me a minute,” Donghae called, and Sehun nodded, following him out. Donghae led him down the corridor into the kitchen, when he started pulling out pots, pans and ingredients. Sehun hopped onto the counter as Donghae started mixing things together. “I just wanted to ask you what was going on with you,” Donghae explained. “You said you’d tell me where you were and what happened.”

“I was…” Sehun swallowed, forcing the memories down hard. “My dad died last week, so I was staying with my family for a bit.”

“And how are they?” Donghae asked, spooning batter into a pan to make pancakes.

“Fine.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Donghae added.

“It’s ok, thanks,” Sehun said forcefully. “Sorry for worrying you, I was just…yeah.”

“And how are you holding up?” he continued carefully.

“Ok, I guess. It hurts, but at least I have you guys here.”

“And how about your members?”

“That’s not something I want to discuss today, if you don’t mind,” Sehun replied edgily. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok, but I would like to know at some point,” Donghae said, glancing at Sehun curiously. “I am here to help, you know.”

“Yeah,” Sehun nodded. “Thanks, hyung.”

The next few hours were spent in comfort with the rest of Super Junior. Sehun couldn’t recall the last time he had laughed so much, with everyone swapping stories about one another and laughing at each other over breakfast. The funniest part was when Sehun had accidentally let slip Donghae’s comment about Eunhyuk’s butt, resulting in the two of them chasing each other around the dorm and Eunhyuk tackling Donghae onto the sofa. When it was eventually time to go, Sehun didn’t want to. He wanted to stay there forever, in the warm and loving environment of their dorm, with the members who truly cared for him and helped him whenever needed.

“Thank you for the great time, hyungs,” Sehun said sincerely as he got up, grabbing his bag. “I really appreciate it.”

“Thanks for coming, it’s been a while since we’ve seen you,” Kyuhyun replied, patting him on the shoulder. “You should really come more often.”

“So should you, hyung, I never see you around,” Sehun replied. “Oh, I have something for you all,” he added, face palming and taking his bag off again. He took out a small clear statue of a block on its side and handed it to Heechul, who stood closest to him.

“What’s this, little bro?” Heechul asked, examining the block carefully. Sehun shrugged.

“Just a little gift for you. I only have the one, so keep it here or something, but yeah, just to say thanks for everything you guys have done for me,” he explained sheepishly. He groaned when he was attacked with hugs by the members, but even that didn’t wipe the smile off of his face.

“By the way, the next time you come, I’m gonna feed you lots and lots,” Yesung called as Sehun walked back down the driveway. “You’re way too skinny, and how are you supposed to dance like that?”

Sehun just smiled as he got in the car and drove off to his next destination.

**********

“Where have you been, hyung?” Mark asked, sitting in the café opposite Sehun. He had training in the morning, and had just been getting ready to leave when Sehun showed up.

“I had business to attend to, family issues,” Sehun explained. “Sorry. I know I should’ve told you, but I was busy.”

“It’s fine, I was just a bit worried about you,” Mark replied.

“Why would you be worried about me, kid?” Sehun asked with a slight laugh. “I’m fine.”

Mark just shrugged, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. The two talked for a while about everything and nothing. Mark’s phone suddenly rang, and breaking off in the middle of the conversation with an apologetic glance at Sehun, he picked it up. “Hello? Yes? What?! Really?! Uh, yeah, I’m with a friend but…yeah, ok! Bye!” Mark looked up at Sehun with excited eyes. “Hyung, guess what?”

“What?”

“My parents are here!”

“Really?” Sehun asked in surprise. “That’s great, you should go and see them then,” he continued, grinning at the younger boy. “I won’t keep you any longer.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Mark said with a broad grin. “Sorry I can’t stay longer.”

“We’ve been here for ages, it’s nearly four,” Sehun said with a grin, standing up as well. “Come, I’ll drop you off if you want.”

“It’s fine, they’re waiting downstairs for me,” Mark explained. The two of them walked downstairs together, and just before they reached the entrance, Sehun stopped, taking his bag off.

“Mark, wait.” Mark stopped and watched as Sehun withdrew a jumper and another statue, identical to the one he had given to Heechul. “These are for you. Well, that’s yours, but that’s a gift too,” he added, pointing to the jumper. Mark took both items curiously, hanging the jumper over his arm as he examined the statue.

“What’s this for, hyung?”

“Just a little thank you for your company, really, and for putting up with me,” Sehun explained. Mark wrapped his arms around Sehun, who smiled a little and patted him on the back.

“I should really be getting you gifts, you take such good care of me,” Mark said, pulling back from Sehun. “Thank you, hyung.”

“No worries, kid.” The two walked together to the entrance, where Mark’s parents were waiting. “Have fun with your parents, kid. And thanks again.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Mark said shyly. “See you around.”

“See you.”

Sehun watched him embrace his parents for a moment, and when the three of them moved off, Sehun turned back and went to his own car.

**********

“We have to tell someone,” Kyungsoo said firmly, turning to face Sehun. They were in Sehun’s room, and Sehun desperately wanted to kick Kyungsoo out, but the elder refused to leave. “You can’t let them get away with this! You have to call the police.”

“I can’t do that, hyung, and you know it,” Sehun said through gritted teeth.

“Why not?” Kyungsoo asked. “They killed your brother, your dad, your whole family! You have to!”

“But I don’t want to!” Sehun argued. “Just leave it alone, will you?! This is my business, not yours!”

“Sehun, I care about you! And this…this is big, Sehun, you need to report it.”

“Do you really care? Why the hell would you lie to me in my face about that?” Sehun snapped, standing up as Kyungsoo stopped pausing.

“Sehun, I don’t know what you think you know, but I’m not lying to you,” Kyungsoo said after a moment.

“Really? So tell me why the hell you went and told everyone about these,” Sehun snarled, pulling up his sleeve to show Kyungsoo his scars. “Tell me why you felt the need to tell everyone about them, when you knew it was a private matter!”

“I…I didn’t,” Kyungsoo said.

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Sehun roared, clenching his fist tightly, stepping closer to Kyungsoo. “I heard them all talking yesterday morning! I heard it all! You fucking told them! I trusted you, and you broke my trust! In fact, you’re the reason why Dohun hyung, Yerin noona and my niece and nephew are dead,” Sehun added, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Kyungsoo swallowed hard. “How dare you excuse me of doing that? I would never-”

“Well, you did,” Sehun cut in coldly. “Now piss off before I do something I regret.”

“At least tell me what you heard,” Kyungsoo begged. “I swear to you, I didn’t say anything to anyone.”

Sehun took a deep breath. “I no longer trust you, so you’re not getting anything out of me. Now get. Out.” Kyungsoo didn’t need telling twice. He turned and walked away, leaving Sehun alone in his room to brood. A few hours passed before someone else came in.

“Hey, Suho hyung says it’s time to eat.” It was Kai, and he didn’t stay for long. Sighing, Sehun hauled himself up from the floor and left the room to go and join the others. He didn’t feel like eating much, but with Suho and Jongin among others pretending to care for him, he knew he had to. Plus, he didn’t feel much like having another encounter with Kyungsoo.

He sat down at the end of the table where he knew he could leave with ease whenever he needed to. He spooned some food onto his plate and played with it for a while, leaning on his hand. The others laughed and chatted around him, but Sehun didn’t really pay attention it. Nothing exciting really happened, and after Suho forced him to eat a bit, Sehun left the table.

“Sehun, wait,” Jongin called after him. Sehun turned to see him hurrying towards him and fell into step beside him. “Do you wanna come out with me and Yixing hyung today?”

“Uh, why?” he asked.

“Dancer’s night, you know,” Jongin said with a shrug. “And we haven’t hung out in ages.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “Why not.”

“Meet here in an hour, then?” Jongin said, and Sehun shrugged. “Promise?”

“Promise,” Sehun replied slowly. When Jongin grinned and ran off, Sehun sighed. Just what the hell was going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating! To make up for it, I'll post the rest of the story today :) Not long to go, thank you for your patience! Xx


	23. No More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

“So where are we going?” Sehun asked as they left the dorm, yelling goodbyes to the rest of the members.

“We’re just gonna go and get coffee or something,” Yixing replied. “We’re not really in the mood to party, unless you want to.”

“Nah, I’m alright with that,” Sehun replied. “I’ll drive.”

Sehun drove them to a café, which was quite an unusual place for them to want to spend some time. Sitting in the café late in the evening, they each chose their own beverages and sipped on them happily.

“So, what’s going on?” Jongin asked Sehun. Sehun shrugged, swirling his bubble tea around with his straw.

“Not a lot,” he answered finally. “You know.”

“How are you holding up, about your dad?”

Sehun bit back a sarcastic remark but just shrugged. “Alright. I know he won’t come back, so I guess I’m coping.”

“We have something to tell you,” Yixing said suddenly. Jongin’s smile faded and he glanced at Yixing in confusion.

“What is it?” Sehun asked, taking a small sip of the cool liquid. “I can handle it.”

“It was us.”

“Us what?” Sehun asked again, though he knew the answer already.

“Us who requested that you be moved into a new room.”

“What?” Sehun asked, a small laugh escaping his lips despite himself at the unexpected answer. Jongin rolled his eyes and punched Yixing in the shoulder.

“Shut up, hyung.” Yixing just smiled innocently and went back to trying to get the straw of his coffee to his lips.

“Now that the joke’s over,” Jongin said sarcastically, glancing at Yixing, “tell us something new.”

“Like what? There’s nothing new to tell.”

“Like, where you spend all your time. It feels like we never see you anymore.”

“In my room, by myself. Sometimes with Kyungsoo hyung, but I like my own company. I go and see Super Junior members, or I hang out with Mark. Sometimes I practice too.”

“Why do you practice so much?” Yixing asked, looking at Sehun through his half-closed eyes.

“Because…” Sehun searched for the right words. “I’m not good enough,” he settled on finally. “I need to improve myself and my technique, and so I don’t hurt you guys again. I’m sorry about that.”

“Hey, it’s ok, we’re better, and we forgave you, remember?” Yixing said, smiling.

“Still, I need to improve. How about you, hyungs?” Sehun asked suddenly, mostly in order to steer the conversation away from him. “What do you do without me?”

And so they went back and forth just the same, though mostly Jongin talked and the other two listened. By now, it was getting dark, and Sehun was growing increasingly anxious and tired. “Sehun,” Jongin said suddenly, breaking off in the middle of what he was saying.

“Boys, you need to leave, it’s closing time I’m afraid,” one of the tired-looking employees cut in, and the three boys got up. Sehun was the first one to leave, desperate to get away from the other boys. At first, he’d thought nothing of it, but now he was sure that they were planning something and that there was a reason he had been taken out of the dorm with them.

“Alright, can we go home now?” Sehun asked tiredly, opening the car door.

“Wait,” Yixing said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “There’s something we need to do first.”

“What?” he said irritably.

“This.” Yixing swung a punch at Sehun, who managed to dodge the blow and ducked, but he ran straight into Jongin, who grabbed him and pulled his arms tightly behind his back.

“Stop, why are you doing this to me, hyungs?” Sehun cried, thrashing in Jongin’s grip. “Stop, please!”

“Shut up, we’re teaching you a lesson,” Jongin snarled, kicking him in the back of the legs. Sehun’s knees buckled automatically and he groaned as he fell to the pavement. Yixing raised another hand, and Sehun cringed in pain as Yixing’s palm met his cheek. Jongin dropped him and he fell to the ground.

“Why,” he panted, then cried out as a kick landed in his stomach. The liquids he’d consumed swirled in his stomach, and he desperately resisted the urge to vomit. “Please, no,” he begged.

“Shut! Up!”

Yixing landed a punch on his jaw, and Sehun swallowed down a scream. His curled up on himself, trying to protect his weak body from the strong blows, but he couldn’t. He could feel at least one rib was cracked, and his ankle hurt badly from when he’d been dropped. He sobbed quietly, silently begging them to let him go, but neither paid him any attention, Jongin dragging him up once more to face them. Sehun would never forget the looks in their eyes as they mercilessly abused him. These were the boys he’d once called brother.

Sehun was beaten up roughly, to the point where he had no energy left to protest. Shivering, shaking, he lay still on the ground, not moving as punches littered his whole body. He didn’t move as one of them leaned down to rip the car keys out of his hands before driving off, leaving him in the middle of the pavement. No one came by to help, and eventually, Sehun managed to sit up, his limbs shaking madly. He stumbled down the road as blood dripped all over his face, using the streetlights to guide him. He had somewhere to go, and he wasn’t going to stop until he got there.

**********

“Kyungsoo, what are you doing?” someone called, and Kyungsoo jumped, seeing Chen standing in the doorway of his room. He shut the lid to his laptop.

“Nothing, why? What’s up?”

“Oh, we were just gonna have a high note battle in the living room, thought you’d might like to join us,” Chen said with a shrug.

“A high note battle? What’s the special occasion?” Kyungsoo asked, getting off the bed. “And why ask me when you know you’ll win?”

“Because this time I’m not going to take part, it’s only fair on you losers,” Chen continued, grinning at Kyungsoo.

“We’ll see who the loser is when I’m done with you,” Kyungsoo joked. “Winner battles you.”

“You’re on, Satansoo.”

“Shut it, noodle head.”

“Ooh, I’m scared.”

“Kyungsoo, come and join us!”

“You’re going down, Baekhyun.”

“That’s Baekhyun _hyung_ to you, punk.” There was a moment of silence. “Ow, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Baekhyun squealed. Kyungsoo grinned and let go of his ear. Baekhyun rubbed his ear in pain.

“Ok, everyone gather around! Those of you who want to participate, get in the centre of the room now!” Chen yelled, and Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Minseok, Suho and surprisingly, Chanyeol, went into the middle. Chen and Tao stayed on the side, watching them.

“Ew, Chanyeol, what are you doing in here? Get out,” Suho said in an attempt to be funny. No one laughed except him, to the point where he himself ended up forfeiting before the game had even started. Still occasionally hiccupping at his own joke (“Where’s the joke, hyung?” Tao commented), he stood to the side.

“Ok, so I’ll play a note on my phone, and one by one, you all have to copy it. The person who can’t reach it the first time around is out, and the last person standing will battle me,” Chen explained quickly, whipping his phone out. “Oh, and Tao’s gonna time, so you have ten seconds to do it in.”

“Basically the way we played it before for you dumbasses who didn’t understand,” Kyungsoo said with a grin.

“Don’t get cheeky, I’ll deduct points,” Chen warned.

“If you deduct points, who are you gonna battle, the bin?” Kyungsoo scoffed.

“Excuse me,” Baekhyun started, but Chen cut him off.

“Ok, ok, let’s start!” Chen played a note on his phone, and one by one, they attempted to hit it. After around four rounds, Chanyeol dropped out, and after another six, the remaining three were starting to struggle.

“This one,” Chen said with an evil grin as he played the note. Kyungsoo’s eyes bulged out.

“Are you mad?! Even you can’t hit it!” he protested. Chen cleared his throat, then after a moment, hit the note perfectly.

“Shut up and do it, or you’re out,” Tao cut in, holding up his phone. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and hit the note with a slight struggle. He coughed a little after it, glaring at Chen, who just shrugged at him. Baekhyun tried next, but at the last moment, just as he was about to hit it, his voice broke and he choked, coughing madly.

“HA! I win! Loser!” Kyungsoo yelled, clearing his throat and pointing at Baekhyun, who just glared at him whilst the others burst into laughter, Chanyeol imitating Baekhyun’s voice.

“Ok, looks like it really is you versus me,” Chen said to Kyungsoo, who rubbed his hands together.

“Bring it on, noodle head.”

“Wait, wait, how about they have a rap battle?” Suho cut in. “Neither of them can rap, so why not see who the best out of the worst is?”

“Yeah! But you have to rap in Chinese,” Tao added, smirking.

“What?!” both exclaimed. “I can barely sing in Chinese, forget rapping!” Chen protested. “And he hardly knows it too!”

“That’s the point, Chen,” Minseok cut in with a smirk. “You can do it. Taozi will demonstrate, if you like.”

Tao stood up as Chen put on Let out the Beast, and as soon as Kris started rapping through the speakers, Tao rapped over it, making sure he enunciated properly. Minseok filled in as well, grinning broadly as he did so. Chen and Kyungsoo gaped at each other. “Go ahead, hyungs,” Tao said as he sat down.

Kyungsoo sighed as pulled the lyrics up on his phone. “Hyung, you go first.”

“Why don’t you?”

“A, you sing in Mandarin more than I do, and B, I wanna see how shit you are so I know my competition.”

“He has a point, Chen,” Minseok said, then ducked as a pillow was thrown at him. Chen rolled his eyes, then started rapping, and although Tao laughed madly when he messed up the pronunciation of his words, Chen did ok. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and started the rap. He had gotten halfway, and it was pretty good in his opinion, when the music suddenly cut off by a phone call. Tao groaned and picked it up.

“What? Did you? Are you sure? Did he? Stop being mean, I’m just checking,” Tao whined. “Ok. See you soon then.”

“What was that about?” Kyungsoo asked Tao, annoyed that his rap had been cut short.

“Jongin and Yixing. They said it’s done. We’re free.” Kyungsoo just stared at them in shock as everyone cheered around him.

**********

Sehun stood on the bridge, looking down at the fast moving traffic. It was dark, but the carriageway was still busy, traffic flowing every which way. Sehun’s ankle throbbed, and he felt like he was going to faint from the pain across his whole body, but at this point he didn’t care. That would be more welcoming. The wind whipped his hair, but he ignored it, not bothering to brush it back out of his eyes.

Slowly, painfully, he hauled himself up over the ledge and sat on top of the barrier for a minute, panting from the effort and pain. Soon, he was standing on the other side, leaning comfortably on the barrier. How easy it would be to just let go and screw everything. Sehun closed his eyes. Time passed. Screeching tyres met a falling body.

**********

“Where’s Sehun?” Yongmin asked the next day as the rest of the boys sat down for breakfast. “Did he not come back yesterday?”

“He did, we had dinner together,” Yixing replied. “Then we played a few games, and then Jongin and Sehun and I went out for coffee. He dropped us off, and then he went to bed.”

“Oh, and has anyone seen Jaewon too?”

“Who’s Jaewon?” Yixing whispered to Suho.

“The other manager hyung, idiot,” Suho whispered back before looking up and shaking his head. “Sorry, we haven’t. Weren’t you all at the office together last night?”

“Yeah, he said he’d come here, but he hasn’t come back,” Yongmin said with a frown. “No matter. I’ll find him.” He stood up. “I’ll go and wake Sehun up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....Pls don't attack me :(


	24. Fuck You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU KNOW YOU WILL GET TRIGGERED

“Where is he?!” Yongmin screeched, coming back and slamming his hand on the table. Kyungsoo jumped, choking on his pastry. “He’s not in his room, but his car’s outside and the keys are here too. His bed doesn’t look slept in, so one of you must know where he is. Tell me. Now.”

“We honestly don’t know,” Suho replied for them. “The last people to see him were Yixing and Kai, and they said he went to bed when they came back.”

“Yeah, Sehun and I even popped in to see Suho hyung to let him know we were safe,” Kai added, nodding at Suho. “We walked down together.”

“He can’t have gone far, he’ll be back soon,” Kyungsoo continued. “Shall I call him?”

“I’ve tried, his phone’s off.” Yongmin’s phone rang, and he picked it up. “This is probably Se-where are you, Jaewon?” he asked into the phone. “Why didn’t you-?” he paused for a moment, listening. “WHAT?!” he practically screamed. His face looked absolutely terrified, and he glanced around at the boys, who all exchanged confused looks. “When? Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure? Yeah, they…hang on.” He covered the speaker. “All of you boys are to stay in here and no one is to move a muscle until I come back,” he hissed before walking out, shutting the door.

“Do you think that was about Sehun?” Suho asked when Yongmin’s voice had faded. “I mean…look at his face.”

“You told us that he was supposed to go to the office and get his contract terminated,” Tao said to the others. “I mean, that was the whole point of this, right?”

“Yeah, it was,” Kyungsoo agreed. “They didn’t do much to him…right guys?”

“I may or may not have broken his ribs?”

“Are you serious?” Suho exclaimed. “You weren’t supposed to beat him up!”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened,” Kai tried to defend himself. “He didn’t listen to us.”

“He did actually,” Yixing added. Kai shot him a look, and Yixing promptly shut up. The door opened, and the manager walked in, his face stony faced.

“Xiumin, you’re in charge today. Everyone except Suho, Yixing and Jongin will stay here until your Minwook hyung comes here. You three, I’m giving you ten minutes to get ready and then you’re getting ready. As for the rest of you…” he clenched his jaw. “Stay out of trouble.” He sat down at the table as Suho, Jongin and Yixing got up, exchanging worried looks.

**********

“Yo kid, don’t do it!” someone yelled. Sehun opened his eyes to see a man coming towards him. “What are you doing? Come back on this side.”

“Get lost, leave me alone,” Sehun replied, clenching his jaw as he looked down at the traffic. “What’s the point?”

“You have people who care for you, kid. You can’t do this to them.”

“Who’s left to care for me?” Sehun asked bitterly. “The people who I called brothers bullied me, left me, beat me up, and two of them even went and murdered my whole family. They were all I had, and I don’t even have that. I don’t have any other friends, nor family. My mother abused me my whole life, and when I finally thought I was free, all I got was more abuse. What’s there to go back to?”

“I’ll be your friend, kid,” the man said, edging towards Sehun. “I’ll help you. Just please, don’t do it.”

Sehun shut his eyes. “Tell them I’m sorry.” He leaned forwards, and suddenly gravity was pulling him downwards. He heard the man yelling, but he blocked it out. He was finally free. His body slammed onto a car, and he couldn’t stop the yell of pain from escaping his lips. The driver braked rapidly, and Sehun flew forwards. Then he knew no more.

**********

From inside the car, Jaewon cursed and slammed on the brakes. He hadn’t seen the falling person until it was too late, and he couldn’t brake in time. He quickly turned on his emergency lights and got out of the car. “Stupid damned kids! Have to try and kill themselves from here over the pettiest things!” He hurried towards the body, which lay unmoving some feet away.

“Excuse me?” Jaewon asked, then forced down a wry chuckle as he knew the person was already unconscious. “Hello?” he asked again, more to calm his rising fear that the person was dead and he’d be taken to jail. He slowly turned the body over as people started to gather around, and almost passed out in shock. “Sehun? Sehun, wake up!” he yelled, his hands starting to shake as he passed them over Sehun’s lifeless body. “Sehun? Oh Sehun, listen to me now! You need to wake up!”

“Do you know this kid?” a man asked as he pulled out his phone, looking at Jaewon with sad eyes. Jaewon nodded, eyes still focused on Sehun. He took in Sehun’s appearance, wincing at the massive black and blue bruises that littered his sunken face. His nose was horribly broken, blood gushing everywhere, and his brow bone above his right eye was extremely swollen.

“I’ve called an ambulance, they’re on their way,” the man said, making Jaewon jump. He kneeled down next to him. “Is the kid breathing?”

“I don’t know,” Jaewon mumbled. The man glanced at Jaewon, then put two fingers to Sehun’s neck.

“It’s there, but barely. You’re lucky the hospital is only a few minutes away.” The man paused, and Jaewon slowly reached out to touch Sehun’s face. “Who is this kid to you, anyway?”

“Uh, I’m his manager,” Jaewon mumbled. “He’s in a group.”

“Oh. Mustn’t be that good then if I haven’t heard of them.” Jaewon chose to ignore the comment, still staring at Sehun’s lifeless body. What could have made him so desperate to want to take his own life?

“THAT KID!” someone yelled, and both the man and Jaewon turned to see another man running towards them. “He-he-I tried to stop him-but-he,” the man panted as he skidded to a halt beside them. “He-didn’t-listen! I’m sorry!”

“Hey, it’s fine,” the first man said, standing up. “The kid’s got a pulse, he’s ok.”

“If he dies, I won’t forgive myself,” the second man whispered. “I could’ve stopped him, I could’ve…” he gulped, and tears started sliding down his cheeks. The first man put an arm around the second, and the crowd dispersed slightly as they walked away.

“Can the rest of you please leave?” Jaewon turned around, finally finding his voice. “Thank you for staying, but there’s no need for it. He’ll be fine, he’s not dead.”

“Man, chill out, you don’t even know him, so what does it matter?” one guy, probably around nineteen or twenty scoffed. Jaewon turned his icy glare on the guy.

“For your information, I do know him. I know exactly who he is, in fact, he’s like my little brother, ok? I treat him like one of my own, and to think that I nearly killed him-” Jaewon bit back a sob. “So I suggest that you should think before you speak, and that you listen to me and go home. Go back to your parents before they worry about where you are. The rest of you, go home! There’s nothing to see!”

Slowly, the crowd around him dispersed, just in time for the arrival of the ambulance and a police car following. The two men came back too, and the paramedics raced straight towards Sehun, putting him on a stretcher as carefully as they could and placing an oxygen mask on his face. “Whose car hit him?” one of the paramedics asked as two officers came towards them.

“M-mine, but I’m also responsible for him. Can I come with him?” Jaewon asked nervously. The paramedic nodded, and Jaewon sighed in relief.

“Excuse me sir, but we need to keep your car for further investigation,” a police officer said, hearing the end of the conversation. “We need to assess everything, and we also need your statement.” Jaewon handed over his keys.

“Is it ok if I give my statement later? I need to make sure Sehun is ok first,” Jaewon said softly, and the officer nodded.

“We’ll send an officer to the hospital in about an hour.” The paramedic ushered Jaewon on board. Sitting down next to Sehun’s bed, they sped off towards the hospital.

**********

“We don’t know if he’ll survive at this point, Mr Lee,” the doctor said gravely to a pale-faced Jaewon. “We’ve performed surgery, but it’s been difficult. There were a lot of injuries, more than usual, as well as the fact that he’s severely underweight. It’s been difficult to stop the internal bleeding, but we managed to do it for now. He’s had several surgeries to his face and body, but at the moment, he’s in a coma. We don’t know when he’ll be awake. We’re monitoring him closely, but this is his condition as of now.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Jaewon gulped, bowing. “Can…can I visit him?”

“Yes, he’s in the ward downstairs. Just ask for him, they’ll let you in.”

“Thank you,” Jaewon said again before going downstairs. He buzzed the intercom and within a few minutes, he was sitting by Sehun’s bedside.

“Oh, Sehun,” Jaewon sighed, looking down at the boy. “Why? Why did you try and do this to yourself? Look at you, you’re half-dead, and it’s gonna be all my fault. Mine! You need to get better and tell me why you thought you could go and do that to yourself. Look, you’re so skinny, you’ve barely been eating. And your arms! Look at your arms, these scars…” Jaewon ignored the tears that slipped down his cheeks. “Why? Sehun, please, get better for me. If not for me, then for your family.”

Jaewon stood up and left, suddenly realised how exhausted he was. He checked the time and was shocked to see it was half eight in the morning. He hadn’t noticed the time slipping by, too focused on Sehun to realise. Then he cursed as he remembered it was his turn to stay at the dorm with the boys. Praying that Yongmin wouldn’t kill him, he called him.

“Hello?”

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Jaewon.

“Where are you?” Yongmin asked.

Jaewon swallowed nervously. “Hyung, I’m at the hospital, it’s Sehun.”

“What?!” Yongmin screamed, and Jaewon moved the phone away from his ear slightly.

“Hyung, listen. Yesterday, I was on my way to the dorm, and I was driving along the carriageway, and then this…this body fell from above, but I didn’t see until it was too late, and I hit it with my car. And I got out quickly, and I saw, and it was Sehun.”

“When?”

“Uh, at like eleven? I don’t know, I was more focused on getting to the dorm.”

“Are you sure?” Yongmin continued, and by the evasive way he asked the question, Jaewon knew he was with the other boys and that something else had happened.

“Yeah, it was definitely him. I saw his face and I was with him. I…I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise this would happen. Are the other boys with you?”

“Yeah, they-” there was a pause and some shuffling. “Listen, Jaewon, are you still there?”

“Yeah, I was gonna come home though.”

“Can you wait there? I’m going to bring a few of them with me to meet you there.”

“Why, what’s going on, hyung?”

“I’ll tell you when we get there. Go and get some food or something while you’re waiting, I’ll be about half an hour.”

“I will, thanks.”

“No worries. And could you get hold of Minwook for me? Tell him to get straight to the dorm ASAP, they have no one watching them.”

“Yeah. See you soon.” Sighing, Jaewon dialled Minwook’s number.

**********

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Suho dared to ask as they got into Yongmin’s car.

“You’ll find out, now shut up and sit down,” Yongmin replied, not even bothering to look at Suho. Suho exchanged glances with Jongin and Yixing, who both shrugged in response. All three relaxed, not knowing what else to do, but as soon as they pulled up outside the hospital, Jongin tensed up.

“We’re going up to the third floor, come on boys,” Yongmin said briskly, looking down at his phone. Silently, all three followed Yongmin up the stairs to find Jaewon sitting on the bench near the stairs, waiting for them. He looked ready to drop, but at the sight of them, he stood up anyway, greeting them with a forced yet tired smile.

“What’s going on, hyung?” Yixing asked Jaewon, but he just shrugged.

“Sit down, boys,” Yongmin ordered. Jaewon went to stand against the wall. “Jaewon-ah, tell them what happened to you.”

“Everything?” Jaewon asked in surprise, and Yongmin nodded.

“Well, basically, I was on my way back to the dorm since it was my turn to be on duty, but as I was going down the carriageway, someone fell in front of my car from the car. Someone tried to kill themselves.” The boys just listened as Jaewon spoke, not saying a word. “I got out of the car and ran to the person, only to find that it was Sehun.” The reaction was instantaneous. Each of the boys visibly froze, an identical look of horror across their faces.

“So, would you boys like to tell me why you lied to me about Sehun dropping you off last night?” Yongmin asked frostily, looking at Jongin and Yixing. “And Suho, mind telling me why you lied about them coming in to see you last night?”

All three boys gulped but stayed silent. “You know what? Fuck you.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING!! PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, DO NOT READ IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET TRIGGERED!!

“Excuse me, Mr Lee?” a doctor asked, coming out of the room. “Oh…who are you?” the doctor said as he caught sight of Yongmin. Jaewon was fast asleep next to him, the poor man having stayed up all night.

“Shim Yongmin, doctor,” Yongmin said, standing up and bowing. “Jaewon and I, and another man too, are responsible for Sehun.” The doctor nodded, a frown coming across his face.

“Well, Mr Shim, I’m afraid there’s been some bad news.” With a sinking heart, Yongmin swallowed, trying not to think the worst. “Mr Oh passed away. He went into cardiac arrest about ten minutes ago, and we tried to do our best to save him, but we couldn’t. He’s dead. I’m so sorry.”

**********

“You fucking idiots!” Suho exclaimed at Jongin and Yixing. “The whole point was that you make him leave, not fucking try and kill himself!”

“Well, how were we supposed to know?” Yixing snapped back. “It’s not like we took him to the bridge ourselves!”

“I don’t blame him, to be honest,” Minseok cut in. “If that was me, I probably would’ve tried killing myself instead of going to the company and asking to leave.”

“So are you saying we did this the wrong way?” Baekhyun asked with a sigh, and Minseok nodded.

“Yeah, we did. And it’s not like Kris and Luhan can come back, anyway, since they did file a lawsuit.”

“What’s stopping them from coming back?” Tao cut in. “All they have to do is withdraw the lawsuits, probably pay a bit of money to the company, but they’ll be back.”

“So call them and tell them to come back,” Suho said sarcastically. “I’m sure the company will be chuffed to let them back in.”

“They probably will,” Tao agreed, not picking up on the sarcasm.

“Aish, Tao, shut up,” Baekhyun said, rolling his eyes. “The problem is, what are we gonna do now? If Sehun’s in the hospital, and if he wakes up, then he’ll surely tell them it was us, right?” he continued, ignoring Tao’s pout.

“There’s a chance he won’t wake up though, and between what we did to him and the fall, it’s highly likely he’ll stay like that for a long time,” Jongin pointed out. “There’s nothing to it. We’ll be fine.”

“Where’s Minwook hyung?” Kyungsoo asked suddenly. “He didn’t hear us, right? God, it seems like I’m the one cleaning up your messes all the damn time.”

“Nah, Chanyeol and Chen took him to go and get food for us, we’re all ok.”

“I swear, I hate you all for doing this. Why couldn’t you just leave the poor kid alone? I don’t understand what you had against him in the first place.”

There was some silence in the room as the boys tried to figure out what to do next, ignoring Kyungsoo. The door burst open, slamming against the wall with an intensity they didn’t know Minwook possessed. He had absolute look of shock and fury across his face. In one hand, he held his phone, and in the other, a notebook filled with writing.

“You…” he started, then shook his head as Chanyeol and Chen came up behind Minwook, each holding a bag of food.

“What’s going on?” Chen asked as he put the food down on the table. Baekhyun gestured to him.

“You were supposed to take Minwook hyung with you!” Baekhyun hissed quietly at him, and Chen just shrugged.

“All of you…sit down here and don’t move,” Minwook said after a minute, breaking out of his thoughts. “You…you need to stay here. Eat your food or whatever but just…yeah.” Minwook quickly left the room and dialled Yongmin’s number.

“Hyung, where are you?”

“I…I’m at the hospital, Minwook,” Yongmin said, and Minwook could hear sadness in his tone. “Is everything ok?”

“Y-you should come home. Please. I found something, and you need to see it. It’s important.”

“Uh…” Yongmin cleared his throat. “I’m on my way, Minwook. I have something to tell you as well.”

“Wait, is it Sehun?” Minwook asked, a sinking feeling in his gut. “Is it?”

“Yeah,” Yongmin choked out, and Minwook’s stomach plummeted.

“Please tell me he’s still here,” Minwook breathed, but the breaking down of Yongmin at the other end told him everything he needed to know. “Come home quickly, this is important now more than ever,” he said to Yongmin after a moment. “Please.”

“See you soon, Minwook.”

**********

It was late, and Yongmin, Minwook and Jaewon were still up, sitting in the living room. The other boys had gone to bed after being told the news about Sehun, filing out one by one. Minwook didn’t have the heart to tell Jaewon and Yongmin what he’d found, but now that the boys were gone, he had to.

“What did you want to show us?” Yongmin asked quietly, breaking Minwook out of his trance.

“I went into Sehun’s room today,” Minwook replied, keeping his voice low. “I was actually going to bring some stuff to you, because I knew Jaewon hyung was up for a while. I picked up his rucksack, and…this fell out.” Minwook reached out and picked up the notebook that was sitting on the table in front of them and silently handed it to Yongmin. Yongmin ran a hand over his face, sighing.

“What is this?”

“Read it. All of it. I only read a few pages near the back, but I think the whole thing will be beneficial. You have to read it.”

Yongmin nodded, and together, the three of them bent over the notebook, reading the words. Over an hour later, when the last page had been read, they shared a shocked look with each other, a second blow coming to them. “We’re all screwed.”

**********

Minseok sighed as he sat up in bed, hugging his knees to his chest. He had never meant for any of this to happen. He was supposed to be on Sehun’s side, so where had it all gone wrong? And then, to top it off, Sehun had tried to kill himself…and succeeded. And it was all his fault.

He blamed himself for his jealousy. He couldn’t help but feel like Sehun was stealing his best friend away from him, and he blamed Sehun for making Luhan leave. When Luhan suddenly started chasing after Sehun, doing everything he could to try and get Sehun to talk to him, Minseok felt left out. When Luhan kissed Sehun once, Minseok felt annoyed, angry even, but he knew it was Luhan who had done it. When Luhan did it again, Minseok lost his shit. He’d already been pissed off at Sehun before, but again? What exactly did Luhan see in that punk? On reflection, Sehun was just the victim. He’d truly done nothing wrong, and now he was dead, all because of him. It was all his fault.

The door opened, and Minseok looked up to see Yixing and Chen standing in the doorway. Minseok gestured them in, and the three of them cuddled up together on Minseok’s bed. “Can’t sleep?” Chen asked lowly, and Minseok nodded, tilting his head back to stop the tears from flowing.

“It’s all my fault, you know? I was too harsh on him, and now he’s gone and done this. I told him I was on his side, he trusted me…and I let him down.”

“It’s all of our faults. We shouldn’t have done that to him,” Yixing said with a sad sigh. “Especially me. Why did I listen to Kai? If it wasn’t for us, Sehun would still be here, and don’t tell me I’m wrong, because you know that he’d be sleeping peacefully right now.”

The door opened again and Suho came in, followed by Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “It’s all of our faults,” Chanyeol said just as he sat down. “We betrayed his trust, and he’s gone and killed himself because of it. I made him trust me, he opened himself up to me…and now this. All because we wanted him gone.” Chanyeol scoffed, shaking his head in the silence as they stared at him. “God, we’re so selfish.”

“I can’t believe he would do this to himself,” Baekhyun whispered hoarsely. “I mean, I did hate him, but…I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy.”

“It’s happened, and now we have to deal with it,” Suho said bravely, looking around at them. “We just need to make sure that none of us says a word to the managers. We come out in public, we mourn, and then we go back to what we were doing. We have to move on without him.”

“How the hell can you say that?” Minseok asked, staring at Suho in shock. “How can you just get past this, knowing what you’ve done?”

“We have no choice,” Suho replied. “It’s beneficial for us as a group. Especially since Luhan and Kris hyungs will be back too, that’s what we’re gonna have to do.”

“I suggest we wait until the morning, then assess what we’re going to do. If they haven’t already, they’re gonna find out about Sehun’s family’s death, and then they’ll try to contact Sehun, which means that soon everyone will know about them. We need to see what the situation is in the morning before trying anything,” Chen decided. Minseok just sighed.

“Whatever. I won’t say anything to them, but I’m not just going to move on like this doesn’t affect me, because as much as I didn’t like him, I never wanted him dead. Got it?”

“Ok,” they chorused at once.

“Oh, you’re all in here,” a voice said from the doorway, and all six boys turned to see Jongin, Kyungsoo and Tao coming towards them. “What are you talking about?”

“Just about what we’re gonna do about him,” Chanyeol replied, shifting over as Kyungsoo sat down.

“So what did you decide?”

“We forget it and move on.”

“I’m not doing either of those, but I won’t tell anyone either,” Minseok clarified.

“What else can we do?” Kyungsoo said with a sigh. “Because you know if anyone finds out about this, you’re all going down.”

“That’s all we can do, hyung,” Jongin said sternly. “If anyone finds out, you’re going down with us by association. You knew exactly what we were doing and you didn’t really try to stop it.”

“Yeah, because the one time I did, you hit me,” Kyungsoo snapped back, staring at Jongin.

“Hey, that was only once, and that was an accident,” Jongin replied, raising an eyebrow at Kyungsoo. “Plus, I apologised straight away. You were the one that kept telling Sehun I kept hurting you so you couldn’t help him, so don’t try to act so innocent.”

Kyungsoo looked away from Jongin. “Fine, we’ll just stay quiet then.”

“Do you guys wanna stay here tonight?” Minseok asked, looking around at them, gesturing to Yixing and Tao, who had both fallen asleep. “I need the company, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Might as well,” Chanyeol said with a sigh, flopping all the way back. “Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”

**********

Chanyeol didn’t know just how right he was. The next morning, after a restless night’s sleep, the boys gathered in the dining room after breakfast by request of the managers. “What’s going on?” Suho asked curiously, looking up at the managers. Minwook stood up and produced a notebook from the shelf behind him.

“We have something to tell you, and you need to listen and listen _carefully_ ,” Yongmin began coldly, surveying each of the boys. “Yesterday, while Jaewon and I were at the hospital, Minwook stayed here with you. He was going to prepare something for us, when he found this notebook in Sehun’s room.” None of the boys dared to look at each other, fear creeping up inside each of them. “So last night after you went to bed, the three of us sat here and read it. Shall we tell you what we found out?”

Minwook flipped the notebook open. “First page. _Today was another day at practice. I tried my hardest, I always have, because I know that after our last comeback, we need to work hard. I did everything as best as I could. So why was Suho hyung picking on me? Every five minutes, he’d stop the practice and critique me on something I’d done. I didn’t think anything of I had done wrong after about two hours into the practice. And then, I ended up hurting Yixing hyung and Kai hyung. I didn’t mean to, I was just trying so hard not to annoy Suho hyung, and then they got hurt. I expected them to hate me, but I didn’t expect everyone else to flip me off either. To top it off, no one’s talking to me, and I don’t know what to do. I overheard them talking about me. Am I really that fat? Maybe that’s why I’m not doing well. Maybe I should lose weight first, that’s stopping me from succeeding._ ” Minwook looked up at Suho, then around at the other boys. “He thought he was fat, because of what you told him, and he thought he was useless, because of what you told him.”

Jaewon took the notebook next and read out the next entry. “ _I cut for the first time today. It was sort of an accident…I wanted to know how it felt. And I loved it. It made me feel in control, like something was actually going right in my life. It gave me motivation, made me feel like I could actually succeed. On the downside, no one is talking to me still. Luhan hyung tried to talk to me, but after telling me I’m the reason we’re failing, I didn’t particularly want to talk to him. He can carry on thinking I’m useless, I don’t care. Shindong sunbae also found me, because the useless weakling that I am, I ran into him and fainted. He knows what happened, but I don’t want to tell him any more than he needs to know. I hate feeling so weak and helpless like that. I can succeed…right?_ ”

They took in turns to read an entry each out loud to the boys, each one documenting Sehun’s slow spiral downwards. They told of his struggles with each of the boys, how he coped with everything they were dealing him, how he met Mark, who stopped him from killing himself long ago. And then they got to a few days before he died. “Hyung, please stop,” Yixing begged, and Yongmin gave him a sarcastic look.

“Stop? But why, Yixing? We haven’t even got to the good bits yet,” he said faux-innocently.

“I can’t bear to hear any more of this,” Baekhyun muttered, and stood up, kicking his chair back.

“Sit down and listen,” Yongmin snapped, passing the notebook back to Minwook, who took a swig of water. “No one is going anywhere until we’re done with you, and unluckily for you, that’s not looking to be anytime soon.”

“Can we at least go and sit somewhere more comfortable?”

“YOU WILL NOT MOVE UNTIL I SAY YOU CAN!” Yongmin roared, slamming his fist on the table. “Shut up and listen, for God’s sake!”

Chen closed his mouth and looked down at the table. Minwook turned the next page. “ _To my fellow members. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t take the abuse that any of you give me any longer. After what I found out today, I can’t stay here any longer. I had always thought of you all as my brothers, older brothers who gave me a home when I was away from my own brother. I had always thought of you as my best friends, friends who supported me and laughed with me and cried with me. But then you started hurting me in more ways than one, and I just can’t take it._

 _To Minseok hyung. You were the first person I saw in that training room that day I joined the company. The other trainees had already made friends, but I was alone, sort of stuck in a corner by myself. You introduced yourself to me and made me your friend, and called me your little brother, even though you’d only known me for about five minutes. When we were put into the same group, you were the first person to congratulate me and to tell me how you’d always support me. So where did it all go wrong? What made you go back on your promise? What made you start to hate me? Was it me hurting Yixing and Jongin? Was it me cutting myself off from everyone? Well, it’s too late to know now. You are the first reason I’m dead._ ” Minseok swallowed hard as tears dripped from his eyes. The cold faces of the managers did not shift even as Minseok started to cry. Instead, they moved on.

_“Luhan hyung. You told me you were my best friend. You barely knew Korean, yet you called me your best friend. Which best friend tells their best friend that they hate them? Not you, right? Bullshit. That’s exactly what you did. When you came begging me for forgiveness, I was reluctant at first. But I forgave you, because that’s what best friends do. Until you forced yourself on me, then let Kai try and choke me to death. Tell me, where the fuck were you while I nearly died? Where were you when I needed you the most? Clearly not with me, because you couldn’t have cared less whether I lived or not. And then you did it again, when you knew Jaewon hyung was coming, just to try and turn them against me. You succeeded, you know. Also, when were you going to tell me you killed my dad? When were you going to tell me you killed my brother and sister-in-law and their kids? How desperate could a person possibly be to try and rid themselves of another? If you wanted me gone that badly, you could’ve just told me. And I would’ve gone. But for killing my family? I will never forgive you. Well done, Reason Number Two.”_

Jaewon passed the book to Yongmin. “ _Kris hyung. I trusted you. You were like a younger version of my father, always there to give me advice when I needed it. You held me when I cried, you told me jokes to make me laugh and you gave me everything I ever needed. So tell me, what compelled you to hurt me like that? First you leave me after you promised not to, you stop calling me when you promised to check up on me, you don’t even bother coming to visit…and then I find out that you killed my father. You knew how close I was to him, he was the only person I could depend on as a child. He was my best friend, and yet you went ahead and killed him. How could you do this to me? Fuck you, Kris. You’re the third reason I’m no longer here._ ”

_“Suho hyung and Lay hyung. Like Kris, you both looked after me. What was the point of being fake to my face? Lay more so than Suho, but you both hurt me even more than the three already listed. If you were going to hate me anyway, what was the point of pretending to be my friend? What was the point of trying to gain my trust, when you were going to throw it back in my face in the end? Screw you for being the biggest jackasses I’ve ever known. Reasons number four and five.”_

_“Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae, you’re next. When I said that Suho and Lay were the biggest jackasses I’ve ever known, I lied. That title goes to you and Chen, because honestly, I’ve never felt more attacked in my entire life. What gave you the right to treat me like the shit you get under your shoes? I did absolutely nothing in my entire life to make either of you hate me, but the moment you get a tiny excuse to bash me for something I did, you exploit it to your heart’s content. Well done, jackasses, because if it wasn’t for you, I’d be sitting right next to you at this moment.”_

_“Tao and Kai, you two fucked me over just as bad. Tao, what happened to being brothers for life? Where were you when I needed you? In fact, you started it. You started the physical side of it. You gave me my first slap to the face, the first kick to the ribs and the first knee to my stomach. That night after the fight in the restaurant, when you looked me in the eyes, I was shocked to see the depth of hatred in there. When Kai choked me, I thought you’d stop him. But you held me down, then left, as if I was nothing to you. I can’t forgive you for that.”_

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo exchanged shocked glances when they realised they’d been skipped, but as soon as Yongmin got the notebook back, their thoughts were answered. “ _Park Chanyeol and Do Kyungsoo. I’m sure you’ve heard the truth about my horrific experiences with you guys. Above all, what hurt me was you. The fact that even after everything, you were there for me, was all well and good, except for the fact that you betrayed me. I thought that I could trust you both. After Kris left, you two were the only ones nice to me. You ‘protected’ me the way you all said you would. And so, me being stupid and naïve, I trusted you. After everything, I trusted you. I got the biggest slap in the face when I realised that I couldn’t even trust you with anything. You went around telling everyone what I had told you in confidence, and you lowered my self-esteem to the point of non-existence. So fuck you both, for being the ultimate reason why I’m gone._ ”

“You’re all to blame for this,” Minwook said hoarsely, standing up again. “You all contributed to Sehun’s death. And we are not going to ignore this. You’re all going to pay for this. Fuck you all.” He turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

“I suggest you stay in here and think about what’s going to happen to you,” Jaewon continued. “As of today, all your activities are suspended pending further investigation, and we will be contacting the police and your families.”

With that, Yongmin and Jaewon followed, leaving the broken mess of Exo behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me I'm sorry uwu :((


	26. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU KNOW YOU WILL GET TRIGGERED

“Is this Lee Donghae?”

Donghae frowned. “Yes? Who is this?”

“I’m Shim Yongmin, I’m one of Exo’s managers.”

“What can I do for you, sir?” Donghae asked politely, turning away from the others who were still eating. “Is there a problem?” he added, picking up a crisp and fiddling with it.

“It’s about Sehun.”

“Sehun? What’s going on?” Donghae asked, an uneasy feeling growing in his stomach. Eunhyuk shot him a look, but Donghae just shrugged.

“He…he killed himself two days ago.” Donghae’s phone slipped out of his hands and slammed onto the floor. He quickly leaned down and grabbed it with shaking hands, ignoring the remarks of concern from the other members.

“Please tell me that’s not true,” Donghae half-whispered into the phone.

“I’m sorry, Donghae,” Yongmin murmured, and Donghae could hear the grief behind the words. “We didn’t know why, until Minwook, one of the other managers, found a notebook in Sehun’s room. It told us everything we needed to know.”

“What was the reason?”

“It’s a long story, one that will take time to tell, and one that shouldn’t be told over the phone. In it, however, Sehun mentioned you and some other people’s names, some from Super Junior, but some I don’t recognise. I was wondering if you could help me?”

“Um, yeah, just tell me and I’ll see if I know.”

“Eunhyuk, Heechul, Kyuhyun, Shindong, Ryeowook, Mark and Jaehyuk.”

Donghae blinked. “Uh…Eunhyuk, Kyuhyun, Heechul, Shindong and Ryeowook are our members. Mark is a trainee, but I don’t know who Jaehyuk is...” he paused for a moment. “I’m here, so I can find out.”

“Would you? Thank you so much, I appreciate this,” Yongmin said, and Donghae could hear the stress and tension in his voice. “I would have done it myself but…”

“I understand, sir. It’s no worries. Can I…am I allowed to know why?” Donghae asked after a pause, his voice shaking slightly.

“I don’t see why not. He did leave a special message for you and for Mark, so I think it’s fair for you to know. But we need to do this quickly, before the police get involved.”

“Police?” Donghae blurted out. “Is it that serious?”

“Yes, it is,” Yongmin confirmed. “How soon will you be able to do this?”

“Can we meet up tomorrow?” Donghae asked. “I have practice today, but I can find them before I go home.”

“That’s ok. I’ll meet you in your practice room?”

“Yeah, that will be fine, sir. Thank you for letting me know.”

“It’s ok. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.”

“Thank you.”

Donghae clicked off and turned back to face the remaining members. “What’s going on, Donghae?” Leeteuk asked. Donghae’s eyes filled with tears that he couldn’t hold back.

“Sehun,” Donghae choked out. “He killed himself. He’s dead.”

**********

Super Junior’s practice room was fuller than usual, yet was the most silent it had ever been. All of the members had gathered, as well as Mark and Jaehyuk. Mark stayed close to Donghae and Eunhyuk, sitting in between them, while Jaehyuk conversed with the managers.

“What’s going on?” Mark asked Donghae and Eunhyuk quietly. The two elder members exchanged a look, silently deciding to tell him.

“Kid, there’s no easy way to say this,” Eunhyuk began gently. “I don’t know how to else to say it, and I can’t sugar coat it in any way, but…Sehun’s dead.”

Mark stared at him with wide eyes. “No. No way. He can’t be. He promised me he’ll be there for me. You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not lying, kid,” Eunhyuk said, blinking rapidly. “He really is.”

“Stop lying! He’s not dead!”

Before either of them could reply, Jaewon caught their attention. “Boys,” Jaewon began, and Mark turned around, ignoring Eunhyuk and Donghae. “As you know, Sehun killed himself a few days ago. He…hit my car, but he didn’t survive the impact. And then Minwook found this book, and it told us everything we need to know.”

“Why?” Leeteuk asked for everyone, just for the sake of asking. He knew that if he didn’t say something, they’d all start crying.

“Long story short, he was bullied,” Minwook replied. “The other members bullied him to the point of starvation. He would cut himself…” he swallowed and looked away. “The point is, despite not being able to rely on his own members, he would come to you guys. Maybe not all of you, but he would come and see you. He left you some messages.”

“Can…can I see?” Donghae asked, standing up and holding his hand out. Minwook and Jaewon exchanged a glance before handing the notebook over.

“If you turn to the back few pages, there are messages for you specifically.” Donghae nodded and turned to the back, flipping the pages until he reached the page.

“ _To Super Junior members. On a different note than what this has been so far, this is an apology. This is me saying sorry for being selfish. You all helped me so much, but every time you did so, I just threw it back in your face. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to be useless and helpless. Maybe it’s because I was mad at everyone else and I took it out on you. Either way, my behaviour isn’t justified._

_As well as that, I’d like to apologise for leaving you. You were my family away from my family. As much as I’d like to stay with you, I know that it would not be possible. The managers would never allow me to do so while I’m alive, so the only way out is death. I can’t take this anymore. My family is dead, and they killed them all. I called them my brothers, but they killed my whole family. The only way I can be happy now is if I join him. So I’m sorry for leaving you like this, but at least you can sleep better at night knowing that this isn’t your fault. Please don’t blame yourself for this; I was never anything except grateful to you all._

_Donghae hyung-_ ” Here, Donghae was overcome with so much emotion that he had to sit down again, and Leeteuk leaned over and took the notebook from him.

“ _Donghae hyung and Eunhyuk hyung. Out of Super Junior, you two were my favourite members-_ ” Everyone chuckled, even a teary-eyed Donghae, and Leeteuk cleared his throat before continuing. “ _You two were my favourite members. Even the first time when I met you, when I was so shy and nervous, you picked me up and threw me over your shoulder-literally!-and acted like you’d known me your whole life, when in reality it was only a few minutes. You acted like my best friends, my brothers, even my parents at one point. You were everything I could ever ask for; you supported me when I needed it, you comforted me…you helped me live. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve been gone a long time ago. So thank you especially._ ” Leeteuk took in a shaky breath.

“Jaehyuk hyung, this next part’s for you. Shall I read it out?”

“You can, I don’t mind,” Jaehyuk replied, staring at Leeteuk. Leeteuk nodded and flipped the page.

“ _Jaehyuk hyung. I didn’t really know you well, maybe only for a year or two, but during that time, I looked up to you. You were my role model, the person who taught me well. You taught me how to be confident, how to be free, and most importantly, how to be me. You taught me everything I know today, and you’re one of the only reasons that I’m successful right now. For that, thank you. Thank you for taking care of me, and please, once I’m gone, please look after Mark for me too. That’s all I ask of you. Look after the kid for me.”_ Mark swallowed hard, but the tears didn’t listen, running down his cheeks anyway.

“Last one’s for you. Do you want me to read it out?” Leeteuk asked gently. Mark shook his head, and Leeteuk handed him the notebook quietly. Mark took it and read the words on the page silently.

_Last but certainly not least, Mark. I remember being annoyed the first time I met you. I assumed that because you’d seen a real-life celebrity suffering, that you’d go and tell everyone. I felt useless then; a kid, maybe thirteen or fourteen, had more power over me than I did over myself. I was also scared; if you told someone, then they’d tell someone else, and before I knew it, I’d be subject to the media’s criticisms once more. I’d be under more watchful eyes than I needed on me at that point, and it would all be because of you. When I ran into you again, I didn’t expect to ask you for lunch. I don’t know what it was; maybe it was the fact that you didn’t betray me like I expected you to. Maybe it was that I just needed company. Either way, it was one of the best friendships I ever made._

_You, more than anyone else, even Donghae and Eunhyuk, helped me live. Like them, if it wasn’t for you, I would’ve gone long ago. You gave me a purpose to live. Every day, every time I thought that it was my last, I’d think of you. Then I realised how hurt you’d be if I left you. So I didn’t do it. I lived one day longer for you. You were my little brother of sorts, someone who, instead of being someone who I could count on-though you were that too-someone who counted on me instead. You gave me a sense of living, and for that, I can never repay you._

_Right now, I want to apologise. I can’t imagine the hurt you’re going through right now, and it hurts me that I’m the cause of it. I know I promised to stick around for you…but I just can’t. I don’t know how much more I can take. I love you, Mark, and please, take care of yourself. I’m so sorry._

Mark couldn’t stop the tears anymore. They dropped onto the pages of the notebook as he finished reading the message. “Why?” he choked out, dropping his head into his hands. “Why did he have to go?” He felt arms wrap around him tightly, and he just leaned into Donghae’s embrace. Slowly, one by one, the room emptied out, until it was only the three of them left, crying silently for the loss of their friend. “He promised me he wouldn’t leave, so why now?” Mark asked finally, keeping his eyes closed.

“He had to go,” Eunhyuk replied with a sniffle. “He was suffering so much.”

“But why? I don’t get it,” Mark said. “What would make him so desperate that he chose suicide?”

“The notebook’s still here,” Eunhyuk pointed out, and Mark lifted his head from Donghae’s shoulder. “Jaewon hyung said we can keep it today, but they need it back tomorrow. Let’s find out.” Together, the three of them bent over the notebook, determined to find the reason.

**********

_Popular boy group Exo have formally announced the death of their youngest member, Oh Sehun. He was only twenty years old when he plummeted to his death from a bridge overlooking Seoul’s main carriageway. It is unknown what caused Mr Oh to commit suicide, and SM Entertainment have revealed that they will be investigating the issue fully. Faced with the exit of two Chinese members, Kris Wu and LuHan, Exo is now facing a predicament; will they continue to promote with nine members?_

**********

_In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that Exo member Oh Sehun’s brother, Oh Dohun, his wife Oh Yerin, and their twin children, three year old Oh Jinhee and Oh Jinwoo, were murdered just a day before Oh Sehun committed suicide. It has been revealed that Oh Sehun tried to warn his brother, but ended up listening to his family being killed. It is thought that this is the reason that he killed himself, and police are doing their best to find the killers and bring them to justice._

**********

_It seems as though the twists in the lives of Exo will never finish. In yet another shocking revelation, it has been found that Kris Wu and LuHan killed Oh Dohun and his family in a desperate bid to get rid of Oh Sehun from the group. It has also been found that that Wu poisoned Oh’s father beforehand in order to do the same. Furthermore, through a notebook revealed to the police by Shim Yongmin, Lee Jaewon and Kim Minwook, Exo’s managers, it has also been revealed that each member contributed to Oh Sehun’s suicide._

_“As of this point onwards, Exo is no more,” Shim Yongmin said during an interview. “Everything that has been revealed is a major turning point in their lives, and their activities have been formally suspended until further notice. It is likely that Exo will not be returning to the music scene. As their manager, I would like to apologise to fans, both for Exo’s behaviour, and for not seeing that a member was in distress when needed.”_

**********

_Hundreds of people lined the streets of Seoul following the funeral of former Exo member Oh Sehun. Thousands of people expressed their grief of the former rapper and dancer’s death across social media, as well as their disgust at fellow ex-members due to their participation in his suicide. Among stars who attended his funeral included Super Junior members Lee Donghae, Kim Ryeowook, Cho Kyuhyun, Kim Heenim, known as Heechul, and Lee Hyukjae, known as Eunhyuk. SM Entertainment’s CEO, Lee Sooman, was also in attendance, as well as SM trainees Mark Lee and Jung Jaehyun._

_No one was available for comment, although many netizens expressed their well wishes to the mother of Oh Sehun, the last remaining close relative of the rapper and his brother._

**********

_Former Exo members have been jailed following the death of youngest member Oh Sehun. Kris Wu and LuHan have been sentenced to life in prison for the murders of Oh Byunghun, Oh Dohun, Oh Yerin, Oh Jinhee and Oh Jinwoo. Members Kim Minseok, Kim Junmyeon, Zhang Yixing, Byun Baekhyun, Kim Jongdae, Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo, Huang Zitao and Kim Jongin have all received a minimum of ten years in prison for conspiracy to murder for the Oh family, as well as bullying Oh Sehun to the point of suicide._

**********

“Is today the day?” Suho asked, sitting down at the table and putting his tray down too. Beside him, Chanyeol nodded with a sigh.

“Yep. Today’s the day.”

“I can’t believe it’s been so long,” Minseok continued. “Ten years. A whole ten years.”

“Goodbye, prison food!” Kyungsoo said happily, dropping onto the table next to them. “And goodbye, dickheads. I’m never going near any of you again. As soon as we’re out of here, I’m gone.”

“What’s the point when we’re all gonna be harassed by everyone?” Jongin pointed out as he dropped onto the seat next to Kyungsoo. “We might as well stay together. Plus, you’ll miss me too much to actually leave.”

“Who says I’m gonna miss you?” Kyungsoo scoffed.

“He’s right you know,” Kris continued, grinning at them. “He won’t miss you. Only your dick.”

“Why you little-” Kyungsoo stabbed his spoon into his porridge as everyone else laughed.

“Kris is right though, you really will miss this,” Jongin teased. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. You were there, so we did it. I’m leaving so you’d be get used to being without me.” Jongin frowned and turned to Tao and Baekhyun, who’d come to join them.

“Are you guys happy?”

“It’s all well and good for Tao,” Baekhyun began. “He can just fuck off back to China or whatever. We’re stuck here for good, whether in here or out there. We’re screwed.”

“You think that’s bad? Lu and I are actually stuck,” Kris commented.

“Where _is_ Luhan?” Tao asked suddenly, ignoring Baekhyun’s comment. Everyone just shrugged, ignoring the eyes of the other inmates on them. The door opened, and everyone turned to see Luhan walking in, escorted by a prison guard. “What’s going on?” Tao continued to Luhan, who just shook his head.

“Byun Baekhyun?” the same prison guard called. Baekhyun looked up in between a mouthful of porridge. “Come with me.” Baekhyun swallowed as he stood up before following the prison guard out. Luhan pulled Baekhyun's tray towards him moodily.

“Lu, what is it?” Chen asked, speaking up for the first time as he tossed Luhan fresh cutlery.

“You’ll find out soon. You’re all next.”

**********

“Kim Jongin?”

Jongin swallowed as he stood up. He was the last one to go, the others having already been, and by the looks on their faces, it wasn’t good. They refused to talk about it, though, and instead, Jongin could do nothing but worry. He followed the prison guard out of the room and down the hallway. “There’s someone here to see you. Go and talk to him.”

Jongin sat down, adjusting the familiar cardigan on him as did so. “Who are you?” he asked the stranger. The stranger didn’t move, eyeing him under his cap. He had a mask covering the lower half of his face, to the point where all Jongin could see of him were his eyes. They were like no eyes he had ever seen before; cold and unforgiving, merciless, full of promised pain. “What do you want from me? What did you tell the others that made them so scared to the point where they refused to talk at all?”

The stranger gave a chuckle, and in the empty room, it sounded almost sinister. “Kim Jongin. Kai.” Jongin froze; it had been years since anyone had ever called him that name. “I’m your worst nightmare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is it! This is the end. I'd like to thank everyone who read this story, it really does mean a lot to me. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and thank you for the support that I've received. I have just started the sequel to this story, which starts a few days after Sehun kills himself. It is from Mark's POV, a different perspective. I don't know when it will be up, and I don't know where I'm heading with it for now, but it shouldn't take too long. Aside from this, I will post other oneshots (mostly NCT and EXO - related, possibly Monsta X if I can manipulate a few plots) semi-regularly, so feel free to check those out too! Follow my twt @pcyjunguwudays for extra content, more updates on my stories and my life, and a few shitposts here and there hehehe...I'm also open to requests, so feel free to DM me if you want me to write anything specific. Thank you once again for reading and following this story! Xx


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